It's time to give this up...14 months later

[Salina]

Hi All,

14 months back I decided to give up being a practicing CD. I believe I will always be a CD, it's just a matter of whether I am active or not. Anywhoodles....I have made it 14 months without wearing or purchasing an article of female clothes, shoes, makeup,...etc. Has it been easy? HE** NO!
Has it been worth it so far? HE** YES! The reasons I decided to stop are still as valid to me today as they were then. I had been CDing for 30+ years. There have definitely been urges, some strong, some not so strong. Had I not purged this post wouldn't be happening. What I've learned regarding urges is they don't need to be satisfied. The passage of time and a plan on how to deal with them has worked wonders. I still visit this forum....some may say that's cheating....the frequency is getting less and less. Maybe I'm living vicariously through you...I haven't given it that much thought.

The things I wanted to substitute my CDing time with are happening....the money that was once spent on this is going to better things. Do I think everyone should quit? That is a personal choice...my choice was made for myself, and my family. I'm not like a militant ex smoker type.....people are free to make their own choices to wear what they want and that is cool by me. Anyways, that's my update and if there is someone out there who really wants to quit it can be done. I am not guaranteeing the future for myself by any means. This day is the only one I want to not CD...tomorrow will take care of itself in due time. Best wishes to everyone .:thumbsup:

[Dee Jay]

You're a better man than me :)
I often look at myself in the mirror and think "What the hell are you doing?"... But I don't want to stop. I couldn't stop. It would drive me insane it really would.
I have been a closetted crossdresser for maybe 30 years.
My wife/fiancee/girlfriend knew of my desires and hated it. Needless to say my crossdressing was very much a hidden pasttime and a rushed one at that.
Now my wife is fully supporting. This change around happened just before Christmas. I spend most evenings dressed. I have drawers and wardrobes full of MY female clothing. I feel like the cell door has been left open and I'm free to fly.

Give it up?????

You gotta be ******* joking!!!! I've just been given my wings, I ain't gonna hand them back :)

I'm not wanting to stop, I'm very happy with what I am.

Hello, my name's DJ and I'm a crossdresser!
It's the best drug in the World!

DJ

[Stormgirl]

Are you sure you really want to do that? The urge to CD will always come back. I purged because of my background(military) and therefore, can't afford the risk of being caught.

[insearchofme]

Is visiting the site cheating? Well, NO! For many reasons I've had to stop dressing and this site keeps me sane! Being able to be femme, if only here, is very importnt to me. Now if I had to give up this site, then that'd be hard. could I do it? Yes, but I wouldn't be much fun to be around.

Good luck in your future!

[pamisme]

I quit for about 10 years. It did came back, I did think I had beat it, but it beat be. Not that I care about it beating me I have all ways have done it. Started in first grade went with my nails
panted. Good luck to you.


Pam

[TGMarla]

When it comes to spending money on this, and the accumulation of my crossdressing accoutrements, I have begun to ask myself just how much is enough. I have been regularly buying clothing for some time now, and I have acquired a rather extensive wardrobe. Yet, of course, I still have an active eye for this and that pretty thing, and I still purchase.

I want to buy some breast forms, decent ones that will last me some years. I am interested in a new wig, which will also last quite a while. I just got some white pumps, too, so that's taken care of. Soon, I should be where I need to be, spending only on the consumables, like pantyhose and makeup. And of course, a new dress every now and then.

But I want to scale back on the spending, not necessarily the dressing. And I'm hoping that happens sooner than later.

[jennifer41356]

Why would I want to quit?:brolleyes:...I look at it this way, life is short and everyday you dont get to be a girl is a day forever lost, so you have lost 14months, I hope it was worth it:2c:

[deja true]

I applaud you Salina! I don't want to quit, but for those who do, you are a beacon.

I'm sure you'll get plenty of messages asking for your help.

If you want to give it up for good, I sincerely hope you do.

If you relapse, like we all seem to do, even after many years, we'll always welcome you back.

