I told her...She freaked, and demanded I stop?

[paulaluvssz8]

Hi, I am new so. Hello all:battingeyelashes: About 5 years ago I decided to tell my wife about my other side. (Paula) She was very confused and ask if I was Gay? Yeah who would have guessed that one? Of course not. I just like the CDing and don't want to stop. I revealed to her my desire to wear womens panties and she laughed and even supported it at first. Then when I brought out the wigs and shoes. She had a major problem. For about a month she didn't talk about it. I gave her a book "My husband wears my cloths" and she said that she read it and thought that I had lost my mind. And then she gave me the letter of choice. Either her and my kids or my CDing. I didn't ask to go out dressed or anything like that. Just that she understand. Well she didn't. I have kept it from her now for that last 5 years. And only dress every now and then. But the desire hasn't left. It hasn't since I was young.... So What would you do. Keep it secret, or try to work it back into our relationship. My marriage is strong, but I don't want to loose them. :straightface:

[Michelle-NC]

That is a tough situation Paula...something you will have to decide for yourself. I personally don't think you can keep it hid, without her ever finding out.

[Julie York]

What good would it do telling her? She's going to hang you out to dry if you do. And if she finds out, she'll have a hissy fit anyway. You're on a hiding to nothing.

Might as well lie if she's unable to expand her mind.

[paulaluvssz8]

I kinda think she knows that I still put on things from time to time. When we are talking about our sexuality. The things we do in private. I am quick to tell her that to me there is nothing like the feeling of having on panties and she just gives me a look and moves on with our discussion. So she probably knows that I still do and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Crazy I guess, but This is me and I want to deal with it with as much wisdom and compassion as I can. It is not all about me, but I would like for her to know that this is something that is important to me.

[Huntress]

Your marriage is strong, but you get ultimatums from "she who waits." Sounds like you're holding up your side of the tent, but she's still laying in the cot. Good luck with that.
Since you have children. YOU owe them reasonable sacrifice and suppression of the modern world's Me syndrome(which can be a large part of being CD). You still need to try to make an accommodation for your own health's sake.

Great fortune on taking the right path,

Huntress

[O2B Barbara]

If it has been five years since you told her and she still has the same attitude maybe a new direction is in order? WOuld she consider reading this forum and possibly airing her concerns with us? May help her to understand that you are not gay, that this does not make her less of a woman and htat there si support here. Might be worth a try.

[Shelly Preston]

Any decision you make has to be related to the age of your kids

As you say you could lose them and that I assume is the last thing you want to happen

It may be best to keep quiet for now unless you think her attitude has changed

She may know you are continuing to dress but has no desire to know anything about it

please be very careful

[DemonicDaughter]

You know, a lot of this fear, rage, anger, etc. that a GG might feel regarding CD might be eliminated or at least eased somewhat with a bit of education.

The problem is, CDing is still seen as something wrong with the individual. Its not seen in the media as a positive and most people have very cross ideas about it.

But informing someone, that might help. Instead of rushing out to confess the crossdressing (seeing as how did once already and it didn't work) why not find ways to educate her on the subject. Books, shows, movies, forums, websites, etc. There are THOUSANDS of means of communicating the message.

Instead of allowing her mind to wander into wildernesses unknown and dream up the worst scenarios regarding you, CDing and your relationship, give her the tools to handle this however she can.

Ignorance is NOT bliss!

In the long run, if discovered you'll lose more than your marriage.

[Emily Ann Brown]

There are more persons affected by what you do than just you....they are spelled KIDS. Whatever you do think of them before you act.

Your marriage is strong? I don't want to differ with you, but an ultimatum doesn't fit that definition.....it just is working at the moment. She is getting what she wants (you as a man) and you are hiding what she doesn't want (you in a dress). HELLO ?????????

Nobody can make this choice but you. But since you asked...... she knows the issue now....and has told you her opinion. You bring it up again and the house of cards probably topples. You get caught (and we all do sooner or later) and the house of cards probably topples. Same end result. Talk to Silkencdprincess about how to successfully go cold turkey for 14 years (at the cost of your sanity).


Emily Ann

[tgirlinva]

Since you have children. YOU owe them reasonable sacrifice and suppression of the modern world's Me syndrome(which can be a large part of being CD). You still need to try to make an accommodation for your own health's sake.

