Does your demeanor change when dressed?

[Kate Simmons]

We talk about deportment and walking like a woman, we talk about voice lessons, we talk about gestures and other things that would seem to convey more of a feminine image, especially when we go out. I've seen the videos on walking and I had a book on talking but all of this stuff always seemed so convoluted for me and I really never made any conscious effort to go out of my way to do those things in my presentation, yet I always received a lot of compliments from others on how nice I was and even "fooled" a few folks, although never purposely.

It just seemed when I got into the mode there was more to it than simply putting on a dress, wig and makeup and I seemed to naturally "fall into" that mindset without much conscious effort. I think there is much more at work here than we realize. Most of the time I was quite generic with my actions and my voice just seemed to get naturally softer but I think maybe because of the appearance, going with the flow of the feelings was easier, not to mention others being somewhat convinced by the illusion as well.

Many people who first met me as my femme self had different reactions and actually treated me somewhat differently as Rich, even though I acted no differently for the most part. It seems that appearance creates different expectations on both sides and even close friends sometimes acted differently when I was one or the other initially.

It seems somewhat different now since I've integrated all of the feelings and because folks know me for who I am, the mode doesn't matter as much as it did. Before though what I did notice is that there seemed to be a certain "glow" or "presence of being" when I was my femme self as opposed to being my guy self. Vibes? Empathic feelings? Pheromones? Not sure but there was a definate difference, although I always feel that glow nowadays. How does your demeanor change when you are dressed?:)

[Michelle-NC]

My SO would be much better at answering this one than me, but she has constantly told me that I am more relaxed, less stressed when dressing. That is part of the reason why she is so supportive. She can see the joy dressing brings me, and she prefers my mind frame when I have fully accepted that I am a crossdresser.

[victoriamwilliams1]

The longer I stay dress the more my actions tend to go fem, it freaked me out at first but now I just go with the flow and now I am beginning to talk more with the sales associates more.

[MsJanGG]

My SO would be much better at answering this one than me, but she has constantly told me that I am more relaxed, less stressed when dressing. That is part of the reason why she is so supportive. She can see the joy dressing brings me, and she prefers my mind frame when I have fully accepted that I am a crossdresser.

Yes... she is a much different person when dressed.. it is hard to explain though because Michelle is always there, regardless of whether the clothes are fem or not. The times in our marriage when Michelle has been put aside, purged were not good times for our marriage... He without any part of her becomes distant and moody... She is a sweetheart :love: , though a little cheeky at times.. he he still a sweetheart!

:-)

[deja true]

Sal, I think it's more an empathetic thing than anything else.

We are obviously affected by the visual element, by the tactile element, by the olfactory element, etc. And in the same way that a straight guy changes his demeanor when in the company of feminine women, we also are psychologically/socially affected by the nearness of the feminine embellishments. Men become quieter, more polite, less aggressive. So do we with the added element of wanting to voluntarily emulate the feminine style.

(I hesitate to call a hetero male who cross-dresses 'straight', but that's another label problem, isn't it?)

Given our hormonal makeup reinforced by our cultural upbringing, we, as genetic males, cannot help but to respond to the presence of the feminine, whether it's in the form of a person or personal effects.

deja

[Alice B]

Without question I change along with getting dressed. I am more relaxed. less excitable. take more time to observe and digest material and find myself taking on some traits that are not male oriented. I do try to change my walk and practice how a female walks. I do not try to change my voice because there is no need to do so. Who am I going t talk to? The attitude adjustments are observable by my wife afterwards and she has commented on it. I think this is one reason she accepts my dressing, although not a part of it.

