Could this give you an insight how your SO feels?

[Brianna1]

I'd like to say before I go any further that I am not judging or wanting to offend anyone :) so I hope you can enter the mindset that I found myself in as I went into the Rogues gallery for a look.
Basically I was browsing through many of the rooms/forums to see what was going on and was struck by thoughts that I didn't think I'd have. To explain, as I looked at pretty well all the pictures posted I found myself wondering why the FTM's there want to do what they are doing, as in going from female to male. Being MTF myself I tried to imagine being the opposite way round and I found it very hard to do!!! Then I started to wonder, what would you the other members think if you did the same?? Can you get a feeling of what your SO might feel as they try to understand why you do what you do? I am asking both FTM and MTF to do the same thing, that is go into the opposite picture gallery and see what feelings come to mind as you look through, then come back and tell us all what you felt.
I thought I knew exactly what I felt on these issues and that was that I am open minded to other people's way of life...that hasn't changed for me, I still feel that way. Maybe it can help us to understand what our partners feel like when they are confronted by our Cding!

[DanaR]

I understand what you are saying and have had the same thoughts myself. This issue has been a source of disagreement between my wife and I. When I say crossdressing, I’m referring to the crossdressing, TG, TS or whatever within the community.

I know that she tries to understand me, but when she has seen someone that is doing something that she doesn’t understand (within the crossdressing community), she'll talk about them and it will bother me. She will tell me that her and her friends always did this when they were growing up, so this is natural for her. So naturally, I think that she would make fun of me, if we weren’t together. If I call her on something that she has said, because it hurt me, it is obvious that she is sorry about what she said. Maybe some of the conditioning, in order to fit in, that we had as kids is hard to overcome.

I have always tried to be compassionate and considerate of others feelings, so this doesn’t make sense to me. I know that we all can’t all pull the crossdressing off to perfection, for a number of reasons.

What I have found in the groups (that I've had a chance to attend) and at any of the conventions is that there is a lot of love within the community. This love and understanding is what brings us together. There is a huge cross section of people involved in this. If you were to take this away, many of us would never communicate with each other.

Sometimes it is difficult to understand because we all are in a different place, with regards to crossdressing. I've looked at it this way, we all are in the book; but on different pages, paragraphs or sentences. I realized this matter years ago, when talking to some friends, they often referred to themselves as guys in dresses. It has alway meant more to me than that.

[Tammy298]

I often try to put myself in other's shoes (no pun intended!) to attempt to understand their point of view or what could motivate them to do something they'd done. Although I know I can never fully understand or appreciate someone elses motivation, I often find their course of action reasonable to the point of belieivng that I, in those circumstances, might have done the same thing.
My wife accepts and seems to enjoy my CDing most of the time. I've tried putting myself in her shoes (again no pun intended since her shoes don't fit me!) concerning other aspects of our relationship with varing degrees of success.
I've frequently found that my initial reaction to things I hear about or things that concern me personally, are just that; reactions, rather than the better thought out "put yourself in their shoe's" view.:2c:

[TSchapes]

I'm usually very curious, but never went over to the FTM side to take a look. I became distracted because there are a lot of cute guys over there, and I'm not bi honest!

I can see what you mean to an extent, but again what I see are people trying to find themselves in this world and it makes me feel good to see that they have an outlet too. And, I am not threated by their manly looks, and it's not that I'm a male god (5.7 on "Hot of Not" in drab).

A footnote: my SO just emailed me and said she has finally signed up here. I told her to "come find me", so I hope this forum will allow her to tell us exactly how she feels about all this.

Thanks again, Tracy

[Kate Simmons]

Just why someone would want to present in a way seemingly opposite of their birth gender is kind of an age old question that really has no right or wrong answer. A lot of it has to do with feelings, self perception and sense of identity. While I have long since stopped judging others on how they choose to express themselves, I also realize that many are limited in that respect due to conditioning by society or whatever. The true value of a person is determined by who they are inside, not what they look like. That is why Forums such as this one are invaluable tools when it comes to understanding because, indeed, how do we know how others truely feel about things unless they tell us?

