This was interesting... What do you think?

[Secret Sis]

So... tell me what to make of this........

As many of you know, I have been trying to find a way to let my wife of almost nine years know about my CDing, but I just haven't found the right time to do it. I just have no idea how she'll react.

Anyway... the other day as we were getting my 7 year old son ready for school we realized that his clothes (including all of his school pants) were still in the washer and needed to be dried quickly. As we were waiting for them to dry, my wife jokingly said "If your pants aren't dry in time, maybe we can send you to school in a dress!"

My son was shocked at this suggestion and said that dresses were for girls!

My wife came back with something like "Just because you're a boy means you can't like dresses?"

My son again said, "Mom... they're for girls!"

I decided to take a chance at this point and threw in what I feel is one of our best arguments while trying to keep in the joking spirit of the moment, "Why is it OK for girls to wear pants but not OK for boys to wear dresses?"

My wife very emphatically responded, "Absolutely! It's a double standard... all in the way we've been taught to think!"

So... what do you think?? I kind of think of this as an encouraging sign... I just need the courage to tell her.......

[JoanAz]

I think your wife might know. It is worth talking to her about it.
Then again I could be wrong.
Good Luck:)

[Secret Sis]

I think your wife might know. It is worth talking to her about it.
Then again I could be wrong.
Good Luck:)

You know... I thought the same thing... like maybe she at least suspects something....

[Alana65]

It seems to me that she has "opened the door" a little and is waiting to see if you're ready to take a step through it.......women are known to be very intuitive.......maybe you've given her signs of your CD-ing (and you didn't even realize it). That's just my :2c: Good luck with whatever you do.

:hugs:

Alana

[Mary Morgan]

Well it might be a starting place but be careful. Wearing a dress, and crossdressing are not exactly the same thing. Plan your moves, be prepared, anticipate her questions, but in the end I say tell her, the sooner the better.

[Vicky_Scot]

A saying comes to mind after reading your post...........Saying and doing are two different things................just take it slow.

Xx Vicky xX

[Julia Welch]

Sis, the door is open, put a foot inside or step through....it's too good an opening (excuse the pun :) ).

I'm betting my panties your wife knows or suspects.

Julia.

[JudeGG]

From the other side. I used to say the same thing to my hubby until he told me about him..........then it became a whole different ball game. It was a case of I didnt want it in my back yard.

[Taylor Anne]

I agree with JudeGG and others--be cautious. It's exactly what you would like to hear, but it's a very long way from acceptance. Many times a person make enjoy the idea but not the reality.

[jenniferwhite]

You could try what I did in my first marrage. Have a romantic evening together an make sure you will be alone . Get real loveable and try to swap clothes. I did , she didnt seam to mind, was in the moment. As it turns out when we filed for divorced she took that episode an tossed it into my face. Making me look like some kind of freak. hey.

Also try watching cd programs on tv, like discovery or some thing together. See how that pans out. good luck :love: jen

[LindaTS]

I'd say the timing will never get any better than right now so go for it. And good luck hon.

[DemonicDaughter]

Why not just say something like, "The other day with our son wearing a dress... I respect that you are teaching him to be open-minded and that you are as well. I would love to know your views on alternative lifestyles such as crossdressing." I think she might suspect something and its a good way to open the subject up without directly saying it to her. You might be able to get a better understanding of how she would take it in her own home (possibly using your son coming home and announcing he's a crossdresser one day).

Just a suggestion. Best of luck!

[jenniferj]

You might also try:

"I saw this tall girl at (wherever) today, and when I looked a little closer I realized that she was a guy. Or at least I think she was a guy - she really looked pretty good"

Still non-committal, but a much more natural conversation.

Could be a very interesting conversation :)

-jj

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

sounds like she already knows ur a crossdresser :D:D

[Bonnie D]

I told my wife-to-be about my crossdressing to see what her views on it were. I told her that when I was young I used to try on my mother's clothes. "But you don't do that anymore, do you?" was her reply. I should have said yes but I chickened out and said no. She was so pleased that I would tell her such a personal secret. We got married later and after a while I felt that she seemed to have become more open-minded about things since I am open-minded about most things. I decided to tell her that I still had some lingerie and that I would wear them on a day off when I was alone. She got very upset and insisted that I throw everything out and never do it again. I did throw it all out and I promised I wouldn't do it again. I felt terrible, ashamed, embarassed and was determined not to dress again. It was not long, a few months, before I was buying more lingerie. I kept it a secret for the next 28 years. I have a lot of clothes now and am living on my own but not because of the crossdressing. I am also transsexual and interested in men. This is all to say that my greatest regret was that I did not tell her the truth right at the beginning. I should have told her that I began dressing at age 11 and continued every chance I got and that I didn't know if I would be able to stop. I should have also told her that I had had sexual experiences with men and that crossdressing wasn't my only issue. She could have made an informed decision on whether or not she would still marry me. Failing that, I could have told her after we were married that I still dressed and that I couldn't stop. We could have tried to work something out or end the marriage at that time. The amount of pain it would have caused then would still be a lot less than the amount of pain I have caused her now.