[Samantha43]

I agree with most of the other comments made. I am more calm and relaxed as Samantha. The daily stresses of life don't seem to effect me as much. I don't really know if it is because I am showing my softer feminine side or if it is because I am doing something I truly love and enjoy.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with most of the other comments made. I am more calm and relaxed as Samantha. The daily stresses of life don't seem to effect me as much. I don't really know if it is because I am showing my softer feminine side or if it is because I am doing something I truly love and enjoy.I think enjoying it may be one of the keys Samantha. In my case, I've extended the enjoyment factor to both modes in my quest for balancing the feelings, so I always have a good time as either Rich or Sal. For instance when I dance I become one with the music. Initially I could only do that as Sal because I felt I could "get away" with more. Now it really doesn't matter.:)

[Dalece]

I to am more relax as Dalece and I'm more femine dressed than when not even though I still show some femine traits.

[ReginaS]

My GG friends have commented to me several times that I seem "much more relaxed" when en femme.

[1950sclothes]

Dressing calms me. It's like a mild drug so maybe yes. I do tend to drink when dressed so it helps the feeling. :)

[KrissyTN]

I definitely have a different demeanor. I'm much calmer, but also since I tend to smile a whole lot more when dressed it's hard not to have, and present, a much different outlook on life.

Krissy

[Sandra]

Seems to be a bit of a pattern here, more calm and relaxed.

This is one of the first things I noticed about her but when the clothes came off, it was back to being moody. But now that calmness is there all the time and she's more easy going.

[Kate Simmons]

Seems to be a bit of a pattern here, more calm and relaxed.

This is one of the first things I noticed about her but when the clothes came off, it was back to being moody. But now that calmness is there all the time and she's more easy going.Yes Sandra, this is why I asked. It seems that some of us can extend these feelings to our overall selves if we are so inclined to. This is one way integrating these feelings has helped me.:)

[Raychel]

For me Calmer and more relaxed. If there is anything more than that, we may never know, No one has ever seen me dressed to report the true facts.

[Daintre]

For myself, in male mode I had jobs where I was the person in charge of guys who responded to an aggressive boss. That became the persona I played, while in drab. As Jenni though, I was able to let out the "real" me, a softer me. It was almost day and night, however now I am retired, the two sides have merged into who I am today.

[mike47]

When I am dressed I would have to say that I feel that I am more relaxed. I can show my feelings alot more and just not even worry about it. My friend tells me that it is like I am a totally different person. I can't really explain it. I do feel it though.

[TSchapes]

We talk about deportment and walking like a woman, we talk about voice lessons, we talk about gestures and other things that would seem to convey more of a feminine image, especially when we go out. I've seen the videos on walking and I had a book on talking but all of this stuff always seemed so convoluted for me and I really never made any conscious effort to go out of my way to do those things in my presentation, yet I always received a lot of compliments from others on how nice I was and even "fooled" a few folks, although never purposely.

There are too many things to think about from the books and videos. For example the walk: small steps, loosen the hips, etc. I believe it's very hard to keep more than one thing in your mind at one time. If you let the feminine side out, I think it's more natural. Also, it probably won't be a stereotypical female impersonation, but one that you can own.


Many people who first met me as my femme self had different reactions and actually treated me somewhat differently as Rich, even though I acted no differently for the most part. It seems that appearance creates different expectations on both sides and even close friends sometimes acted differently when I was one or the other initially.


I think this is from setting the mood or staging the moment. The visual we are setting up is very powerful and speaks to others before we even open our mouths. It says, we are presenting our softer more open side of our personality. I have found in the past that even after I tell someone, look I'm not a girl, they can't adjust and continue to treat me as such.

One more observation if I may in relating to Salandra's.

Lately while in drab, I've notice Tracy coming out during the day at work, when I'm driving, when I'm talking to someone. I'm not upset by this, and I've been welcoming it. I'm watching where it's taking me. Has anyone else allowed their feminine side out like this? Salandra is this what you're talking about, or have I totally missed the point of this post?

