Reasons why we don't tell our S.O.

[dominique]

Hi, I'm wondering why we don't tell our S.O. , but still enjoy cross dressing. My main reason is my wife reacts badly to the slightest thing. Last week I bought Easter Eggs which I thought were a good price, but my wife didn't believe so and we ened up having an arguement about it. So if she can go off the deep end about that what will she do if she knew about me and my love for dressing in womens clothes. Don't get me wrong I love her to bits. Now I want to know all your reasons for being iin the closet.:hugs:

[insearchofme]

It's sounds like you're married to my wife!

[Jill Mac]

my wifes a little bit prudish & i just know she'd go crazy if she knew i liked to dress, thats why i'm in the closet, witch isnt that bad, least when shes out(like now) i can slip into a skirt & panties( & stockings, if i want to feel really sexy)

Jill, fellow scots lass

[Jilmac]

I was married twice, and in both I told them before we tied the knot. The first one's reaction was that of disgust. She refered to crossdressing as my "problem" and talked down to me whenever the subject arose. My second wife had a gay brother who also did drag and she was convinced that my dressing would "turn me gay". I ended up hiding it from both of them and hating myself for being deceitful. After my second wife passed away last August, I again started building up my feminine wardrobe. I met another woman in October and told her of my dressing shortly after we started dating, and guess what, she's ok with it. So you can see,even though I tried being honest and open with my wives, I couldn't discuss it, and when I dressed it was always covert. Now with my new SO I can dress whenever I want, talk about it with her, and not have to feel guilty. She's not quite ready to meet my female personna but I'm sure it will happen in time and when she's ready it will be a great day for us both. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[MWCMDarlene]

For one thing, our male ego hates rejection and we are afraid that if or when we do tell, our spouse will reject us.

In my case, my wife knows that I dress and wear panties underneath my male clothes a couple of days out of the week as well as wear a bra with water balloons. (She calls them my toys). She detests the whole idea and thought and has told me so. I don't feel that I can talk to her about it because she is so dead-set against it, but she does tolerate it, praying that it will go away. So, the amicable solution is that I do it when she isn't around and I don't throw it all in her face, even though the panty thing sort of is because she leaves them in the dirty clothes and washes everything else.

[Mitzi]

The obvious reasons we don't tell is

1.) We don't want to destroy our marriage, and
2.) We don't know how she would react.

If she reacts adversely, which is our fear, and it doesn't end the marriage and maybe our being outed, it may create a schism in our relationship.

So we avoid having to face the possibly untenable consequences.

Mitzi

[deja true]

I don't tell, because I don't have a Significant Other, unless you're out there reading, then you already know.

sad deja

[Bravesoul]

Hi, I'm wondering why we don't tell our S.O. ,.:hugs:


I have no idea why you shouldn't, but I know why you wouldn't. Relationships need honesty, but I realize that not every one is there yet. I was lucky, my SO did not flip out when I told her, and we are still happily married.( and I am a happy CDer)

[Emily Ann Brown]

Mitzi,


One and two are actually ONE reason....we don't know her reaction, which if explosive could ruin our relationship.


Emily Ann

[Christie ann]

I am generally a lurker here but had to make a comment. I love reading about how many of you can dress as/where you want but my reality is different. I told my wife before we were married about my hobby and her reaction was horror and asked if I needed counseling, that is after the requisite questions regarding sexual orientation. I admit that in the past 30 years I have made some headway in the right direction, but at this rate I'll be 638 before I can wear a skirt in the daylight.

Again thanks for the stories as there are probably a bunch of us living vicariously through them.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me it would be too explosive across he board!

[sterling12]

I believe that if I had ever revealed Joanie to my Ex-Wives, I would have given them a very large weapon! A weapon that they would have ultimately used on me.

It been my experience that after love has flown and we are going through a divorce, the major elements of that divorce become Money and Power. It is often human nature to take advantage of any perceived weakness for gain.

I believe there would have been threats, possibly being outed, public humiliation, and whatever other horrible things that the human mind can conjure up. "Vindictive," is a lifestyle that people can often carry for life. Judging by what did happen, without any candor about Joanie, it would have been far worse! Playing games with visitation rights, prolonged efforts in trying to do character assassination, endless frivolous court hassles, are just the tip of the potential iceberg.

