Wife found recent pics of Denise

[DeniseNJ]

First off I want to say I love this site and it's fine people. When I first found this site , I got so excited reading the posts and it got to the point of me going out alone as Denise to a club and enjoyed the thrill of it. But first I had to make me look better as a girl before I got the nerve. so a pluck here shave this, polish that, buy this ,apply that. I was like a speeding car with no breaks. Well my wife knew all along for many years that I dressed, she don't know about me going out last November to Phila as Denise. Well I have about 50 pics of Denise on the computer and the other day the wife wanted to load something from the camara to the computer, Thinking nothing about it I show her how to... WELL it puts her pics in one of the area's where Denise is, Some pics from January 08. Well My wife is down on herself as of late do to her weight and our sexlife life is in the toilet. So when we fight she swears I am GAY and a Queer but the other day she asks me if I was a girl or a boy, This is after she saw my recent pics. I didn't know what to say , I am a guy but when I dress as Denise I feel like a girl. I like Denise better than the GUY me. If my wife wasn't so mean and spiteful to me, maybe I could love her again but she swears I am having sex with guys and I never have. If she saw the new toy I bought, I would die. Anymore she don't turn me on but a sexy CD does , BUT I am not attracted to GUYS. I am so confused here. I love pretty girls, but don't want some hairy guy touching me . Then again I have sexual fantacies about the way a girl has sex and want to be treated as one. All I know is ~ up is down in is out and do they have those heels in my size.. She says I look terrible as a girl , more like a guy in a dress , This is one of the pictures she saw, does anyone see any girl in this Pic or is it just in my mind that I look OK :daydreaming:

[Sally2005]

...you are one step ahead... Since your wife is aware of your CDing you can work on reparing your relationship in complete openness. I think you need to explain to her that her unkindness is not something that wants you to like her. I dealt with this with my wife, she became bitter with me because I was not happy with my life and she assumed it was that I was unhappy with her (and I was partly unhappy about her blaming me about her being bitter)...she is very self centered or insecure I guess. Anyway, it has taken a lot of effort and even bending over backwards on my part to be kind to her even though I have been dealing with a lot of pain myself and her selfishness surfaces every once and a while which makes me angry...it is a long story. In short, correct her misunderstanding, do something extra for her (and everytime she says something negative hold the good things up as a reminder that you still love her)... you can win her back, but it takes time. Go on vacation, do some of the fun things you did in the past. If you are both willing go talk to a therapist. Keep your fantasies to yourself until you work through what you both already know. I wish you well.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't have the experience to help u with your CDing questions.

But I DO know a little about ex-wives! When my ex gained a bit of weight, I was HONEST with her. I told her I wasn't very sexually excited by her because of the extra pounds. U know, women can fake it, but men can't!

Anyway, for all u "honesty" advocates, she NEVER forgot what I said, and threw it in my face every time we had an arguement. I still loved her at that point, but the sex was over. Our marriage soon followed.

Denise, my advice would be; don't tell your wife she is the reason u don't desire her any more. Unless u r ready to separate!

[RobertaFermina]

If she is "mean and spiteful", then why take her criticism of your appearance seriously?

I see the girl in the picture, and also the man. She probably only sees through her disappointment.

What is telling about your "appearance" is the other half, "presence." That is: "the way you carry yourself in-person", which is very difficult for a camera to capture.

You seem to be as disappointed in her, and you report her to be in you.

What goes around, comes around, so who is going to open their heart first, patiently, until the other realizes they can trust to do the same ?

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[heidi99]

Hi, Denise.

First off, I think you look fine. Your efforts are paying off.

It sounds like things are not going so well, truth-wise in the relationship. First, I would advise not doing any more things on the sly. Being honest (even if it is scary, and not the path of least resistance) will make you a stronger being. And whether it causes the demise of the relationship, you can at least look back and say that you played the game with honor.

Second, when a person is hyper-critical, it is often an indicator that there is something that person has done that is a secret harm to the other. The only way to deal with the guilt is to squash/diminish the person to whom harm was done. I'm not saying that you should confront her immediately on it. That would likely lead to more arguments/non-communication. It just sounds like the communication channels have deteriorated to a point where they are in definite need of repair. Perhaps working on trust, maybe a counselor where a set of rules on confrontation can be employed.

It sounds like you are a good person (trying to help your wife with computer tasks, etc.)

I wish you both well.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I think you look pretty good girl! Nice legs. If your wife is so negative about his then just take it for what it is worth and don't let it get you down. I only like to deal with the positive in everything I let into my life, my wife also goes through some down times and I try to stay upbeat even more during those times.

[Kate Simmons]

You look fine Denise. I think the real question, however, is what do you think of all of this and how are you going to proceed? You need to have that clear in your own mind before you can deal with your relationship. Unfortunately, this is where many of us miss the boat. I know because I am talking from 20/20 hindsight. Had I been totally honest with my wife about all of my feelings up front, I feel we could have worked things out. Hopefully the hard lesson I learned can be used by others in a more positive way.

[DeniseNJ]

I know I havn't been on as of late but I'm still me. I don't have all the best stuff to be that beautiful girl, padding, great forms, best clothes but here's another one she didn't like I really like this shot... Oh no I am getting that feeling coming over me again :daydreaming:

[Pamela Julie]

Looking at your photos I see Denice. When I am looking to see a man, I see what may be a man in a dress, but I am not too sure. The two of you have problems unrelated to crossdressing. Your wife is trying to use cd'ing against you because she doesn't know of anything else to do. This is clear as she already knew about your cd'ing. You both need to talk on neutral grounds not about what is wrong, but about what is right about you now and in the past. Then work on what is not right with the two of you, with the attitude that you will do whatever is needed to either correct the problem of work around the problem. Most of all be totally honest with each other and with yourselves.