[Kate Simmons]

I think what I'm trying to say Tracy is that the feelings are our feelings and not "guy" or "girl" feelings per se. They are part of who we are as a person but we may have trouble expressing them due to societal programming. We use the dressing as a resource in a way to get in touch with them whether consciously or unconsciously. By embracing the feelings and making them our own and part of who we are, we become a better person overall and are no longer afraid to express them in either mode. Both we ourselves and others reap the benefit of that it seems.:)

[Danicd]

My SO would be much better at answering this one than me, but she has constantly told me that I am more relaxed, less stressed when dressing. That is part of the reason why she is so supportive. She can see the joy dressing brings me, and she prefers my mind frame when I have fully accepted that I am a crossdresser.

This is me also. My SO tells me I become much more relaxed and free. She even says I am different in bed [more soft and gentle].

[TGMarla]

...we also are psychologically/socially affected by the nearness of the feminine embellishments. Men become quieter, more polite, less aggressive. So do we with the added element of wanting to voluntarily emulate the feminine style. ........Given our hormonal makeup reinforced by our cultural upbringing, we, as genetic males, cannot help but to respond to the presence of the feminine, whether it's in the form of a person or personal effects. I think Deja has hit upon some of the root of it here. I'm different, yes, but still the same as well. It's almost as though I'm permitted to be softer, gentler, and more empathetic when dressed, due to the fact that I'm emulating a woman at the time. It's a good feeling.

[deja true]

"........Given our hormonal makeup reinforced by our cultural upbringing, we, as genetic males, cannot help but to respond to the presence of the feminine, whether it's in the form of a person or personal effects."

Just an added thought here, If you don't mind me quoting myself...

The phenomenom is pretty well known to social/psych workers.

Ever seen the news stories about sheriffs painting their jail walls pink and making their prisoners wear pink underwear? They do it because it makes their wards less aggressive. It works.

[Kate Simmons]

Those of us who are in touch with the feelings are getting the whole point and the point of the whole program in general. That program moves forward to completion. To quote someone I greatly respect: "Tick tock.":)

[melissacd]

I never used to think that my demeanor changed, however, as I get to spend more time en femme these days I am starting to find that the shell of my old life, ways, behaviours are going through an interesting metamorphosis, hopefully for the better and while part of that process has been very negative there are now many new things happening, new feelings, new discoveries and new ways of being in the world that I have never seen or felt before. Part of that is finding myself naturally doing things in a way that perhaps an outsider would view as more of a feminine way of doing things.

I find as I allow myself to just be that my body is finding the right setting for who I am on its own. Perhaps that is that natural thing that you mentioned.

[darla_g]

Good thread. I think there are differences just in the way one carries themselves. I mean imagine you are sitting in a lobby, close your eyes and listen to those passing by you and i thing almost 80 % of the time you can tell if it is a man or a woman. Try your own experiment and groups are automatically discarded as well as times you hear the voices too.

I liked your tips once again Tracey.

But to get to the topic of demeanor I think mine definitely changes. I am trying to channel that for everyday life. I want to be calmer and not easily set off. (Especially when i am driving!) I am not sure if excitability is truly a female trait, but aggression, rage and anger I've always equated as male traits. I think they all exist within all people including women just in different levels of balance.

[vikki2020]

Maybe when we dress,all the "strings" that are attached to us in male mode get cut, or at least loosened a little.Problems and responsibilities get pushed back a little bit, as you concentrate on your femme side. One thing for sure---I drive with a different attitude when dressed!Traffic doesn't bother me,knuckleheaded drivers get a pass,and I'm much less aggressive.

[gennee]

For me I feel more whole as a person.

Gennee

:)

[Kimmie]

Since I was 12 I fought this for 18 long years before finnally comming to terms with who I was and taking a leap of faith that I'd probably never win this fight suprressing my female side. As a result I am much more confident as a male. Funny how that worked out. Shedding some emotional baggage to allow Kimmie to exist has made me much happier. In private I am very relaxed en femme. But as I continue to step throught the looking glass, and go out en femme more and more. Kimmie should become stronger as a person. By exploring my female side through Kimmie I hope to become a more complete person. God willing.