How do you bring up the subject? As others have said, the door has been opened. DD's suggestion sounds good but I would think that once you start you can't back out. Be totally honest with her. Hopefully your love for each other will keep you together and if she can't accept it maybe some compromises can be made.

Bonnie

[vikki2020]

I would go slow. Maybe a comment here and there,--feel the waters--you don't want to take one step forward, and then three backwards!

[deja true]

I think Demonic is right, too. Bring that episode about your son up again in a conversation (maybe after a glass of wine or two) an see where it goes from there.

(I kind of find it amazing that so many men don't seem to be able to know their wive's minds on a number of subjects, especially after being married for as long as some have. After spending that much time together, I would have thought that most married couples were more in tune with each other. )

(sad, but still offering ) respect & love,

deja

[Shelly Preston]

You might want to ask her about the double standads again

This might give you the opening to explore the subject more

If or when you decide to tell her read the link in my signature it has some great advice from one of our female members

[Secret Sis]

Thanks to all for your responses! I'm still not sure what to do, but you've given me plenty to think about... I know that I will eventually tell her, I've decided that much. It's just the how and when that are giving me trouble. Not only do I not want to lose her (although knowing her like I do I don't think that would happen) but I have such a fear of hurting her.

I'll find the right time and way... I have to!

[Seville]

From the other side. I used to say the same thing to my hubby until he told me about him..........then it became a whole different ball game. It was a case of I didnt want it in my back yard.

Everybody is Soooo liberal and accepting...UNTIL IT
HAPPENS IN THEIR FAMILY!
Proceed with Caution!

[Seville]

...I kind of find it amazing that so many men don't seem to be able to know their wive's minds on a number of subjects, especially after being married for as long as some have. After spending that much time together, I would have thought that most married couples were more in tune with each other...deja

After 30 WONDERFUL years with my wife, I STILL
don't know my wife's mind. I'm amazed that I still
make so many wrong judgements.

[vivianann]

I hope you can tell your wife soon, however she may be hurt that you did not tell her before, I hope you can do this as soon as possible, and let us know how it goes for you with your wife. dont wait too long to have this discusion with her

[Shelly67]

I think you were certainly right not to bring it up at that certain time . You,re wife was humerous and playfully teasing her son .....I think it would have caught her so off guard , anything could have been said in the heat of the moment - including some very painful comments .
Personally , if you really want to come out , then only touch on the subject . Maybe remark of how you,d found a newspaper article interesting on this subject ??
If youre partner knows or is suspicious then her watch her reaction . Whatever you do , don,t push it . She may want to take it further - then again she may not .
If she opens up , then for goodness sake , dont let youre flood gates open fully , but more than anything - be honest .
And be the most supportive you can be - lots of calmness , gentle chatter - listen don,t interupt , and reasure the girl - she,ll need it .
Tell her you love her .
Put the kettle on , get ready for an awful lot of talking .

When i told my wife - I also told her I felt that this "dressing up" was something I felt she didnt need to know .Thats why I hid it - I didnt feel as tho she could accept this unmanly behaviour . But after years of hiding , I felt decietful . I just wanted to be me and honest - no more excuses of why on days off , she,d come home to find me with "panda " eyes ( emptied the vacumm was my only excuse - never hoovered up tho lol - doh ) . However , I never expected her reaction .
She cried . Bless her , she even told me that I,d made her feel so insecure - that I couldnt tell her about me . A crossdresser .
As I type this its making me fill up right now .
We sat holding hands for a while , not really talking , in after shock I suppose . After some time we talked , then talked , well into the late evening . on all matters , my gender , how it all started , was I seeing someone - everything . Thank god we stuck at it . Thats how I can conclude , perhaps a better way to come out .With honesty .
like i,ve already written - gauge the situation , look for signs , make sure if you proceed with a conversation , you,ll not be disturbed .
be prepared for a mixture of emotions ....all of them too .....time to be supportive .
Then get ready for possible arguments - I,m sure its happened to us all who,ve come out .................
Good luck.

[PameeSue]

Yes interesting post Sis,

I wonder what the conversation would have been if your son had offered a different response....OK mom, but do we have one that'll fit?:eek:

Perhaps you could use that as a hypothetical conversation starter with your wife.......

I can see the difference between a young boy going to school in a dress, and the private dressing of yourself at home, but perhaps you could manoever the conversation to include "other" hypothetical circumstances.

I really hope that you can work something out.

btw, I think your wife is great just in trying to teach your son 'double standard issues'

:hugs:
Suzie P