Saw an Outing, Chickened Out Saying Hi

[danam]

I went shopping in DRAB on a lonely Monday night, and, whadyaknow! I saw a CD-er on an outing!

The giveaway was the fact that she was very, very well dressed to be strolling the mall on a Monday night after work. The other giveaway was the fact that her GG companion took pictures of her sitting on the bench at the mall! No one does that, right, except CDers?

I couldn't help but stare. Yes, I gawked! Not because I thought it was strange, but because I WANTED TO BE HER! And I had never witnessed an "outing" before.

I walked by, thinking I'd say hi, but I got totally nervous! So I kept walking. Yes, I am a total chicken.

I am also kicking myself because I would have loved to asked her to help me pick out some new black pumps, for the moral support of not being alone in public while buying woman's shoes. Oh, what a missed opportunity!!

[Julia Welch]

So you were the one that kept staring at us....:heehee:

[Lori SC]

When in doubt Dana...

It's probably better to just walk by than say anything - you never know how much embarassment the CD might feel. They might NOT want to be noticed. Now if since there was a GG there, a safer approach would be to say something brief to the GG. - Sort of a go-between... :2c:

And if you do say something, remember you have to be ready to tell them you are a CD also!

Hugz, Lori

[Sally24]

And if you do say something, remember you have to be ready to tell them you are a CD also!
You also have to be ready to be wrong! People take pictures everywhere now!

[JennyS.]

I'm telling you... I would be so embarrassed if a stranger asked me about CD. I don;t care if that person is CD or not... CD is still something that is totally personal. Just be careful.

By the way Sally24, you look great!

[Eugenie]

Even though most of us very well know that we will never "pass" the last thing that we want is to be so obviously recognised as a CD that someone would tell us "Hi, you know, I'm one too!!!"

And yes, sometimes we would so much like to show sympathy and even support to the person we recognized as another CD. But even if one was also "en femme" going towards a "sister" and talk to her while one didn't know her before is almost equivalent to just saying to her "You look great but I could imediately recognize that you are a crossdresser." even if of course nothing of the sort is being said...

Then as someone else said, what if the person is'nt a CD? :eek:

:hugs:
Eugenie

[JennyS.]

Exactly.

[dominique]

Discretion best part of valour !!

[RikkiOfLA]

I live in the big, cosmopolitan city of Los Angeles and I've been full time for many years. I'm out and about every day. So I've seen quite a few CDers and other transgendered people over the years. A few have been painfully obvious--clumsy attempts at bad makeup, clothes that don't fit or are wildly inappropriate (hey, sounds like my early days!). Others I've noticed by clues that were so subtle it took a lot of thought to realize a few minutes later what I'd witnessed. And I know I've been wrong often.

I'm proud to say we are out there.

Do we want to be "outed" by fellow CDers? Usually not! I've been out long enough that it doesn't bother me anymore, as long as it's handled politely. It can be fun and rather flattering to strike up a conversation with a "sister" when it's done in a friendly, non-threatening way. But it can be as terrifying as it ever was when a menacing stranger screams "THAT'S A MAN IN A DRESS!" (Yes, that has happened to me more than once!)

Please remember too, that what appears to be a crossdresser may be a transsexual or gender-queer lesbian, or a masculine-looking woman, and they generally DO NOT appreciate being referred to as crossdressers! Not at all!

If you're going to try to strike up a conversation with a crossdressed stranger, I'd recommend something like the following:

1. Smile silently. The smile should be returned before you speak to the person.

2. Say "hi" and smile some more. Let them return the greeting.

3. Start with a sincere compliment about something they're wearing. Clothing is superior to makeup or (gack!) breastforms or wigs--never assume that bad hair is a wig; sometimes it's just bad hair. Let them show appreciation for the compliment.

4. Out yourself, not them. If you're dressed male, you might comment that you have a dress like theirs, for example. You could talk a little about where you got it. Let them carry their end of the conversation. If they seem ill-at-ease, change the topic or drop it. Use your best conversation skills; this is even more risky for them than it is for you.

