What to do when your kids crossdress?

[Kimmie]

A close friend of mine told me that she caught her adolecent son playing dress up with her things. Like any mother, she was concerned. Trying to do a good deed, and not being a parent myself I have to ask other parents here if they as CD's have caught their adolecent sons playing dress up. How would (or did) you handle this?

[Shelly Preston]

A lot will depend on the age of the kid involved

It might just be a simple dress up or it could be the start of crossdressing

I would tell her not to worry too much

More information would help as in is this he first time etc ???

[Michelle-NC]

I agree with Shelley...

Example: My son (7 at the time) was playing with his sister and her friends upstairs (who were 11-13)...He came down with makeup on....well....We all had a good laugh as they had dressed him up also.

This was kids being kids, and not the start of CDing...so it all depends..

Could just be experimenting also...

[Denise Marie 2]

I would say, treat the child as you wish you would have been treated by your parents at that age.

[Wenda]

In my experience, parents usually assume that dressing means homosexuality, which is a bigger burden to carry. As we know here, that assumption is seldom valid, so it would be good to clarify that. I think everyone, at some time, has dressed in some way, and it would be good to remind your friend of that. Denise has the best advice, how would you have preferred to have been dealt with at that age?

[Sarah Doepner]

As others have pointed out it can mean something very different for a 6 year old than it does for 16 year old. If it is an older child that is crossdressing I would sit down with them and first try to find out why they were dressing. Knowing that for most of us it is a life-long practice, I would then talk long about the safety issues associated with the behavior. From that point on it would be all by ear.
good luck to them.

[DemonicDaughter]

Honestly, I see this as a form of self expression and almost all children at one point do it. Little boys just play in clothes not realizing the gender orientation, while girls are doing it to mimic a parent (both mother and father). Its only when the behavior continues closer to puberty that there is any reason to ponder the child being a crossdresser.

If it does persist, I think openly discussing the child's feelings of gender and/or clothing is best. Personally, I would have no issues other than being concerned how other children react to it and discussing how to handle it.

[Deborah Jane]

I would say, treat the child as you wish you would have been treated by your parents at that age.

I agree..Thats exactly how i would be with one of my kids.
Kindness, understanding and assure them there is nothing to be ashamed of!!
I,d give them the confidence to follow whatever path they chose without the hangups some of us seem to get.

[Joy Carter]

I have friends, who's eight year son would dress. We were visiting one time and the son came out of the bedroom dressed. His dad got really mad and spanked him in front of us. I really felt bad that I couldn't say anything. One, because I had to respect my host, and how they disciplined their kids. The other because I would be outing myself. I really felt sorry for the kid. He was the youngest, with five sisters, all who grew to be gorgeous women. How much that had to do with anything, I don't know. But I'd not be surprised that he hadn't stopped CDing.

But back to the subject. I'd not make a big deal about it at such a young age. If it got to be a habit, I'd have a talk about how others may react.

[deja true]

The upshot, of course, is that we would want to give our child as much support and love as we all get here.

Does anyone have any information on the Father and Son CDs that I saw featured on the cover of a trans magazine a few years ago. They're picture was taken arm in arm at SCC,I believe? I would love to know more about them and how their sisterhood came about?

deja

[1950sclothes]

I'd say it's okay. Sh$t, life is too short. Let people wear what they wanna wear. If my son aged 10 wanted to wear a dress, I'd say go ahead, I did it at your age.

[TxKimberly]

My son used to sleep with a T-shirt on his head pretending it was long hair. Also his favorite "sleep" toy/friend was a Barbie Doll type "Beauty" from Beauty and the Beast. He flat out would NOT go to bed with out her. This had me pretty scared for a long while, not because I dreaded having a crossdressing son so much as I wouldn't wish the head trips on anyone else.
It has all worked out though. He knows all about me and so presumably would have told me if he shared my "hobby".

[MarinaTwelve200]

On the part of the child, he might have (usually unfounded) fears of homosexuality associated with his dressing. To most kids nine years old and up, Crossdressing IS Gay, so they fear that they may really be "queer", the "most terriblist" thing for a boy to be---a "great secret" to be kept at all costs.

Such kids may "overcompensate" is destructive ways, by becomming hyper-agressive, bullies, engaging in criminal behaviour, etc.---basically a ten year old boy's IDEA of "a man". All the while carrying this terrible burden of thinking he is gay and living in constant fear he will be found out. This can even lead to suicide in extreme cases.

