Anyone else from a broken home as a child?

[jackie_p]

Morning Ladies:

I'm relatively new here so sorry for the nature of the post or if it covers old ground...

My father left when I was 6 and I started crossdressing around 9. Now my father was always around and still took care of us but I have wondered off and on whether my crossdressing wasn't somehow related to wanting to be more like my mother and less like my father?

Anyone else ever questions this?

Sincerely;
Jackie

[jessielee]

dear Jackie,
my father left left when i was three days old. though i have good relations with him now, i'm certain it contributed to my dressing, feeling inferior, unwanted, desiring to be female, wishing i'd been born that way.
he was no good, i heard. i was no good, i figured.
certain mother had no idea what her comments about him would do.
funny, he jokes about my long hair.
if he only knew!
thanks for a provocative post,jessie

[KayR]

My physically abusive father deserted my brother, sister, me and our mother when I was 11. I didnt start dressing until I was well into my 30's, however. Maybe an aspect of my childhood is what makes me TV. Hmmm.

[Jilmac]

I'm on the opposite side of the coin, I come from a two parent family with six siblings, five of them girls. I wore a dress and panties for the first time when I was seven, but didn't start dressing on a regular basis until fifteen. I believe the thing that influenced my dressing the most was the death of my second sister whri I was 15. In my grief, I wore her clothes to be with her spirit. Perhaps in a broken home the lack of a male presence could be an influence, but on the other hand I have friends who were raised by only their moms and none of them ever had any desire to wear dresses or skirts. Go figure. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[jackie_p]

Yeah, I figure there is a lot of variation. I'm even willing to believe that it
has something to do with genetics. After all, my brother grew up in exactly
the same circumstances and he doesn't dress, at least not that I know of...

Anyway, I have heard a lot of Nature/Nurture arguments and I'm just thinking
that in my case it might be a combination of both.

[KandisTX]

I have often given thought to whether I would be a CD or not had things been differant for me in my youth. I was "taken" away from my father and step mother when I was very young and started dressing within a couple years later. My thought was that my life was tough and wearing my "sisters" clothing was a way for me to have some "softness" in my life. "Mom & Dad" were very conservative and were not ones to sit down and talk with me about things and when I came out to them, their first action was to take me to a psychiatrist. When I had the opportunity to move back with my Father and Stepmother (who was more of a Mom than real mother or adoptive mom), I took that chance and within a couple years came out to Mom who was very supportive and even gave me permission to wear her things and bought my very first femme items that were actually MINE. who knows if it was nature or nurture in my case, all I know is that Kandis is part of who I am and that's all that matters.

Kandis:rose2:

[Donna tv]

I did not come from a broken home but I can remember my Dad working 2 jobs so I obviously spent a lot of time with my Mom. I also believe that CD'ing is in our genetics , something that is in our chemical make up at birth.
Maybe as a second part to this thread would be how many of us were the only child ( I was ) in our families or how many of us were the only born male among one or more sisters or as stated here in this thread (a broken home) I guess the point I am trying to make is -- lack of a male presence in a family ---is that a contributing factor in our CD'ing.

Just thinking !!!!

[jackie_p]

Donna:

I guess that is a better measure of what I was getting at...more influence from the mother than the father, regardless of the reason. It is interesting about the siblings. My first CDing was trying on my stepsisters cheerleader outfit. Without the early and easy opportunity, I wonder whether I would have developed this love of all things femme.

Probably! LOL

[joann07]

I didn't come from a broken home, but my dad did cheat on my mom about two times in the past.
However, they've managed to stay together through all that.

My folks worked long hard hours, but they did their best to spend quality time with me and my brother and sister.
I don't think I was influenced in any way by how my father cheated on my mom. At some point in my tweens, I developed a fetish for women's feet and pantyhose and, as I grew up, I secretly wore pantyhose to help satisfy that fetish.
I am now in my late 30's, and it was only about 3 years ago when I started half dressing in women's clothes and it was about a year ago when I started fully dressing.

[Stargirl]

My parents divorced when I was 5 or 6. I didn't get along with my mother at all during my entire life. My father was a sweet loving man...until he drank. He was never abusive to me, or my sister, but he gave mother some bruises. I truly feel that my father would have been happier as crossdresser. I recall him wearing my mothers pink chenille robe. A lot. Maybe I inherited something from him, because I have NO problem with crossdressers, even if I saw one on TV. I was fascinated by it. My sister, and mother found it "queer." I have a gender variable inside me, because I never wanted to get married, and reproduce. It just wasn't a big burning desire. All of the other women in my family made it Top Priority. Hunt, stalk, and pounce a man.

