What did you do before you knew?

[Lanore]

There have been a lot of threads asking when one knew they were a male wanting to be a female or a female wanting to be a male. This thread is a little different and it might be intended for the older group but I believe anyone can answer. Question? What are some of the things you did, that only female or males were supposed to do? I will say for me, it started about 55 years ago.

I always liked helping my mother cook. I enjoyed everything about working in the kitchen from the start to the finish. I even had my own apron. I can remember getting in from school and asking my mom if there was anything she needed done around the house. It might be finishing up the wash or helping her get the meal ready for the night. When she had Avon or Tuperware parties, I was the one who helped get things ready and mom let me sample a few things. She said she wanted to see how it smelled on someone else. I never thought anything I did was out of the ordinary, it was just something I liked to do. Back in those days, it was the womans job. I believe it was the beginning of my developement in to who I am today. I am so thankfull the labels weren't around then. Now at 56, I couldn't be happier with who I am. Still cooking, cleaning and smelling good.

Lanore

[CaptLex]

I see what you mean about this thread being mainly for older people. At the time you're describing gender roles were more clear cut and people rarely strayed from them. Thank God things have changed. There's less and less that's specifically "woman's work" or "a man's job" nowadays . . . hallelujah and about time. :)

Women can be doctors, lawyers, astronauts and world leaders - not long ago their career choices were limited to secretary, flight attendant, teacher, librarian or hooker. And men can choose to stay home and raise children if they prefer. The only limits we have are the ones we place on ourselves now.

[Cai]

The gender roles aren't as enforced, but they're still here. I watch intelligent young women every day pretend they don't know the answer to a professor's question (because it's been ingrained into them not to speak up). Being self-confident is allowed, in theory, as long as you do it quietly and with feminine grace. Being childless is okay, being single is not. (These are all instructions that my friends are very aware of - fighting not to follow them still indicates awareness.)

I know for me as a child, I pretty much refused to take part in anything completely feminine. I lasted as a Girl Scout only until we switched from outdoor activities to primarily arts and crafts. When I played sports, I always played on co-ed teams (I actually got thrown out of the girls' soccer league for "playing too rough") or did sports that didn't require segregation (swimming, triathlons, TaeKwonDo).

The major thing for me was that whenever I had to dress formally for any occasion, I always felt like I was playing dress-up, that the whole deal was a costume complete with mask.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I liked to sew and decorate the home. Enough said.


Emily Ann

[Sonia Kiss]

...Question? What are some of the things you did, that only female or males were supposed to do? ...

Lanore, this question is close to home for me. I discovered I was trans at age 44, less than two years ago. Since this was truly a discovery for me, and not a coming out, I claimed at first that I had no clues I was trans. In hindsight though, clues were everywhere, throughout my whole life, and I can compose quite a list of them now.

A number of these clues are represented by interests in stereotypically female activities, cooking, for example. Feminism these days tells us that stereotypes are bad, but I kind of have mixed feelings. I haven't sorted that one out in my head yet.

A unusual one, I think, is that I seemed to end up living with women in curious circumstances. In college, I somehow got a room in the women's dorm for one semester. In the military, I spent a few months housed with the women in the women's barracks. Most recently, I shared an apartment with two women. In each of these settings, somehow, in some way that didn't even seem remarkable at the time, the women just accepted me as one who belonged with them, never mind that I was making no attempt to look or act feminine.

As a teen, an age when we are critical of each other, I got comments in a number of situations on my manerisms. I remember on time sitting with the girls at lunch in junior high, one of the girls suddenly exclaimed, "omg, look how you're sitting!" And she imitated my upright, shoulders back, posture, and everyone had a good laugh. A similar episode involved just walking with a girl (I learned later that she had considered this event a "date".) We were on our way to watch a parade, and the weather was perfect and I was happy and at one point as we stepped off of a curb to cross a street, I apparently *hopped* off of the curb with a little skip in my step. Same reaction of "omg, you just..." and then an exaggerated imitation of my presumably startlingly feminine manerism.

[Anna the Dub]

These things never really happened to me, I knew I was different from all the boys at a fairly young age, and did everything in my power to block or suppress any mannerisms or behaviour that was at odds as far as I could. That being said, I have always preferred the company of women, and when I was a child, I preferred the company of girls, and would quite happily play with them for hours when the opportunity presented itself. I never played football as a child, was never interested in boys' games, I instead went for games that both boys and girls could play. However, once I reached about 10 or 11, when I understood just how different I was, I overcompensated, and deliberately behaved as I saw the boys behave. I became ultra masculine and was absolutely miserable throughout my teenage years, into my 20's etc. Looking back I think some of the girls subconsciously knew I was different, as a lot of them would discuss their boyfriend problems etc, with me during my teens and older. Something they would never dream of doing with my friends.

[Fi Fi Fiona]

Well, not greatly long ago(Bout 7-11 years ago) I used to play some make believe game with a friend. I used to always insist to be the girl Or i'd be the damsel in distress when playing with dolls :3(Stereotypical xD I was young)(action men and barbie[I was the girl with my high pitched girly voice ^^)

[Nicki B]

It's not quite what you're getting at, I don't think, but I certainly used to live through my partner, buying her clothes and shoes - I guess it was also a way of learning..

[Sejd]

I always wanted to be with my mom in the kitchen also, I totally loved folding the linnes, learned how to knit, and dreamed about wearing a kilt as I grew older. I was however unaware of Trans gender issues until I was 55, just never heard it was possible to "cross over". Now I'm Sejd most of the time and very content. I don't mind working as a "guy" on my job, but it would kill me not to know how to be me or not to be able to live as Sejd. I guess I am very lucky that I finally found my female soul. Lately, I have found myself becoming even more soft and nurturing also. It's all an incredible journey for sure.
hugs
Sejd

[Miss Tessa]

Before I knew I fought it. I joined a gang. I am in the Almighty Latin King/Queen Nation and I went to prison twice.

Then I dated a trans girl. And then I slowly got comfortable with coming out. I had several "tranny mommas" that tought me the way of being a FemmeQueen. Unfortunately a few were black negritas who are street hookers. Now I have a great relationship with the original girl I dated and she is actually my "tranny mom" now. (shes younger though) but has been living 24/7 since age 15. I am a little older.

So there you have it gurls. Yes you gotta be fierce if you wanna be yerself. But check it. 40% of T-girls who don't transition commit suicide.