I would think that the first thing I would want to find out is if he really WAS gay---Learn HIS (and his peers) definition of "gay"----Laugh at it, as it is invariably wrong, and set him straight on what gay (homosexual) really means. Once he realizes that he does NOT fit the definition, a big load will be lifted from his shoulders.
Then deal with the CDing. I would explain to him about it and also caution him to use some common sense if he MUST do it. I think it should be kept secret, as his peers may not understand and he may be ridiculed or ostracised. I'd let him do it at home within reasonable limits, and give advice on when and when not to do it.

Now if he REALLY DOES turn out to be GAY or TS (as in fitting the definitions) at the time noted above, Then he DOES have a big social burden and you can promise to give him support. But MY point is if he is NOT homosexual (usually the case) then you should see to it that he does NOT need to carry a fear of being so---life is tough enough for a CD kid as it is without worrying about a fear that has no basis, other than a kid's erronious definition of "gay".

[Kimmie]

Lets face what we do is still considered taboo by mainstream society. Personally I’ve accepted who I am as an adult and am happier as a result. But as a kid I AGRESSIVELY tried to suppress this , and experienced a lot of pain, discomfort and shame in the process. I'd rather not see this little guy (pr any little guys) go through that. If he comes out the consequences could be far worse. Kids are cliquish and can be absolutely brutal to anything remotely different. We all know stories about transgendered fatalities. No parent wants to see their kid getting picked on, and if the easiest way to avoid getting picked on is by not making yourself a target. Why not avoid the undue stress?

This is what I'm thinking about telling her. Since her son is only six, the cross-dressing is not definitive. It might be a phase. Joe Namath admitted to cross-dressing when he was a kid. He realized that girls looked better in dresses than he did. Also the majority of cross dressers happen to be straight. So if you are concerned about something else. Don’t be. Since a child has no idea between the difference of an expensive evening gown and a pure cotton dress, or possibly destroy some nice jewelry. Discourage it in the context that he might wreck some nice things of mommy. Keep an eye on his behavior for a few years. If it continues perhaps consult with a professional or somebody who knows a little more about it.

[Lucy Bright]

Discourage it in the context that he might wreck some nice things of mommy.

In that sense, one would be equally well advised to discourage a girl dressing in her mother's clothes.

I'm surprised reading through this thread (not for the first time) how common the assumption seems to be that being gay would carry a greater social stigma than being a CD. I realise this varies from society to society, but in my own neck of the woods it's quite the other way around. If I were gay I'd be quite happy to say so, in the full knowledge that the law, my colleagues and my family would all support me. As a CD, I have no such assurance.

Kisses,

Lucy

[MJ]

i would love my child no matter what. and i would try to find help for him so he can do things safely .

[Raychel]

Actually my wife and I just had this happen with our 12 year old son, My wife has found him with her underwear on a few times. We discussed what to do. Then we had a talk with him and told that it was not right to wear his mother underwear. If he wanted that kind of underwear, we would get some of his own. We also explained to him that he had to make sure that the other kids didn't know about it. Becasue they would harrass him.

Now he has his own, and the problem has been solved.

On another note, Just the other day I was sleepong in a bodybriefer as usual, and I woke up to a tapping on the shoulder. I was not fully covered up. It was this son and I am positive that he saw what I was wearing. He never said another word about it. So He sure knows about Dad now.

[Eugenie]

Complex question...

In an ideal world one should try to remain neutral... Encouraging or fighting it will have an impact on the child, actually it may have the opposite effect than the one we want...

In reality, there are many variables: Shelley mentionned the age of the child. Wearing his sister's dresses, his mom high heel shoes when the child is less than 5 years old may have no connotation of crossdressing.

Our son wanted to wear dresses and nightgowns when he was 3 years old. We figured that it wasn't a problem and didn't pay more attention to it. He was probably associating growing up to becoming like his elder sister...

If the question addresses crosdressers who suspect their child is a crossdresser too, it is another matter... If your child knows that you are a crossdresser, it is perhaps even more difficult to remain neutral...

Answer his questions honestly, well, if he asks any...

Then "play it by ear"...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[sterling12]

OK, you gave us the particulars so I'll dispense with my dubious wisdom. I would tell Mom, "Do not make a big deal out of this!"

Since he's an adolescent, this is not going to be a case of a curious young child dressing up in Mommy's Clothes. It's more likely that it's been going on for a while and it's not going to stop.

