Purging

[flacindycd]

OK Gurlz when you get the thought of PURGING I have a few questions.

1) why? and what caused it?

2) How long did it take before "THAT" feeling came back over you?

3) How long after the PURGE did it take before you started buying stuff again?

4) How many times have you PURGED?:battingeyelashes:

[Emily Ann Brown]

I have purged twice, both times because I felt like I was a "sicko" and needed to fit in with society's view of crossdressing (obviously I had not accepted myself yet), and purging was me stopping by not having the "articles of crime" to continue it in my "sickness".

Being myself came back within a week both times, and I think I resisted rebuying maybe a month the first time, and a week at most the second.


Emily Ann

[Nicki B]

Surely, purging isn't about the clothes - it's about trying to reject how you feel and the way you were born, because you're trying to fit into what you see as society's 'rules'... :idontknow:


Some people can bury their feelings very successfully, for a long time - others purge over and over again - but, who you are doesn't ever really change?

The sooner you can accept the way you were made, and learn to love yourself for who you actually are and the strengths you have because of it, the easier you will find your life? :hugs:

[LaurenEP]

My first two purges, in my teens, were a result of guilt over the thefts which produced my wardrobe, fear of getting caught (as a CD), and some self-loathing.

My third purge was in my twenties, and the guilt driving that one came from intense guilt over a conflict with my faith. That's the purge I regret the most as I lost my favorite pair of shoes ever: a pair of black t-strap pumps. (Oh, sadness!!)

The first two purges lasted a year, the third purge lasted three years.
There would have been a fourth purge 6 years ago, but I decided "I'm just going to go through this again. Just set them aside, pretend their not there, and wait for the urge to come back so I don't have to waste money and go through all the covert activities to make my purchases.

I've had three purges, almost four.

[Michelle-NC]

I have purged several times over the years, often going long periods (months) without doing anything. As with the other girls here, this was mainly because I felt there was something wrong with me...due to society's view...and that I needed to conform. However, I always went back to dressing some, even if just in panties, before too long. My SO has been tremendous throughout the purges, and my desires, as this is who I truly am.

There will be no more purging (other than male clothing at times), as if the desire leaves me, I now truly realize it won't be for long.

[Deborah Jane]

I,ve purged a few times. The first time was when i left school deciding life would be differant now and i wouldn,t need this anymore.
The second time was before i got married and decided it was no longer part of who i was [I hadn,t dressed for the previous 3 years].
I came back to it a couple of times during my marriage and purged again each time.
Since i,ve been separated and am now being divorced i,ve learned to accept myself and think it,s very unlikely i,ll purge again.
I may stop dressing for a while but won,t throw everything away again.

[karynspanties]

Three times for me. I will never purge again. I realized that I am transgendered and I am comfortable in that. A few poeple know about me, most don't. I underdress everyday. I don't worry if someone sees the waist band of my panties or the bottom hem or the straps from my camisole. I am who I am and that's all there is to it. If poeple quit being friends with me because of that, then they we're not very good friends in the first place.

[Christineblake113]

Purged twice and both times it was due to another change taking place in my life. First time was early 20's when I left college to go out into the real world. The few items I had then were pretty well worn by that time and ready for the trash. Also I thought I could quit dressing.

Second time was when I was in my late 20's and a girlfriend moved in with me. Storage space in my apartment at that time was limited and I knew I would have little time alone to dress up. Didn't care to share my secret with her. I really regret that purge as I got rid of some good clothes and shoes.

Christine

[Amy Hepker]

1. The only reason I purge is to try to hold a relationship together that always fell apart anyway.

2. I always hate myself for purging, and really miss the stuff I had to get rid of.

3. When I could

4. oh, about 6 times in my life and hated evertime.

[Kelsy]

I was in a sick cycle of purging for a long time. I would collect a few things dress and do my thing then I would be filled with self loathing and fears of being caught would overwhelm me so I would vow never to do this kind of thing again forever and toss everything. A month later I would be back at collecting and the cycle would repeat itself, that was when I was crazy lol. Those days are gone and life is a joy:D

Kelsy:)

[Julogden]

I've purged twice, both times because my fince/wife insisted. The feeling never went away for me, and following the first purge, I lasted less than a year before I started buying things again. The second time, I think I went about 2 years before giving in again, when it became obvious that our marriage wasn't going to last.

