Question for CD's who have told others.

[Gemma Rhodes]

This has probally been asked before but I was just wondering how you told others about your CDing.

I have told quite a lot of my family and friends and basically I just said I needed to tell them something and hoped they would understand. I then showed them a set of photos I have from a photoshoot I had done and said "believe it or not thats me, I'm a transvestite". Obviously most had a few questions which I quickly assured them about and luckily so far all are now accepting of this side of me.

I have heard stories of CD's just turning up at family/friends houses dressed or invited them round to theirs houses and answering the door dressed and I have even heard of 1 CD who turned up at work dressed once when none of her work colleagues knew.

So, how did YOU tell family and friends.

[Melora]

Cool! Lucky you! It sounds like all of your dice have fallen the right way.. :)
Please live it out, and enjoy..

[Gemma Rhodes]

Thanks Melora, I realise I seem to be one of the lucky ones but it did take me nearly 40 years to pluck up the courage to start telling people as bottling it up was driving me mad. I did choose the people I told very carefully. We are a very close family and their reaction just showed how much they must really love me. I did have one dodgy reaction at the time from a friend I told but he now seems ok.

[Marvina Martian]

Funny, I take the exact same approach as you have. I always carry pics in my wallet...;)

[Andine]

I'm happy to tell people whom I think have some affinity for it. Most ladies take it as a compliment!
The troops at the salvos Op shop know I get ladies clothes , so I show them photos from parties etc .... This come back as positive help from them!
I now get to take stuff home to try at my leasure, and bring back if I don't like it or it doesn't fit.

My friends are still my friends and recognise that I have a need, and feel mildly flattered if I want to share with them. There are a few people, who I know would have a problem with me dressing, but it is their problem, and I don't give a Rotund Rodents Rectum!!
My recent 5 days at the Sydney Mardi Gras was wonderfull, and most of the gays in the area ( who are switched on ) made me as a guy, and were very supportive and friendly. I had breakfast with a lady down there to go to the Opera , and she had no idea! That was a buzz as well!

Regards

[Princess29]

I have used the same method as you Gemma, just basically show a picture or two and then sit back and answer any questions

[Lisa Golightly]

When I was on my CD phase I just told them... then showed some photos. My TS phase was a bit different.

[Gemma Rhodes]

When I was on my CD phase I just told them... then showed some photos. My TS phase was a bit different.

I can understand that Lisa. Thats a question I'm asked often, "Do you want to be a woman then?" but I know now that I am only a CD/TV and have no real desire to become a woman, I just enjoy the whole experience of expressing my feminine side.

I understand for some people they have no choice but to transition and I admire and respect them.

Hope you are ok Lisa and all is going well for you. Its good to see you again.

Take care,

Gemma

xxx

[Lisa Golightly]

IHope you are ok Lisa and all is going well for you. Its good to see you again.

Hey Gems...

Yeah I'm doing alright... Still laughing at the male to boob eye contact ratio... Very happy... Hope you are too now you're home. ;)

[LACD]

Gemma it sounds like you are indeed in a very good part of your life. So far only my wife knows. We have been married 34 years and I fully came out to her about 3 years ago. My 2 sons and others in our family still don't know about my "good" side.(?) I have been dressing all my life and it is a great relief to vome to terms with my wife. She is very supportive, but still has the fears of me leaving, wanting a man etc. I am heterosexual but love to dress and express my fem side. She helps me shop and lately we have been trying out make-up together as neither one of us has a lot of experience with it. One day I hope to go out dressed and enjoy the world in the way I want to. Until then, my house is my closet. Thanks for letting me run on. Love to all sisters out there and may you enjoy your time on earth.

[Gemma Rhodes]

Hey Gems...

Yeah I'm doing alright... Still laughing at the male to boob eye contact ratio... Very happy... Hope you are too now you're home. ;)]

Good to hear that Lisa. I'm not doing too bad, starting to get back to my old self again. Hoping to get out and about again soon but at the mo can't wear my wig cos the wound on my head is still healing.