Don't go away. You have a unique and valuable viewpoint to add.

respect and love,

deja

[Kristen Kelly]

Quit for 2 years didn't have the urges, but subconsciously I missed it was depressed replaced dressing with eating put on over 40 lbs. It took a Shrink just 6 sessions to bring out my hidden desires. That was 3 years ago I’m out with bells on, never been more confident about myself, and happiest person around. Dressing is a way of life for me, I may have not been born a girl but was meant to live my life as 1.

[Pandora]

:iagree: Good for you Kristen. I did the same thing at different times, stopping for months or years, purging, etc. I think the word for it would be repression. It's my strong belief that everyone in the world would be a lot happier expressing themselves how they see fit. Be it Gay, TS, CD or whatever. It comes down to a matter of mental and physical health. I've found I'm a lot happier in general since coming to terms with CDing and that it's simply not going away. I also feel better physically, am eating better and working out more. Whatever level of dressing I settle on, it's here to stay. I still have my doubts as well and probably could stop if I forced myself, but how happy or healthy would I be? Life is just too short. And there's only so much more I can take trying to fit into much of society's narrow minded views of how people should be.

One more little thing, Salina. Could you please not equate being an ex-smoker with being and ex-CDer? Smoking carries definite health risks while I don't see that with CDing. I actually really believe CDing makes one healthier.

Having said that, I wish you the best Salina, in finding out what is right for you.

[vikki2020]

If that is what you truly want, more power to you, Salina.If you really want to quit, I think it would be easy; but if you still have urges to dress, then I say why fight it?They don't go together. If someone still has the urge to dress, then they really don't want to quit.I quit for 15 years, after getting married, having kids. I was just busy with other [new] feelings!But then the itch came back, and I'm really glad it did.Good luck!:)

[LilSissyStevie]

Congratulations Salina! When I gave up drugs and alcohol, my old friends assured me that there was no way I could give it up for long and I would soon be back. They, unfortunately, are all dead now and I have been clean and sober for almost 30 years. You cannot choose your desires or will them away but you can choose your behavior one day at a time. This ability to choose our behavior is what makes us human.

While I have no need or desire to stop crossdressing, I hope that others who feel that CDing is a problem in their life will be encouraged by your example that abstinence is possible. Good luck :love:

[Cheryl J]

Is visiting the site cheating? Well, NO! For many reasons I've had to stop dressing and this site keeps me sane! Being able to be femme, if only here, is very importnt to me. Now if I had to give up this site, then that'd be hard. could I do it? Yes, but I wouldn't be much fun to be around.

Good luck in your future!

I agree. I don't get that much chance these days to dress ( that has a lot to do with my own hang ups, though ) but I couldn't get by without regular fixes of Crossdressers.com.
I don't post that much but I'm here most days.

Yvonne

[ReineD]

14 months back I decided to give up being a practicing CD ...

... The things I wanted to substitute my CDing time with are happening....the money that was once spent on this is going to better things.

If you don't mind my asking, other than financial concerns and I gather living with an unaccepting family, what other reasons prompted you to want to stop?
:hugs:

[Nadia-Maria]

Why would I want to quit?:brolleyes:...I look at it this way, life is short and everyday you dont get to be a girl is a day forever lost, so you have lost 14months, I hope it was worth it:2c:

Very well said, Jennifer

Salina, you do what you want. I just hope you did the right choice for you.

As for me, why would I quit ? Being a girl is one of my best pleasures. It hurts nobody. It costs me much less than I can afford, and I can borrow my woman's skirts and jewelry. Moreover it helps me not eating too much for keep a better appearence as a girl on the pictures.
Life is too short for making the wrong choices.

Kisses

Nadia

[Ashley Lynn Swift]

Hi All,

14 months back I decided to give up being a practicing CD. I believe I will always be a CD, it's just a matter of whether I am active or not. Anywhoodles....I have made it 14 months without wearing or purchasing an article of female clothes, shoes, makeup,...etc. Has it been easy? HE** NO!
Has it been worth it so far? HE** YES! The reasons I decided to stop are still as valid to me today as they were then. I had been CDing for 30+ years. There have definitely been urges, some strong, some not so strong. Had I not purged this post wouldn't be happening. What I've learned regarding urges is they don't need to be satisfied. The passage of time and a plan on how to deal with them has worked wonders. I still visit this forum....some may say that's cheating....the frequency is getting less and less. Maybe I'm living vicariously through you...I haven't given it that much thought.

