Rude Sales Lady/Smithhaven Mall, LI

[SirTrey]

Wasn't sure I was going to post this (it happened yesterday), but decided, sure, why not.....I went to Cohen's Optical yesterday on Long Island to get glasses and contacts....While waiting for the eye exam, the sales lady says, do you want to look at frames? I say sure. Anyway, I tell her I want men's frames, and in the middle of a crowded store, she looks at Me and says, "Aren't you a woman?" Toni almost falls over and Joey (Toni's son) just looks confused.....My answer to her (looking her straight in the face) was "Unfortunately, for a few more months"....She stares back blankly at Me and proceeds to show Me frames.....I thought her question was extremely rude....and none of her freaking business....Not to mention that there were a lot of people around....In retrospect, I should have said NO, I am NOT....but I felt in that moment that driving home the transitioning aspect would make her see more that it was a rude question to ask than implying that I was a feminine bio guy by just saying yes....Anyway.....I hate when things like that happen and cannot WAIT until the T makes Me able to pass....Things like this are irritating and incredibly uncomfortable....:Angry3:

[Kieron Andrew]

I had the same blank vacant stare when i said i wanted to look at male frames when i got my last pair, but at least i didnt get the 'but you're a woman!' comment, because i would have challenged it

[Michelle-NC]

My opinion, is it shouldn't matter what you are...you want male frames...so be it...none of their business why you want them. Granted it will be better once you can pass, but still shouldn't be any of the SA's business...

[Nicki B]

:hugs:

The world is full of people who don't understand that trans people exist. You can either try to educate them, or ignore them - but don't let them hurt you just with their ignorance?

You will get there, you'll see.



*aims cutlass at remaining fly buttons..*

[SirTrey]

My opinion, is it shouldn't matter what you are...you want male frames...so be it...none of their business why you want them. Granted it will be better once you can pass, but still shouldn't be any of the SA's business...
Exactly....that's what Toni said.....My S/O was LIVID at that question....I was more stunned, she saw red.....and Joey is 15, is doing VERY well with Me transitioning....and did not need to see or hear that....I spent over $600.00 in that store, and it's NONE of her business what I buy, it's MY money! :Angry3:

The world is full of people who don't understand that trans people exist. You can either try to educate them, or ignore them - but don't let them hurt you just with their ignorance?
I know, but people shouldn't be so quick to ask rude questions like that because the middle of an optical store full of people is not the place to try to educate them.....as to getting there, I know I will, I am well on My way now....and am letting it roll off My back, but it WAS quite inappropriate....:hugs:

I had the same blank vacant stare when i said i wanted to look at male frames when i got my last pair, but at least i didnt get the 'but you're a woman!' comment, because i would have challenged it
Yeah, I have zero doubt you would have challenged it...and I did let her know by My comment what the situation is....but with Joey standing there and a store full of people, I didn't want to make it any bigger than it was....ya know? :brolleyes:

[Di]

This makes me sooooo MAD!!!! How UNPROFFESIONAL:o
Hon you need to get a phone number to call and complain. You can wait till you pick up the contacts and new glasses then call back. Some people are just dense but regardless it should be addressed. Sorry this happened:hugs: I hate dumb a$$ people.
So tell me what kind of frames did you pick out? Shape,color? Cool you got new glasses...sucks you had such a lame person wait on ya:sad:

[Denise Marie 2]

The saleslady's attitude and comments were completely uncalled for. Console yourself, SirTrey, that she might be nasty to everyone in some way or other regardless of their gender status.

[Adam]

omg that sucks how rude

thank god mine are cool with what frames i want i have asked for male frames from dot one and never was it said why they just showed me male frames.

Ops did i let the cat out the bag that i wear glasses sometimes

*runs away*

[Nicole Erin]

Hmmm, that is a little unusual.
Normally when a GG wants to look or dress like a man, people don't say or think anything of it.

I would think the thing for an SA to do would be to say "Is there anything particular you are looking for as far as size, price, designer...? Alright, over here we have these styles..."

I am going to buy glasses one of these days, I hope I don't get the same thing when I ask about woman frames.

Yeah buying glasses is not the cheapest thing we put on our faces, can we please get a little professionalism from the SA?

[DemonicDaughter]

:sad: I'm sorry to hear that person was such an a******! We were at the Smithhaven mall a few weekends ago and I don't think we will be returning. I got annoyed that when we go into stores, the sales people seem to only address me and not my SO. One wouldn't even acknowledge him! (He was in drab but still! Seems very rude to me!)