IMO, this is where I would focus my attention: the children. I mean, it's hard for me to comment and all since I am not married nor do I have children. But, I think it's best that you put your feelings aside and do what's best for your entire family, which to me, seems like hanging the wigs in the closet. Not to sound harsh or anything, I think it is unfair for your wife as well. I'm trying to see it from her perspective, one day you marry your knight in his shining armor and when you're living happy ever after, you find out that your knight actually wants to be the princess. You have to have some feeling of being misled, no? If you had told her about it beforehand, that'd be another story, but it doesn't seem like you did. And you seem like you knew about it before marriage too. Anyways, that's all in the past. What I would personally do is to try to make my marriage work, at least for the sake of your children. Your crossdressing can be a very negative point in any divorce court. I don't think it's worth it. I would try to do it on business trips, or when you know she's not going to be around where there are zero chances of you getting caught. If you want her to participate and be an active part of your crossdressing, it seems like she already made her choice. Sorry. That's my :2c:

[Deborah Jane]

Your story sounds very like my own when i told my now ex wife!!
The only advice i can really offer is just be careful how you handle the situation.
Good luck
:hugs:Debs

[Tree GG]

Sounds as though you can broach the subject, just no feedback. Might I suggest a different reading material? Although most CDs seem to looove Peggy Rudd's work, as a 'surprised' wife I did not find it very helpful at all. All I saw was acknowledgement of how a wife may feel, and then 4x more words telling them why they were wrong. Not so good an approach, in my opinion. Plus I felt that book had an overwhelming 'pink' tone....but my hubby just thought it was wonderful!

DO NOT suggest Alice in Genderland unless you are interested in that life style.

Helen Boyd's first book, My Husband Betty is well researched and a realistic broad overview of the community and IMO respects the CD without telling the wife she's closed-minded or wrong to feel the way she does. Many don't agree with me, but if your wife didn't related to Ms. Rudd's work, she may to Ms. Boyds.

Good luck.

[Kieron Andrew]

Sounds as though you can broach the subject, just no feedback. Might I suggest a different reading material? Although most CDs seem to looove Peggy Rudd's work, as a 'surprised' wife I did not find it very helpful at all. All I saw was acknowledgement of how a wife may feel, and then 4x more words telling them why they were wrong. Not so good an approach, in my opinion. Plus I felt that book had an overwhelming 'pink' tone....but my hubby just thought it was wonderful!

DO NOT suggest Alice in Genderland unless you are interested in that life style.

Helen Boyd's first book, My Husband Betty is well researched and a realistic broad overview of the community and IMO respects the CD without telling the wife she's closed-minded or wrong to feel the way she does. Many don't agree with me, but if your wife didn't related to Ms. Rudd's work, she may to Ms. Boyds.

Good luck.
Tree, i totally agree with you on the reading material and Helen's first book i was going to suggest would be a better approach for any CD wanting their wife to read something..

[jaina]

My marriage is strong

No it isn't, its ultimatums and lies.

[Tamara Croft]

I revealed to her my desire to wear womens panties and she laughed and even supported it at first.

Then when I brought out the wigs and shoes. She had a major problem.This is your problem, you saw a green light and went from wearing panties, to the whole thing... so it's no wonder she freaked out and wouldn't talk to you, you took advantage of her support and turned it into pink fog...


Either her and my kids or my CDing.

My marriage is strong, but I don't want to loose them.This doesn't make sense, your marriage is strong, but she gives you an ultimatum? If your marriage was strong, she would never have given you that.

I'm not going to tell you to tell her, that's entirely up to you, only you know what you have to lose. But if you do tell her, you need to get her more than a book, reading someone elses words isn't the same thing. You write down how you feel, how long this has been going on etc, tell her about this place, tell her about the GG's here. But remember, she gave you an ultimatum once, if you tell her, you could end up losing everything.

Answer me these questions: -

Do you 'need' to tell her?
What is going to change in your life if you do?
What do you have to lose?
Will it affect your life, home, job?
Would she out you to your family, friends, work, even your kids?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, I'd think twice about doing it, if you're telling her just so you can dress more often, then think again... cus it just isn't worth it.

[KandisTX]

Do you 'need' to tell her?
What is going to change in your life if you do?
What do you have to lose?
Will it affect your life, home, job?
Would she out you to your family, friends, work, even your kids?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, I'd think twice about doing it, if you're telling her just so you can dress more often, then think again... cus it just isn't worth it.