Everyone is different, maybe your spouse wouldn't be this way......maybe! I could only do what I felt was the right thing for Joanie and John.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Amy Hepker]

You may want not to tell her, but she will find out and when she does and thinks you have been lying to her all this time what do you think is going to happen. I lost many girlfriends and 2 wives because of my CDing. The best thing is to tell them before you get involved with them. If you are already involved or married, you better figure a way to tell them. If it's going to end then it will sooner or later anyway. You never know, she may want you to be the real you.

[Shelly Preston]

For some when they meet they think they can give up dressing and it will never return

then the fear sets in as to how it will affect the relationship when they do tell their SO

[Melanie R]

Marriage is about trust and honesty. Keeping this part of you (this is not a hobby) from your wife is being dishonest. You will never know her response until you are honest with her. If she tells you that she will never accept this part of you, I would doubt if she will ever completely accept any part of you. There are usually other problems in the marriage not related to crossdressing.

[Eugenie]

It's sounds like you're married to my wife!


What is bigamy ?..........

One woman too many...

What is monogamy ?..........

Also one woman too many...


Besides that joke which was told to me by my wife, by the way, living as a couple, in most cases, is a mixture of the most wonderful times and of tense moments.

The fear of a reaction to the revelation of a behaviour such as crossdressing is quite understandable.

But the thing that ours SOs hate most is that we didn't trust them enough to tell them and that we kept a big part of our life hidden from them.

The uncertainty about our SOs reaction is what we fear most... And indeed, some have had good reactions from their SOs and some had terrible ones...

In the end I was very glad I did come out to my wife a long time ago... I think that if I had awaited until now to tell her, she would definitely habe asked for a divorce...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Julie York]

Rejection.
Blackmail.
Disgust.
Ridicule.
Humiliation.
Persecution.
Loss of family.
Loss of job.
Loss of friends.


"Oh but why didn't you tell me! I feel so cheated that you kept this secret from me!"


Yeah right.

[Deborah Jane]

I did tell her and look where it ended up!!..[Thrown out and getting divorced]
On the bright side i can dress whenever i want now though!!

[easy-writer]

...But the thing that ours SOs hate most is that we didn't trust them enough to tell them and that we kept a big part of our life hidden from them...
So true, Eugenie!
The real quandry is weighing that against the disapproval and scorn that I know (from past experience) I'll get if I let the genie out of the bottle agin. Do I need to dress every day just to maintain my hard-won right to do so?

So, to address the topic of this thread... If you do let the genie out, try also to make her understand (perhaps with books or this forum) that it isn't just going to "go away." Ever. Period.

[Amy Sue]

I guess for me, like most of you, it is fear of the unknown. My wife I don't think would understand this need I have to dress. The need to sometimes feely and look girly, the enjoyment I get out of doing my face, or dressing cute.

It's strange because I know she enjoys that, but that's her privledge as a woman, and I know if she knew I did too, she would "freak out". I am considered a man's man to her and I guess seeing me in a not so manly role would have a very negative affect on our relationship.

I have has some CD's and GG's tell me I am being dishonest. In some ways thats true, but I would rather be dishonest about this and still have a relationship with my wife, than be honest and ruin what we have worked to build. Dressing is part of my life, but it doesn't occupy every second of it.

Amy :)

[Karin A]

You may want not to tell her, but she will find out and when she does and thinks you have been lying to her all this time what do you think is going to happen. I lost many girlfriends and 2 wives because of my CDing. The best thing is to tell them before you get involved with them. If you are already involved or married, you better figure a way to tell them. If it's going to end then it will sooner or later anyway. You never know, she may want you to be the real you.

It's too late for that.... we have been together for 20 years, and I've only seriously been CDing for the last year... although I've dressed sexually in lingerie for years. Just one of those secrets that I would not give her up for.... but lately, the CDing is taking a much stronger hold on me.... i'm much happier and gradually she is starting to get it, I think. I'm waxing, and grooming in ways she is starting to make comments about, but nothing derogatory. We are both respectful of each other, but I'm still not ready to tell her the whole story. She often says, "you are such a woman", in a playful way, that makes me think that she knows and gives me hope that I will be able to tell her soon. :daydreaming:

[Stormgirl]

Reason why I would never tell an S.O. its because she might be having a bad day, so she decided to share you little secret with the world. Refer to my signature because you know it is indeed true. They will do anything in their power to backstab you. :Angry3::brolleyes:

[Sheila]

Reason why I would never tell an S.O. its because she might be having a bad day, so she decided to share you little secret with the world. Refer to my signature because you know it is indeed true. They will do anything in their power to backstab you. :Angry3::brolleyes:

your SIG
Never ever trust a woman. AND your aim is to portray the inner woman:eek:

We are not all backstabbers and I for one am highly offended that yet again we are being labelled as bitches.

