Don't answer unasked questions.

[DemonicDaughter]

I see a lot of threads on here regarding a CDer giving away "hints" through the things they carry along with them or have "stashed" about the job/home/car/garage/etc. or about what people suspect if they see something "unusual".

Let's help each other a bit here to overcome the fear of being outed by such things as makeup, clothing accidentally seen or found, what's in your luggage/tool box/glove compartment and other such things.

The truth is, how often do you notice the clothing of your co-workers (other than when you see one in a really cute outfit)? If you really thought about the things you've seen in public, you might realize some tell-tale signs of what other people do in private, but you are usually quite busy doing your own thing to notice. So are they. What you might think they noticed, they most likely did not.

Most people become paranoid that their secret is obvious to the rest of the world and that's when the trouble really begins. There are a million excuses why you might have an object that a woman/man normally carries. Unless you are caught in full dress, or with something so obvious its was asking to get caught, its highly unlikely most people will put two and two together.

Looking for excuses for what to say if something is found will only lead you to offer the answer before the question is asked.

In other words, if you are caught with anything; clothing, makeup, purses, shoes, etc. its better to be relaxed and not presume the person has figured it out. Don't answer an unasked question. If they ask, you have the opportunity to be flippant about it and sarcastically say you crossdress, that its none of their business or its your wife's/sister's/gf's/mother's/grandmother's (you get the point).

The more nervous you act, the more obvious you become.

[TGMarla]

:iagree:

[carolinebrookes]

Some very good points well made DD :)

[CD Tammy]

I hope no one every has a flat while borrowing my van. :devil:

[Michelle-NC]

I like the way you think DD...

[waspookie6]

This is also something I've noticed on topics and pointed out how not unusual it is/was.

Hairless legs and arms, facial hair removal, buying make up, lingerie, dresses ect - think how many times you've done that for a wife/girlfriend/mother/aunt and no one batted an eye? Co-workers and the like, just look around and as DD pointed out unless it screams "pink" then the big deal would be...........................?????

Example: yesterday DH got home from work and said quite a few co-workers thought he looked younger or something. I noticed he hadn't gotten all the smude from too thickly applied mascara on the night before, not much but I noticed it. Just makes his eyes look much brighter but no one knew that was the reason.

People aren't scrutinizing like you may think they are and if you notice they have on two different colored socks, you *know* they don't aren't interested in what you are wearing! :heehee:

[erica michelle]

i agree 100%

[annekathleen]

I think, being a crossdresser, we notice what type of clothing, bras, and panties that women are wearing.
If it looks good, I want to buy the same thing.

[Chari]

DD, As I enjoy the comfort and fit of wearing more and more female items in public as a guy, ie jeans, blouses, sweaters, tennies, hoodies to name a few, I find most people don't seem to care or notice. If they don't ask and I don't tell!

Hugs2U, Chari

[jessielee]

dear DD,
i, too, appreciate the way you think.
you are spot on.
and i think i would be leery of playing poker with you!
the best bluff is aparently unconcernd, you play that one or not, its allthe same to me.
unspoken; of course i have a good reason to be wearing false eyelashes!
what did you think?!
well, i do,
just want to cover calmly and not over react!
jessie

[Tree GG]

Good point and very true. However you are over-looking a possible motivation factor for leaving all the clues about.

The CDer wants someone to find out and is not brave enough to tell anyone directly. In other words, outing themselves in what they see as a harmless manner to avoid conflict. Doesn't usually turn out that way, but they can keep believing. :o

[deja true]

That's right, Tree, honey. I think leaving little clues on purpose is done in the hope that someone who is observant enough will spot them. And who is as obsrvant about this kinda stuff as another CD or a sympathizer?

The unobservant are, as ya'll say, too busy with themselves.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

indeed :)

What an awesome thread!

Zara

[Sandi jo]

Very good points but I can see the other side about perhaps wanting someone to see and notice

[DemonicDaughter]

I like the way you think DD...