[Maria2004]

I feel it's primarily genetic. I was the oldest of 3 boys my parents had before they divorced when I was 7. My second brother was a year younger, had some pretty serious health problems at birth and died when he was 6. My youngest brother was 5 years younger then me. When he was 20 he told me one night that he was gay. Both of us had plenty of male influence, we both joined the military (different branches), he did one tour I made it a career. After his tour my brother lived openly gay until his premature death in 1996 from HIV.

My own tendencies I kept buried,it wasn't until after I retired that I began to explore and research and work things out to my own satisfaction.

[Victoria Anne]

Jackie as I understand it transgenderism is set by the end of the first trimester but is not a genetic failing. As to the broken home , I came from a home full of abuse until age five when my folks had an accident leaving my mothe r in the hosptal more than out and Dad left my sister and I . Now the abuse came from state paid care givers anyway that is another story. I have dressed as long as I can remember, three I believe was the earliest memory.

[deja true]

Well, I'm an only child from a broken home. Earliest years lived with Mom and Grandma. High school years just mom. Spent a lot of time home alone (yikes! hate that movie) while mom worked. Yup, dressing from then, even earlier.

But Dad wasn't abusive, just gone. Mom never said anything bad about him, bless her heart. I had to meet him when I was 17 to figure out he was an A***ole.

Nature or nurture? It's some of each. Nature gives you the propensity, I think. But nurture gives you the opportunity.

I never regretted being a kid without a dad. All my friends' dads, knowing my situation, worked at being surrogates. I grew up to be a real well-balanced kid, with a whole collection of volunteer dads and volunteer siblings.

deja

[Pandora]

I tend to agree with the posters who mentioned genetics. Maybe it's possible a genetic template is in place and that combined with environmental conditions makes us dress. I remember finding my moms panties and nylons and being enthralled around age 8. I Tried on the pantyhose. My parents divorced years later so I don't think that contributed.

[Suzy Harrison]

My mother left home when I was 12 years old. We had been very close and I was devastated. I was attracted to dressing and makeup just a few months later.

I've always wondered if that event caused me to be this way, or if it just acted as a trigger for something that was always there.

However my two brothers were always quite different from me (into sports but I wasn't) and they were never into the feminine side of things at all.

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

My parents were divorced when I was in my early teens. But I recall an urge to wear womens shoes at an earlier time. It was not until this last year that my dressing has taken off. I now dress a few times a month.
I do not know if it is nature or nurture. Most of the time I think it may be nature. Something happened in utero during early phases of my development I would guess. But i have heard some people say that the dressing comes from a subconcious need to please a parent, or be more like one.
I dont know. The way I am looking at it right now is i accept it. I do not know where it comes from, and I cannot make it go away. So, I try to accept who I am, and enjoy it.
Finally, I have to tell you all that I was not going to respond to this thread. I was going to read it. But then i thought if I write about it, maybe some doors in my mind will open. And at the same time its a way to let off steam.

[Seville]

I had a wonderful childhood (only child) with
loving parents. Dad was a paragon of virtue,
a man's man, a caring loving man who
took exceptional care of us. If I
only could be half the man he was... :bighug:

Mom was a "Donna Reed" stay at home Mom.
Always had a hot meal ready for Dad, a
neat clean housekeeper. Generous to a flaw
with time and money. Donated her time to
worthy causes. An exceptional person! :bighug:

Then she snapped when Dad passed...and my
life became a vile hellhole of a miserable
existance... :angry::angry: :argue: :argue: :angry: :angry: :beatup: :surrender

Regardless of the cause...Nature or Nurture...I fully accept
myself and am happy and satisfied with C/D.

[shirley1]

well my mom was very domineering she wore the pants (not literally) but she ruled the roost in our house when i was a kid - my dad on the other hand was very placid wouldnt argue back at my mom - i often wonder if that could have triggered it off with me - maybe i saw my mom as a stronger role model than my dad was - its strange but at about 15 or 16 i actually couldnt wait to grow facial hair become more manly but this stage only lasted a few years soon after the feelings of wanting to be like a girl came back and have stayed with me ever since

[kimmy p]

Yup, from 8 years old. My biological father committed suicide when I was three, don't even remember him. And the a$$ my mom married next was a abusive drunk who my mother finally kicked out when I was eight. I started dressing almost immediately after. Coincidence? Don’t know. But to this day I make the joke that since I was raised by a mother and lived with her and my sister I can tell you what shoes go with what dress but don’t ask me to change the oil.