5. If they choose to share their story, listen attentively. Be supportive. When it's your turn, disclose some more about your story.

6. Be prepared for almost anything, and don't be judgmental. The person you've met may be a prostitute, for example. Don't be alarmed if that happens.

7. If they mention something you're uncomfortable discussing (such as drugs or being a prostitute) it's okay to steer the conversation away from those topics. If and when you decide to end the conversation, try to do so in a friendly, light way. Don't be forced.

8. If they decide to end the conversation, let them. You might exchange names and phone numbers if you're both comfortable with that. But don't try to force it on the unwilling. In particular, obvious newbies might not have a femme name (yet), and indeed may be unaware of the practice (I've seen that). And without a femme name, people are ofen reluctant to reveal their real name to a stranger.

Hope this helps.

Blessings,
Rikki

ps. Drunks are the funniest at trying to "out" us.

One drunk once asked me, "Are you real?" I played right along and responded "Of course I'm real!"

I passed another drunk once at the mall. I could see he was thinking (slowly) and getting ready to "out" me. I sped up. So when he finally blurted out "That's a man in a dress!" I was a hundred feet away. It really looked like he was talking about his imaginary companion! I chuckled silently over that one.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me if I am out dress and I see another CD I would not approach. If I am seen and they kno me from the web and call my name I would respond.

[Bobbie Jo]

Yes, Be real careful..

[Maria2004]

Funny, I was just thinking about this yesterday and writing a thread titled "Transspotting". Like Rikki I'm "proud to be out there" and want to be approachable and approached, but I've left the CDs I've seen alone for the reasons already stated, their fear and this passing nonsense. The saddest incidence was during my outing in Houston trip. I stepped out of my hotel room to go outside for a smoke, it was early evening and the halls were comparatively busy but I saw this stocky beautifully overdressed "woman" storming down the hallway with a very unhappy look on her face, I'm staring and thinking, "wow she looks just like a cross dresser trying to get through the crowd as fast as possible" then we made eye contact and she stopped, did a prompt about face and stormed off in the other direction and I never saw her again after that. It made me sad to think that if indeed I had assayed the situation correctly, that she threw in the towel and went back to her room simply because she got "read" after all the great work she had done to get ready to go out.

[donnadawn]

I doubt seriously if I would approach another possible CDer not knowing for sure it it was but I sure would look closely to see if I could tell for sure. As for my self, I do not try to pass as a female when in public. I dress in all femme clothes but still project my self as male. If some one approached and complimented me on something I was wearing I would be thrilled. That has happened on a couple of occasions. I smiled and just said thank you. That would probably be the right approach toward any possible CDer you saw. Say something nice in a none threatening manner and see if the conversation goes any place from there.

[Seville]

For me if I am out dress and I see another CD I would not approach. If I am seen and they know me from the web and call my name I would respond.

My thoughts exactly.

[Kristen Marie]

I try to think about what I would like to be said to me. If a guy said, you look great....and meant it, it would make my day. Or, if they said, I love that dress on you. Woo hoo...I'd love that too.

If he said, hey, are you a CD?....not sure that would help my self esteem.

[Sally2005]

It could depend on the situation. I would say, do it the same as seeing someone with the same hobbie. Would you run over to say hi to someone taking a photo because you have the same camera? If they are with their partner, then three might be a crowd. But, if you are both trying on womens shoes...maybe a conversation would be okay, if nobody else could hear (you might be nervous because the conversation could 'out' you). If at a party and you both break a heal dancing then why not joke about it?

[Melora]

I have actually never seen an obviouse CD in public before except for once.....
I was at a metiphysical fair.. I was with the wife and really was with HER. I really wanted to just go and chat but did not have the chance.. Maybe she will be there again some time... She was about 7 Ft tall!, and very pretty.. And Very cool, and I just really wanted to tell her that.
I really do not go out ti cities, as I do not have much use to be around so many people.. They irritate me and their driving = Grr!
Oh well, Maybe next time..