Thank you, I'm always nervous someone will go "well, duh! stop telling us things we already know!" lol


People aren't scrutinizing like you may think they are and if you notice they have on two different colored socks, you *know* they don't aren't interested in what you are wearing! :heehee:

Exactly and I feel so bad for those that fear going out in anything simply because they think they will be confronted. Even if you are obvious, the odds of someone just coming up to you and saying something aren't as good as you think. Grant it, the stares will be a different matter but that's just getting use to people being mesmerized by the beauty. :)


dear DD,
i, too, appreciate the way you think.
you are spot on. and i think i would be leery of playing poker with you! the best bluff is aparently unconcernd, you play that one or not, its all the same to me. unspoken; of course i have a good reason to be wearing false eyelashes! what did you think?! well, i do, just want to cover calmly and not over react!
jessie

Well believe it or not, I'm probably the world's worst liar. :( I get the worst look on my face that tells you I don't believe a single thing I'm saying. LOL! So perhaps you would play poker with me. But I wouldn't ever let you know I had no idea what I was doing. Its all attitude and hunnie, I think I have a bit too much for my own breeches.


Good point and very true. However you are over-looking a possible motivation factor for leaving all the clues about.

The CDer wants someone to find out and is not brave enough to tell anyone directly. In other words, outing themselves in what they see as a harmless manner to avoid conflict. Doesn't usually turn out that way, but they can keep believing. :o


That's right, Tree, honey. I think leaving little clues on purpose is done in the hope that someone who is observant enough will spot them. And who is as obsrvant about this kinda stuff as another CD or a sympathizer?

The unobservant are, as ya'll say, too busy with themselves.

Though I agree, a lot of people do this in their every day lives to sort of "accidentally" out themselves, I think its rather funny that they would have to be caught in the act before being confronted.

For those looking to get caught... just come out fully dressed, you won't be noticed otherwise. LOL!

For those who are overly paranoid that everyone knows... trust me... they don't know a thing! :)

[joann07]

Right on sister!
I wear pantyhose under my male clothes all the time and I don't wear socks with my loafers to hid them.
I've been around friends, family, and co-workers and nobody as ever noticed, except for my GG rriend who knows that I love panythose and that I dress.

Hugs!

[Deborah Jane]

I "outed" myself to my ex wife because i thought she,d noticed something that she hadn,t:doh:

[Carrie f]

This is also something I've noticed - think how many times you've done that for a wife/girlfriend/mother/aunt and no one batted an eye? Co-workers and the like, just look around and as DD pointed out unless it screams "pink" then the big deal would be...........................?????:


Unless of course, my 5' 4" mother, aunt, girlfriend etc doesn't wear a 4" spiked heel in a size 13. That's when I look at the sales clerk with a straight face and ask for a reciept saying ... 'in case she wants to return them'.

But seriously, I do agree. I've puchased everything from mini pads to make up, stockings and baby dolls for different women in my life over the years. The worry about what I'm buying now for myself is mostly in my head and no one elses.

[Patrice]

The Human Species is, with exceptions, a mob of self-involved folks almost completely oblivious to their surroundings (I work retail and you would NOT believe how many times a customer asks me for directions to an item they are standing right next to). When I started underdressing to work (panties and sportsbra), and later added the earrings and light nail-polish, I felt the paranoia (couldnt help it) even though I didnt care if folks noticed. I was just being me, no apologies-no regrets. What has surprised me is that if folks are noticing they are saying nothing. Im almost (just almost) disappointed at times to tell the truth, not that I want or need the hassle I was expecting.

Its just sort of a grounding letdown to realize my little world and my worries mean almost nothing to the world at large :p.

And I can live with that :)

[TrekGirl1701]

I used to be so paranoid when I first started buying my clothes in the store. I always thought that all eyes were now on me. "Hey, look at the guy browsing through the women's clothes!" I expected people to yell out. But after each shopping trip I became less and less paranoid, because nothing has ever happened to make me feel uncomfortable. No, we aren't, in fact, the center of the universe. Other people DON'T care what we're doing. I realize this now.

[KayR]

Thats the truth DD. Some years ago a perfectly "normal" co-worker came into work with his eyebrows quite clearly groomed and shaped. One of the other people said out load "Hey, have you had your eyebrows plucked?"
Without batting an eyelid, he replied that he had. When asked why - and by now a group of interested workers had gathered - he replied that he asked his wife to do them because the hairs were always getting in his eyes, and it was painful. The group disbanded very quickly, with lots of nodding in agreement and sympathy for the poor man. I don't know to this day if he was TV/CD or otherwise, but his response was so normal we all just dismissed the whole thing.