[Jacqui]

A real girl wouldn't make heel marks in the wall. :eek:

Anyhow, I think you should tilt your head down (parallel to the ground), look at the camera... and smile! :D

[TGMarla]

Hi Denise. I've been through all this, and maybe I can help. But you need to know (you probably already do) that this isn't going to be easy on either you or her. If you want to save your marriage, it'll take some work, and it'll be uncomfortable. If you want to get out of your marriage, well, that's a whole lot easier, even though it seems like it isn't. They say that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Your marriage is the bird you have in hand.

First of all, and I mean no offense, but you look like a guy in a dress. Don't we all. That's not to say that you shouldn't dress. I really like the pleated skirt outfit in the second picture, by the way. I imagine you find it a real pleasure to wear, too. There are lots of tips you will pick up along the way that will help to feminize you a bit over time, too. So by all means, continue dressing to your heart's content. But I don't delude myself into thinking that I'm able to fool anyone when I dress up. You shouldn't either.

That out of the way, you need to have a good, long series of sit-downs with your wife. You don't even need to talk about the crossdressing if you don't want to. But if that's what she wants to discuss, then you need to discuss it. You need to discuss a lot of things. Both of you need to forgive, and put your differences past you. This way you can both move forward.

You can agree to plan things to do together. You can agree to not call each other names anymore. You can agree to mutual respect for one another. You can begin to do little, small, kind and sweet things for each other that get noticed and don't require any thank you's. In other words, you can agree to try to move your relationship towards the road you both hoped it would travel upon when you got married. Like I said, I've been down that road, and it didn't look good for my wife and me. But we worked it out, and we have a good healthy relationship. It can be done.

As for the pictures...... Well..... Ooops!

You can best explain them away by coming clean. She doesn't need to know that you have sexual fantasies of what it would be like if you were actually a woman. I think a lot of us have that same fantasy whether we admit it or not. It's natural curiosity for anyone, magnified by an elevated affinity for the feminine. It doesn't make you gay. My wife asked me once if I were gay, and I told her the truth. I said "No." I have asked myself that question, and I've never had any other answer. You may have some latent (or maybe not so latent) transexual tendencies, perhaps, but it doesn't mean you're gay. Nor does it mean you're going to have a sex change. All it means is that you like to dress up like a woman, and just "be a girl" sometimes.

As our lovely Yvonne once told me years ago, "Lots of guys do!"

[Seville]

...When my ex gained a bit of weight, I was HONEST with her. I told her I wasn't very sexually excited by her because of the extra pounds. U know, women can fake it, but men can't!

Anyway, for all u "honesty" advocates, she NEVER forgot what I said, and threw it in my face every time we had an arguement. I still loved her at that point, but the sex was over. Our marriage soon followed.

Wow! You've got GUTS to tell her that!!! :thumbsup:
I'm impressed! :thumbsup:

But as you implied, sometimes "honesty" is NOT the best
policy. After 30+ years of marriage, sometimes biting my
tongue is the best way to keep peace in the family.

I salute you! :thumbsup:


...I don't have all the best stuff to be that beautiful girl, padding, great forms, best clothes but here's another one she didn't like I really like this shot... Oh no I am getting that feeling coming over me again :daydreaming:

Denise...You look GREAT! :thumbsup:

And fill that stark EMPTY room up with clothes, shoes and undies! :thumbsup:

GET BUSY! :thumbsup:

[Adele]

I see the person in the picture.

I too have similar feelings to you and I have made the decision my life is better with my wife and daughter. If I were to go full time I think I may loose much more than I would gain. My wife knows I would take things further and I know this upsets her at times, on other occasions she seems ok.

At some point in the future my decision may be different, it would have been a different story if I had known more about myself when I was younger.

For now I will enjoy life as much as possible as me, and create a balance that benefits us as a family unit, I want to keep us happy even if I'm not always on top.

[Dalece]

Hi Denise, I sympthize with you, My wife is the same and going thru a hard time right now. Wish I had some advice for you but I feel the same as you to let the girl in me out she knows now of my dressing and did the same in saying i'm gay and for me sex life is dead with her to. And I have no desire at this time for sex either with another Cd or Male. We should talk with each other.

[Amy Hepker]

You look Great all I can say is smile, like you are enjoying being the girl you are.

I will say this, I know what you are going through as I went through the same thing for many years. My now X-wife used to beat me knowing I would never hit her back. She used to scream at me every bad thing you can think of in everyway possible. My X-wife was cheating on me and doing everything she could to get rid of me, by accusing me of everything. I never cheated on her even though I know she cheated on me, I did everything I could to hold the marriage together, but after 16 years it all went to hell. It was a really bad divorse, but I came out on top with custody of my 2 kids. Yes, the courts knew I was a in hte closet crossdresser.

I know what you are saying about feeling more female than male and having mixed feelings and not wanting anything to do with guys. Guys gross me out totally, yet I really like CDs like you say, of course I really like GGs better. I am female inside and I know I am, I have been all my life, I have just been crossdressing as a guy all my life, to be who, everyone says I am.

Find yourself and decide what you are going to do and who you are going to be. Don't go through the abuse it will only drag you down.

When I was with my X-wife my hair was turning grey, when I got away from her, my hair turned back to it's natural color with out me coloring it. Stress will kill you and tear you up.

Live your life and enjoy!!!

[erica2054]

You look great- at least your wife knows about it -= i still do not have the guts to tell my wife - i know she would freak- and would damage our marriage- which is not too good right now.
I admire you that you told your wife -

[Suzy Harrison]

I think the best thing you and your wife can do is each take a step backwards and try and find some middle ground. Now that she's seen some photos of yourself, give her some time to get over that.

If I were you, I'd cool it all down for a few weeks so she can see it's not 100% of your life.