How do you explain to people that you are not gay.

[SweetCaroline]

Wihout sounding Homophobic.

I'm not interested in sexual relations with men, I'm not eveen BI. I like girls,

Yet I always feel bad when I first tell people I'm Trans that I make sure they they know I'm not gay or interesed in men, or male bodies.

Oh well, I hope you understand.

Caroline

[Deborah Jane]

I just say.."I,m not gay"!!
I don,t feel the need to explain it.

[Valeria]

Wihout sounding Homophobic.

I'm not interested in sexual relations with men, I'm not eveen BI. I like girls,

Yet I always feel bad when I first tell people I'm Trans that I make sure they they know I'm not gay or interesed in men, or male bodies.
Well, I *am* gay - I'm a lesbian trans woman with a lesbian life partner.

I'm not sure you can say "I'm not gay - I like <fill in the blank>!" when you first meet someone without sometimes sounding homophobic. If you bring it up out of the blue, as like the third sentence in the conversation, some people are going to think at the least that you are strangely defensive about the possibilty of being perceived that way.

But then, I sometimes let people know pretty quickly that I'm lesbian, because I'm tired of people asking questions about my "husband", or assuming that my lover and I are sisters.

[deja true]

I don't think I'd bother volunteering anything about orientation unless it came up as part of a longer conversation. But in an introduction, nah!

[Joy Carter]

If their wife is standing by, grab her in your arms, and plant a big wet one on her lips. If that don't convince em..................................:heehee:

[bridget thronton]

I would explain that I have a life partner (and it should not matter what his or her gender is)

[Kate Simmons]

Simple, I don't.:)

[Amy Hepker]

I am not Gay!

[MarinaTwelve200]

I ask what they think "gay" means---and ridicule their lack of knowledge when they somehow connect it to CD----I then quickly follow up with how illogical the gay/CD connection is (when you think about it, why would guys interested in other gay men want to look like women?) and how it is a HETRO thing.

[Phyliss]

The few times I've been asked "THAT" question,... "Are you gay?" my usual wiseguy answer is , "No, but I am happy" let 'em figure what they will.

[monika40]

I have been asked if I like men. My answer was, "no, I really like women."
No problem.:hugs:

[Samantha43]

Most people have pre-conceived notions about crossdressers. Probably the biggest one is that we are all gay. Why would a straight man want to dress as a woman? I can't even answer that, and I am a straight guy that has been crossdressing for over 30 years. I am happily in the closet, so thankfully I don't have to answer those questions.

[dee anne]

It is just ignorant people who are narrow minded who jump to those conclusions. we live in a country that allows you to express yourself any way you want as long as it does not hurt others. Dressing is fun and interestin to see how good you can look. Men do not have that. just look in a shoe store,
9 rows of womens shoes and 2 of mens. Girls have it made with all the choices they have. Any how none of that has any thing to do with sexual orientation.
This from a girl who is on dressing overdrive this weekend.

Dee anne

[shirley1]

maybe its just possibly because they think a guy wanting to look like a women must be wanting to attract men ! totally ignorant people will think this ! but unfortunately theres far too many of them about

[victoriamwilliams1]

I say I like girls. Now I have been flirted with on myspace with men who knew I was a CD/TG and they get the message when I say I am in a very committed relationship and I like girls. However a few say my husband is a lucky man:eek:!

[ReginaS]

I get that questions too; sadly I think it primarily comes from ignorant people who lump everyone who is anywhere outside the 'majority' or 'ruling' class (straight, nonTG, etc.) and see us all as sexual deviants to be feared or reviled or both. We are not, nor are homosexuals, anything but brave enough to be ourselves.
The idea of gender is socially constructed. I have traits that fall into what society considers to be different from my biological gender that I sometimes express outwardly (I love to be seen as pretty!). Some people are born so that they are attracted to persons of the same biological gender. I identify with people who are gay because I too seem to have something about me that is deeply a part of me and nothing can change that and when I express it outardly (being true to myself) I am sometimes ridiculed or rejected or even put in danger; similar to the plight of homosexuals who are true to themselves.
I think I ranted all this to say that it angers me when people assume I am gay not because I have any problem with homosexuality but that I have a problem with people lumping everyone who is outside of the 'norm' together, with the implication being that there is something wrong with all of us. When I am in the right (or wrong) mood, and depending on who is asking, I sometimes reply by saying something extremely ridiculous to make a point: "I am not gay but I wish I was because statistics show that most child molesters are heterosexual and I hate being lumped in with a group like that."

