Getting past the front door...

[JamieDP]

I don't know what it is. It has been only in the last two years I've gotten comfortable with who I am as a transgendered person. It was two years ago I fully dressed for the first time, make-up, hair, clothes, everything. I have an amazingly almost unbelievably supporting wife, who knew before we got married of my CD'ing. She almost encourages me to express myself so I can be happy. She aslo gets some enjoyment out of it at times. No one else in my life knows. My parents or mother may suspect as I was caught several times as a child and teenager and my mother was a guidance councelor...from an older era but she was on top of her game, so I am sure she knows something. But everytime, like today, I am dressed as perfectly as anyother woman would be going to work. I think I could pass from 20 feet or furhter for most people...if they didn't stop to stare. Perhaps its the big office building behind me...or why do i care about neighbors I am going to be moving away from in 2 months or less...i don't get it. My wife has even agreed to go out with me in NYC. I go out in the back yard all the time in the afternoon directly facing this office building. I don't know...I am suddenly so confused at how I can suddenly become so cowardly to walk 30 feet to my car drive and come back at 2 pm, even though I stand out back in front of a mirrored office building smoking a cigarette. Maybe its the safety of my home nearby. I don't know. I really want to build the confidence to go out. I am comfortable with what Jamie looks like, but am just afraid as all hell of being exposed outside for less than 3 minutes. Any of those who have ventured out...any help would be appreciated...gettin out is somethign I do want to do...but I just can't get past the front door...

[Emily Ann Brown]

Okay.......

Dress at 8-9 PM on a weeknight. Have your supporting wife leave with you and drive you around for a bit, then pick a quiet gas station and have her pull in one of the far pumps. You get out and pump the gas while she sits in the drivers seat with her hand on the key.

This gives you a security blanket (her) and gets you out the door. Pumping gas will be easier because she is ready to drive you out of harms way IF it happens. At all points in between the car and darkness is your safe shelter. If after that you don't get pumped up to do it again and again then you are "dead" sis and won't ever make it out a second time.


Emily Ann

[KandisTX]

YOU are the only one that can possibly make this decision for yourself. You already go outside dressed. That's a start. Maybe go out the FRONT door and take a walk to the end of the block and back, if that's too much maybe just a few steps and "pace" back and forth. Once you get used to being "out" in an area where there isn't a fence or other barrier between you and the world, you may develop the courage you need to take that next step or drive or night out to a club. Good Luck To You.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Deborah Jane]

I got terrific advice here when i asked the same question in my "Advice for going out" thread.
If you want to try and find it the last entry is dated 03-02-2008
Unfortunatly i don,t know how to get the link!!
The advice worked for me though...I,ve been out several times since!!

[joann07]

Hi Jamie,

The next time you go out, for example, during the day something that you might want to try, if you haven't already, is put on a pair of ladies sunglasses. You are sort of masking your face, but not completely, so nobody would really recognize you nor would it give you away.
As long as you're presenting yourself very well, as you say you are, then there shouldn't be any issue because you're blending in.
One thing to remember, as well, is people aren't normally concerned about others unless a person is doing something to make them act suspcious looking or draw attention to themselves (i.e. looking around, avoiding being seen, avoiding eye contact, etc.). As long as you treat things as normal as can be, and go about your business, nobody will really pay much attention to you.

Me, I have been fully dressing for about a year and a half, started Oct 2006 at my first Tri-Ess meeting, and first went out in public back in February 2007.
I was lacking in confidence, but then the thing that really inspired me to go out was hearing about the experiences and advice of other long time crossdressers. One girl with lots of experience took me under her wings and showed me the door to a new world and I haven't looked back since.
I was so inspired by her confidence and positive attitude that I was determined to get out and be free to express myself so I practiced my mannerisms, walk, talk, dress, etc, until I felt like I was ready.
When she took me out that first time, I was nervous, but she kept reassuring me that I look great and that I am doing fine.
I was so conscious of people looking at me, but when she put things into perspective, I didn't realize that it was mostly men. You see, as a guy, I wasn't used to people lookng at me, but whenever I see an attractive woman I'm definitely checking her out. Since my role was reversed, I am now the girl being checked out because I was now the object of attraction. It took me a little while to get used to it, but now that I've been out so much I don't pay much attention to it because I have a lot of experience, a high level of confidence, and a great attitude.