And I'm sorry but I don't see what business it is of anyone's what your gender is or isn't! I think if you ask for something specific it should be honored that you're intelligent enough to know what you want! That f****** b**** was just trying to make sure you knew you weren't "fooling" her. Little does she know she's only fooling herself on the definition of "human being", respectful, courteous and kind are!

Okay, I'm getting more and more worked up. What shop was it so I can go kick this woman's a$$!? :Angry3:

[Kieron Andrew]

Hmmm, that is a little unusual.
Normally when a GG wants to look or dress like a man, people don't say or think anything of it.

please please dont generalise, it does happen to us its not so unusual

[Cai]

please please dont generalise, it does happen to us its not so unusual

Yep. One of the big ways I can tell if I'm passing is whether I'm getting treated as a butch woman or a clean-cut teenager. When I'm seen as a woman now, I get much different treatment than when I appeared more feminine.

I'm sorry that happened to you, Trey. Some people are just jerks. I think you had a great response - I would have wanted to say the same thing. She should learn not to make assumptions.

[Kieron Andrew]

Yep. One of the big ways I can tell if I'm passing is whether I'm getting treated as a butch woman or a clean-cut teenager. When I'm seen as a woman now, I get much different treatment than when I appeared more feminine.


yeah i can always tell when im being treated as male or as a butch girl, the signals ARE definitely different

[SirTrey]

Hmmm, that is a little unusual.
Normally when a GG wants to look or dress like a man, people don't say or think anything of it.
I'm FtM, not a gg.....and I'm on testosterone.....My mannerisms are very male.....even My voice is starting to change.....thing is, all that said, even if it was only clothes and she read Me as a lesbian, My genitals are none of her business.....and you're right, she should just give Me what I WANT, not what she thinks I should have.....<<sigh>>

[ZenFrost]

Even if you were a woman and asked to see the men's glasses, she shouldn't have tried to restrict you based on your gender. :ap: And the fact that you present as male means she should have just accepted it as that instead of assuming you weren't what you appeared to be.

[CaptLex]

God must love stupid and rude people - he made so many of them. :doh:

I think you handled it well, Trey - excellent response. I would have paid to have seen her face. :^5:

You're right, it's nobody's business and you didn't need to put on a show for the other people there. Maybe she'll think twice next time or maybe somebody will slap her around till she gets a clue. Either way, we have to deal with this kind of rudeness all the time - those people will always be around. :rolleyes:

Just wait till the bulldog gets there - he'll be biting ankles! :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

Just wait till the bulldog gets there - he'll be biting ankles! :heehee:

oh god dontcha know it...between you and him getting that kind treatment, im gonna be putting a few people right!

[Wendy me]

bottom line you asked for men's glasses ... that's what she should have shown you .... the comment was not needed by her ....two things you could do ..... report her .... or the next time you go there walk up to her and say thank you for embarrassing me ... i would have thought in your job you might have some common respect for the people that come here..... then say have a good and walk off you the better...........

[Mariah]

awww trey *huggles* I hate when that happens :(


keris

[DanaR]

God must love stupid and rude people - he made so many of them. :doh:



Sadly, this is true! Sorry about your experience.

[SirTrey]

So tell me what kind of frames did you pick out? Shape,color? Cool you got new glasses...sucks you had such a lame person wait on ya
I got this pair...http://www.framesdirect.com/framesfp/Jhane-Barnes-mfriph/lb.html?GTSE=FRGL .... ,a free pair to keep in My car for a spare (they were running a buy one/get one).... and 90 days worth of daily wear contacts.....Spent almost $700.00, so yeah, you would think they would be a little more accommodating than they were....Was just her, though, the optometrist was very nice....and I got the glasses today and I can see well with them.....so, what can you do?

[Nicki B]

....and I got the glasses today and I can see well with them.....so, what can you do?

Avoid brooms, now.... :whistling:

[metalguy639]

I spent over $600.00 in that store, and it's NONE of her business what I buy, it's MY money!


Personally I would of taken my business elsewhere and left. There are plenty of places you can get eyeglasses and get the prescription filled. :( Sorry this happened to you.

[jennCD]

Oh lordie,... my wife and I are not fans of that mall at all. In fact, the few times we had gone, there was always just an overall bad vibe we would get from the outing.