[RobertaFermina]

My favorite version of "don't answer..." is:

"Don't bleed until you are shot!"





:rose: Roberta :rose:

[brendaisagirl]

This has truly been an interesting thread.
And I agree it is all about how you act when asked. A few years ago, I went to work with one brown shoe on and one blue shoe on, I had to be a work at 6:00 am and did not want to wake my children so I would dress in the dark. When after lunch it was finally noticed by a male co -worker, I was asked, my reply was I have another pair at home just like them. Not quite the same but close.
Brenda

[DemonicDaughter]

My favorite version of "don't answer..." is:

"Don't bleed until you are shot!"





:rose: Roberta :rose:

LOL! I love that!

[ColleenW]

I think, being a crossdresser, we notice what type of clothing, bras, and panties that women are wearing.
If it looks good, I want to buy the same thing.


What a great thread. I agree with you Annekathleen. Most people don't or won't notice although there have been times that I've noticed and known. For example the slightest little indentation of the chest where the bra band sits. But then again I think most of us here would notice such things because we're interested and like clothes.:)

[VtVicky]

DD is right on.

This phenomenon is as old as the ages. Does anyone recall Poe's "The Telltale Heart".

[waspookie6]

Carrie f: unless they are standing next to you...they would know your so/gf/mom/aunt was small? Mine is 5'10" and about 18 or 1X and all three boys have had to shop for her all their lives. Even if it's a store that keeps one of those 'lists' for mailings, names are common, first, last, city, no one knows. Or cares. Or ponders.
DH has picked up my hormones for me many a time. Did they suspect *he* was the one taking them? (equal to what some doctors use for MtF therapy). Of course not. The first words out of their mouths was "Has your wife taken these before?" lol

TrekGirl1701, you remind me of a gentleman who was looking at sweaters in the women's dept a couple of weeks back. The XL sized ones. I wouldn't have noticed except this amazon wife comes over barking at him "its the wrong color!" and as he turned, his sweater caught on the hooks and took down about 5 garments. Then she really started hollerin at him. If she wasn't there to make such a scene - I wouldn't have seen him at all. I wasn't there to see who was shopping, I was there for the frickin 75% off sale!!

Kay R, you may like this about the whole 'mono brow' and keeping it up.
My bro in law was born with one. I mean the kid looked odd from a young age. One trip when Mom went to see him (about 13 years ago) she finally drug him kicking and screaming to a waxing salon and barked (its how she talks) to have the girl get those things under control - then paid for a year of maintenance up front. Needless to say, my bro was highly embarrassed being in the military going back after the weekend with perfectly shaped brows. Funny thing: he has kept it up ever since because his wife didn't have the nerve to say anything but had tried to get him to pluck a little early on in the marriage. He has beautiful eyes and lashes - it drove his own mother nuts they were hidden by his brows. When he retired early and became a LEO, no one said a word. Gee, I wonder why not considering he commanded the K9 group?


The point is that really - no one notices. Okay, I take that back to the level that only those who are 'tuned in' because they also have someone in their family who dresses would notice but still not care.

We are always harder on ourselves than others are.
Once we get over that its easy to realize NO ONE is second guessing you. :)

[Seville]

For those who are overly paranoid that everyone knows... trust me... they don't know a thing! :)

Well, looks like once again I'm odd gurl out! :confused2:

My neighbors would sit in a darkened room next door,
and watch me dress all summer. When they tired of it,
they told my mother and all H**L broke loose.

This happened at two different houses. I later found out
that they told other neighbors...They watched me
thru the corners of the drawn down shades.
They would come over, peep in, and when I caught them
once, they said they were looking for their newspaper. Huh???

I must have been the laughingstock of the block...
and my family made me pay dearly for it. :angry: :angry: :angry:

Just my :2c:

[linnea]

I think that DD and waspookie6 have it about right. Most people aren't really looking that closely, and if they notice something, they don't necessarily jump to any conclusions. Volunteering answers to unasked questions just signals guilt (remember Shakespeare's line about protesting too much; it's very similar with unasked questions).




This is also something I've noticed on topics and pointed out how not unusual it is/was.

Hairless legs and arms, facial hair removal, buying make up, lingerie, dresses ect - think how many times you've done that for a wife/girlfriend/mother/aunt and no one batted an eye? Co-workers and the like, just look around and as DD pointed out unless it screams "pink" then the big deal would be...........................?????