Today, I go out whenever I want and when I do I enjoy being my feminine self
Whenever I'm out and about, I always have a happy look in my face and I'm never afraid to make brief eye contact with anyone. If do I come across someone, I'm always smiling and I always get a pleasant smile in return.

A year ago, I never would've thought I could do the things I'm doing now, such as, shopping, going to the movies, buying groceries, and even flying. Flying in femme was such an amazing experience and a major boost to my confidence level.
I thought to myself that if I can do that then I can do pretty much anything.

It definitely takes time to build up that confidence, but the more you get yourself get out, the more you'll start building up your comfort level. As you gradually increase that level, then you'll start to feel more comfortable about yourself and treat things as if it's normal thing.
Once you go out, you can't go back because the door is closed and you'll be addicted.

Hugs!

[KandisTX]

I got terrific advice here when i asked the same question in my "Advice for going out" thread.
If you want to try and find it the last entry is dated 03-02-2008
Unfortunatly i don,t know how to get the link!!
The advice worked for me though...I,ve been out several times since!!

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=77930 Do you mean this thread deborah jane?

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Deborah Jane]

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=77930 Do you mean this thread deborah jane?

Kandis:love::rose2:

Thank you Kandis..That,s the one..:hugs:
The advice i received here got me out and about after months of getting no further than the front door!!

[KandisTX]

I myself spent many a night dressed up standing at my front door, with my hand on the door knob. It took what seemed like forever to get the courage to turn that knob. Then it took a little more to take a step, then another step, then another and another, soon I was walking around the apartment complex and then finally into my car and taking off down the road on a drive. Once I was able to go out (my first meeting with "Neutral Corner" a CD group in San Diego CA), I took about a half an hour sitting in the parking lot working up the courage to get out of the car and walk across the parking lot to the meeting place. Take your time, but keep going forward it's much easier than trying to back up in high heels.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[harmony]

dear jamie!
so you have learned to swimm with the safety of shallow ground underneath you.
its time to venture out into the deep end.
overcoming your fear will make it possible for you to experience one of the greatest thrills in the life of a cd.your wife accepts you now let the world do the same thing.
when -not if- it happens treasure the moment it does not get any better than this!!!!

[Nicole Erin]

I think one thing you should do is figure out exactly what you are afraid of.
Well OK let's be specific.
Are you worried the neighbors might find out? That you will run into work colleagues? Just being out en femme?

If it is running into certain people, then maybe arrange to dress elsewhere other than home...

But if it is just being out and about en femme that terrifies you, then use suggestions above, like what Emily said...
So yeah take those small steps. Push a little further each time, BUT stay within safety limits. IOW, don't wander into the local Hell's Angels hangout or the bad part of town.

And someday, you may find yourself at the mall [the acid test of going out en femme]

YOu will one day go where you want and people will be standing there cheering and clapping, patting you on the back, shaking your hand, and saying "Congrats on your progress, my friend...

OK maybe all that won't happen, but things will get better,
small steps.

[JamieDP]

i realized it was the fear of the neighbors and being rejected by them..when in fact i really don't care...i mean given the countless times i think about what a hassle they are for parking over the lines in the parking space...dinging my car doors. I also realized one night last year around 12:30 am, my wife and i planned for me to go to the mailbox and get the mail. This time just a skirt, hose and heels...no wig, etc. and one of our neighbors happened to just come home at that exact time and park right near the mailbox. I think ever since then I've been afraid of this community. That woman never said anything although the way things are laid out there was no way she couldn't spot me scampering away quickly in heels and the sound they made. I think about going out- i always drive my car and my wife hers. So I also know that if someone saw me getting in my car they'd question who was that...it my wife??? No way for them to know for sure who's driving which car, but 364 out of 365 I drive my Jeep her her toyota.