And so far I haven't seen in this thread the good old " I hide it to protect her " excuse but I am sure it will come up:sad:

[Lana_CD]

I didn't know my wife had a twin.

[Angie G]

I had no good reason and that why see knows and I dress 5 day a week. :hugs:
Angie

[dominique]

Thanks for replies the reasons seem personal to every one as the reasons to tell are. Just now I'm happy with not telling. Some might say that's selfish and you will eventually get caught I will cross that bridge when it comes.

[Raychel]

I nere told her for all the same reasons that you all have stated already. Also the fact that I didn't think that she could keep the secret.

Then I got to the point that I didn't really care all that much if the secret was out. So I told her. The **** did hit the fan for a while, But all is blown over now and life does go on.

[Melinda G]

Where were all of you the other day, wherein in another thread someone asked for advice, and I advised to keep it a secret. Then a bunch of touchy feely GGs piled on me about being dishonest, lieing, being terribly hurt, etc, and no one came to my defense?:Angry3:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79077

[easy-writer]

I defended you! :o
Okay I didn't exactly throw anyone to the mat, but I said I understood. I agree, that thread got really mean-spirited. It was almost like you were "ambushed." I thought the purpose of a forum was to be able to express many disparate views ... without invoking the wrath of anyone who happened to disagree.

[Melinda G]

Heh heh heh. The GGs are real quick to rant about honesty and openess, while they are rummaging through their husband or boyfriends wallet, computer files, and other belongings. Uh oh. Here they come.:D

[DemonicDaughter]

Where were all of you the other day, wherein in another thread someone asked for advice, and I advised to keep it a secret. Then a bunch of touchy feely GGs piled on me about being dishonest, lieing, being terribly hurt, etc, and no one came to my defense?:Angry3:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79077


Heh heh heh. The GGs are real quick to rant about honesty and openess, while they are rummaging through their husband or boyfriends wallet, computer files, and other belongings. Uh oh. Here they come.:D

Melinda... I don't understand. Do you WANT to get flamed on forums?! Geez! Saying things like "touchy feely GG's" is only going to bring things down worse! And you didn't just say to hide anything, you sort of made it sound like you were very bitter and the majority of women are going to attack their husband if she finds out he's a CDer.

I am beginning to think you just like the attention.

[Audra]

Real women are basically bitches. If they can't have their way they won't play. We are the improved model of the species. We only marry out of hormonal drive and instinct. By the time we figure it all out it's way too late. Showing off your girl is one sure way to wreck the marriage. Just remember to stay single once that is accomplished. Need affection, get a dog.

[Vivian Best]

I admit that in the past 30 years I have made some headway in the right direction, but at this rate I'll be 638 before I can wear a skirt in the daylight.

I'm in the same boat as you Christie Ann!

[Melinda G]

Real women are basically bitches. If they can't have their way they won't play. We are the improved model of the species. We only marry out of hormonal drive and instinct. By the time we figure it all out it's way too late. Showing off your girl is one sure way to wreck the marriage. Just remember to stay single once that is accomplished. Need affection, get a dog.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner.:D

[DemonicDaughter]

Real women are basically bitches. If they can't have their way they won't play. We are the improved model of the species. We only marry out of hormonal drive and instinct. By the time we figure it all out it's way too late. Showing off your girl is one sure way to wreck the marriage. Just remember to stay single once that is accomplished. Need affection, get a dog.


Ding ding ding! We have a winner.:D

I'm heading for the bomb shelter for this one and leave you two to your misery. I can see why you both are single.

[Julie York]

Popcorn! Git yah Popcorn here!

Popcorn!

Burgers!

Git yah burgers here!

Show starts in 5 mins!

:D

Popcorn!

[Daintre]

This thread is closed....Perhaps some of you can learn to be a bit more civil.