The only things that couldn't be replaced were my photos of myself dressed up when I was only 14 or so. She made me destroy the original slides and negatives. Now, I really wish I had snuck them away and saved them, but I loved her, so they're gone.

Carol

[Tina Dixon]

I have purged a few times but I never had the things I do now, I think I have learned to put stuff away until the need is there again.

[bonniebma]

I've purged several times over the years due to guilt or maybe a move. It is one way to get a new wardrobe!

[TSchapes]

Over 30 years ago when I was young and not in control of my living arrangements. Once that period in my life passed, I have never purged, and I never looked back. In fact, the blouse you see in my avatar is from 1982, it's a Norma Kamali, and you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands before I purge that! :devil:

Bawah ha ha ha ha ha (that's supposed to be a maniacal laugh),

[Celeste]

The first time I purged, I was in my 20,s and was convinced I could do without it,I lasted almost 3 years.Then when I came across more femme clothing the urge returned and stronger,I was a bit concerned about my feelings but did it again for an 11 year marriage which is now over.I always worried to death about what other people thought.Looking back,I never advised anyone else not to do something they found pleasurable,so when it comes to myself and my time,it is a personal and worry free goal now.

I'm positive I'll never purge again,maybe only take small breaks from dressing, but never get rid of my clothes or shelve the way I feel or what I want to do.

[angelfire]

I've purged twice though neither time I had a particularly large wardrobe anyway. Now when I purge, I just purge the stuff I don't like anymore, and keep the rest in a box, because I know it'll come back.

[NicoleScott]

Three times - guilt - never again. Sure wish I had some of those things back.

[shirley1]

well i have never purged but through moving appartments have decided to leave some things behind - nearly everytime i have regretted it - a skirt or dress i suddenly want to wear gone ! if i was too purge any of my clothes now all that would happen is i would just end up buying similar clothing at some point again at a cost ! i kept a black coat to go out to a meeting last nite about 4 years old and prob not that fasionable anymore - but the fact is i like it and its mine ! and why should i have to ever throw any of my femme clothes away - ggs can take me for who i am now or not at all - THEYRE MINE and i wont purge for anyone anymore !

[O2B Barbara]

Guess I have purged several times over a span of 40 years or so. Mainly purged as I felt it was wrong and not a manly thing to want to wear womens clothing. After a lot of therapy & and a lot of inner searching I determined that I hurt nobody, I wont be able to change so I just accept & enjoy. Makes life a lot easier as well as fun!

[crusadergirl]

i thought about purging many times yet i have never done it.
Even if i wasn't kirra anymore i'm not giving up my stuff just b/c ppl don't like that i dress as a girl.
I will only do it if i don't want to do it anymore.

[Carly D.]

Purging comes and goes for me.. I can have a strong feeling of throwing clothes away, usually around the first of the year.. for me there seems to be a guilty feeling of some unexplainable sort, that every now and then I see what all that I have and realize that some of this I haven't worn in a few years.. some of the shoes that I recently tossed was in favor of comfort.. the shoes tossed hurt my feet more than I felt was acceptable and also these were not worn hardly at all.. I went off track there for a second.. the first question of why and what caused it would be feeling that I have too much, my original amount was going to be governed by he size storage box(tote) that I had... also wear ability and how I feel over all in those clothes..
Second how long did it take for "that" feeling to come back; I assume you mean wanting the clothes back and I would say almost instantly and of course the feeling of purging followed later..
overall the number of times I have purged would be many.. actually too many.. the mindset for me is to just throw the clothes away and not think about it again (what's gone is gone) but in the past few years I feel like it is better to possibly store these clothes somewhere else (in the house) and then decide on a later date if a purge is a good idea..

[annekathleen]

I purged, because:

I wanted to get rid of some of the stuff before the kids ever find it,

I wanted to get rid of some of the stuff that I never wear,

I wanted to give it away to a female friend who I know would wear it!

[DAVIDA]

I have never gotten rid of all of my things.
Purge to me is when Jean tells me that I need to purge my shoes and closets of old things! It can be very emotional getting rid of my shoes!

[Sandi jo]

I would never purge,I want to hold on to everything

[VeronicaH]

Twice and sorry I did it. The last time was 35 years ago...never again!

