Disappointment

[Jayne]

I still only have light hair growth on my legs after the shaving over 10 weeks ago. I am on holiday and though I would fully dress and go out like I did a number of weeks ago.
I painted my nails last night a nice red and showered before bed so I did not get caught with painted nails this morning. While the wife got ready for work I slipped on stockings susspenders and panties then through on my jeans and a sweatshirt.
Last time I did this I went to a local shopping outlet and browsed the clothes and tried on many shoes, it was really exciting and I had a great time.
After dropping off the wife at work I hurried home and off came the jeans and sweatshirt. On went a bra and open toed shoes, next I applied make up better I thought than last time. With my black wig to finish I was proud of the look and sneeked out to the car fuly feminised.
I drive to the same retail outlet and parked near a Shoetopia footware shop.
I plucked up courage and entered, the two young women one a manager the other her assistant did not apper to take much notice so I was in.
I tried a few pairs of shoes and the manager appeared at my side, she asked if I needed any help with sizes, I smiled and had to answer no. She smiled and went straight over to her friend behind the counter. Smirking I heard her say "it's a man dressed up."
I was devastated.
The assistant went off down the shop so I made my way to the door, I smiled at the manager and said thank you, she smiled back and I quickly left.
I went to the shoe next but one that I had browsed only a few weeks ago with pleasure but could not get the courage to enter.
I am now home and won't go out dressed again. I suppose at my age it's for the best I am 47.
Sorry to winge but I needed to share this. I am still dressed and will have to change soon as the wife will be home at 12:00

[Emily Ann Brown]

SO ????? They were not rude to you were they? Maybe they admired your courage. Passing is a bit overrated, but acceptance and tolerance is everything.


Emily Ann

[Edwina]

Honey don't let that silly cow get to you. You need to let her no that you are indeed a man dressed up and you have money in your purse which is never going to see the inside of her cash register.
A word to the owners might not be amiss either.

:love:

Edwina

[Vicky_Scot]

Jayne do not let that person get the better off you.

The first thing I would be doing is writing to the head office of the company asking for an apology from the manager of that branch.

These people are not worth worrying about, you will have given her something to tell her friends.

Manager "Oh guess what"

Friends "what"

Manager "we had a man in dressed as a woman"

Whoo Hoo

I had the same experience in a shop when a sales assisstant did the same thing, ran over to another assisstant and started pointing at me. I just looked over and waved.

Reading your post, I think that you passed as you said that they did not bother you but it was when the manager came across and you had to converse with her.

47 and you think that you should lock yourself away because of a narrow minded shop manager........what nonesense.

Just notch it up as experience and get out again. When you fell off your bike when you were learning to cycle as a youngster, did you just give up or get back on and try again.

As they say "don't let the blitters get you down"

So I will be waiting to hear about your next outing.

Huggzz

Xx Vicky xX

[Littlej10]

I'm sure you were enjoying the outing before that little incident. Don't let the ignorance of a few prevent you from enjoying more outings. Very few of us pass and we all come across these situations so take courage that it is very rare that anything other than a smirk and casual comment is made and almost never to you. I had a similar experience on my second or third outing to a shop when being served by a young man at the checkout who turned an commented to the person on the next till and they both smirked. I returned to his checkout a little later and he was perfectly pleasant and made no comment to anyone.

[Carroll]

well, techically you were a man in a dress. I am sure almost everybody here has had someone make a comment like that. Sometimes its heard, sometimes it's not. Of course, I have never had that comment made to me because I am such a knock-out. ..NOT!:D

[deja true]

Oh, Jayne, it's so disheartening, isn't it?

Still... I think I would have confronted her (not aggressively) but in friendly manner and said something like, 'Why, yes, I am in a man in dress. How do you think I look?. Any suggestions?'

It might have been a way to start up a positive conversation.

I know it's hard to keep cool in the middle of an unpleasant situation like that, but your fleeing may only have confirmed her opinion.

Please try again. The rest of us cowards are counting on you and you've already gotten further out the door than me.

respect & love,

deja


never say never...

