Any advice on finding a meaningful relationship?

[tgirlinva]

I just wanted to get some advice from all my TS friends who are in a relationship. How did you find that meaningful special relationship that everyone yearns for? I have been looking for something like that online, but to no avail. I don't know if it's me, but I find it really hard. Due to my closeted status, I am forced to rely on the internet to find that special someone. Unfortunately, even if they say they do, most people on there just want sex. I don't want that. Are all online men shallow? Are all of them only looking to discover/fulfill a fetish of theirs and move on? I feel very disappointed b/c you get your hopes high, only to be let down. Are the relationships you see on television fictitious? I mean, do you really have to be full-time and gorgeous? sigh :(

[Fire Falcon]

How did you find that meaningful special relationship that everyone yearns for?

I found my partner online. :D I pretty much have to, because I'm so weird I could never hope to find a partner any other way. ;P


Are all online men shallow? Are all of them only looking to discover/fulfill a fetish of theirs and move on?

Hardly! I don't consider myself shallow... xD But ehm, no, we're not all that bad. It takes a while to find truly decent people, but they DO exist!


Are the relationships you see on television fictitious?

Sadly, yes. Perfect relationships don't exist, and the best relationships aren't magically maintained by some relationship faerie. They take work, and TV... well, it's TV!

Keep looking. Someday, you'll find who you're looking for, I'm sure. :D

[tgirlinva]

I found my partner online. :D I pretty much have to, because I'm so weird I could never hope to find a partner any other way. ;P


Thank you! May I ask if your partner is the tgirl or you're the tgirl? And can I ask if you could suggest the website.... I tend to look on Craigslist, but that site has become prominent for sex addicts, it seems. Thank you.

[Cai]

Falcon's a boy, tgirlinva. :)

[Michelle Amante]

Well, I can say how it was for me finding someone, but it might be a little different than the average person. It took me years to find the person that I wanted to be with because I was being a little picky. I mean I didn't even go on dates with people because when I would look at them I could just see that they didn't have in them that special something that I was looking for. I'm not arrogant, but I know what I'm like and I know what I feel is the type of personality that I'm comfortable being around all the time. So, I screamed (often), and I cried (a whole lot...too much, really) and I lived my existance in anguish and pain because I coudn't find anyone who had those qualities that I was looking for, and I felt hurt inside when I saw so many people together, every day of my life, but I was still alone. I really began to doubt whether someone even existed that had the personality that I was looking for. But, guess what happened? I finally met someone who I felt was the right one, and even though it took a long time for me to win her over, and even though she is obviously herself in many ways, she still has those special qualities that I love in someone. We've been together for years now, and she tells me dozens of times a day how much she loves me. She's had some problems with her emotions that I've had to help her cope with (and it was extremely difficult to do) but I wouldn't even think of putting her out of my life, because it was just too hard to find someone like her in the first place. I think what I'm saying is that as long as you're searching, there is always hope that you'll find the person you are looking for, even when it might seem hopeless. The fact that you're constantly searching, creates the opportunity for the meeting to some day take place. People would tell me to just stop trying so hard to find someone, and someday I'll meet someone, but I ignored them and kept searching vehemently. The thing is, that when you are finally with the person that you were looking for, all the years (or months...or weeks) of pain and crying are forgotten. :2c: for what it's worth. I always say, though, that poeple have to be willing to accept others as indiviuals. We can't expect someone else to be perfectly everything we think they should be. We all have our little traits that the other person might find slightly undesirable, and they might have traits that we find slightly hard to handle, but as long as we see things in the other person that we like, and that make us happy, we can overlook those little things we don't like as much. I'm rambling. :daydreaming: I'll shut up. If any of this doesn't sound right to you, then just laugh, call me a looney, and wait for a more insightful reply to be posted. Thank you for your patience. :chatterbox: :happy:

[Scotty]

The dating world sucks, it's a cruel mean world where people are just out for themselves....they never call ya back after a first date and/or are not honest enough to say "Thanks but no thanks".

In person always works better, get to know someone and find out if you have chemistry.

[tgirlinva]

I completely agree with you all. I just keep posting on the Craigslist site in my area and sometimes, I get replies from men who really seem nice and genuine. But then we meet and they're completely different from what they said they were. It's just a little disheartening. I thought maybe my standards were really high, but then if I have to lower my standards, then I'd rather be alone. i thought maybe you knew of websites that were more into finding true meaningful relationships. Oh well, I will keep on looking and see what happens. Thanks :)

[Fire Falcon]

Thank you! May I ask if your partner is the tgirl or you're the tgirl? And can I ask if you could suggest the website.... I tend to look on Craigslist, but that site has become prominent for sex addicts, it seems. Thank you.

No problem... And yep, as Cai said, I'm male, as is my partner. ;P

In regards to the website, it was a journal site and a random community, no official "dating" site... I try to avoid those.

Craigslist makes me want to puke. >.>;

Good luck!