Gemma it sounds like you are indeed in a very good part of your life.

She most definately is after going away for a while last year.


She is very supportive, but still has the fears of me leaving, wanting a man etc. I am heterosexual but love to dress and express my fem side.

Exactly the same as me. There is such a big misunderstanding towards us and although societys attitude is slowly changing for the better it will be a long time until we are totally accepted, if ever.


One day I hope to go out dressed and enjoy the world in the way I want to. Until then, my house is my closet.

I hope you do eventually manage to make it out as it is such an amazing feeling. I have been out many times now to pubs, clubs, shopping etc and not had any real problems. In fact I often get a bit disappointed that people don't look as me, they just don't seem to notice. I can't describe how good it feels but just be warned it is very addictive and once you finally do get out you will want to do it over and over again. Good luck and love to you both, your wife sounds like a very nice lady.

Gemma

xxx

[Dawn D.]

Gemma, to answer your question. Of course the first one told was my wife. I have a tendancy to use the written form of communication rather than oral. I seem to get my message across better, as I have found. Still it took two letters to her to get it to make some sense of what she was up against. She gradually began to get to a level of comfort in which she could accept me presenting en femme. It has been an up and down experience. And not all because of her. Some of the down side I brought on my self (that is another couple of stories). Though, now we seem to be getting a good handle on things, we're making trips out together and she is not nearly as nervous in doing so.

As for others knowing, I have told my daughter and her husband, my son, Mother, sister-in-law, one close GG friend and of course my therapist and my doctor. All of them, with the exception of my son, I just sat down and told them the news. All have taken the issue very well (big surprise to me). Each time I told someone, I was only en drab. My son was kind a special case. He is a very emotional person and it took a long time for me to figure out quite how to do it. Initially I had no plans to tell him, though at the urging of my Wife and her sister, I devised the plan. I wrote him a twelve page letter explaining how I felt that I had led him on a wrong path in his raising. Based on how I was raised and how I could never quite figure out why I felt just the opposite of my upbringing, and eventually moving on to disclose my T/G issues. Anyway, in giving him the letter, I asked my Wife to sit in with us and be a post of reinforcement for him in case he starts having difficulties in realizing what he's being told. As it turned out we all breathed a big sigh of relief when at the end of his reading, he said that it all made sense, though he felt it was going to take some time to actually accept what I had told him. His only real concern was that he did not want to lose his father.

I have a close circle of friends and I intend to inform them of my situation. That will start next month. They each will get an individually written letter from me to read in my presence. Then if they wish to have a Q&A afterwards that will be fine. Once done and no matter the outcome, the letter does not leave with them. I'm doing this because, in the future, I will be out in public in our community. Much more openly and often than i am now. I do not want anyone that I know personally, be it a family member or close friend, to hear and believe half baked rumors or be caught off guard by what their told from some who may recognize me.

Anyway, it seems to be working for me. Right now the one who is having the hardest time is my Mother. I need to spend some time with her and go over the whole concept once more. I hope this is what your looking for in an answer.



Dawn

[Eugenie]

So, how did YOU tell family and friends.

I did pretty much as you did:

basically I just said I needed to tell them something and hoped they would understand..
Depending upon the person I was telling, I added "I hope that you won't laugh at me..." ore in other cases "I have someting to telle you that I only accepted myself enough to tell others."

In all cases, I told them that I felt it was important that they should know because I respected them and didn't feel like lying to them anymore by hiding it.

I don't think it such a good strategy to do a coming out by showing up all dressed and made up. But that's my point of view...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[TSchapes]

But I did manage to think of the worst way to let everyone know:

62863
62864

Quick, Cheap and Traumatic! :heehee:

[Bootsiegalore]

Only my wife aand sister know. I would like to tell more and dress more but I am afraid or the reactions of others. Therefore I remain House bound (rather than - closeted)

Tara
bootsiegalore@yahoo.com

[lmildcd]

I only told my friend, a female coworker who I am now seeing, and a group that I belong on Yahoo. I just came out and said it. All are fine with it. I only dress when I am alone and down in the dumps. Doubtful if I ever dress in front of anybody.