[Alex-is]

1) Either fear of being found out or guilt

2) Few weeks to a few months

3) Again, a few weeks to a few months

4) Since i dont own that much, a dress or two at a time, its been a very common thing.

[SweetCaroline]

I haven't had any sort of purging feelings since I was nineteen. I'm a life long dresser (since I was five or six) so the adolescent years were pretty rough, full of "I need to cure myself" moments, or "I can stop it if I get rid of this junk". By the time I reached adulthood, I realized I was never going to stop, and I lost a few things I wished I'd never thrown out. Plus I was stealing many things from my mother and sister, and felt guilty for invading their privacy like that.

It was about as soon as I was old enough to have a steady job and travel away from home on my own that I started shopping for myself. Little by little at first, always pretending it was a gift for a girlfriend or mom, but never looking back.

I had a few lean periods where I didn't dress for months at a time, for one reason or another, but I haven't purged since, and now that I'm fully out and about, it looks like I never will.

[Pamela Julie]

I have not purged in the sense of getting rid of something that is wrong with me. In years past, I have wondered about my sexuality, sanity, etc. but never purged as a result. I need to purge some of my things as I have too much stuff that no longer fits or is worn out, but I find it hard to do so. Now at nearly 59 years young, I know who I am, why Pamela needs to hide behind a curtain at times, and I still find I need to be accepted as Pamela. I am a happy person, that is why there is a smiley face after my name.

Pamela:)

[Angie G]

I purged a few time so I would not be found out. Now that my wife knows I have no need to purge and have a nice collection of skirts dresses shoes and all the little goodies. :hugs:
Angie

[PatriciaT]

1) why? and what caused it?
Feelings of guilt, that I was doing something wrong or unnatural.

2) How long did it take before "THAT" feeling came back over you?
Several months.

3) How long after the PURGE did it take before you started buying stuff again?
Again, several months.

4) How many times have you PURGED?
3-4 times. It will never happen again!

[Laurelanne]

the first I was 18 and thought I was nuts,redid everything again at 20 until my Ist wife found out and I purged again, at age 30 ,:doh:after that went on the rocks I re did it all BETTER... and kept most of it except for the NEW sizing, and my new SO luvs it.

[tamarav]

I have had a few memorable purges, but after my wife found about some of them through our talks, she told me to never purge again, she could probably use the clothes.

And as NicoleSmith stated, I really miss some of the things I got rid of.

My goal now is to wear them out until they fall apart, then buy new ones. Or just buy new clothes and fill more closets.

Your sis,

Tami

[Seville]

My family did it for me...constantly. The most
humiliating part of it was that they showed all
my stuff to other family members and my friends. :eek: :eek:

Boy...How I wish I had some of that stuff back! :doh:

Please...if you feel the need to purge, just
store the stuff away. You will eventually regret
each purge as you WILL buy new to replace the old.

[audrey-lynn]

I've had two big purges over the past 15 years. Got rid of everything even my forms. Reason was guilt. Never going to do it again. I know now that I can't stay away from dressing. It's part of who I am, and I really do enjoy it.

[Samantha43]

I guess I am unusual. I have never purged. I still have the clothes I bought back in the mid 1980's after graduating from college and getting an apartment. They might come in handy if I ever get invited to an 80's party! :GD:

[Kate-May]

I purged a little while ago but, on the principal that the cup is half full, the good news is that I am gradually restocking my wardrobe and that's got to be good.

[~Seana~]

once or twice I purged. I was at that time with a partner who wasnt supportiv and even ridiculed it. Didnt last long (Thank god for thrift stores) but having a supportive partner means no reason to purge. I to this day think on a pvc crop top with little silver studs that got purged.....with regret.

Amanda
The Happy ****!

[Raychel]

I have purged a few times in the past. Thankfully that is all behind me. I told my wife about my other side. Now the guilt that is related to the purging cycle ins gone. I have accepted myself, and my wife also is cool with it. So there will be no costly purges in my future.

[TGMarla]

I purged once, a long time ago. I have not done it since, and I won't do it again. After I threw everything away that one time, it didn't take long for me to again begin to accumulate the necessities. This illustrated to me how silly it is for people like us to purge. Now the only purging I will do is taking some of the things I have that don't fit as well as I'd like to Goodwill or something. But I won't ever do the classic full purge again.

