Coming "full circle"

[Kate Simmons]

I thought about this quite a bit before posting it as I do not want my meaning or my feelings to be misunderstood, nor do I want anyone to get the wrong impression. As I've said several times previously, I didn't see myself doing this forever. I've reached a point of balance by the understanding of my own underlying dynamics and the meaning CDing has had in my life, not to mention how all of this has affected my family and my own self worth as a person. It can be touch and go at times, not to mention tricky. The real "trick" it seems is to see things for what they are and to utilize all of the resources we have at our disposal in a positive way.

I really don't feel this makes me any better or worse than anyone else, I just feel that it gives me more understanding of the overall picture. In any event, what I have realized is that I've more or less been "forcing" myself to CD for a while now as I don't necessarily need to do it. Last week, however, it hit me like a lead balloon that I was doing it to "fit in", especially being here. That got me thinking that maybe I should drop out of the Forum because who wants to listen to someone who is not going to say just how "great" it all is and how nice it feels to go out "dolled up"? I won't argue that point because it is a good feeling and would never tell anyone not to do it because that has to be their own determination. It is what it is and using the process for self understanding has been invaluable to me.

My basic purpose for being here has not changed and it is mostly to promote self understanding and our relationships with others and diversity and tolerance. I still feel that taking ownership of our feelings is the key to it all as well as taking responsibility of our own actions regardless of how we pursue things and my friends remain my friends no matter what I personally decide to do or not do.

Integrating all of these feelings truely puts me at the helm and the direction I choose to go in is entirely my own. The Salandra "construct" is going to remain in any case and is really my empowerment for what I choose to do from this point forward. The difference is that I can be whoever I want to be on my own terms finally. So what happens now that I have come "full circle" with this? It's anyone's guess really but I'm sure it will be an adventure. It always is.:)

[RobertaFermina]

Isn't this really all about freedom to be who I am ? to let flow my responses and contributions into the web of existence ? Perchance to dance with others dancing their own authentic flow ?

You have traveled this ground on your journey, broken this bread with us, you are one of us.

I think you just stepped more deeply into "elderhood" in the cultural and spiritual sense.

The days of the warrior and magician have given way to the days of wisdom and blessing. The battles have been fought, the rules of transformation assimilated and understood in their many levels. Now it is down to the art of existence, and the need of the gift bearer to give. Elderhood, Cronehood.

You always have been a blessing, glad you will continue in this place.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[MomofCD]

I'm new to this all myself so I really can't say I understand the impulse or desire to crossdress but I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. Good luck & have a great life! :love:

[jessielee]

dear Salandra,
what an adventure, what a journey.
defined by my parents, i feel as though jesse was a forced construct my whole life. but it is a life i willingly embraced, though with discomfort and ennui, and invested in. i don't know if "full circle" for me will someday mean putting jessie away in a box in an attic, for the sake of people and lives relying on me for whom i have chosen to not come out. so i have no answers or advice. but i am grateful for your sagacity and your passion. you inspire me by your depths of feeling and your courageous exploration.
whatever itmeans in outcome, full circle for and from you is a beautiful thing.
please let us know how it is going, whatever it is.
we are with you.
all my sincere best wishes sister, mentor, friend;
expecting much,
jessie

[Charleen]

Hey Sal. For me, full circle would mean going back to self loathing, fear, guilt and the closet as that's where I was most of my life! Yes, we are different here yet the same. We all share wearing clothes of the sex that is opposite of the way we were born. To widely varying degrees. The people on this site, including you have helped me understand me. When we get an understanding of who we are, that's called maturing as Roberta so poetically put it. You've been here long enough to know that CDing can come and go. I know from personal experience. As the saying goes, don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy who you are at the moment, Rich, Sal, or whomever.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[DemonicDaughter]

That was just beautiful! I think that you are an amazing person who has a much better understanding of themselves than most. Best of luck hun.
:love:

[Michelle-NC]

Salandra, I want to wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do. I personally don't think you need to leave the forum, as your support, and advice is very welcomed here. Your adventure and experience would be greatly welcomed, even if you were not dressing. That is just my opinion, but like I have said, I want to wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

[donnadawn]

It seems that as one ages they don't just get older, they MATURE. For us who CD the beginings are probably not much different in our emotional turmoils then that of a young or preteen GG. We have have doubts and our fears. We wonder how we will be accepted and liked. Will we be able to fit in? Can we really be allowed to be the person we are inside or do we have to define our life by the way we look? As I've matured I found that life is what YOU make it, meaning that YOU make the decisions in your life. What choices you make can be based on others and what they think of you or they can based on what you think of yourself. I am so proud of my children because we raised them to be their own person and not be one of the crowd just to find acceptance and that is what they have done. Be true to your self. Life is a learning process. To find out who you are can require some experiments and experience. Blessed is the person who knows who they are and is happy with who they are.