Example: yesterday DH got home from work and said quite a few co-workers thought he looked younger or something. I noticed he hadn't gotten all the smude from too thickly applied mascara on the night before, not much but I noticed it. Just makes his eyes look much brighter but no one knew that was the reason.

People aren't scrutinizing like you may think they are and if you notice they have on two different colored socks, you *know* they don't aren't interested in what you are wearing! :heehee:

[Sheena Pink]

Great thread DD I agree,
A few of the gurls I have met are so very afraid of outing themselves, that they start hating that part of themselves. :sad:
The other part of the equation is that for the most part people really aren't looking beyond their own noses and worries and life. They really don't care as long as it doesn't interfere with their life directly. So underdressing, shaving legs, ect. really could pass unless you are strip searched........ Then probably you have more to answer to than that you are wearing pantyhose. :D

[ColleenW]

Well, looks like once again I'm odd gurl out! :confused2:

My neighbors would sit in a darkened room next door,
and watch me dress all summer. When they tired of it,
they told my mother and all H**L broke loose.

This happened at two different houses. I later found out
that they told other neighbors...They watched me
thru the corners of the drawn down shades.
They would come over, peep in, and when I caught them
once, they said they were looking for their newspaper. Huh???

I must have been the laughingstock of the block...
and my family made me pay dearly for it. :angry: :angry: :angry:

Just my :2c:

Hi Seville -

I'm sorry you had such bad experiences, but I really think yours is unusual.

[marny]

Sorry Demonic. You are soooo wrong. Once the flag goes up...it doesn't escape anyones notice!

[tamarav]

I think once again DD you have nailed it on the head. I do work dressed daily and imagine every single person that comes in the salon door is going to scream "Man in heels, wigs and makeup". It just ain't so. People are so self involved and wanting to get more attention than the next that we are mere small roadblocks on their personal trip. Sometimes we just feel like they are looking at us when they are actually trying to look past us for attention themselves.

I point blank asked a woman the other day why she was staring at me, and she said "because I love your eyes and want to learn how to do them like that". Took all my steam right out of me, so I gave her a makeup lesson and showed her. Now we are best friends...

My attached picture shows me hard at work studying the article on "male single person sex". I may need to jump in the middle of a discussion..

Your sis,

Tami

[Seville]

Hi Seville -

I'm sorry you had such bad experiences, but I really think yours is unusual.

Ummm...I don't think so Hun!

I've gone thru the archives on this and other C/D sites
and they read like agony columns. I agree that my
family carried it to extremes - read my other posts -
and is PROBABLY atypical, but the FACT that it
DID happen to me and COULD happen to a naive
young person scares the BEJEEBERS out of me.

Never forget what happened to Matthew in Wyoming!

I glad that your coming out was a positive experience!
Some of us weren't so fortunate.

God Bless!

End of the :violin:

[Suzy Harrison]

Yes it's easy to feel paranoid if you know the whole world is looking for your secret !

[Patrice]

Dont fear the unasked question, dont walk around like everyone has x-ray vision and an eyeful of your undergarments. Live your life!

Ive been at rockbottom in my life, lost everything you may say. Ive been physically, emotionally or psychologically abused at various times in my existence. Ive been Broke, homeless and wondering where my next meal was coming from. Ive had my own father turn his back on me and have me removed from his home.

What Im getting at here, is theres truly nothing to fear when youve already experienced the worst. Theres no result that could be expected from my dressing becoming public knowledge that I havent endured already in my life at another time. Maybe this is what has allowed me to reach my current attitude.

But at this time, I will be me no matter the consequences. I dress how I want when I want, its nothing Im ashamed of and noone looks closely because Im not guiltily trying to hide anything - pure matter of fact behavior, this is who I am take it or leave it. If anyone has a problem with me, thats their issue and no concern of mine. If I am called gay, I will reply 'Actually no, but thanks for the compliment'.

No Guilt.
No Shame.
No Apologies.
No Regrets.

[DemonicDaughter]

Well, looks like once again I'm odd gurl out! :confused2: ...


Sorry Demonic. You are soooo wrong. Once the flag goes up...it doesn't escape anyones notice!