Ironically - i just finally said that I need to "man up and grow some balls" and just go for it from these few comments. I guess I just needed to hear someone else to say it's ok. So I just did it. Walked out my front door, got in my jeep, turned on the ignitioned checked myself in the mirror and drove away. It was only for 30 minutes, but I went to a large state park, parked about 25 yards from a trash can and proceeded to empty my trash in heels and capri's. My goodness was that liberating. Still no one around...but thank you ladies for even the few extra words of encouragement.

[harmony]

ata girl!!!
another thing-its realy not about the passing but just looking decent and not grotesque like a 60 year old in a miniskirt with hairy legs.
you did not flipp your wig or get your knickers in a twist-did you?

[KandisTX]

Great news Jamie. You did it :) Now, what's next on your "out the door" agenda?

Kandis:love::rose2:

[JoAnnDallas]

One of the first thing I did was go out for a drive. then stopped at a gasoline station and filled up the SUV. Believe or not, filling up a car is easy. If the gas tank is on the same side as the driver, the driver door will act like sheild. the pump and island will also act as a sheild. Unless some one comes into your little space, they will have a hard time seeing you. After doing these for a while, I took the next step and walked into a convience store and bought a bottle of water. Once I did that, there was no turn back. Then it was Payless, WalMart, ROSS, Target, and etc.
It all starts with one easy step. LOL

We who go out have all been where you are right now. We all fully understand what your feeling and your fears.

[Deborah Jane]

Way to go Jamie....Feels great doesn,t it!!
There won,t be any stopping you now:)

[joann07]

Good for you girl!
Congrats!
You see, it wasn't so bad.
It's a piece of cake! :)

Hugs!

[Eugenie]

Any of those who have ventured out...any help would be appreciated...gettin out is somethign I do want to do...but I just can't get past the front door...

Well, as you certainly know, you're not alone in that situation... Going out in public is a major step in your evolution as a transgender person. It means existing in front of the "whole world"...

Since you asked, here is how I did for this first step out.

I decided to attend a meeting of a crossdressers association, in Manhattan (CDI NY - see: http://cdidotorg.tripod.com/index.html/)

Taking the occasion of a trip to the USA, I asked a friend (GG) who lives in Manhattan, if she would host me for a couple of days and help me get ready to go to that meeting of CDI-NY.

The fact that I was almost 100% sure that no one I knew would see me helped me making these first steps in the streets of Manhattan. Actually, I didn't stay out very long as my friend drove me to the meeting place. I only walked with her to the car. She drove me to the place of the meeting and dropped me off right in front of the door... There, the meeting with other "sisters" went just fantastic. I came back home again in the car of my friend who came to fetch me back at the end of the meeting.

So the idea is to go out in public in a place where no one will recognize you and where you will feel welcome as a x-dresser.

Now, to complete the story, I'm going out "en femme" rather often and enjoy it tremendously, however, I am still afraid to go out in my home town.

Too many people know me, to many of them have known me from primary school times and have stupid attitudes towards anything that is "different"...

So I go out but only when I am far away from home...

You may want to try going out "en femme" when you are away from home too... Since your wife proposed that you go to NY city, why not try CDI-NY? They have regular meetings...

I am eager to go again... Perhaps, next time I'm in the Big Apple... :daydreaming:

By the way, I :love: NY...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[JamieDP]

Thank you so much for all your responses. I have to apologize for my first post which appears all like an emotional outburst....but i guess for a brief moment i had that feeling of "am i the only one" again as i touched the door knob. it was always easy going some place else and dressing and going out, but I could never leave from my front door. I feel happy today. Thank you all for giving me that little extra support and nudge. I needed that. I am not getting any younger and just gotta get the courage to do those things i always wanted to do and stop caring what other people think so much...i am such a victim of our society and opinions.

-love JDP

[Vivian Best]

You see, as a guy, I wasn't used to people lookng at me, but whenever I see an attractive woman I'm definitely checking her out. Since my role was reversed, I am now the girl being checked out because I was now the object of attraction. It took me a little while to get used to it. Once you go out, you can't go back because the door is closed and you'll be addicted.

Hugs!

Joann, Great comment! Certainly a great way to look at the situation. Also, I agree with you on the addicted part.