I want to echo what Tamara says here. You must think about whether what you have to gain outweighs that which you could lose. Since she has already given you an ultimatum, there may well be some other underlying cause that she feels is almost enough to end it, but this would be the proverbial straw ~vs~ camels' back as it were.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[paulaluvssz8]

'strong marriage" was not the right words. I now see, that it isn't as strong as I would like to think. I do thank you all for your advise and I will continue to consider my family first. Before my desire to dress. Thanks again:battingeyelashes:

[harmony]

does she want a happy husband or none at all!?
in other cultures a man would keep his marriage alive and have a mistress on the side.
find some time and place where you can be yourself without her knowing it?
my ex gave me a similar choice many years ago-be what i want you to be or get out-i could not face living a lie for the rest of my life.
the kids were still small then and stayed with mother-now they are in their thirties and hang with me.

[Nicole Erin]

If you do talk to her about this....

Some couples have this arrangment that the husband can dress but the wife does not want to see it or the clothes at all.
It might be something to consider if you have to tell her.

I don't know how she would react but it is one more option.

[melissacd]

This is never an easy choice. There are no simple answers. The first thing that you need to do is look within yourself and understand what is the right answer for you. It does no good for you, your wife or your kids to be angry, reserved, unhealthy or unhappy. You have to clearly understand what you can live with.

If upon reflection you can park cross dressing until the children are older or on their own then park it. If you cannot then you must find another answer. I tried parking it to the detriment of my health and so eventually I did it in secret but could not handle the guilt, then I told her in the best way I knew how and lived through ten years of hell and then I decided I could not not do it because of health and anger issues and it ended my marriage. Had I been honest with myself a long time ago about what I could live with and who I was then things would have been very different, however, because I always made choices (until now) that were inconsistent with who I really was inside I created more devastation for everyone than would have happened if I just grabbed the bull by the horns and dealt with things directly so long long ago.

Decide what you can live with, I mean what you can really live with, not what you think you can live with but what your heart and soul tells you and then use that to define a path.

To thine own self be true and the rest will sort itself out, once you know who you need to be then you will be able to figure out the rest.

[Sandra]

I revealed to her my desire to wear womens panties and she laughed and even supported it at first. Then when I brought out the wigs and shoes. She had a major problem.

Ok from panties to wig and shoes, did you talk to her about buying these? If you didn't I can understand why she had the problem. Perhaps you were going a little to quick for her liking.

Only you know your wife and how she'll react if you tell her your still dressing, but it is something that is not going to go away and if you do decide to tell her, make sure you tell her how you really feel don't leave anything out.

Good luck :hugs:

[Eugenie]

Paula,

Your post has really struck me as I had exactly the same reaction from my wife: early on "OK for the undies", she thought it was just a fun fantasy... But as soon as she realized that I wanted to be fully dressed, then things became much less rosy...

For about 35 years, the situation remained stable. It was like the three little Monkeys: No see, No hear, No talk... Like your wife, she knew but didn't want to have anything to do with "it"...

My evolution toward my own transgender nature acceptance, lead to a series of events which in turn lead to a severe crisis. That was finally the occasion of an in depth talking between my wife and I...

I wish we would have had it a lot earlier...

In that discussion, I came to realize that the one who understood least about the other was me... She knew a lot about my x-dressing, far more than I thought she did... I didn't understand what all this meant for her... It really made her feel miserable although she didn't say a word about it.

Of course, if we had had this discussion earlier things may have turned a completely different way... It could have had major consequences for both of us.

Right now, that discussion had some positive effects. But the choices that remained open after 36 years of marriage were far more limited than if we had had the discussion much earlier... We can't change anymore our lives, neither my wife nor I. She even mentioned that if she thought that I would be happier living "en femme" 24/7, she would let me do it and start a new life on her own. But she said that she didn't believe that I would be happier now (which I think is right). And that for her, it was too late to start a new life...

So after our discussion we came up with compromises that are rather satisfactory for both of us although not perfect.

If you decide to put the discussion on the table right now, you will have to be ready for much bigger choices since you are still very young... Many avenues are still opened... None will be paved with roses... All will have their pros and cons. But isn't that what life is all about?...