Although we're in NYC, we do almost all of our shopping on Long Island and do enjoy a good 'mall run' often enough, so we tend to stick to Hicksville (Broadway Mall) and Westbury (the Source Mall as well as Roosevelt Field) for our trips. Can't say we've ever experienced or seen any thing like that happen with regards to any S.A. interaction at those locations.
Sorry ya had to deal with it...


jenn

[Dalece]

Trey that was rude of her. That makes me angry. I hope you never have a problem like that agian and I don't run in to a Sa like that when I aske for womens frames. But i give you a hug

[Valeria]

Hmmm, that is a little unusual.
Normally when a GG wants to look or dress like a man, people don't say or think anything of it.
Lots of butch women beg to differ, including the ones that have lost their jobs for their gender presentation, and the ones who have been thrown out of night clubs because they dared to use the women's restrooms, and the ones that have been called nasty things by random strangers.

Women have more "freedom" only as long as they only wear things that have become socially acceptable for women to wear. IOW, if lots of "normal" heterosexual women would dress that way, it's okay. But once you cross the line and cease appearing heteronormative, then no, not everyone is accepting or even tolerant.

[Kieron Andrew]

Personally I would of taken my business elsewhere and left. There are plenty of places you can get eyeglasses and get the prescription filled. :( Sorry this happened to you.

you know i was just thinking this.....i wouldnt have given her the commission, at the very least i would have asked for another less rude sales person

[SirTrey]

you know i was just thinking this.....i wouldnt have given her the commission, at the very least i would have asked for another less rude sales person
If two things weren't happening at the time, I would have....One is that I didn't want to make it any worse than it was since Joey was there...the other was, I'm driving to Ohio today, My other pair aren't the right prescription anymore, we had about fifty things to do, and I just needed to be able to see.....and I needed a new pair fast.....there was only one other sales lady and she was busy, the place was pretty crowded.....so I just got My exam, ordered My stuff, and got out of there....Not sure if she makes commission or if she just gets paid hourly....I just wanted the whole thing over with.

[Di]

I got this pair...http://www.framesdirect.com/framesfp/Jhane-Barnes-mfriph/lb.html?GTSE=FRGL .... ,a free pair to keep in My car for a spare (they were running a buy one/get one).... and 90 days worth of daily wear contacts.....Spent almost $700.00, so yeah, you would think they would be a little more accommodating than they were....Was just her, though, the optometrist was very nice....and I got the glasses today and I can see well with them.....so, what can you do?

Very very nice...you have good taste:D

Yes they make commision...I did that for a living.....if they are a chain store...i'm sure they have an 800 number. You handled it in the right way you did'nt stoop to her level. :hugs:

[kerrianna]

Erk! I cannot abide rude and ignorant sales associates. I worked retail for years and years and I would never have imagined saying anything so personally insulting. Actually it makes her look like a dumbass. Her question was moronic at best.

Anyway, you handled it fine, because you were there to get a job done and you followed through despite how she made you feel. I'm sure she'll happily go on to offend many other customers, not just trans people - she just sounds like one of those 'let me put my foot in my mouth' type of people...who SHOULDN'T be working with the public.

The best lines are always ones that come to you after... like saying in response to her "Actually I'm a customer... or was until you were so rude to me!" and stalking out.

But then you don't get what you needed, and she won't learn anyway. Some people are just oblivious.

So good on you. A few more weeks of T and you'd have punched her out. :heehee:

I'm kidding. Never hit a girl. No matter how rude they are. :straightface:

[SirTrey]

I'm kidding. Never hit a girl. No matter how rude they are.
Nah, I wouldn't.....not unless it was kink and she wanted Me to......LOL

[Nicki B]

I'm kidding. Never hit a girl. No matter how rude they are. :straightface:

Was that a challenge, I wonder? :whistling: :D

[Ben]

How rude! First of all why would anyone ask such a question? In public....in front of other customers!

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

How rude! First of all why would anyone ask such a question? In public....in front of other customers!

Hey Ben.... you're new, eh? Wanna do an intro in the New Members section so we can greet you properly and get to know you a bit better? :bg:

[Ben]

Hey Ben.... you're new, eh? Wanna do an intro in the New Members section so we can greet you properly and get to know you a bit better? :bg:

Thanks for the heads up....done deal

[Fire Falcon]

Oh, geeze...

I'd write the store a letter and tell them that you're going to shop elsewhere because of the SR... Then actually do it.

Oy, people are impossible sometimes...

[Mariah]

yay your going to be in ohio!!!! :) that's sooo close to me :P


keris

[SirTrey]

yay your going to be in ohio!!!! that's sooo close to me :P
Am leaving tomorrow now, My son is sick, am going to go do some things for him....Typical 23 year old, has the flu and no food in his apt. <<sigh>>

[Taylor105]

Trey that woman was a bee-yotch!! But I had to laugh at your response. That was great!! I need new glasses too and am dreading picking frames. I hope my experience is better than yours. Hugs to you my friend!