How Do You Come to Terms with Your Past?

[DonnaT]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0knCFktUihM

[Kieron Andrew]

Yup! Charles is a great Vlogger :D

http://jenniferboylan.net/ heres jennifer's site

[Adam]

I dont deal with my past whats there to deal with i mean i did nothing as a kid that would make me slip up when talking about my past and my family always have pics of me around the house when i was a kid i have not and will not ask them to remove them.

I am lucky because i dont care what my past was im makeing my futre what i want it to be

[ZenFrost]

I just have to live with it. I can't change the past but neither can I ignore it, so I just have to move forward and accept things the way they are.

[DanielMacBride]

I am completely open about My past and I have learned to more or less embrace it, so I have no reason to hide or deny it. It is where I have come from and it is what has made Me who I am. I still have pictures of My youngest son and I literally moments after he was born at home up on My wall, and My kids all still call Me Mum because that is what they are used to and after all, it IS what I am and always will be :) And I have no qualms about showing people pics of Me before I realised I was trans, either - these days I have a good chuckle at My attempts to be a girl and it's all good :)

Granted, the person in My past is not who I am, but it is where I was at the time and I will not pretend otherwise, because to do so would mean I was being dishonest with Myself about My life, and I won't do that any more. I don't have a lot of good memories of life before realising I was trans, but it serves as a reminder to Me of how far I have come and how much I have grown and evolved, and to continue to do so.

Daniel

[Kieron Andrew]

my past and my future are entwined and will be forever, as for 'coming to terms with it?' there is nothing 'to coming to terms with', having to live as 'she' is what made 'him' stronger...so i feel i need to embrace the past to accept the future and thats what makes me proud of being a Transman.....i just live each day as it comes...no regrets, no 'having' to come to terms with anything

[Cai]

my past and my future are entwined and will be forever, as for 'coming to terms with it?' there is nothing 'to coming to terms with', having to live as 'she' is what made 'him' stronger...so i feel i need to embrace the past to accept the future and thats what makes me proud of being a Transman.....i just live each day as it comes...no regrets, no 'having' to come to terms with anything

:yt:

That's exactly how I feel, Kieron.

[SirTrey]

For whatever reason, the past is what it is....and nothing can change it....given the opportunity to change it, I couldn't because I have three wonderful kids and a beautiful granddaughter....If I changed the past, I would have to not have them....and I wouldn't trade them for anything....I don't like to think about some things in My past....and I did a fair amount of saying goodbye to it as I moved forward in My transition...Transitioning has changed some things in My life that I wish wouldn't have had to change...Not things about Me, but relationships that have changed not for the better because of non-acceptance of Me being trans....In some ways, those relationships were better in the past, but I now see that that was an illusion on some level because I am still here, still the same person I always was...but now that My appearance is changing, the relationships have changed, too....and I don't see why changing My appearance and gender expression (not My gender, I have always been male, whether people realized that or not) should suddenly make Me unlovable to people who supposedly loved Me for Me....No idea if anyone gets what I am saying here....but the answer to the question is yes, I have come to terms with My past....and am moving forward better than ever. :) but that does come at a price sometimes. I, however, feel that price is worth it. :drink:

[CaptLex]

Thanks for the link, Donna. :thumbsup: Great questions there - am I going to be haunted by my former self? Does it make me angry that I didn't have a male childhood? How would this affect my social/love life? I think it's definitely stuff we should ask ourselves, even if we don't have issues with our past.

The way I see it, we all have a past - whether or not we're trans and whether or not we transition. We all "transition" from a young child to a young person to an older person and we change anyway, regardless of trans issues. And it's the past that molds who we become. The lessons we learn as youngsters help shape us in to adults, even if we choose to put things behind us and not revisit them.

I believe that transmen don't have to feel they should be or strive to be exactly like genetic men. We have different experiences growing up, but different doesn't equal bad - they're just different. Like a lot of the guys here, I feel that my growing up female has shaped me into a certain person (not male, not female, just person), and that's what matters to me.

Basically, I'm still me - the main difference is that people now see "something else" when they look at me. But if they bother to look beneath the surface, they'll still see the same goofy person I've always been. And that's what I hope they like or don't like - not my past, not my appearance. I am who I am because of my past and I'm cool with that.

From what I've read, not too long ago gender counselors would advice us not to reveal our past to anyone, and I can imagine this must have really caused some pain (it would for me). I'm not saying we should broadcast it to all we meet, but I'm glad that's no longer seen as necessary for transition. How else am I going to be able to help another person like me coming along if I don't open myself up to people?