Think also that your wife too will have more choices now than in 20 some years if you do as I did: having the discussion too late...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[DanaR]

Very Good Eugenie,

The key word to good relationships is compromise, not ultimatums or control. I'm sorry, but it appears to me that you guys have some real issues that need to be dealt with, crossdressing could be one of them.

[paulaluvssz8]

Thanks for the great insite so far. It has helped me on the direction that I should begain to go. I do understand that there are more to this relationship than just me and just her. But as I study the circumstances around our lives we do have issues and there is a lot of things to talk about. In time we will find a way. I don't think that it is smart to show her everything at once. As that was tried and failed, but maybe ease my way into letting her know that there is a part of me that I want her to be a part of. Have a great evening. :daydreaming:

[RobynP]

Thanks for the great insite so far. It has helped me on the direction that I should begain to go. I do understand that there are more to this relationship than just me and just her.


As someone who has been there, done that, and has the check stubs from paying alimony and child support, let me suggest:

Please do keep your kids as your priority!

My wife and I got to a point in our relationship where we both had it. I could not accept her non-acceptance. She hated my constant escalations and lies. So we agreed to divorce. However, our kids were still young so I proposed holding off until they graduated from high school. And she agreed. And it almost worked...


But as I study the circumstances around our lives we do have issues and there is a lot of things to talk about. In time we will find a way. I don't think that it is smart to show her everything at once. As that was tried and failed, but maybe ease my way into letting her know that there is a part of me that I want her to be a part of.

We ALL have issues and often CDing is such a huge issue on top of everything else, it has the potential to blow the relationship apart.

I do not think it is smart to show her ANYTHING but I am not suggesting that you keep it a secret, either.

I think that you have to try to understand WHY she has given you the ultimatum. Her objections and fears may be valid or maybe they are incorrect. Your role as the husband is NOT to correct her or to educate her or show her the error of her thinking. You must allow your wife to own her thoughts and feelings no matter how wrong you think they are. She may be frightened or scared. As her husband you should not give her books about CDing no matter who wrote them. It will just make her more frightened, more scared. You need to give her strength, support, security, and love. She feels that your CDing is threatening her and your kids. And by extension that means that YOU are threatening her and your kids. What is a husband supposed to do when his family is threatened? Go shopping??? NO, Protect them!!

Now what about your incredibly strong desires to CD that have been hidden for so long? What about your needs? Just as you have to understand your wife's concerns and fears about CDing, she has to know what is going on inside you as well. This does not mean she has to accept it or understand it. She at least should acknowledge your thoughts. This does not mean that you can CD whenever or however you want. It does mean that there are no secrets, no misunderstandings, and no power struggles.

Your wife is going to have to suck it up and acknowledge what is going on inside her husband. She will then have to figure out what SHE wants to do with her feelings. Does she get some education? Does she continue to be negative about the CDing? Whatever it is, it is HER choice. You are going to have to suck it up and acknowledge that the CDing is a threat to her, right or wrong. Keeping it a secret is also a threat to her...

When you married her you made a promise to her and based on your promises to each other you started a family. Because you made that promise, you need to be responsible in restricting your actions for the greater good of your family (if you wish to continue to be a part of a family).

We often think that the CDers here on this board who have a supporting wife or girlfriend are lucky. Speaking from my heart, every CDer who has a wife, supporting or not, and kids is VERY, VERY FORTUNATE. Our role as husbands and fathers can be summed up in one word: FAMILY as in...

Forget
About
Me,
I
Love
You!

Peace,
Robyn P.

[Emily Anderson]

Paula,

From your thread, I don't get any sense of how strong your marriage really is. You need to think very carefully about how important crossdressing factors into your life and what other things are going on in your marriage...

I went through a smilar experience to yours (as many have), and made some of the same mistakes - not telling all at first, then going too fast after letting her know - but in the end, I decided that crossdressing was more important to me than the marriage.

That probably sounds very selfish when put into just a few words, but the reality is that we tried counceling and "arranagements" and such. The more deeply I looked at the situation, the more I realized that the issues in the marriage were not only related to crossdressing, but also to a multitude of other factors.

The councelling was very interesting, because it helped me realize that I was suppressing a lot of my real feelings because of the guilt surrounding the fact that I crossdress. In other words, I was accepting a mediocre situation because I felt that I didn't deserve better, or couldn't get any better.