[Scotty]

That said I did meet a nice gal...and I'll be honest, first gal since I started HRT....so I was apprehensive...
She's not into the breasts but she sure loves my hips...breasts have lost about an inch anyway since I stopped HRT 3 weeks ago now...

[Tristan]

I meet my significant other in second life. I thought finding a gay man who would be interested in a transman would be hard, and maybe it was. I definitely went through my share of stinkers and even in the beginning, Aethen didn't want to go real life because of the trans issues. Two plus years later we are still together, have meet up in real life a couple of times, and are very much smitten. I'm moving in with him in May and hope maybe I have found the one, but it's too early to say yet. The best advice I can give is honest -- I told him very soon after meeting I was trans. I felt any future love interest had a right to know early on and keep communication open.

[Elizabeth]

I just wanted to get some advice from all my TS friends who are in a relationship. How did you find that meaningful special relationship that everyone yearns for? I have been looking for something like that online, but to no avail. I don't know if it's me, but I find it really hard. Due to my closeted status, I am forced to rely on the internet to find that special someone. Unfortunately, even if they say they do, most people on there just want sex. I don't want that. Are all online men shallow? Are all of them only looking to discover/fulfill a fetish of theirs and move on? I feel very disappointed b/c you get your hopes high, only to be let down. Are the relationships you see on television fictitious? I mean, do you really have to be full-time and gorgeous? sigh :(

I remember feeling much like you and felt that my situation was impossible. I needed a woman who would want a TS woman. It seemed to me that most lesbians would want a GG, and I wasn't interested in being a "novelty" for someone, only to get heart broken later. I made a post similar to yours asking "how can we find love?"

Someone answered that love would find me and in the place I least expected it. And that is what happened. She found me. She found me as Elizabeth and we fell in love. We met in person and later married. That was three years ago. We are totally in love, she don't have a problem that people see her as a lesbian and we just live our lives. Even though she is quite a bit younger than me, it don't seem to matter. We love and respect each other and most importantly, we are best friends. We are like two best GF's. We go everywhere together, we talk about everything, we make love anytime we want and usually talk until the sun rises every morning.

It can happen for you, but you have to get ok with yourself first. I had to get to the point where I did not care what anyone thought. I was prepared to live alone. But she saw my homepage and was attracted to me. The rest is history. Just remember, no one can love you if you don't love yourself. That is the first step.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Scotty]

It can happen for you, but you have to get ok with yourself first. I had to get to the point where I did not care what anyone thought. I was prepared to live alone. But she saw my homepage and was attracted to me. The rest is history. Just remember, no one can love you if you don't love yourself. That is the first step.



Wise words.

[tgirlinva]

Someone answered that love would find me and in the place I least expected it. And that is what happened. She found me. She found me as Elizabeth and we fell in love. We met in person and later married. That was three years ago. We are totally in love, she don't have a problem that people see her as a lesbian and we just live our lives. Even though she is quite a bit younger than me, it don't seem to matter. We love and respect each other and most importantly, we are best friends. We are like two best GF's. We go everywhere together, we talk about everything, we make love anytime we want and usually talk until the sun rises every morning.

It can happen for you, but you have to get ok with yourself first. I had to get to the point where I did not care what anyone thought. I was prepared to live alone. But she saw my homepage and was attracted to me. The rest is history. Just remember, no one can love you if you don't love yourself. That is the first step.

Love always,
Elizabeth


Thanks for the kind words. I, unlike most people on this website, appear to be a little different in that I'm looking for a regular joe. A regular guy, be he straight, bi, or open-minded. I'm not looking for another woman. As weird as it may sound, I'm not attracted to women or gg. I'm only attracted to regular guys. That's why I guess I thought the probabilities would tip my way. But the majority of your advice is orientation neutral and will definitely take that to heart. I know it will happen... it's just a matter of time, I just hope I'm not 80. :D

[Elizabeth]

Thanks for the kind words. I, unlike most people on this website, appear to be a little different in that I'm looking for a regular joe. A regular guy, be he straight, bi, or open-minded. I'm not looking for another woman. As weird as it may sound, I'm not attracted to women or gg. I'm only attracted to regular guys. That's why I guess I thought the probabilities would tip my way. But the majority of your advice is orientation neutral and will definitely take that to heart. I know it will happen... it's just a matter of time, I just hope I'm not 80. :D

I don't find it weird at all. From my experience, there are lots of transwomen who are just looking for a straight guy and many find them. There are plenty of good guys out there that don't care how your body became female. I know there are those who do care, but I have met many T-Girls who are married to straight guys who knew up front. Not everyone is shallow. There are those who believe we are people first. My wife is one of those. She said she asked herself, about me "is she not entitled to love and be loved?". And she decided I was. There are guys out there that feel the same.