[TGMarla]

Don't be so disappointed. I'm 47, too. I don't go out, but you did. Nice courage there! Did you really think that you'd be mistaken at close range for an actual woman, especially after you spoke to the guy? Close up, we're almost all a dead giveaway. So don't take it so hard.

Look, I've been told that I take a great picture. I get it all the time. But I guarantee you that if I went out shopping, I'd get read in a heartbeat. Look at it this way. You do this for you, right? Not for everyone else? So don't be so blue if everyone else isn't in your same world when you dress up. Blow it off.

[laceyjessica]

you have to go back out. you will be ok i just know it

[JoAnnDallas]

Jayne......don't let it get you down. First they did not treat you badly, would have even helped you if you had asked. I am 60 yrs old and when I go out fully dressed, I am sure I don't pass all the time. As long as people treat you with kindness and respect, then just enjoy yourself. From you post they did not stand there and giggle and make rude comments. All the first SA did was inform the other SA.
The first time I shopped at Payless Shoe store, one of the SA's helped me find a killer pair of stappies for the outfit I was wearing. She treated me well and if she knew I was a man-in-a-dress, she did not let on but she was a little standoffish. I emailed a postive comment to their store website. The next time I came in, she must have reconized me and knew about the email because she treated me like a long lost girl friend. LOL
I bet if you send a email to thier store website saying how well they treated you and they did treat you well, comment not withstanding, I bet they will remember you better the next time you go in.
DO NOT, I repeat do not let this discurage you from going out dressed.

[Jayne]

JoAnnDallas
Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.
I will pass on emailing the company as I probably won't go in again.
I feel I have been a bit too sensitive about the comments but after the last outing went so well I felt bad about hearing the comments.
It has knocked my confidence but I may go out again fully dressed, it will just take me time to build up the courage.

[Jayne]

Vicky
I really appriciate your posting.
I had to place my posting as I felt down after hearing her comments. If she had whispered I would not have felt so bad but I heard her across the shop.
I won't be complaining to the store, she only stated the truth (I am a man in a dress) and I upto that point was enjoying the experience. It did knock my confidence, I could not bring my self to go into any other shops today so i went straight home. I removed my nail polish, etc and packed away all my things (how many times have I done that before) no doubt they will be out again. I can only manage a few weeks with out my escapism, maybe I will last a litle longer after the set back who knows.
Again thank you for your positive comments and thanks to all the other comments from other members.

[Jodie Wexler]

Sorry to hear it did not go so well for you, but I applaud you for having the courage to go.
I like Marla don't go out either, around people anyway, because I would also be made in a second in anything closer than 50 feet or well maybe a 100.
Anyway best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.
Jodie

[DemonicDaughter]

Hunnie... I'VE been mistake for a man while dressed!!!! Grant it, I was in a very "Ginger" from Gilligan's Island type dress and I was at an very "posh" club but still!

I smiled, put on my deepest voice and thanked them. If you are going to do this, do it for yourself and don't worry what everyone else thinks. If its not going to be your clothes, it will be something else they have an issue with.

[Michelle-NC]

Jayne....if not for that one comment, would you have had a good time? If you answer yes, then don't let one bad apple spoil everything.

I have been out a couple of times...and lord knows, I cannot pass up close...some might even say I can't pass far away...but I don't go out for others...I do it for myself..and my SO and I have a wonderful time. It's all about being comfortable being who we are.

[shannonsilk]

Oh how I know the feeeling. I went into a cosmetics shop and there was only one Sales Associate. I asked her about foundations so she had to really look at me. I went off to look at the selection. Then she got a phone call and I think they asked if she needed another SA to come in and help and she said no. Then she said "just a man." I imagine the question was r u busy?
I hope you get your confidence back! It can still be fun!

[Bev06 GG]

SO ????? They were not rude to you were they? Maybe they admired your courage. Passing is a bit overrated, but acceptance and tolerance is everything.