[jackie_p]

Seems that, like me, some of you also have reason to think that there
is at least a possibility that nuture played a part.

I have kept my dressing to myself for the last 40 years, and most of the
time I managed to repress it. Then in 2001 my mother died of a massive
heart attack. It really shook me and the urge to dress got stronger than
ever before.

I have come to know that it is an integral part of who I am and I don't
want to deny it anymore. I would like to understand it better and I am
grateful for the replies and the stories you have shared. I have to say
that finding this site is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Cheers
Jackie

[deja true]

Jackie, thank you, dear girl. This thread has caused many of us to open up a lot more than we ever have. I've learned a lot from everyone.

respect and love,

deja

[LilSissyStevie]

My dad was a mentally ill alcoholic. He was absent most of the time when I was little because he was locked up in jails and mental hospitals. When he was home it wasn't a pretty scene to say the least. When I was 9 he finally ran off with our 16yo babysitter. :eek:

I grew up in a house with two sisters, my mother and my father's mother. My grandmother was very abusive to me (and probably my dad too which was why he was so screwed up) and she made it clear that she absolutely hated boys. I dressed up in my sisters' clothes from about 4 or 5 on and played with them as a girl because I desperately wanted to be a sister, not a brother. I no longer desire to be a girl, but I still like the clothes.:daydreaming:

[DawnRodgers]

Well it's not like my home was broken but I was raised in a house of only women. My father died in WW2 and my mom asnd I lived with her sister (also a widow - not from the war) and her two daughters one older than I and one younger. I don't really knowif or how that affected me since I never dressed until I was a teen and my mother had remarried when I was 12.

[Chari]

I recall my mother was very controlling, demanding, and uncaring! As a child about 4 years old, I thought I was being good, but mother always thought differently and punished me by forcing me to wear frilly aprons and "help her". Then came my older sisters short dresses, slips, lacy white knee socks, & black shinny T strap shoes. Finally mother required I always wear little girl silk and lace panties. At age 5, mother demanded I learn to do ALL the housecleaning, washing-drying dishes, laundry, scrubbing floors, sweeping, polishing furniture, & ironing & folding clothes. Everything had to be white gloove inspected by her & done over until it passed her approval. I had no time for play - only chores and schoolwork. Every year got worse thru my mid teen years. By then I had very little self worth and many years of humiliation. Wonder if these events are the reason I CD today.

[DemonicDaughter]

I was raised by my controlling father from three to sixteen when I finally couldn't take it anymore and moved out. My parents actually broke up when I was two and my mother moved my four brothers and I to Texas. Roughly a year later, my father shows up and decides he wants to be "Dad of the Year". Well, very long story short... he kidnapped one of my brothers (his favorite) and myself (because I was my mother's only girl - my sister is from my father's first marriage).

I had no idea why we moved so much as children, why we were always being kept in the house at times or would suddenly be woken up to sleep in a neighbors or relatives house. I was told my mother was mentally ill and wanted nothing to do with me.

I found out differently at thirteen when I discovered a letter my father had written my mother just a short while after taking us. In it he stated that he did it out of revenge and thought he could force her to come back to him. That raising me (not my brother and I, just ME) was too difficult and that I was nothing but a constant reminder to him of her.

I was forced to live a very non-feminine life and though I love being a tomboy, I really could have used a mother during those special times as a little girl.

Though my father wasn't physically abusive, he was mentally. He displays a lot of personality traits of a controlling spouse. Think along the lines of "Sleeping with the Enemy" sort of thing. Yes, at times, that creepy.

I left at sixteen and we didn't speak again till I was 19. Since then its been the endless cycle of violation then apology with him. I have as little to do with him as humanly possible.

[KayR]

Reading the responses made me weep. There have been hard times for many of us, haven't there?
Still, the overwhelming feeling that comes across is of acceptance and understanding. I've encountered this with many CD's. It is perhaps this aspect of our "feminine side" which enables us to accept the unacceptable and bear the unbearable. This is a very humbling thread.

[Syndi]

Yeah, my Mom and Dad separated when I was 9. I didn't start getting into crossdressing till I was 11.

[srinn]

My parents broke up when my age was a 1 digit. It didn't have much influence on me and I don't think it has anything to do with my crossdressing.