[Daintre]

Hi Sal, thank you for the great post, my goodness it is so refreshing to listen to a member who has grown comfortable with his/her duality. Rich or Sal, comfortable in either role, I am very happy for you, I truly am, there is life after the "pink fog"
Take care my friend :hugs:

[mylitta]

I am happy that you feel at one with youself, and wish you well on the rest of your life's journey. I hope you don't leave the forum- your words are always read and appreciated here.

[Kate Simmons]

I must admit, I was a bit concerned about how all of this would be taken. I certainly do not want to leave the Forum as I continue to learn so much about myself and everyone else and the feelings of everyone in general. The Forum is one great collective of folks and their knowledge and experiences and as far as I'm concerned, the time I spend here is time well spent. What I am saying is that this is not the "be all" and "end all" of everything for me but possibly just the start of another aspect of my journey of life. Roberta's comment about cronehood was taken as an extreme compliment and all I could say was:"Wow.":)

Actually all this about balance and integration contains nothing "mystical" at all and is just simplicity itself. I think sometimes we make too much of a "hubbub" about it all when the answer is literally right in front of us. We are who we are basically and there are no special "X-powers" to be gained really as we are limited by three dimensional physics while we are here. The power of understanding itself is sufficient and it does give us somewhat of a "leg up" so to speak if we choose to utilize it.

The outcome of what we choose to do is how we choose to do it and for some reason I cannot get the image of the one scene from "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" out of my head. When looking through all of the cups, the Knight told Indiana to "choose wisely". He saw what happened to the guy who did not, so he took time to think and made the wise choice and saved his Dad. What choice we all make is ultimately up to us. Choose wisely my friends.;):battingeyelashes:

[Patti Girl]

Salandra,

I think that some of us truly belong "somewhere inbetween". And it makes sense that we vary back and forth as our mood takes us.

You are a great resource here and you are valuable as a real person even if you are not the "full time, full stream, dedicated crossdresser".

What I have found and enjoyed in this community is the broad spectrum from occassional to full time and full acceptance of everyone.

Best wishes,

Patti

[Sandi jo]

I think it really comes down to we have to do what we have to do.Good luck to you.

[charlie]

From a tatally personal point of view I see you as a mantor. I started dressing only a year ago and read your posts with great interest. You have answered lots of questions for me and I have seen my journery in lots of your posts. Perhaps this will men that I too can come full circle. I hope so. CD is not all great and fun. There is a price!

[jessielee]

dear Salandra,
yes, Roberta said it so perfectly.
i was such a dope talking about myself, even thinking about unasked for "advice," don't know how that came out.
but though just a newbie here, i was touched by your welcome to me, by your clarification of your peter pan reference that "2nd star to the right..." looks towards "heading back home when the reality progam is completed."
immediately i thought of this line from leonard cohen, hope it is appropriate:

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will


home, what a goal. and along the way, to seek to be comfortable in our own skin. for us, what a lark! yet we aspire.
and you point the way.
again, thank you.
and never goodbye!
fondly,
jessie

[brendaisagirl]

Salandra,
You are such a powerful PERSON, to beable to pull the goodness and wisdom from both genders together is Wonderful, I admire you.
Brenda

[Kate Simmons]

That was great Jessie and Audra, I understand. For those who may understand, the energy grid underwent a phase shift recently and my personal grid program adjusted to a slightly different "reality". I think it was enhanced by the time change as I was pretty boggled by it for awhile. What it did though was make my purpose even clearer in a lot of ways, although did make for some confusion initially. One thing that has been made clear to me is that things are changing and pretty soon, the old paradigms will no longer work no matter what we try to do. The best thing to do is enjoy the ride. It's a one way trip back home, so may as well enjoy it.:)

[KittenKraske]

Thank you for this post Salandra! I am touched and moved and shaken even by your words. I believe you have touched on something that touches us all at one point or another. Why are we doing this? Where do we hope to end up? What do we want to gain through CDing? Who are we when all the fetters of physicality are stipped away? And when the hell do we get the answers we seek?!?!?! I am incredibly happy for you in your understanding, I truly hope that your path leads you to home and happiness, it is my belief that all roads lead home, though some paths are definately harder than others.

home, what a goal. and along the way, to seek to be comfortable in our own skin. for us, what a lark! yet we aspire.
and you point the way.
again, thank you.
and never goodbye!
fondly,
jessie

Great words Jessie!:)
Home indeed, is it where the heart is? And if so why should we not be comfortable in our own skin as it is our skin that encapsulates and protects our everloving hearts.