Emily Ann

Hi Jane,
Actually Emily she was quite rude. That isn't acceptable and especially in todays climes when every one in the public sector has to attend courses on Equal opps and inclusion etc, i am very surprised at her immaturity. Good job you werent with me Jane because although I'd have died before embarassing you, I would most certainly have taken her to task in a very direct but polite way.
You might well be a man dressed as a woman, but then she was a rude person dressed as a lady.
Dont let it put you off, rise above it if you can. Hold your head up and keep a smile on your face otherwise they have won haven't they?
Take care
Bev

[DanaR]

Don’t be discouraged, there are a lot of people out in the world that haven’t met us. I have found that most people that we run across don’t know what to think about us, and they are ( for the most part) curious. If you spend a little bit of time interacting with them, you might make some friends. You are always going to find some people that are scared, homophobic or whatever. But there are a lot of nice people out there, but you still should be careful.

[Sonia Kiss]

Hello Jayne,

It's a good exercise to think back on situations like these and imagine better ways of handling the situation. Because of course, you are going back out. :)

So the manager gossiped about you to a sales assistant all within your earshot. This is deplorable behavior. Writing to the main office certainly would be appropriate, but short of that, is there some different way you wish you would have reacted on the spot?

Perhaps by confronting the manager and asking him if he routinely gossips about customers within their earshot?

Perhaps by walking over to browse the designer section..."Do you have these in a 42? Ah, pity. I have to attend a black-tie affair this evening and all of my spring shoes are last year's..."

Perhaps by popping out a cell phone and talking into it, carefully within earshot of both the manager and one or more customers in the store... "Crystal? Are you having any luck? ... No, me either, but get this, I'm in <store name> and the manager just totally insulted me. ... Yes! Well she was gossiping to the SA like I wasn't even in the room! ... Yeah, yeah, you know the whole 'tee hee hee, it's a guy' thing. ... <laugh loudly> Oh, and they have that Coach bag that you'd been looking for.... No, no, don't bother. This place has me disgusted now..."


...manager appeared at my side, she asked if I needed any help with sizes...

You could have maybe siezed the opportunity to make at least a little bit of conversation. It's not only good practice for you, but it makes you more real to the other person, and makes it less likely that she would dehumanize you with bad behavior, as the manager did in this case.

Making friendly conversation is good, but I have to point out that the managers question about sizes was almost certainly insulting. (Would she ask that question to any customer? Why not? What implications were in her question?) You can probably think up any number of responses that might be thought provoking, corrective, or sarcastic.

[Bev06 GG]

Tee hee,
Sonia you little rascal you. Actually thats easier to do if you are with someone but hey couldn't you just picture the look on their faces if someone actually had the bottle to do that.
Bev

[Eugenie]

This was indeed a rude reaction... Even if we try to ignore such reactions, which is probably the best thing to do, on the spur of the moment, it still hurts...

I've had negative reactions too when going out "en femme". I was waiting for a cab in Brussels. Two nice GGs passed by and looked at me. One of them burst out trying to contain a loud laugh... And yes, it hurts...

Like many here I wish I had the talent for snappy humoristic answers... This would probably reverse the burden onto the offender...

These situations are nevertheless useful even though hard to sustain... They help us to progress in out crossdressing skills... They also toughen us up for future experiences...

I have never been shopping "en femme". When I go in department stores to buy feminine clothes, my strategy, to avoid negative reaction in my back, is to openly tell the sales attendent that I am a crosdresser, and if the sales attendent doesn't like it, she/he has to say it in front of me...

I think I would apply the same strategy if I were to go shopping "en femme".

I would also probably go with a friend. I would feel safer...

One last comment, don't let that negative experience turn you off from going out...


:hugs:
Eugenie

[DanaR]

.................................................. ........................
I have never been shopping "en femme". When I go in department stores to buy feminine clothes, my strategy, to avoid negative reaction in my back, is to openly tell the sales attendent that I am a crosdresser, and if the sales attendent doesn't like it, she/he has to say it in front of me...