[RobertaFermina]

My parents divorced and my mother left at my age of 3+.

I was raised mostly by foster-parents.

Strict ones at first, then a few young couples...those didn't last long, and finally a down-home couple with easygoing midwest sensibilities.

I learned a work ethic, and what an "emotionally cold and competitive" foster-home among 4 siblings and 2 foster-brothers could be like, and I got to live like an only child for about 6 years to complete high-school and enter college.

My CDing is fueled more by my yearning to presence the beauty of my mother and sister, both ravaged by neglectful and abusive spouses/(step)Fathers.

The beauty of the most noble women in my family has been lost to them due to the crushing pressure of abuse, neglect, and their dysfunctional adaptation and survival responses.

At least, in Roberta, and my memories, and some private recesses of their souls, their glory lives on.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Stormgirl]

My mother died from complications of breast cancer when I was 13. Does that count as a broken home? Grew up as the only child and had only my father around, so I guess that is why I express resentment towards females for the most part.

[Rachaelb64]

My father left when I was 3months old. We got on on later in life until he died nearly 4 years ago now.

But I think my turning point was when my older brother went to live with my Dad and Stepmother when I was 6/7 years old.

This left me with my Mum and Stepdad and younger half-brother, and start feeling like an outsider, my crossdressing desires started a couple of years after this.

[jackie_p]

Reading the responses made me weep. There have been hard times for many of us, haven't there?
...

Kay:

I agree, it seems many have varied reasons for what we do. But I would just like to say that I think you are all beautiful people. When I listen to the evening news its not hard to realize that many people have much more destructive outlets for there problems. In our case, I think we not only have a harmless outlet but one that make us stronger, more understanding people.

God bless you all.

[KellyCD]

I came from a broken home as well....father went to prison for murder(no joke), mother was very physically and verbally abusive.

Now I'm married to a girl who is verbally and emotionally abusive...good freaking times.

[TxKimberly]

Morning Ladies:

I'm relatively new here so sorry for the nature of the post or if it covers old ground...

My father left when I was 6 and I started crossdressing around 9. Now my father was always around and still took care of us but I have wondered off and on whether my crossdressing wasn't somehow related to wanting to be more like my mother and less like my father?

Anyone else ever questions this?

Sincerely;
Jackie


Jackie,

Yes, my story is much like yours, and yes, there is no question in my mind that part of my motivation was the respect for the women that took care of me and disgust at the men that didn't. Somewhere on the forum I posted my entire story years ago. It will bore the hell outta you but gives some of the details related to your question.

It turned out all right in the end I guess - I may wear dresses but I still turned into a better man than any of those guys were. :-)

[Phyliss]

If by "broken" you mean divorce, or desertion, then no it wasn't a "broken" home. However, my mom died when I was 9. Now I had been off and on doing the "Sears catalog" looking thing for awhile by then, but to actually "wear something was beyond my wildest dreams. After she passed, Dad didn't cleanout her things, kinda kept it as sort of a "shrine" to her. Coming home after school and being alone for 2 hours, (one of the original "latchkey kids" from 1954) I had chances to "explore" Spent many an hour sitting in front of her dresser missing her and just staring at her things, never daring to touch anything. Her fragrence lingered in my mind. Over time I realized I could no longer smell it and something inside of me figured that if I moved her clothes around it might stir up some fresh scent. Reaching into a drawer I touched something soft and made of nylon. My world as I knew it was changed forever at that instant.

Scared, frightened, revolted, disgusted, embarrassed, intrigued, fascinated, compelled, delighted. You name it, I've felt it.

Today I am "satisfied" , will I want more tomorrow? Perhaps, perhaps not. Did her death "cause" my CDing? I don't know, neither does my therapist. We did figure out that "life stress" in my case, does contribute to my "dressing" more often.

[DemonicDaughter]

My mother died from complications of breast cancer when I was 13. Does that count as a broken home? Grew up as the only child and had only my father around, so I guess that is why I express resentment towards females for the most part.

At least you have an idea where it comes from. I was very resentful towards males in my teens and very early twenties. I ended up marrying a man much like my father. When we divorced I realized that I could not blame every male, just those that inflicted pain on me. I learned to channel a lot of my anger but there are times when I still have issues with men that act (and I mean ACT) overly "macho".


I came from a broken home as well....father went to prison for murder(no joke), mother was very physically and verbally abusive.

Now I'm married to a girl who is verbally and emotionally abusive...good freaking times.