[Sonia Kiss]

In a year or so of going out almost every night, I really think it's been very rare that I've had to clear up an erroneous assumption about my personal sexual orientation.

Oh, I've had people call me gay or some derogatory equivalent as an insult or expression of disgust, but in those cases the person is making no attempt at conversation and I'm quite sure they would be no less disgusted with me knowing anything about my sexual orientation one way or another.

I've also had people, making friendly conversation with me, reveal their assumption that all crossdressers are gay. I always enjoy these conversations where people are simply curious and are receptive to learning a few new things.

And then in a number of situations, I've had people just come right out and ask me if I'm gay. How perfect is that, that a person knows not to make assumptions, and also feels secure enough to ask this simple question?

But a friendly conversation with a stranger where they ask something like, "have you always been gay?" Hardly ever happens.

Oh, ok. To answer your question of how I explain, if the subject is all crossdressers, I say we can have any sexual orientation, and that probably most consider themselves heterosexual, in that they are attracted to women. I say that many are happily married, that often the wife knows, that often the wife is supportive. Then I like offering the theory that crossdressers are often intensely attracted to femininity, which can explain both their desire to dress and their attraction to other women.

[Nicki B]

I like girls

Well - why not just tell them that, then?

But surely it's only necessary when they come on to you?


A t-girl this evening kept telling me how 'attractive' I was (seriously? In this sodden weather, I looked that something the cat had brought in) - I just pointed to my ring and told her I was happily married?


When you're presenting as female, hetero/homo surely starts to get a bit blurred, anyway... :heehee:

[vivianann]

Since I have been out in public enfemme I get asked if I am gay quite often, I am glad they ask because it gives me an opportunity to educate them about crossdressing and the fact that most crossdressers are heterosexual, and I tell peaple that I am attracted to women only whether I am dressed as a man or a woman, of course many more questions get asked about crossdressing, and I have no problems answering their questions, for the most part peaple seam to have a better understanding, and lately peaple seem to know someone who crossdress, but they do not know why they crossdress, so I have helped to answer peaples curiousities about crossdressing. if someone asks if you are gay do not take offense, just answer no I am heterosexual and I like women only no matter how I am dressed. Peaple will listen if you explain it to them.:2c:

[Samantha B L]

I'm an m to f hetero cd'r and I've had problems a few times telling certain people that I'm not gay. There's nothing the matter with being gay. I have some cousins who are gay and lesbian. But I've never been sexually attracted to other guys.

[CaptLex]

Oh well, I hope you understand.
Not really, Caroline. :thinking:

I can understand if someone asks you if you are, but it sounds like you volunteer the information (unasked) as soon as you come out as trans . . . because you "feel bad"? That I don't get. I think you should ask yourself why you feel the need to do that automatically. :raisedeyebrow:

[Valeria]

I can understand if someone asks you if you are, but it sounds like you volunteer the information (unasked) as soon as you come out as trans . . . because you "feel bad"? That I don't get. I think you should ask yourself why you feel the need to do that automatically. :raisedeyebrow:
That was my impression also.

[1950sclothes]

People who aren't cross dressers think a man in a skirt is gay or bisexual. I'm far from it. I love women. I am not gay.

I really don't know why I dress, but I need to. I bought this lovely pink top today. And some make up. But I am stilll not a 'queer'. I just like looking and feeling good as a 'woman'. :)

[bEEb]

And.... Don't forget to qualify it ....
With...
"Not that there is any thing wrong with that"

[Teresa Amina]

Haven't been asked yet but I'm sure people think it. So What? It goes with the territory, just another one of those "skin thickener" situations.