Of course, your situation may be entirely different. My key point here is that you need to take crossdressing out of the equation, evaluate the overall marriage, add the crossdressing back in and then decide how you feel. This exercise does not take two seconds!

I'm happily divorced, see my kids on a regular basis, and still get on fine with the ex-wife. Other than that, I dress up as often as I like and on my own terms.

[donnapink]

I was going to add my advise but I was blown away with Robyn P.'s reply.
BRAVO! to Robyn I especially like the Family example of self sacrifice.
Good luck, God speed just reflect on your family.

[carhill2mn]

Based upon her reaction as well as my own experiences, I would suggest that you not make your CDing any more of an issue than it already is at this time. It is a very big risk and I doubt that you are wanting to pay the price right now.

[Satrana]

Paula

It is always very sad to hear a spouse give an ultimatum like this, it is very selfish of her. I am not sure why others are reminding you to think about the kids when it is your wife who is placing her prejudices ahead of the welfare of your kids. In a marriage when there is an impasse, compromise is the name of the game not ultimatums.

Since she has placed the guilt trap squarely on your shoulders, it is up to you to be the responsible partner. Ensuring your children have a happy and secure upbringing is the top priority so take pride in that undertaking and enjoy fatherhood. When they have grown up then you can think about asserting your own rights. In the meantime take care of your crossdressing needs in secret.

[docrobbysherry]

1. How would u like to come home and find your wife dressed like a lumberjack? And announce her intention to cut off her hair, but grow out the hair on her face, body, and legs? Etc., etc. If you're bi, maybe that would be ok. But if your straight?
No? Maybe that's how she feels!

2. Would it be OK if your wife said she wants to look like a lumberjack, but she'll do it when you're not around? And NOT cut off her hair, or grow out her facial and body hair?
Yes? Maybe that would work for your wife, too.

3. R U sure there aren't other issues in your "strong" marriage? Maybe your wife is jumping on the CD thing, when there r actually other things bothering her?

Think about it, Paula!

[Angie G]

I can't understand why some women won't at least try to understand why we need to dress it they really love us. Mine knows it who I am and accepts it. :hugs:
Angie

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

ask her if she would rather you be a drunkin wife beater in stead....:2c:

[Traceyjo]

I have often pondered over the question of telling my wife and quite possibly she would accept it . However I gain so much pleasure from my present situation where I can dress secretly but quite often and everything else in our marriage is good, I have decided not to risk destroying the status quo

Tracey

[Magickman]

Unmarried and childfree is one way to deal with these family conflicts, that is not to have a family.

When I read about the challenges that wife and kids present, I feel happy to be childfree and single.

Living solo may not be for everyone, but it eliminates a lot of difficulties.

[Seville]

DO NOT suggest Alice in Genderland unless you are interested in that life style.

Helen Boyd's first book, My Husband Betty is well researched and a realistic broad overview of the community and IMO respects the CD without telling the wife she's closed-minded or wrong to feel the way she does. Many don't agree with me, but if your wife didn't related to Ms. Rudd's work, she may to Ms. Boyds.

Good luck.

Alice in G Land will land you in divorce court...Boyd's book is much
better. I wish you well.

[VikkiVixen7188]

Im 19 and never been married, what do I know?

[Shelly67]

I honestly think if a marriage is strong , then I,ll wager the relevant partner is suspicious or at least aware of the others behaviour no matter what they may be hiding or getting up to. But , that can only be if the partnership is really strong . I think in fear of the truth finally coming out ( some people would rathher live in ignorance- my wife did ) then ultimatums in reaction can be almost like emotional blackmail and misunderstood . It can be a knee jerk reaction .
If in an honest moment of sincerety ultimatums are issued , then I,d sit back and try to regain some peace before trying to move on and establish communications again - if thats what you want . Let the dust settle . If ultimatums still arise , followed by anger , and threats , then one must ask is the marriage that strong ? But the key to all this is communication . Sensative communication . And honesty .

Personally , the only time I can understand that when ultimatums are positive , is when if another person is involved , or that of abuse with drugs threatening the homestead and family life .

I,d read up as much as you can on this most misunderstood lifestyle we lead before you go further . But , remember as other members have warned , go very carefully , youre wife may be worried , tense and angry at the situation that you have alerted her to. She may also feel frightened and alone . give her support , show her you really care , and give youre marriage a chance - some things really need working at - and fighting for .

Good luck.

