PDA

View Full Version : The integration phenomenon



Kate Simmons
03-25-2008, 03:19 PM
Many here know I've pretty much successfully balanced and integrated my feelings and am now very comfortable 24/7 no matter what I look like or what I'm wearing and feel pretty good about who I am overall. It doesn't end there, however, and there is indeed much more to be accomplished. It is not the "be all" and "end all" of the adventure, not by a long shot.

This is basically "terra incognita" for me as I've really never come this far before and I'm pretty much making it up as I go along. I am the architect of my own destiny after all. That being the case, my friend Melissa and I had some very good and relatively deep discussions on all of this while she was visiting for a few days on her way back home. We are both on our own individual quests and it certainly helps to get input from someone who is engaged in a similar search for understanding of self.

One thing I definately noticed was that even though I was mostly presenting as my guy self (plus sporting a mustache), the foundation that is Salandra was always there and definately is solid. It's never really about JUST the dressing anyway as there are so many things that impact on our lives that truely make all of us who we are. The nice part about the whole thing is that we had the freedom to openly discuss our feelings, hopes and dreams without restriction. That, my friends, is priceless and leaves very little room for doubt as to motives and integrity.

I consider this like going to a very sacred place and a place of "magic" as it were as the energy flowing is pure, unrestrictive and positive and time definately well spent for sure. I would venture to say it left little doubt that we both are exactly who we say we are and realize how our individual journies put things into perspective, especially our feelings.

Who we are is not limited by the perceptions of others and true self expression does not depend on that. We literally hold all of the cards but how we play the hand is where the real finesse comes in and part of that is having fun along the way. Mary Poppins has the key. For many self exploration can be a chore and even something to possibly fear. Making the chore a game makes it more palatable. How one does that is by not taking one's self too seriously. Be silly, be creative, have fun. Allow the energy to flow and I guarantee you will never be disappointed. Life is basically a game anyway, so may as well have fun. I found that my worse critic was always myself. Once I learned to lighten up, everything fell into place. This is what the integration phenomenon has done for me and it's really as simple or as difficult as we ourselves make it.:)

Stargirl
03-25-2008, 04:50 PM
If only I had known about the natural growing cycles during my earlier years. I always thought it was my fault for not being able to "instant fix" everything. Now, I see the Shattering, Fragmenting, Integrating. Once we see it, even a "bad" day can be bearable, because we feel connected inside. There were days to be more assertive, and many for retreating. Playing a role never worked for me, unless I chose to "try it on." I allow more silliness. It's a lot like childhood, through my adult eyes, only the pleasure is exactly the same. A buzz is a buzz. And simple things take on more importance, because they don't entangle me, or expect anything major in return. Just appreciation. Having someone who shares this understanding, and experience is a rare event. I know it sounds like I just said a whole lot of nothing, but it felt great to share it. And thank you, Salandra.

Ruth
03-25-2008, 04:57 PM
Salandra, I relate to what you say about a sacred or magic place. I visualize something like this which is fleeting and hard to grasp - sometimes I glimpse it in my dreams. Anyway, it's the place, or state, where I am truly myself and at peace. Dressing has made it more accessible to me, though it is at a pure spiritual level and is not itself connected with clothing or gender.
I think what we do when we realize ourselves more fully is to approach closer to that center where we are what we were always meant to be.

Kate Simmons
03-25-2008, 05:34 PM
Yes my friends, it is all definately a pure type of magic in itself. The adventure is the journey we take getting there. The energy flows within and without and the circle completes itself. To experience the feelings and make them our own is what it is really all about. That is only the beginning, however, and the real adventure is yet to come. Willy Wonka had nothing on us folks.;):)

melissacd
03-26-2008, 09:46 AM
Salandra and I had some wonderful conversations while I visited her and that certainly helped me to more deeply understand and appreciate her point of view on all of this.

I know that I still have a long journey ahead of me in reaching my own personal level of integration, however, I do see and appreciate that I am heading in that direction, where there is just me, all of me, not my femme or my drab side but just me and that will exist all the time regardless of what clothes that I wear.

Right now it feels more like me when I am dressed, as I was saying to Salandra, I see that our personalities are like a needle on a meter that at one end is marked feminine and at the other end masculine and we just need to get out of our way and let the needle naturally adjust to the place that is correct for us (at that time in our life, because it most likely will change over time). The problem that I believe that many of us face is that we try so hard to push the needle to where we think that it should be and as such we build up a lot of negative feelings. If we can just let it go and let it naturally adjust it will find its correct spot and we will achieve that integrated feeling, the feeling of wholeness and that feeling of rightness.

Huggs
Melissa

Kate Simmons
03-26-2008, 10:58 AM
I couldn't agree with Melissa more on the meter analogy. Sometimes I never knew why I did things but they just felt "right" at the time and I was going with my gut feelings.

Looking back, however, I realize that I was letting the meter adjust as needed and that was accomplished by not taking myself or the dressing that seriously and just letting the feelings naturally flow. This becomes "steady state" for what we need at the time.This can be quite tricky in itself as we are programmed(mostly by others) to respond differently based on who we are genetically. A certain about of boldness is required to accept ourselves for who we are unconditionally and honestly address that. Presenting as my femme self was just a natural consequence of my feelings really and a vehicle I used to get in touch with them. This becomes sort of a feed back/feed foreward process when we take ownership of the feelings and make them our own. As I explained to Melissa, everything is a process and successfully running that process requires us to be in control of it and not vice versa, otherwise it tends to become somewhat chaotic.

In the final analysis, it's our "ball game" and we call the shots and it's totally our choice on how we play it.Making it a positive thing helps. We get out of the whole thing what we put into it and the way we proceed has to be totally our own decision, otherwise the outcome can become quite meaningless and we can end up never really getting in touch with ourselves or the feelings. Either way it's an adventure.:)

ReineD
03-26-2008, 01:34 PM
A place where there are no bounds. A place of unconditional acceptance of what is. How beautiful!