[lilmissemily]

My demeanor certainly seems to change. Like a lot of girls here, I find I'm more relaxed too. It's amazing that when I'm not dressed, I would certainly think that something so indulgent as a bubble bath would be a waste of time -- there are a lot more productive things I could do. But, when it's part of a ritual that includes dressing and makeup, I find that relaxing and taking the time for something like that is a lot more common.

[avery99]

most definitely. this is probably the most important reason for me personally that i go en femme, the outward transition allows me to reach internal spaces.

[VeronicaH]

Mine defintely does. I'm at piece with the world. Not agressive or confrontational and much more understanding. It's such a wonderful feeling.

[Shelly67]

My better half nearly wet herself on reading this subject . She remarked I go girly, flirty , femanine , calm and gentle whilst dressed . Something happened to seriously make her look at me in sheer horror on one occaision tho .
Football . Or soccer as those who prefer to call it .
I love watching my team , I get very engrossed the air goes blue and my language could make a statue blush . If footies on the tv , my wife leaves the room . i know its only a game but I love it ......

This one particular time I was dressed to kill and was as chilled as the wine I was drinking . I changed the tv channels and found my team were in trouble- losing badly . Not thinking my male ego rushed foward in a flurry of F,s & B,s in full volume . My wife sat there horrified .
I apologised in full , she went into hysterics ....and laughed for ages.
Fancy seeing a passable blonde suddeny explode in male angst and volume with a deep voice .....gosh it must have been a sight !

[paulaluvssz8]

sure it does. I think that is the reason that most of us here dress. I find that I walk, talk and even think different. Another part of me that doesn't get to much time in the open.

[KimberlyS]

I would say yes for me. When I am dressed my wife says I am more the happy fun loving, easy going person I use to be when we were first married. I guess my male side has been beaten back a bit dealing with life. No wonder I like my being enfemme.

[gwendy]

I am not in the least aggressive when in my horrid male clothes but I know I am softer and more gentle when dressed.
My ex wife and my present Mistress have both commented on how my whole manner changes as soon as I am in my femme clothes. :love:

[lbee]

Thats how I feel too, All I put on is panties bra and wig at home after work and I feel very relax

[danielle_from_cal]

I am pleased to see so many of you say that you feel more relaxed when dressed. It's the same for me. It's as if I am at home relaxing after a long trip to another place. I talk more, I smile more, and I care about other people more. I just feel like I am at home.

[Carla]

Calmer and more relaxed seem to be the thead here and I would have to agree. I don't pretend to understand the pyschology of it all, but my sense is that by switching, even for a short while, out of the masculine, you also throw off any (self-imposed?) typical male traits of hunter/gatherer, protector, fighter, builder, etc. Who wouldn't be more relaxed without that kind of baggage.

[Corsetted Nikki]

I think Deja has hit upon some of the root of it here. I'm different, yes, but still the same as well. It's almost as though I'm permitted to be softer, gentler, and more empathetic when dressed, due to the fact that I'm emulating a woman at the time. It's a good feeling.

I'd have to agree with this statement.

In the past few months, I've taken on new roles in my professional life which require me to be more assertive and require decision making that at times can be kind of harsh.

I've noticed that my urge to dress has increased in the latter months. I speculate that my dressing allows me to better balance my more business-like persona I have chosen to adopt at work. I think balance is probably the best word for it.

"The more no-nonsense I am at work the more compelled I am to wear no-nonsense at home." ;)

Just kidding... I would never resort to pantyhose. Cringe :)

[guardian832]

Salandra: When I dress, my way of looking at and how I react seem to change. I seem to to want to compromise more than confront a situation. I guess the femme part of me exerts a more controlling force in dealing day to day. Things aren't black/white, but include a gray area for all other possibilities.

[KeriB]

My SO would be much better at answering this one than me, but she has constantly told me that I am more relaxed, less stressed when dressing. That is part of the reason why she is so supportive. She can see the joy dressing brings me, and she prefers my mind frame when I have fully accepted that I am a crossdresser.

Michelle basically said it all for my situation as well.....

[Amy Hepker]

I am different when dressed no doubt.