[Amanda_Robinson]

I have purged twice. It was foolish because my wife doesn't object at all. :)
The first time came with stress from work. I felt it would help me focus. My wife told me I shouldn't have done it. But I only threw away make-up, some cheap breast forms and two wigs. Most of the clothes I use, except shoes, are for my wife. (I'm just now realizing how fortunate I am). I'm not sure how long it was.

The second time was even stranger, less than a year ago. A great new job allowed us to buy a condo as a second residence to shorten my comute to work which meant I would be able to dress up many times a week. I was afraid of how that would affect me. So regretfully I threw away everything ... my favorite shoes, $200 breast forms uggh !!! That was last spring. By the end of summer I started buying stuff again, one or two items at a time.

Each purge also came after a period of several months where I either didn't get the opportunity or didn't feel like dressing up. I don't think I will purge again. I really wish I had those shoes back!

I have been a member of this forum for only two days and I have never felt so reasured.

Thank you all for sharing
~Amanda

[annekathleen]

Suppose you just have so much stuff that you've purchased over the years
because you liked the way it looked, but it didn't fit right or look right on you?
I figured that I'd give away some stuff to a good old (female) friend who could put those clothes to better use than to be sitting in a storage container in one of my closets.

[tamarav]

OK, I purged again after the big breakfast on Saturday, it was all I could do to get it all down. then off to the bathroom to... wait, wrong forum. Excuse me..

[Badwolf]

The only times I've purged were when I was caught or was in fear of getting caught by someone who isn't too accepting. Its happened twice so far and the only good news is that it was while I was young and all of it probably wouldn't fit me anymore.

[Dawn Marie]

In the last 40 years I have purged more times than I care to remember. Early years due to thinking I was sick or something. Later on because of SO, when she found out, and again from feeling alone and ashamed of myself. Today I like myself for who I am, but my SO is not accepting so I have to hide it. She has found a few things now and then and she just cuts them up and makes me promise never to do it again, but that will never happen.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

How about zero?

I have never thought about purging, and probably never will. The thought of throwing away all of my girly stuff just doesn't compute! I have invested far too much effort, time, and moeny in this part of me to just toss all my stuff away.

[KateSpade83]

I have purged 3 or 4 times. Mainly did it so that God would bless me with a charmed life. Yeah, when I was clean I felt God did bless me in some ways, and that he disapproves crossdressing. But I always fell back to crossdressing, last time I fell back in 2001 he cursed me by taking the job he blessed me away. But now I feel I have some deal with God; told him you cursed my carreer to be unsuccessful because of crossdressing so I'm just good enough to be a gay man, said to God if you bless me with a good carreer and salary then I'd be good enough for a good woman - something he never gave me. So now I feel God has took me up and tolerates my crossdressing and he has blessed my career - I have an aweome job and great salary.

I regret the beautiful clothes I purged, but I actually got maybe 2 items back because I found them in thrift stores! One was a classic 1995 style jr flared dress. But all my old purges were size 12 to 14 clothes! I had been that size for a long time! When I lost weight and went down to a size 4 (mostly), I realized I don't have to purge anymore because a beautiful woman my height can fit my same size clothes! - Like Britney Spears is 5' 4" tall size 6 when fit - my size! So now I ask God to convert me by blessing me with a good beautiful wife who can wear my clothes and tolerate my cd fault. I'll just try to cd less and be inspired by her wearing my beautiufl clothes!

[Slip Affinity]

Several times when I was younger and I deeply regretted it afterwards. I'd love to have back some of the slips (now vintage) I foolishly got rid of. But that was well over 30 yrs ago and since my wife became totally accepting of my cd habits, I would never consider it again. I even tend to keep things I can no longer fit into.

[Selene EV]

NEVER! It kills me when I throw out old beat up panties or put something that doesn't fit in the poor box. I think I'd be suicidal if I purged (OK, a little dramatic but you get the idea).

[kymmieLorain]

luckily I have never purged.

Kymmie

[Josey]

I've purged a few times early on in my twenties but quickley returned. Like most here guilt and fear caused this to happen. But like Karyinpanties, I've finally come to realize just who I am and really care less what others think or might say. Life is to short and why spin your wheels trying to please others at your own expense. Kodos to those who early on in their CDing they stayed the course because they had the nerve to buck the system.