I think I would apply the same strategy if I were to go shopping "en femme".

I would also probably go with a friend. I would feel safer...

One last comment, don't let that negative experience turn you off from going out...


If you approach a sales person that way, they are usually very professional about it. If you were to go back to the same person/store several times, you'll get to know them a little and then you might try going in dressed.

[Eugenie]

If you approach a sales person that way, they are usually very professional about it..
Indeed, that I something that I intended to speak about too... A direct approach seriously cuts the "surprise effect" so the professionalism can take over.


If you were to go back to the same person/store several times, you'll get to know them a little and then you might try going in dressed.

I have contemplated that idea. There is indeed a sales attendent who has already helped me several times in my choice of clothes... I think that she would even like to see the result of her advice :)

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Amy Hepker]

Hey, don't let it get you down, just try harder. A lot of times the way we act or our movements can give us way. Practice, Practice, Practice makes perfect. Don't worry what one person might say. She may have gotten chewed out for saying anything or maybe even fired. It's hard enough for places to make money these days and they don't care who they sell too.

[Andine]

Jayne!!

Bad luck! Never mind .. Don't let it spoil your enjoyment, rather change the situation into a positive one! Go back there in drab, and see the same lady .... She will recognise you and you can turn it into a positive experience quite easily!

Use you positive good humour to change things into a fun and positive experience. I do that all the time and have a ball!

I'm 65 and I get made by ladies all the time. I just laugh and flirt with them, show them my photos in the phone and I get lots of help and compliments. Ladies look for very different things and I find that they make me often, but they also see it as a compliment. I trade on that and have a good time.
Recently I went into a mall ( in Drab ) near the airport with a lady friend, and bought some perfume in a perfume shop. The lady there gave me a lot of help with the choice. On my way to sydney for the Mardi gras ( see my post in out and about ... She was the one who took the photo!) I dropped in to her shop dressed. She was near by and came running in ... It took her a few looks to work out who I was, and from there the fun started, and so did the compliments!
I am very welcome in there any time that I go near that mall! ... She will even run out to get me a coffee!

Being made by ladies is not a problem ... It is very rare that they get upset ... they might say something Gauche when surprised, but it is my experience that they take it as a compliment. Males generaly are much more centered on what they are doing and don't notice that I'm dressed. I don't go to places where there are only men present, unless they are gays, who again have a different point of view.
Broaden your outlook, make it fun, and reap the benefits!!

regards

[Jayne]

Jayne....if not for that one comment, would you have had a good time? If you answer yes, then don't let one bad apple spoil everything.

I have been out a couple of times...and lord knows, I cannot pass up close...some might even say I can't pass far away...but I don't go out for others...I do it for myself..and my SO and I have a wonderful time. It's all about being comfortable being who we are.

Michelle
I am begining to get the message.
You are all right I do the dresing for me not to be accepted.
I have taken the wife to work and am presently painting my nails in my undies ready to dress again.
I have done my face and donned the wig I may got out I may not but either way it is for me.

[Carly D.]

I don't want to say "well that's what you get..." but the truth is this is what can happen, and everyone of us has to be prepared for this to happen.. if you were really trying to pass and were read as not being a woman then that is one thing.. if you were just wearing to be free form fashion then that is another.. I think what it would be like to actually try to wear shoes in these stores and am scarred to death.. actually I think if you go in with all the confidence in the world then you could be alright.. walk into a store like you own it... be ready with a quip of your own.. when you hear this kind of talk go to the checkout and have a line ready.. "I am dressed as a girl as a dare from my friends that said I would never be able to crossdress and go to all the womens clothing stores and shop for different clothing" or just tell them "yep, I be a crossdresser"... or tell them you lost a bet, that's what I always am ready with.. when I am in a store (walmart) not dressed up and I find what I am looking for I then start to look for that darn girl friend, that of course didn't come in with me but they don't have to know that, and after a while just go grab the item(s) and look put out by having to hold this "crap" at the checkout.. looking so out of it for her skipping out on me, holding the goods..