While it is somewhat "easy" to judge a book by it's cover, it never tells the full story of what is inside and in some cases may be misleading. That is why it takes a sincere effort to really get to know what someone is about to really understand. Besides, if everyone acted the same, the world would be a pretty dull place and diversity is the name of the game.This is why I make the extra effort when it comes to people because the real treasure is inside and that is the "real deal" to me.:)

[battybattybats]

It wasn't a problem for me.
I just thought, they feel the way I or people I know feel or similar, just from a different position.
There it was, empathy, no problem. Just like empathising with someone from a different culture or religious belief system. You ignore the specific difference and empathise instead with the similar experience. Same way I empathise with gay men, by the similarities. That way the difference can be understood. I don't need to be attracted to men to know that my gay friend is attracted to men the way I am to women. That way it's easy for me. I don't need to share someone elses culture or religious faith, I just simply recognise that while it may be different in the particular their strongly held belief is the same strength and value and feeling as mine, just the opinion that is different.

Rock on FtM dudes!
You all are a great bunch of blokes.

[Stargirl]

Most people are programmed from childhood to conform to a standard, and much of what we see is based on materialism, and impressions. We get a bit of training in morality, religion, and "fitting in" so we can survive on a certain level. What we sometimes fail to mention is the "inner world" of the self. We are left to our own devices to pay attention to the fact that we may simply NOT fit into "male" or "female pursuits". As a female, I may (for example) have absolutely hated housework, babysitting, sewing, cooking, etc, but I would have been told that I would "get used to it" by well meaning female relatives.

We live inside ourselves. We develop our own views of the world, and we KNOW what feels right, and what doesn't. Aunties do not generally see through our eyes. People on the outside look at us, we look OUT at them. It comes down to wiring. We know how we feel. And if it makes us happy, we have to nurture, and strengthen that inner resolve. We deserve to be happy. Relationships come and go over the course of decades, and we must always take care of ourselves first, to a sensible degree, or we aren't of much use to anyone in the long run.

[Nicki B]

..I found myself wondering why the FTM's there want to do what they are doing, as in going from female to male. Being MTF myself I tried to imagine being the opposite way round and I found it very hard to do!!!

You'd think of going from M2F but find the reverse hard to understand? :strugglin

You don't have to understand, though, do you? All ANY of us require is acceptance and respect..

[Sinthia]

You'd think of going from M2F but find the reverse hard to understand? :strugglin

You don't have to understand, though, do you? All ANY of us require is acceptance and respect..

"Require" is a bit strong. How about "Hope for" or "Wish for". You cannot require your SO to accept you.

Looking back at my married years, I believe that I had a selfish feeling that I could do as I pleased and to hell with her opinion. How many other CDs here feel that way, or similarily? Life is not that one-sided. You have to be aware of other peoples feelings and likes, not just your own. But that is also true of your SO. You have your rights also. The trick is to make both people happy, and I did not do that. So divorce followed.

[Nicki B]

Okay - delete 'require', insert 'need'. I was actually primarily thinking of each other, here?

[deja true]

As M2Fs, and many thinking still as males really, we have to find it hard to understand the idea of F2M transition. That maleness, that hairyness, that gruffness, these are the very things we are trying to shed. If we don't like these traits, how could anybody else, we think.

But, in trying to think as a person, rather than as a male-person or a female-person, we have to understand that what we all crave is a wholeness to our spirits that just seems to escape most people. And the wholeness, or unity, of spirit can come to us in may ways. Some find it in a partner, male or female it matters not. Some find it in an occupation or avocation. Many of us uncover it by surprise hiding within ourselves.