[Patti Girl]

I have never "purged" as in throwing anything away. I do quit dressing for periods of time when things go wrong (like unexpected visitors, or a disagreement with my wife).

How long do I stay away? Sometimes a few days, sometimes a month (although that is rare any more).

Patti

[EnglishRose]

I've had to purge a few times... when I didn't want my clothes found by parents when moving out of an apartment, etc. How I miss that stuff too.

[melissaK]

1) For me I never threw stuff out. I always just "put it away" for awhile. But the result is the same. Fear underlies all my purging. Fear of rejection by SO, by friends, by family.

2) Not sure "THAT" feeling ever went away, when the fear subsides it was still there.

3) A few months.

4) If purging is "dialing it back" vs "pushing it forward," a half dozen.

hugs,
lissa

[Paula1950]

I purged once and I was afraid my wife would find my clothes. I will never do that again

Paula

[Jannette H]

The last time I purged was in 1996 and a few times before that. It was less than a week before I was buying again. It seemed like the break was getting shorter between the purges. Also it costs more time second time around and you never get back what you lost in the last purge. Getting wiser? Yes, a little late though. I'm a little further along than I was before and have a lot more and don't have to hide everything. I believe the fear I had that this was all crazy had a lot to do with it at the time. the female me was living out of department stores and the male me was living out of thrift stores. Jannette was taking over! Ive go kind of a balance right now.

[tommi]

Two major everything gone ,a whole lot of house keeping purges.
The best I've done has been three years and just because I haven't been
dressing I still have desires.
Both purges were brought on by my wifes wishes, one was last summer after
she found the stash in my suitcase while looking for her warmup suit.
It's tough to control the desires and there are times that just giving into the
fog is too easy.

[CD Susan]

I have done a complete purge of everything three times. The reasons being that I wanted to stop the cd'ing and thought I could live without it. Each time only lasted a few months and I was back to buying more things again. I threw away a lot of things that I wish I had back. I read somewhere once that this is a very common thing with cross dressers. I am sure I will never do such a thing again. My wardrobe is so extensive now that I probably should get rid of some things but can't bring myself to do it.

[TGMarla]

1) why? and what caused it?

Some friends found a stash of girl clothes in my car by accident. Errr....homina homina.....

2) How long did it take before "THAT" feeling came back over you?

About a day. Maybe less

3) How long after the PURGE did it take before you started buying stuff again?

I don't know. It was a very long time ago.

4) How many times have you PURGED?

I think just the once. I never really had a huge wardrobe until these past few years. I get rid of stuff from time to time, but I won't purge again. I just won't.

[jenalex]

1) why? and what caused it?

emotional turmoil after my first serious relationship broke up (age 18)

2) How long did it take before "THAT" feeling came back over you?

not long; a few months maybe

3) How long after the PURGE did it take before you started buying stuff again?

I still had (secret) access to my sister's clothes, so it was a while before I bought anything new

4) How many times have you PURGED?

once (see above :battingeyelashes:)

[KarenCDFL]

I have never purged or had to.

I actually have a bigger problem of being a Pack Rat and I never throw anything away even when I really should.

I have so much stuff that I can't or will never wear again and yet it sits.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm lucky, have never had to purge. I do get rid of stuff now and then with only the rarest of regrets, mostly of acquiring an outfit and thinking "those heels I got rid of really would match perfectly".

My discards usually are donated to someone who channels the stuff to less fortunate tg girls. Other things get sold on ebay (ooh, just got some serious cash selling some pumps on ebay...time to go shopping :).

[Debbi]

For me it was 15 years ago, because I was caught by my 1st wife. I had left a 2 minute video in the VCR that I had taken of myself walking and posing for the camera. ( was dying to see myself from a different perspective at the time). I had been dressing in secret for about 3 months when she found the tape. She FREAKED out and told her family and some of her friends. Needless to say i in turn freaked and Tossed EVERYTHING. i think i was more devastated then anything. So for the next 15 years i suppressed it to the point of not even dressing during a 7 year stretch that I was divorced and single.

Then 2 years ago this last march, I all fo the sudden realized that I NEEDED to let Debbi out for good. Told my current wife 3 weeks after i was reborn and all has been WONDERFUL since. fully supportive and Encouraging as well. With MUCH thanks to a LOT of girls on this forum in the weeks leading up to coming out to wife.