The things I wanted to substitute my CDing time with are happening....the money that was once spent on this is going to better things. Do I think everyone should quit? That is a personal choice...my choice was made for myself, and my family. I'm not like a militant ex smoker type.....people are free to make their own choices to wear what they want and that is cool by me. Anyways, that's my update and if there is someone out there who really wants to quit it can be done. I am not guaranteeing the future for myself by any means. This day is the only one I want to not CD...tomorrow will take care of itself in due time. Best wishes to everyone .:thumbsup:


14 months good for you to each her own i guess i could never do 14 months, i mean i just got off of a two week span of not being able to be ashliegh (long story on why i changed my femme name from taylor that we're not going to get into) because of having a trainee on the truck. let me tell ya he's lucky that we hit a terminal and was able to test out when he did i was ready to push him out of the truck i just had to be who i am the pain of not being me was too much. you want think women suffering from well you know is bad, try dealing with coupted up and locked away ashliegh after two weeks, i really was a b****!!!! But congrats

[susanmichelle]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

A new group to start

Crossdressers Anonymous

[gennee]

I applaud you, Salina. If CDing is no fun or not worth it I would do the same thing. Best to you and take care.

Gennee

:hugs::bye:

[bimini1]

I have not dressed for only two weeks and for me that is a long time. I am wondering where is she. I think I am finally beat down by society and beat into submission to manhood. Sad but reality.

[Scotty]

I've packed away a lot of things, bought more grays and blacks in panties (boy chic shorts) and am hanging with a girl nowdays...(Girlfriend/SO).....Yeah Scottie has an SO now...

She knows nothing of it and I'm not 100% sure she will like it...although she likes my hips and breasts and I don't know if the clothing will go with it.
One day at a time....

And she's a special girl so I have temporarily hung it up as well - BUT rather than purge it all went into a box in the attic for now....:)

I wish you well though!!

[Kris]

I quit for about 10 years. It did came back, I did think I had beat it, but it beat be. Not that I care about it beating me I have all ways have done it. Started in first grade went with my nails
panted. Good luck to you.


Pam

Ok just to add an unpopular response, I don't think that crossdressing can beat you, You allow society to take what makes you happy away.
I don't understand the relapse statement either.. This isn't a disease, it's called diversity.

Hugs,
Kris

[shirley1]

i have gone long periods in the past without dressing but mainly due to lack of oppotunity - i managed to function perfectly well without dressing at one time - but these days i dont want to go without it - it is part of me of who i am - yes i could probably give it up again if i had to for a while but i think i would these days just think that there is a part of me that was missing

[tricia_uktv]

Good luck Salina, its your choice, but be happy. The urge will never go away. just get stronger. I stopped while my kids were growing up. The youngest have now reached 16 and finally I'm free and enjoying it. All those missed years though! No, it was worth it to be a Father. Pity we can't have it all.

[Saralee]

Salina, it was a nice way of putting it when you said you would always be a cd but just not an active one. I'm in a similar position. I can't talk to anyone about it, not even a therapist.

[jessielee]

dear Salina,
good for you!
and good for us, all of us, who carry our femme inside even if not dressing. we are still sisters and always wil be. and our lives are richer for this integretion. and for your unique offerings, as Deja said. come back any time! and be at peace, dear!
very very best wishes,
love,
jessie

[uknowhoo]

:clap: Good for you, Salina! :clap:

And thanx for coming back to let us know. As you know, we see alot of "I'm quitting CDing" threads around here. Invariably there will be at least one or two (or more) "oh you'll be back" or "nobody ever quits" responses. While I believe the majority of would-be quitters do return to CDing, I'm sure there are some who stick with it for a very long time/ for good. I'd expect most who are "successful" in this don't return to let us know (and many don't even post an "I'm quitting thread" to begin with).