As just stated above, we tend to stick with what we know. Most people of abusive childhoods will end up in at least one abusive relationship. Most of us marry someone similar to our original abuser. So sad. :(

[Sheena Pink]

Bre and I both come from broken families with abusive father figures. Some of the history that she lived though is heartbreaking.
We had to learn how to have a functioning relationship while we were growing up (we met when I was 16, I moved out from my mom's at 17). We had to learn how to love ( I don't mean sexually, that came easy), since we weren't taught anything about that.
Thank heavens we made it. I have my best friend/ girlfriend as well as husband. :love:
Effective communication was a essential, but hard one to learn.

I read on a CD website that a large percentage of CDers came from broken homes, with something like 45% of the gurls having at least 1 parent with mental illness. Most grew up with their moms.
Interesting.

[sandra-leigh]

My family did a lot of fun and interesting things together, until my father died (disease) when I was 13. We stuck together closely after that -- we needed each other, and we all chipped in. My first crossdressing experiments were in my teens, and they were "I wonder what it is like to be a woman, to be treated as a woman?" experiments, not "I should have been a woman." Even back then I didn't think of "crossdressing" as such; I didn't think of it until I was in my early 40's and it was very sudden for me (though thinking back I can see that I was increasingly leading up to it in the few years before my sudden revelation.)

[KellyCD]

As just stated above, we tend to stick with what we know. Most people of abusive childhoods will end up in at least one abusive relationship. Most of us marry someone similar to our original abuser. So sad. :(


Yes it is, sometimes my wife acts EXACTLY like my mother. It makes me sick.

Although I am NOT like my father at all. My mother cheated on him and he killed the guy she slept with. When my wife cheated on me I didn't even yell at her much less kill the guy.

[easyCD]

Morning Ladies:

I'm relatively new here so sorry for the nature of the post or if it covers old ground...

My father left when I was 6 and I started crossdressing around 9. Now my father was always around and still took care of us but I have wondered off and on whether my crossdressing wasn't somehow related to wanting to be more like my mother and less like my father?

Anyone else ever questions this?

Sincerely;
Jackie

Totally, although in my case they both split (in separate directions). I guess that's what you'd call total abandonment. But just before that traumatic event, I witnessed them wife-swapping. My 13 year-old imagination thus fired up to a fever pitch, I delved into my Mom's underwear drawer. The rest, as they say, is history.

[Bonnie D]

My parents were very good people.

My father was conservative minded, was in the Canadian military starting from near the end of WWII until he retired. He was very calm, difficult to anger even though he might disagree, and even when he did get angry it was never physical. He worked shift work so he was not always home. He also liked to drink but nothing seriously.

My mother was liberal minded, was a teacher, and was the disciplinarian in the household. She was easy to anger but it came out verbally. She didn't like my father coming home from the club after having too many beers. Arguments arose but nothing serious.

I am the eldest of four boys. I began dressing at age 11 in my mother's clothes when no one was home, which was rare. I have never stopped.

My parents were both good looking and made a handsome couple when they were all dressed up to go out with friends to a party or dinner. I loved how my mother looked and would sometimes see her when she was partially dressed before these events. I wanted to dress like her. My father looked good too but I wanted to look like her.

I always paid more attention to the women in television programs, movies and all around. I wanted so much to be one.

My parents eventually divorced because of my father's drinking but that wasn't unitl I was about 17 or 18 years old.

My point here is that I don't think it was my upbringing that caused me to be transgender and my brothers and I had the same upbringing with me being the only one with gender dysphoria.

Bonnie

[Alandra]

I most definitely come from a broken home. My parents separated when I was 4 and divorced when I was 5. It was a bitter, nasty affair. In many respects "the divorce" is still alive and well with the bickering & political maneuvering and all of that. Makes me sick. Pisses me off. But that's a whole different discussion.

I remember the first time I dressed I was about 7 or 8 (going into 3rd grade? Something in there). This was 3 years after the most serious drama of the divorce blew over. One twist: My mom was irresponsible & erratic enough where my dad was awarded custody of my brother & I. So even though I grew up in a "broken home", it was my mother who was absent.

I once heard Dr. Drew talk about CD on Loveline. He said he was no expert in the field, but suggested that boys who grow up without a mother or a powerful female influence in their lives will often get into CD. They are attempting to be the female force that they lack. I don't know if I subscribe to this theory, but thought I'd throw it out there for consideration. I've never heard anyone on this forum bring it up before.