[DonnaT]

If you do manage to get your wife to read Helen Boyd's book, you need to set some ground rules. Although her book is well researched and well written, the chapters on transsexualism will likely be a big turnoff.

It is suggested that your wife read only the first four chapters, advancing to the next chapter after having discussed the previous chapter with you. Suggest that she use a highlighter to mark the sections she has questions about or wants to discuss.

[dhampir]

I am about half way through 'Alice in Genderland' and I don't think I could recommend it to my wife. But I do recommend 'Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay' as a book to help you examine other issues that might be at work. You will always be a family, but you should also fight for your own unconditional self acceptance. At least that is my hope for myself. Love Ya All. -d

[FlygrlChristy]

Hi Paula, I'm new here too and found myself in a situation very similar to yours. My wife is totally unaccepting of my need, no not desire, my need to CD, and freaked when she found out, and of course I made the mistake of not telling her. I quit and purged for a while to placate her, and to keep the peace, she told me in no uncertain terms, while seeing a Christian counselor no less that if this behaviour didn't stop, that I needed to pack my bags and get out. Long story short I didn't leave, I fired the therapist, and found one whose specialty is dealing with CD and Transgendered issues. She has been a godsend and has been able to get my wife to understand that this is not going away anytime soon, and can't be cured. She had even mentioned that they had tried electroshock therapy at one time and the desire never left.

I too have kids and didn't want to lose them, so I decided that finding a therapist that could help us was paramount. I guess what I'm trying to say is that a therapist can help but be careful about who you choose, there is a lot of misinformation out there about this, especially among some healthcare providers, so do some research if thats the route you choose, don't make the same mistake I did and think that they have training or understanding of this.

I'm sure my wife will never be totally understanding or even accepting, I'm fortunate that I travel and can CD in a hotel room, so I can keep it away from my family and keep a lid on it.

Good luck, and thanks to all of you who extended such a warm welcome and understanding to a newcomer, I think I've found a home.

Christy

[Melanie R]

Dear Christy,

Welcome to this board. I am also in Houston. My wife is the one who wrote My Husband Wears My Clothes and three other books on the topic. If anyone can't see and feel her pain from her own experiences, they did not read the book from cover to cover. My wife is a very conservative Christian who has helped many wives who are also conservative Christians. I know most of the therapists who are TG knowledgeable in Houston. We do have a fantastic support group in Houston, Tau Chi, with over 60 members and many wives participating. There is also a support group that meets weekly - HTGA - Helping Transgendered Anonymous. Hope we can meet and talk in the near future.

Hugs,

Melanie

[dove]

Most 'significant others' will undoubtedly freak out if told - this is a big problem - I feel the best thing to do is keep it away from her at all times forever probably - i think its basically a psychological aversion to it because a woman may be jealous that you (we) are mimmicking the feminine lifestyle which is sacred to them - and they can't handle it. and if they do find out well - "F___ 'em if they cant take a joke" p.s. sorry about the 'stiff' feelings i have but there really are not too many avenues to be taken in these cases. there is total double standard here!! love:D

[johnni]

I too had this issue and she was ok until my desire to dress was so overwhelming that I was dressing under my clothes daily. She stayed for a year and decided that I had gender issues (go figure) and divorced me. I loved her dearly and she did allow me to dress frequently, but I took it too far when I started shaving everything and buying my own clothes. I even got my ears pierced, got a belly button ring and got a girly tatoo on pelvis and would only have sex while in femme. She asked me if I was gay and I told her that I was not gay, but I would have relations with a man if I was a woman and I was willing to do whatever it took to match my brain with my body. I told her I think I wanted to have a sex-change or at least start hormones and that was it. She didn't want to be with another girl, so she moved out and took the kids too. I was so scared of gettng outed that I didn't fight any part including custody of our kids. It didn't help as she told her whole family about my "bizarre" hobby. I guess it help me because it made me tell my family my lifelong struggles with my gender and has allowed me to start slowly changing my appearance. I won't ever be with a woman again unless I'm in complete femme mode. Words can't describe how much more I enjoy the intimacy compared to my relations as a male. I hope I'm wrong and I pray that it works out for you.

[johnni]

I hope you have better control over your desire's than most. For me, the urge became desire which has blossomed into transsexuality. The thing is I've always, and I mean always, wanted to be a girl and now I can't stop until I match my inside with my outside.