One thing that has been made clear to me is that things are changing and pretty soon, the old paradigms will no longer work no matter what we try to do. The best thing to do is enjoy the ride. It's a one way trip back home, so may as well enjoy it.:)
I couldn't agree more! The old paradigms have been everchanging and the true visionaries are those that recognize the fluid evolving nature of our existance. I think you might well be a true visionary my dear, please do continue to share your insights, they are very welcome and of great service to all of us here.:hugs:


Salandra,
I think that some of us truly belong "somewhere inbetween". And it makes sense that we vary back and forth as our mood takes us.
You are a great resource here and you are valuable as a real person even if you are not the "full time, full stream, dedicated crossdresser".


I completely share this sentiment!:D I truly feel as though my place is not in the masculine world though it is neither entirely in the feminine. (I certainly do feel it is more fem than man:daydreaming:) More importantly, I agree that your expression and your insights are an invaluble resource to all of us ladies here, and as a person you seem to have touched so many lives, regardless of your gender or clothing preference. Just because one of the most pressing issues raised here on the forum is in regard to how we "present" ourselves physically, does not mean that that is the defining issue behind our actions. What we look like is not nearly as important as what we do, and what you have done is bring a voice of insight, reason and even temperment to a place where it can be heard and utilized to the most benefit.:hugs:


Actually all this about balance and integration contains nothing "mystical" at all and is just simplicity itself. I think sometimes we make too much of a "hubbub" about it all when the answer is literally right in front of us. We are who we are basically and there are no special "X-powers" to be gained really as we are limited by three dimensional physics while we are here. The power of understanding itself is sufficient and it does give us somewhat of a "leg up" so to speak if we choose to utilize it.
QUOTE]

So true, the less we try to explain the easier it is to understand. Life is about simplicity, one step at a time. Once we understand something we can integrate it into our being, and once it is integrated we can move forward to the next lesson. I have found that some of my most profound lessons have been about stripping away all of the extra layers of "what's right and wrong" and moving towards what "is".

[QUOTE=Salandra;1223384] The real "trick" it seems is to see things for what they are and to utilize all of the resources we have at our disposal in a positive way.

My basic purpose for being here has not changed and it is mostly to promote self understanding and our relationships with others and diversity and tolerance. I still feel that taking ownership of our feelings is the key to it all as well as taking responsibility of our own actions regardless of how we pursue things and my friends remain my friends no matter what I personally decide to do or not do.
Integrating all of these feelings truely puts me at the helm and the direction I choose to go in is entirely my own. The Salandra "construct" is going to remain in any case and is really my empowerment for what I choose to do from this point forward. The difference is that I can be whoever I want to be on my own terms finally. So what happens now that I have come "full circle" with this? It's anyone's guess really but I'm sure it will be an adventure. It always is.:)

Your true purpose here is a noble one, and also the road less travelled it would seem. Your power as a human spreading love of humanity is a hundred fold that of any who would try to enslave humanity with discrimination, bigotry and hate. We would all do well to take the controls and be at the helm of our own destiny, being proactive is not always easy when we question whether we are "good" or "normal" people. It is a trial made far easier by voices like your own that speak of tolerance, diversity, personal responsibility, acceptance and love.:hugs:

I certainly hope that you stay on this forum as it is wonderful to be able to hear your voice and follow your progress through this lifetime. I have only just joined and I would be saddened to miss out on an opportunity to share conversations with one who is so balanced and understanding. I wish you great success and happiness on your journey, and hope to see your smiling face for a long time to come! May we all take the controls and do whatever it is that we each came here to do!:hugs:

[deja true]

no words....for once.

[Mona]

Sal, there is a wonderful book, "The Second Half Of Life" That I have found much meaning in, I think you may enjoy it. And please stay, we need and appreciate your wisdom!

[Tree GG]

Kudos to you, friend of mine. May we all step up to your plateau and accept the responsibility for how we feel, behave and interact. Then choose to be what the inner voice has been trying to say all along.

:hugs:

[Joanne f]

Salandra,
for reasons of my own i have been trying to stay off the threads, but i respect you so much that i feel i must reply to you, as you have always replied to post`s in a respectful way using your life of knowledge (I almost put years of knowledge but don`t want you to think i think you are old as you are not):D .
In a lot of ways i can understand what you are saying and how you are feeling, but i think a lot of people can learn a lot from you so i think it would be a shame if you were to disappear from the threads, but whatever you decide to to i wish you the best of luck although i know you will make the best of whatever you do .


Hoping to read more from you
joanne

[Kate Simmons]

I am truely touched by all of your heartfelt feelings my friends. You just have to realize that this is really a two way street though and I learn so much from all of you as well. We discuss CD and TG issues but that is only a part of it. It's really about people and living and humanity. One way to improve that humanity is right here folks and we are all a part of that program. From what I have seen there is no doubt of that in my mind whatsoever.:)

[Maria2004]

We discuss CD and TG issues but that is only a part of it. It's really about people and living and humanity.