Like I said, once I got ok with being who I am, it seems everyone else had an easier time liking me.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Valeria]

I, unlike most people on this website, appear to be a little different in that I'm looking for a regular joe. A regular guy, be he straight, bi, or open-minded. I'm not looking for another woman. As weird as it may sound, I'm not attracted to women or gg. I'm only attracted to regular guys.
This may be the first time I've seen anyone assume that most trans females are lesbian. It's kinda nice, for a change... :)

As Elizabeth said, there are plenty of straight trans women, and I know several who are happily married to a straight guy ("a regular joe"). Life is actually simpler for them in the long run, in many ways. My being lesbian impacts my daily life far more than my trans history does.

FWIW, relationships tend to get less complicated once you are post-op. The "chasers" lose interest, and interest from regular joes and janes picks up. But it's entirely possible to have a meaningful relationship while still pre-op. I've known women who were engaged while still pre-op, though they typically had definite plans to have bottom surgery as soon as feasible.

Incidentally, past experience has shown that many (though certainly not all) of the women fighting hard to save their marriages and keep their wives will move on to being straight women when and if their current relationship ends. That may be one reason why you are assuming everyone here is lesbian...

[tgirlinva]

I don't believe that trans women are lesbians. It was my perception from this website alone, not in generalization of the community as a whole.

It's hard to find a person who is open-minded and how do you know if they are to start off with? It's hard to bring that up. Most men will actually call you out and hit you. And i don't think i should undergo the risks and costs of being a post-op. A lot of girls think that will make them more feminine, but to me, it's more like a state of mind rather than a physical one. I'm thinking to myself, would it make me more feminine? and to me, it's a no.

[Amy Hepker]

Try www.Fling.com it may work

[Lanore]

To me, a meaningfull relationship has to start with you. Do you have a ralationship with yourself? Are you comfortable with who you are? When you are ok with the two, then and only then, will you be able to share. I'm single and enjoy being me. I don't hide anything and I gave up finding someone to share my life with a long time ago. I share my life with great friends, that I can be around whenever I want. After that, I get to come home. I love my life.

Lanore

[tgirlinva]

To me, a meaningfull relationship has to start with you. Do you have a ralationship with yourself? Are you comfortable with who you are? When you are ok with the two, then and only then, will you be able to share. I'm single and enjoy being me. I don't hide anything and I gave up finding someone to share my life with a long time ago. I share my life with great friends, that I can be around whenever I want. After that, I get to come home. I love my life.

Lanore

That's great! I think I've accepted myself. I realized what I was, accepted it... now it's just a matter of finding someone comfortable with me and wanting to pursue things longer than a one night stand. I met a guy yesterday who said he wanted a relationship, etc., I came into his house and he initiated sex. I didn't stop things because for that one split second, I felt like I mattered... that he liked me. But then when I left, I felt cheaper than anything. I felt like I was used and not loved. Sad to say, but I fell in that pit hole. That's exactly what I didn't want to happen. I mean, without being too graphic, we didn't do anything that far, but i've always felt like those experience would be shared with someone i loved. it's hard to find someone that likes you for who you are.

[RBelmonte]

Well.. I may be quite young... but I do have a wonderful bf. Internet dating works for some, but I could never really understand it (never used it btw). I met my guy in a youth group. We were friends for a while, then it got a bit more serious and was for a little bit before we decided to start dating.

The one reason I don't really understand internet dating is because you can't really get to know the person that well and you're looking to date right away. Friends first is my policy. That way if things don't work out at least you still have a companion.

As some have said, it's good to let them know soon. And since you are looking at doing internet dating don't worry about it. If they don't like you for who you are then 1- they wern't worth your time and 2- it's the internet. If it doesn't work out you never have to see them again.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble now... and I'm probably not helping at all... So yea.. that's an 18 year old's stance on it. =3

[Cai]

Well.. I may be quite young... but I do have a wonderful bf. Internet dating works for some, but I could never really understand it (never used it btw). I met my guy in a youth group. We were friends for a while, then it got a bit more serious and was for a little bit before we decided to start dating.

The one reason I don't really understand internet dating is because you can't really get to know the person that well and you're looking to date right away. Friends first is my policy. That way if things don't work out at least you still have a companion.

As some have said, it's good to let them know soon. And since you are looking at doing internet dating don't worry about it. If they don't like you for who you are then 1- they wern't worth your time and 2- it's the internet. If it doesn't work out you never have to see them again.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble now... and I'm probably not helping at all... So yea.. that's an 18 year old's stance on it. =3

I rather agree.

My stance on internet dating is not to use dating sites. If you meet someone through a forum for another interest, and happen to get together, that's friends first.

Friends first is absolutely the best way to go.

[Janet Nicola]

Finding a good relationship is difficult for anyone regardless of gender and orientation. Finding sex is easy.

Lots of meeting venues that are GBLT friendly are cattle markets and the many curious admirers often confuse the process.

Trouble is the internet and GBLT friendly is the only real way of meeting someone special unless you are very lucky. If you can afford to go on a GBLT holiday there tends to be lots of singles.

Janet Nicola x (Still looking too!)