[Gemma Rhodes]

I just sat down and told them the news. All have taken the issue very well (big surprise to me). Each time I told someone, I was only en drab.

Dawn, thank you for such a nice well thought out reply to my question. I hope you don't mind but I have just picked out a few parts that ring so true with me. This first part was exactly the same reaction I got and as you I was very surprised as I as so worried I would be disowned by my family. I too was always in drab when I broke the news but I have a set of photos from a photoshoot I had and I always have these on me to show people.



I have a close circle of friends and I intend to inform them of my situation. That will start next month. They each will get an individually written letter from me to read in my presence. Then if they wish to have a Q&A afterwards that will be fine. Once done and no matter the outcome, the letter does not leave with them. I'm doing this because, in the future, I will be out in public in our community. Much more openly and often than i am now. I do not want anyone that I know personally, be it a family member or close friend, to hear and believe half baked rumors or be caught off guard by what their told from some who may recognize me.

This is similar to my approach. I never gave any letters but everyone I have told be it a family member or friend I have asked them not to tell anyone else as this is a very personal thing and I will decide who to tell and when and I don't want anyone hearing about this via the grapevine where I would not be able to answer their questions and reassure them of certain myths about what I do. So far it seems that all have stuck to their word too.


Anyway, it seems to be working for me. Right now the one who is having the hardest time is my Mother. I need to spend some time with her and go over the whole concept once more.


My mother too is the only one who has not totally accepted Gemma into our family. She knows about this side of me and after a few tears when I told her said that if it made me happy then that was the main thing, but she has made it clear that although she knows about my dressing, she didn't want to see me dressed. It is getting on for 3 years since I told her and so far I have respected her wishes even though I would love her to meet Gemma as everyone else who knows say I am a much nicer person en femme than I am in drab.

Take care Dawn and I hope in the future you find happiness and contentment.

Much love,

Gemma

xx

[Carroll]

I have told a great deal of people at work. Most are girls but a few guys also. I have had no bad comments or reacts. Since I am a joker sometimes at work, some people tend not the believe me when I tell them. Thats when the wallet comes out. "Oh My!, thats YOU?"

Carroll

[DAVIDA]

Well, as you know, different approaches for different people. I have told people and shown pictures. I told my mother because I needed a skirt hemed. Both of my sisters know.
We have one friend that called and said that he was on his way over. I was dressed at the time and did not change. I told him to be ready for a shock. He just said that all that he could think of was that Jean and I were getting divorced! He visits one or two times a week and now I don't have to change when he does.
I DO NOT recommend this type of revelation though!

[Amy Hepker]

I guess that would be a great way to tell people. I have always just come right out and told them. Well, some of them. I still have not told my three sisters. I did tell one of my friends and I thought he would not understand, but you know what?? He is probably more accepting that most and I though he would be the one not to understand. We are still really good friends too. He is straight but understands. That is the funny thing about him he always seems to understand a lot of things.

[mishelle379]

yes Ive told my friends, u find out who your true friends r

[TSchapes]

I've told friends with or without pictures. I have found the most important thing about outing yourself is finding our where their head is first. If you think the person will not react well, pictures can be an intrusion into their space and comfort zone. If you know the person is receptive to other lifestyles, you don't need the pictures. Also, once you have told someone, you have to find out if they want to know more about the topic or not.

When I was younger and had come out to a friend, I thought is was so cool that every time I saw them I had to mention something about my CDing. After just so long, my friend just said, "I'm glad you have found yourself, and that's fine, but I don't have any interest in your CDing." "So, if you want to keep me as a friend, can you talk about something else?"

I think pictures and showing up at someone's doorstop is not a sensitive way of handling it. Whenever someone was incredulous about the fact that I was a CD, I would say, "remind me to show you some pictures sometime". And left it at that.