[Angie G]

Why must you. If they ask just say I'm not If they don't ask don't worry about it. I don't and I'm not. There Are worst thing they could think of you. :hugs:
Angie

[MarinaTwelve200]

Most people have pre-conceived notions about crossdressers. Probably the biggest one is that we are all gay. Why would a straight man want to dress as a woman? I can't even answer that, and I am a straight guy that has been crossdressing for over 30 years. I am happily in the closet, so thankfully I don't have to answer those questions.

I can't understand why a GAY guy would want to dress as a woman. I mean men and "man things' is what is what they respond to and is what is supposed to turn them on.

While a bit odd sounding, it seems that hetro guys would be more likely to CD, as they are attracted to women and women's things, and stuff associated with the objects of their desire (women) would be more meaningful to them.

Yet inthe actual REAL world it SEEMS as if CDing is big with gays and most DQs turn out to be gay. some 'facts" and observations we take for granted, just don't jive.

[QZ2]

Among all the men in this world a certain percentage are gay. Among all the crossdressers the percentage is about the same I would think. Like most of us, I am not attracted to guys but immensely attracted to females and femininity.

I don't want to be a girl, I just want to play girl

Love, Susie

[susan2010]

At this point, when I meet other cders., I don't bring up the subject unless:
a. someone else does first
b. someone asks
c. I'm telling my life story
d. I suspect a gm is hitting on me.

[Kayla Shadows]

I agree with everybody.Just saying,Im not gay,is the easiest way to explain it.Just be you and dont worry so much.

[Sinthia]

Only once, and that was a SA in a costume shop. The girl said 'You don't look like one of them'! I proudly said 'I'm not gay, I just like to wear panties and bras'. She smiled and said . . . 'Oh'!

[Magickman]

Explaining is too much work.

If the questioner is a woman, I offer to demonstrate my heterosexuality.

[DawnRodgers]

I just reply that I am totally heterosexual and let them figure out what that means.

[JennyS.]

I don't consider myself gay, at all. I am just a fella that enjoys the femme side of himself. However, while I'm dressed I would like to know what it really feels like being a woman. When I'm at work or with other people, I rarely think about it.

[Nicki B]

Why DO you need to explain?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=78960

[sputnik]

Just say straight up, "I'm not gay.".

Depending on who's doing the asking, and my mood, I'm as like to respond with, "No, sorry, I'm a lesbian.".

[JoAnnDallas]

Every once in a while, I will have another customer at the nail salon I goto, ask or make a comment that implies that I am Gay. I smile and tell them that I am not Gay, I am Transgendered. The two times that this has happened, both times the GG that asked or make the comment, then treated me like a girlfriend after that.

[lestiforget]

The few times I've been asked "THAT" question,... "Are you gay?" my usual wiseguy answer is , "No, but I am happy" let 'em figure what they will.

:lol:
Thanks, I needed that.

[jennifer41356]

I just say.."I,m not gay"!!
I don,t feel the need to explain it.

:iagree::werd::D

[Eugenie]

How do you explain to people that you are not gay.

Why does it matter to so many x-dressers that they may be considered Gays?

Actually, being gay seems to be more acceptable to the general public than being a x-dresser.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[RobertaFermina]

"I am not Gay yet!"

:rose: Oh well...tomorrow IS another day ! :rose:

[Kimmie]

Wihout sounding Homophobic.

I'm not interested in sexual relations with men, I'm not eveen BI. I like girls,

Yet I always feel bad when I first tell people I'm Trans that I make sure they they know I'm not gay or interesed in men, or male bodies.

Oh well, I hope you understand.

Caroline

I don't think you need to feel guilty about expressing your sexuality when out en femme or discussing crossdressing. You are telling somebody about a lifestyles that there is alot of stereotyping. You are but merely offering a clairfying detail about yourself no different than what many t-girls put on the "about me" section on their myspace page.

I hope thats helpful

[satin_luva]

People who think CDs are all gay need to read up about it (Crossdressing).
Remember, a lot of people who are quick to point the finger at people who they think are gay do it sub consciously because they have questions about their own sexuality and sex life. In other words they think they might be a bit queer.