What advice would you give a sister like this...

[Vaerise]

Hey all...

Recently another sister or confused guy...I'm not sure which..

While I'm not one to dismiss her condition her situation worries me alot.

To paraphase...

She suffered or has failed at relationship with a females
She derives sexual gratification from cross-dressing
She believes that life as a woman is fantastic
She believes that females have it alot easier than males
She believes that being TS is great
She has not done any serious research regarding SRS, believing that dilating can increase the size and depth of the neo-V
She believes that simply massaging her breast will boost her breast when she is born a genetic male.


What would you do if you know a sister like this?

[Sharon]

Anyone who hasn't done any research on the issue and considers themselves TS isn't serious. Fantasy seems to be sufficient for her.

I think I would simply roll my eyes and change the subject.

[Pamela Julie]

I would have her join our family where she can learn to differentiate the fact from fiction. Maybe we can help her get her head straightened out.

[Nicki B]

What would you do if you know a sister like this?

Why do you need to do anything? Is she planning on doing something that worries you? :strugglin

In the UK people have to live fulltime in role for at least a year before they can receive hormones from the health system, so they understand what they are getting into. That might open her eyes a little, if she tried it..

Mind, going onto hormones (and losing that sex drive) has been known to put people off, too?

[Vaerise]

She is going to go for SRS soon...

[deja true]

See that Vaerise posts from Southeast Asia. So your friend is probably in Thailand or nearby. I'm afraid that we don't know much about restrictions or requirement or availability for counselling there, but it sounds like there is not a lot.

All you can do, V, is try to speak reasonably with your friend and try to get her to do the research. Maybe talk to a number of the girls there about their experiences.

In the end, we are all responsible for our own behaviour, but I hope your friend will listen to your concerns.

Good luck, dear one.

deja

[Perrinielle]

She is going to go for SRS soon...


Well, we all have our own responsibility. I would stay away from her as much as I can.

Lee

[Joann0830]

This person needs to speak with a gender therapist now. I'm reluctant to say anything else. Please get this person to speak to a therapist. This is a terrible way to be living as this person could also find that as a woman she might not keep a relationship eitherthen what. Joann 0830:battingeyelashes::heehee::love:

[Sonia Kiss]

Hey all...

Recently another sister or confused guy...I'm not sure which..

Oh, she's a sister all right.


While I'm not one to dismiss her condition her situation worries me alot.

Good for you. She's a sister and that's a pretty good reason not to dismiss her condition. Her situation is worrisome for sure, but I'm not sure I would worry for the same reasons you do...


To paraphase...

She suffered or has failed at relationship with a females
Has she had better relationships with men? Should one's sexual orientation disqualify them from surgery? Should one's capability to maintain a sexual relationship disqualify them from surgery?


She derives sexual gratification from cross-dressing
Cool. She would find lots of company on this forum, and she would find company from all over the transgender landscape, from people identifying as just about any label you can think of.


She believes that life as a woman is fantastic
It is, for many of us.


She believes that females have it alot easier than males
Hardly any men or women have it easy.


She believes that being TS is great
There are worse things one could be.


She has not done any serious research regarding SRS, believing that dilating can increase the size and depth of the neo-V
This, I'll admit, is worrisome. It's worrisome that people make big life decisions without reasearch, thought, planning. Let me clarify: It's worrisome that MANY people in ALL WALKS of life make ALL SORTS of BIG life decisions on a WHIM, TOTALY on impulse.

Your friend's decision to have surgery is a big life changing decision, but I don't believe her decision to have sex change surgery is nearly as big. It's a big decision to spend lots of money, to risk complications from surgery, to spend some months of her life, in the pursuit of happiness. I think the consequence of what she ends up with in her pants will pale in comparison to the consequense of finding herself with the same life problems post op as pre op.


She believes that simply massaging her breast will boost her breast when she is born a genetic male.
I believe there's some evidence that this is true, at least to some extent and for some people.


What would you do if you know a sister like this?
In fact I know a number of them, if I'm allowed to interpret your words "like this" as "who make terrible life decisions that lead them to ruin and misery." In fact I'm one of them myself. What we self-ruiners need is...well I wish I knew. Put me on your list of people to email when you find the answer? Meanwhile, holding us back from gender transition isn't doing a thing to help us.

[Nicki B]

In the UK people have to live fulltime in role for at least a year before they can receive hormones from the health system, so they understand what they are getting into.

My understanding is that surgeons in Thailand won't touch UK patients (under 40 y.o) without such a referral, from a UK psych. What are the local rules where you are, Vaerise?

I still think you cannot control someone else's life - only tell them why you think they might be doing something they'll regret (which seems to be what you're thinking).

At the end of the day it's their life, their (and the surgeon's) decision?

[Linda Z]

Some times train wrecks happen - and you are powerless to change it.
it is to bad, to see this happen.

good luck to all involed!
Linda Z

[Vaerise]

Thanks for the advice sisters.

At the present moment she is still living as a guy but she does crossdress to nightclubs and etc.

I don't want to encourage or discourage her, it is her own happiness at stake. If she really is TS then she will regret not transitioning and if she isn't she will regret transitioning.

Since I'm not entirely sure.. I only suggested that she tried RLE for 1 - 2 years to see if she likes living as a full time.

[Sharon]

Since I'm not entirely sure.. I only suggested that she tried RLE for 1 - 2 years to see if she likes living as a full time.

I think that is excellent advice. :)

[DanaR]

Thanks for the advice sisters.

At the present moment she is still living as a guy but she does crossdress to nightclubs and etc.

I don't want to encourage or discourage her, it is her own happiness at stake. If she really is TS then she will regret not transitioning and if she isn't she will regret transitioning.

Since I'm not entirely sure.. I only suggested that she tried RLE for 1 - 2 years to see if she likes living as a full time.

That is why it is important to not run, if you are on the wrong road.

[marie354]

She believes that females have it alot easier than males


I've been living as a woman for a little over 7 months now...
It's not all that easy.
At first all went well... For about 5-6 months.
Now I'm finding that discrimination is alive and well. *sigh*
I've lost several girlfriends and 2 wives because of it, so none of it is as easy as it seems.
And... Women, whether transgendered or not have a much harder time than men. I understand more now, since going full-time, as to why some women "work on the streets", so to speak.
It's probably harder for us because people do discriminate against things that they don't understand or care to learn about.
Females have other problems that no transgendered woman will ever have to face... Monthly cycles, cramps, and childbirth. (Not that baring children is a bad thing.) ...not to mention lower pay than a man for the same job with maybe fewer hours as well.
-nuff-sed-
~Sandy~