Yes. Beautiful thread Salandra. :hugs:

[Bravesoul]

Slandra,

I have read many post in my short time here and always look forward to yours. Your wisdom and strength is what separates you from the pack. Not many of us have the understanding of CDing or ourselves to truly take command of our lives and our feelings. I always looked forward to your incite and candor as I read some of these post. But, for purely selfess reasons, I will miss you,,:sad:

Where ever life takes you, be strong and enjoy.

Love Susan.:love:

[docrobbysherry]

First, we Fear that we r crossdressers. Not knowing what that means, or where it mite lead us. I am still NOT over my Fear of CDing.

Second, after we have accepted CDing, and that we r CDs, we Fear leaving it! Because it can become such a huge part of who we r. However, for some CDs, who r NOT trans, it is a stage we must NOT be afraid to move past when the time comes. I don't know if that means me or not yet.

When a boy matures, he is supposed to do away with childish things. When a CD matures, he may need to do away with THOSE things!

Rich/Sal, please remember something. Many alcoholics don't drink, and haven't for years. But they still go to meetings to encourage and support other members. And their wisdom and experience r invaluable to all!

And so it is with u, dear friend!

[Stargirl]

I Feel A Teen Angst Song Coming On
What Do We Call People Who Survived The Trip Off The Cliff ?
We Hear About Victims Who Don't Make It
Blonde Girls Buried In Blue
Guys With Cigarette Packs In Their Shirt Sleeves
Soldiers Who Died For Some Illusion
Dangerous Curves
Dogs Flattened By Cars

Salandra
You Survived
I Know That You Will Make The Most Of Your Cosmic Dance
Wherever You Are

[harmony]

there has to be evolution and there should be progress in the work on ourselves..by accepting our karma and making the best of it we raise something that was compulsary and instinctive into a higher level of conciersness.we free ourselves to be able to make unfettered choices.we can gain a balance and a harmony within ourselves that can exist without the outer trappings.with this wisdom gained we have an obligation to help others along on this journey.
when it all comes down to it what realy counts is that we leave this place better than we found it.

[Kate Simmons]

Stargirl that is very profound my friend. About three years ago, I passed out at the club and almost didn't make it back. I had a NDE and was in a void. I was asked what I was doing there and I responded I wanted to come home. I was told it wasn't time yet and I had to go back as I had more work to do and needed to take care of my family. I tried twice, the answer was still "no". I've never been exactly sure just who or what did come back, a different avatar perhaps?

The Egons are not very forthcoming with information and their directive is "just do it." I do know from that point on, I seem to have different insights on things and have worked towards integration and balance and was initially given help to point the way by a Wiccan woman, even though I am not Wiccan myself.After a time, we parted company but it got me started on this path. The recent shift in the energy grid seems to have put me on a different path. I am very sensitive to these things such as Taylor's current situation which is very evident in the collective as we are all connected. The positive energies are being directed towards him in any case.

I seem to have a different focus, not the least of which are my friends here which I realize now is not going to change at least for now and part of my purpose has always been pointing others towards self understanding and empowerment and the value of being themselves. There is much positive energy involved in that as others will see when they truely open their hearts. The path to Zero Point is evident as time grows closer. The real value of the total experience is how much we personally put into it.:)

[Danielle Hyatt]

I don't thank you have to go because we all speecial in are own way

Plese PM me if you would like!!!


Your Friend
Dan:D

[Andine]

Salandra .... Its OK .... its just menopause creeping up!!

A bit of HRT and you will be your old self again!!

Seriously though ... Your mature views and advice would leave a hole in this forum were they to disappear!

Stay happy !

Regards :love:

[waspookie6]

Big hugs on your ever continuing journey Sal - there is never an 'end' in sight, it's why we keep learning, growing, continuing in more than the written word.

All The Love In The World,
Pookie
:)

[Michelle04240]

Salandra,
Your words, thoughts, and wisdom have always been insightful. Your number may have been retired and hung from the rafters, forever a reminder of where you have been. Your continued presence will always be welcome, to see where you will go.

:hugs:
Michelle

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

The key phrase you used was "I continue to learn".

That about says it all. You get something out of being here and we get something from your really insightful posts.

Thank you

[Kate Simmons]

Well, the inside never changes Zara. As far as the outside, I can be Salandra without being Salandra(as Rose once told me) and neither do my self expressions or those on the dance floor ever change. It's a leap of faith on my part to follow this new path but if my insight serves me correctly, it has to do with spiritual balance which is my main purpose.:)