In any case, thanx for checking in to let us know, and adding add a a little counterbalance to the "conventional wisdom" that no one ever quits. So far, so good for you, and best wishes to you going forward.

xoxo

Tammi

[Kelsy]

:clap: Good for you, Salina! :clap:

I'm sure there are some who stick with it for a very long time/ for good. I'd expect most who are "successful" in this don't return to let us know (and many don't even post an "I'm quitting thread" to begin with).

Tammi


There are a few girls that have disappeared without goodbyes and "I'm quiting" posts! some were very active members. My question is this - Did they give it up? Did their life's circumstances force them into retirement?
I think anyone of us could quit the outward form of CDing but I think it would be rare that anyone could completely change that inner calling!

Kelsy

[april lynn]

I hope it works for u I tryed but it did not work now I am 24/7

[Tammy298]

Congratulations, Salina!

If this is where you are in your life, it's a tough to do but as in many of our cases, family has to come first. I have been there, in a way myself. Right now, in my circumstances, my wife is fairly supportive of my CDing in the evening and when we're away on an occasional getaway trip.:D But my family comes first and even my work comes before CDing. That's the way I want it and feel it need to be for me.

Thanks Salina, for reminding me of priorities. Good luck in whereever life leads you!:hugs:

[sterling12]

Well good luck to you, if it's what you want. Yes, conventional wisdom is that "nobody ever quits completely," and I suppose if you go until the day you die without doing CD or having a CD thought, you have truly stopped the practice.

I think most people here understand the concept of "absolutes." When we say no one has ever quit CD completely, we honestly don't know. And it would seem incredible out of perhaps millions who have tried to quit, that a few haven't actually achieved success. But simple observation and reading anecdotal stories, seems to put the unsuccess rate at around 99%.

One quick tip for anyone trying to quit. DON'T KEEP HANGING AROUND OR COMING BACK HERE! That would seem similar to a gambler who's trying to quit, hanging around at the race track! At AA meetings, they certainly discourage members who are working on their sobriety, from frequenting bars. Seems like it should be similar for anything related to CD.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[guardian832]

Tried to do the same thing many times over the years:), but it never was good for the one most important reason.............The other part of who I was as a whole person was suffocating and life in general had a different outlook. I may have to watch what/when/where, but the femme part of my being is contributing to making me a better person. I gave her an identity of her own that at times makes it much easier to assimilate and cope with life. Best of luck to you. The 'family' is here whenever you7 need us.:love:

[Nadia-Maria]

I think most people here understand the concept of "absolutes." When we say no one has ever quit CD completely, we honestly don't know. And it would seem incredible out of perhaps millions who have tried to quit, that a few haven't actually achieved success. But simple observation and reading anecdotal stories, seems to put the unsuccess rate at around 99%.


Hi Sterling12,

I share your opinion : "we honestly don't know".

Moreover, due to the drammatic diversity of people in the world, I'm convinced that it is quite possible for more than a few CDers to quit CD completely, maybe much more than 1%.

For instance - even if it is no proof just an anecdote - I was once the founder and charismatic leader of a scientific group, and after 15 years of total devotion to its cause, I decided to quit due to no other reason to get time to be able to do something different in my life.

Several members of the group could not believe I could ever quit for life a lifelong interest since I was aged 10 (hence initiated long before I created the group). They are still convinced I will come back one day or another, and they still consider me a sleeping member although I was very clear with them I was sure of no come back. For them it is just impossible someone to quit after having demonstrated such a whole dedication from being a teenager.
I quitted more than 20 years ago. Before my decision, it was another time, another way of thinking, another step in my life. I just think differently now, with other things in mind.

Due to the variety of CDing and CDers, I'm convinced it is possible for some people to quit CDing . Maybe it's more common that the conventional wisdom tells us.
High motivation can make people do things that appeared once impossible .

Hugs

Nadia

[Karen Francis]

This idea of denying yourself the emotional satisfaction received from cross dressing as some sort of "goal" to be admired puzzles me.

Putting ones lifes priorities in order, and placing Cding in the right order for one's own comfort level seems to be the goal that should be admired.

When you make those choices, you have to be brutally honest with yourself or you are bound to failure. Some folks here need to feel some level of pain/guilt/denial. I just don't need any of them.