Just a week or so before I signed on here, I went to a theatrical presentation given by an incredibly talented young transman named Scott Turner Schofield. His presentation was a collection of anecdotes and monologues about how his life came to be where it is today and how he deals with it. To hear and actually listen to this wise young man tell about frustration and anxiety and good times and bad times was an education about transition. Not only from the F2M standpoint, but with language and wit that encompassed all gender identities.

Brianna is right, M2Fs. Go see the transmen's pictures. Read into their section, too. All our real concerns are their concerns. All our real problems are their problems, too.

In particular, go to this one, domi's pix: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=70886&highlight=domi+pics


He has laid his whole life bare and the heartache and pleasure are there for all to see.

These are brave and serious boys. They deserve our respect and admiration.

deja

[Nicki B]

As M2Fs, and many thinking still as males really, we have to find it hard to understand the idea of F2M transition.

Sorry - I just don't get that...

And wouldn't you think comments about wanting to grow breasts, etc, might just grate on FTMs? ;)

[Rachel Morley]

I don't know if I think different from you on this or not, but it seems fairly obvious to me why an FTM does what he does. It's really no different than me ... other than he's on the other side of the same coin.

Do you think that perhaps you are thinking about that they want to be more masculine rather than feminine, which is why it might seem hard to be able to think of it the other way around? (because you want the opposite (more feminine) for yourself?) When I said "I get it" I was referring to wanting to feel and present myself in the gender role opposite to my genetic sex ... in other words I am able to empathize with them on the switching of roles, not the actual specifics of the presentation itself. (?)

[deja true]

Nicky, I put that thought very badly,let me try again...

Many of our M2F members have already told us that that they are not unhappy with their male component. And also many, whether they are dressed or not, still think as males. It was these folks that I was alluding to. So the statement should read like this...

"Because many M2Fs still think in a male gender mode, it is somewhat understandable if some find the idea of F2M transition hard to grasp. It's these male characteristics that we are trying so hard to shed while dressing."

Plainer?

And while I strongly advocate M2Fs to visit the F2M sections to learn about our brothers through reading their posts, I certainly wouldn't want them to be there proselytizing their own M2F ideas. M2Fs have their own pages for that.

So I think you misread my intention a little due to my poor word choice. Sorry!

deja

[Julie York]

Hello New Here.

How refreshing. Someone who saw the topic and kept to it.


And welcome to the forum!:thumbsup:


I know what Brianna1 was getting at. When I see (saw) some of the actual people and what they looked like it made me feel extremely sad. It was a picture of a healthy sexy young woman. And as straight male my immediate reaction was "why do you want to destroy something so lovely, for something so unnattractive to me."

That's what Brianna was getting at. That 's the horror that most wives etc must go through.

But when I looked at the deeper aspects, both in the Ts sections and the MtF my main response is "You poor poor thing."

[Nicki B]

I know what Brianna1 was getting at.

I understood what she was getting at - but, for me, I couldn't empathise with that reaction at all??


But when I looked at the deeper aspects, both in the Ts sections and the MtF my main response is "You poor poor thing."

You don't think that might be seen as patronising? :sad:

[Brianna1]

Thanks everyone, yes, Sammy(welcome:)) and Julie that is what I was intending and I've been happy to hear the replies. While it wasn't hard to understand why F2Ms have the feelings they have (it's the opposite to me) from my point of view i.e. a M2F it gave me an insight into what I perceive SOs would or could be feeling. It was kind of hard to put it into words, but I thought the concept might help us understand their thoughts when they discovered what we were doing.

[Amy Hepker]

It's all a matter of being who you are inside to make yourself truly happy. We do not do this to upset anyone else, we dress to please our inner selves. This we have to do to keep our sanity. So many have hidden it inside them selves for so long living a lie, and it will get to you. The world would be such a better place if we all could be who we really are inside without being put down for it. We have been crossdressing all our lives trying to be who our body parts say we are when inside we are screaming to be who we really are, and YES, it is the same for FTM as MTF.