Don't get me wrong, there are people out there that look for this stuff. There are self-loathing idiots who need to bring others down just so they can feel above something. I have no doubts that there are many who share your experiences of being outed and ostracized, but this post was meant in the general context of all the "I'm such-&-such height, I'm I fooling myself about blending in?" or "I was bending over and my pink frilly panties were exposed!" or "I was shopping the other day...".

Its in general public, not the privacy (or in your unfortunate case, lack their of) of your own home, that I was directing this thread. Plain and simply, yes, you might be outed in public. You might have a moron point and stare. You might have a lot of things happen. But there are those who completely give themselves up by believing everyone notices when they don't. And they incidentally out themselves because of it.

Thus why I said, don't answer unasked questions.

[Angie G]

Good post DD and a good thought thanks hun :hugs:
Angie

[Patricia Johnson]

I agree with everyone, I used to stress so much about what others thought when I was looking at clothes or buying things, but then I realized that on special occasions I had bought the same things for my SO and didn't bat an eye. I realized then that I had to be confident in myself and no one else would act weird.

[marny]

suzy harrison. I don't think the world is looking fo us. I think we are looking for it. eliot spitzer. :brolleyes: :straightface:

[JoAnnDallas]

Back in 2005, I started going out in the daylight. Boy was I scared. I was sure someone was going to notice that I was really a guy but after a while, I got noticing that almost everyone I saw or meet was not paying very much attention to me. I really notice this on two occasions. First time was when I went into a convience store to buy a bottle of water. The attendent was talking to a customer. They both stopped talking and looked at me when I walked in, then they went right back to their conversation. The second time, I was standing in line at another convience store and these two GG's (one on a cell phone) were standing near me. The one GG that was not on the cell phone looked at me and even smiled at me. I returned the smile and she then turn back to her GF's cell conversation. I bet if someone came up to either of these people a 1/2 hr later and asked them to discribe the that person, I bet they would have a hard time with the discription. I would not worry about it at all.

[Lesley Ann]

I have just returned from a short brake in Devon with my gf, and after an lovely evening meal we returned to the holtel where I changed into Lesley Ann, my gf left the room first to make sure no one was about, then I followed, this was only the second time that I have been abroad CD'd and I was feeling pretty unsure of myself, anyway I swept out of the holtel with my gf on my arm and my shoulder bag on my shoulder, just as a resident was entering but believe me or not he did not give me a second glance (I am 6'3" in high heels) we then walked to the sea front and along the road looking out to the sea bay, it was a fantasic feeling, but then I spotted some young men who had ovisously been drinking (you get the pitcure) I panicked and about turned and quickly returned to the hotel. My gf said I was being silly, but I lost my confidence, but other pepole also out walking did not turn to look, or stare (mind you this was in the evening) but when we got back to our room, I discoverd the brown suede boots I was wearing I had put onto the wrong feet!! Gf asked how on earth did I walk in them, FEAR will do it every time.

I desprately want to go out more and show off my wardrobe, but it is always tomorrow. What if someone, what if etc,?

All my love to you all, Lesley Ann

[Michelle-NC]

I desprately want to go out more and show off my wardrobe, but it is always tomorrow. What if someone, what if etc,?

All my love to you all, Lesley Ann

I think this is the direction that DD wanted this thread to go. If we are constantly worrying about the what ifs then we are not living our lifes to the fullest. Carry yourself proudly, and most times no one will notice a thing. As it is, you are now wondering what if the guys had not noticed? You would have kept walking and had a great time. I am betting odds are, they would not have given a second glance.

[ColleenW]

If we are constantly worrying about the what ifs then we are not living our lifes to the fullest. Carry yourself proudly, and most times no one will notice a thing.

Well said Michelle:battingeyelashes:

[DemonicDaughter]

I think this is the direction that DD wanted this thread to go. If we are constantly worrying about the what ifs then we are not living our lifes to the fullest. Carry yourself proudly, and most times no one will notice a thing. As it is, you are now wondering what if the guys had not noticed? You would have kept walking and had a great time. I am betting odds are, they would not have given a second glance.

Exactly!

[Amy Hepker]

Most guys do not look at other guys and pay attention to their own life, most people in general are the same way. I mean sometimes like you say it is obvious in the way someone dresses, but I have been wearing a Padded Bra under my T-Shirts for quite a while now and nobody notices or says anything. Most just do not notice.