[TxKimberly]

Well Jamie,

What you have posted here means your just like most of the rest of us. If you have read any of my posts, you know that these days I go out a LOT, but you know what? In the early days, I used to get all dressed up and stand with my hand on the door knob, my heart pounding so hard I'm positive that anyone on the other side can hear it, and I just couldn't make it through that damned door! It's a life time of training and habit that keeps you from walking out the door. A life time of being told, or just knowing your a boy, and boys don't wear dresses. If they DO wear dresses, they damn sure don't risk going outside in them!
So all you have to get over, is all of societies norms, teachings, and a lifetime of experience. ha ha ha
All I have to go on is my own first experience. I had chatted with two other tgirls online for months and we agreed to all meet at the same day at the same friendly club. So on my first time out, I was with my wife and two other Tgirls I had grown to know and like.
Hang in there - you WILL get out the door! :-)

[StayceeCD]

Big Deep breath... And just GO!!! Thats how I did it.. I was determined and KNEW how disappointed I would be if I didn't go out! I rented a hotel room near a TG event and was determined that this was the night! After all the time getting ready, spending on a hotel, driving 100 miles.. All it took was 1 drink in my room, a big deep breath and walking determinedly to my car.. Nobody even looked at me! What an amazing night! :)

[Suzy Harrison]

To be able to go out in public, you need the confidence.
To gain that confidence, you need to go out.
But to go out, you need confidence...



Yes we're back to what comes first, the chicken or the egg.

I wasted many years, looking great and hiding behind the curtains worrying that someone might see me.

It was only when I came across this site and reading about two particular girls (they know who they are!) who were going out in public doing seemingly impossible things.

It was then I got the courage to get out myself - and was scared silly - so I know just how you feel.

When you first go out you expect the world to stop and stare - but it doesn't. It takes a long time to feel completely comfortable - but I'll tell you one thing - Once you get started you realise that it's easier than you thought and a lot more fun than you could have imagined.

You are so lucky not only to have a supporting wife but an encouraging one too. So the sooner - and the more you get out and have fun ~ the better.


Oh - and the answer to what comes first, going out or confidence? - It's 'going out".
Initially we all have to go out without the confidence; we have to use bravery instead ~ until it's replaced by the confidence later on.

[dominique]

I was once like you Jamie getting all dressed up no where to go syndrome. Then with some guts I grasped the situation and went out en-femme although it was just a walk around the block and back again. It gave me such confidence, then I went out fully en-femme skirt, tights and the other things needed. I was seen when I came out my gate but I just continued to walk to my car. Then walked to where I was going no problems it gave my such a high to know that I can do it. Going out again soon. Sorry about the length . Enjoy your freedom.

[TxKimberly]

Oh - and the answer to what comes first, going out or confidence? - It's 'going out".
Initially we all have to go out without the confidence; we have to use bravery instead ~ until it's replaced by the confidence later on.



Suzy got it 100% correct in my opinion! Her entire post was dead on and this part especially so. The first time takes enormous courage. After that, your going to be having too much fun to worry much about it!

[Angie G]

Baby steps hun go for a short drive go to a pace with n one around and take a short wake and build from there hun. :hugs:
Angie

[jessielee]

great job, Jamie!
so proud of you!
everyone beat me too i but i was going to recommend a deep breath and chin held high.
the biggest spotlight drawing unwanted attention upon you would be acting fearful or guilty.
banish such!
you are who you present.
bravery it is.
congratulations!
jessie

[Sonia Kiss]

Suzy got it 100% correct in my opinion! Her entire post was dead on and this part especially so. The first time takes enormous courage. After that, your going to be having too much fun to worry much about it!

At Boston Pride last year they were selling necklaces with pendants that read either "Hope" or "Courage" ...oh wait, that was too easy, I found a picture on the web: http://www.impression.ca/images/Product_images/Large/NECK60_NecklacesInspirational.jpg
I thought to myself that without courage, there's no hope, and I bought the one that said courage.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Awesome job sis.

So, where we going out to tonight???? GIGGLE GIGGLE. Surely you have that itch now that freedom brings?!!


Emily Ann

[carolyn todd]

Hello jamie,
all i can say is GO JAMIE you don't know what you are
missing, once out the door, there will be no stoping you
its a leap of faith.

good luck
carolyn xx