If his Mom is capable of it, a short conversation would run along the lines of: "I love you, and will love you always." "If you need any help, need me to buy anything, need some answers, I will try my best to give you what I can." Then, let him think about things and decide if he wants to be candid about his feelings.

Questions Mom would like answered? Probably the classic: "Are you gay?" And, let's also include a curiosity to find out if the young man is TS or CD. Nobody has mentioned TS, but it is always a possibility. I think only observation and openness will eventually answer that question. Whatever the questions, if we start an interrogation, it's likely we will get back, lies, sullenness, or just total non-cooperation.

So I would advise again: "Don't make a big deal out of this!" Let things progress in an open, non-threatening manner.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[victoriamwilliams1]

Most boys play dress up, me and my friends did growing up, they stopped and well I guess I sorta continued. They also liked vacuum cleaners back then too.

I know when my mother caught me 3 times it scared the you know what out of me! so she tell my aunt and her and my aunt where in the process of pressing my hair out and where going to dress me as a girl but my other aunt came over in the middle of the transformation! I think I was about 8 or 9 I was sleeping in the bed in my moms slip again and go busted. The third time was Halloween and she came home early so I jumped out the window with my boy clothes! I just forgot to get the nail polish remover!

[Carol A]

Well I can only express what happen to me and how my mother responded.
I was 14 and had been dressing up in her cloths which she must have figured out as on a Saturday she came home from work in the middle of the day and there I was dressed from head to foot.

Now she was more upset because I was wearing one of her good dresses. I was made to take the dress off and told at 14 I was to young to wear heels and I had to pay to have her dress cleaned.

As I cry and said I wouldn't do it again I was playing dressup like the girls in school.

Nothing to much was said as she gave me a plain blue skirt and a white blouse and said I could wear and keep them but NEVER leave the house.

She never fussed at me only loved me more and of course we had to have that talk as to why I wanted to wear girls cloths.

The only advice I can give anyone is not to get upset in front of the child but try and figure out why then go from there.

Love and understanding is a great thing :love:

[Carroll]

hell, I dress, why should I deny him

[Brynna M]

It's a little kid dressing up like his parents. Id say don't worry about it but tell him its a secret between him and the parents so he doesn't dress or talk about dressing where other kids will make fun of him.

He'll either grow out of it or he wont. But going pro or con would probably be more than a young child could understand and may cause guilt problems or predudice problems later.

B.

[Angie G]

My grandson like to wear my wife's nylon nightgown to bed sometimes when he stays overnight I have no real problem with it at this time. If this keeps up I may ask him why he like wearing these things if it's leading to crossdressing all I'll tell him is he has to be careful of who he tells. He will still be the good kid he always has been. And his grandma and I will love him just a much. :hugs:
Angie

[trannie T]

Sit the young man down and have a serious talk. He is young and impressionable, he needs help in choosing the right outfits and surely could use some help with his makeup.

[Angie G]

My grandson like to wear my wife's nylon nightgown to bed sometimes when he stays overnight I have no real problem with it at this time. If this keeps up I may ask him why he like wearing these things if it's leading to crossdressing all I'll tell him is he has to be careful of who he tells. He will still be the good kid he always has been. And his grandma and I will love him just a much. :hugs:
Angie

[karinels]

In that sense, one would be equally well advised to discourage a girl dressing in her mother's clothes.

I'm surprised reading through this thread (not for the first time) how common the assumption seems to be that being gay would carry a greater social stigma than being a CD. I realise this varies from society to society, but in my own neck of the woods it's quite the other way around. If I were gay I'd be quite happy to say so, in the full knowledge that the law, my colleagues and my family would all support me. As a CD, I have no such assurance.

Kisses,

Lucy

i agree, lucy. had i told my parents when i was 10 that i liked boys, that would have given them an idea of what to do. but mom catching me in her clothes was a nightmare for both her and me.

[Carroll]

It's a little kid dressing up like his parents. Id say don't worry about it but tell him its a secret between him and the parents so he doesn't dress or talk about dressing where other kids will make fun of him.



Never tell a child its a secret. I was told the best way to put it is tell your child that it a private family matter

[Billie Jean]

I agree with Shelley...

Example: My son (7 at the time) was playing with his sister and her friends upstairs (who were 11-13)...He came down with makeup on....well....We all had a good laugh as they had dressed him up also.

This was kids being kids, and not the start of CDing...so it all depends..

Could just be experimenting also...I started xdressing as a result of wearing femme items before age 7. Billie Jean