Thought I was outed at work

[cindybarnes]

I just thought I would share what happend yesterday at work .
First off, Im a mechanic and other than my eyebrows staying trimmed,,not too fem but neat, I dont think I appear feminine wearing a work uniform,, hands greasy and cut up etc...
Well a couple co workers approached me and one of them asked me loud enough for anyone nearby to hear " hey do you wear womens clothes when you get home ?" Needless to say I was cought off gaurd but am a pretty quick thinker so I answerd,no,,,at least not often why the hell are you asking me that ? He said he was watching one of those Cop shows on tv the night before and they had pulled over someone with a similar vehicle to one of mine,with a broken window .The guy was a CD,,in a town about 20 miles from where I live and was arrested for DUI. He said when he saw the vehicle with the broken window he thought of me.
I laughed it off and reminded him I have eight vehicles and said if I was drinking and in drag I would choose a better car !
Ends up ,the guy really came to me to ask if I could help out and take a job that had to be done,,,when I said it would be Monday he made some joke like your no help,,I replied watch it or you may get a high heel up you arse,,(joking of course)
the other guy there said careful he may like that.
The whole conversation only took about 90 seconds and Im pretty sure it was just a joke but in the back of my mind I wonder, do they really suspect I CD ?
Im not going to worry about it too much but would hope if anyone did have questions they would confront me instead of starting rumors .

Cindy

[Angie G]

A coworker and I use to joke about wearing girls undies I don't know if he did and he never know that I really did. :hugs:
Angie

[deja true]

We joke about it often, don't we? Do 'normal' men?

Are we signalling with jokes that we're looking for the like-minded? Or a favorable response?

Was your friend doing the same? Or is he normally just an a$$h0le anyway and harasses everyone equally?

Sorry, Cindy, no answers here, but there are always more questions, aren't there?

In the closet + all male work environment = paranoia! Me, too!

[Deborah Jane]

It sounds like he was just having a joke with you Cindy.
One of the other lads at work and myself joke about dressing up quite often...We even give each other girls names!!
I,m pretty sure he,s not a c/der though and i doubt he knows that i am!!

[Shelly67]

Been there sister , had a few remarks myself . i suppose in reality ,we have to ask ourselves a question - would it be right to tell them in the first place ? It aint nice i know . I seriously think some folks love nothing more than winding people up just for a good laugh . Its an awful part of life to bear , but if people know anything about each other , then at times it can be used in fun , embarressment , or vindictiveness . And the worst thing you can do is add fuel to the fire and retort back . I,ve had comments on my shaven eyebrows , arms , long nails ect . its a double whammy really , because if a strenious job comes up , then it always comes my way ....
So unless ( like me ) you feel as though it,d go against you ( coming out ) -
just play ignorant .
If it gets too much and is repeated ask em out right .... " Why are you being like this with me - whats youre problem a joke a joke but whats up , I thought we were mates ? "
If anyone need to ask personal questions jovial or not ,and have to do it with others present , turn the question around . But do it in a direct manner . I have and the people concerned told me to calm down , " we were only joking mate ,dont get so sensitive"
My reply was - " see me laughing ? "
It stopped it all .
Thats wht I wanted tho .

I think you,ve handled it perfectly so far making light of the comment .
Well done .

[TGMarla]

Nah. I don't think they know. I think it was just "hey, that car looks like..... Let's crack on ..... for a minute." I really think it's nothing more than that. You're fine.

Damn pretty crossdresser, too. So even if you do wear chick things when you get home, at least you do it well. :battingeyelashes:

[Joy Carter]

Cindy I don't wish to alarm you, but that is about how my outing started at work. I chose to ignore it, rather than respond. Before I knew it, I was overwhelmed and ended up retiring early. People can be really cruel. And will take anything some tells them as gospel. :sad:

[Sinthia]

Cindy I don't wish to alarm you, but that is about how my outing started at work. I chose to ignore it, rather than respond. Before I knew it, I was overwhelmed and ended up retiring early. People can be really cruel. And will take anything some tells them as gospel. :sad:

Joy . . . That is called harrassment, and is illegal. You should have gone to human resources about that.

[Genifer Teal]

Recently a coworker named Jennifer, who works in a distant part of the building, happended to be visiting us for a while. She and I were in another room. As I entered my boss's office he thought I was her so he called out "Jenn, is that you?" I appeared and said " No, just me". So my boss replies "Jenn, Glen, what's the difference?" I just smiled and went back to what I was doing. He didn't mean anything by it, but it was funny.

Gen

[Nicki B]

lolz @Genifer..


I've always found that if I play along and agree with people, they convince themselves I'm just joking?

It's the guilty reaction that will tell people what you don't want them to know..

[Jodie_Lynn]

We joke about it often, don't we? Do 'normal' men?

Are we signalling with jokes that we're looking for the like-minded? Or a favorable response?
Was your friend doing the same? Or is he normally just an a$$h0le anyway and harasses everyone equally?

Sorry, Cindy, no answers here, but there are always more questions, aren't there?

In the closet + all male work environment = paranoia! Me, too!

Very interesting. I bolded the part that I would like to address.
Often times, we give off subconscious 'vibes' to people, and I have also had joking comments made & made some myself.
But, even if we were 'sending a signal', if the other person is in the closet also, then you may have just caused THEM a near heart attack.

I sometimes wonder if there wasn't some sort of discrett symbol one could wear, to kind of "show the flag", without being branded by those not in the know.

[Joy Carter]

Joy . . . That is called harassment, and is illegal. You should have gone to human resources about that.

Not in Ohio Sithia. In fact my boss replied when I told him, "Another Scandal."
I had no support what so ever. I did what I had to survive.

Cindy, all my best to you. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. :hugs:

[Amy Hepker]

It could be that he was trying to find a like person, in other words maybe he is a CDer too. I know I often find myself asking different things like that of other guys. Just jokingly, I would not admit it in front of a bunch of people though. Most places you work though, if you tell one, you tell them all, news like that speads like wildfire.

[Bootsiegalore]

At my prior work I wore cuff bracelets (silver native american braclets about 1-2/2" wide) and everyone used to call me "wonder woman" because of the bracelets....

[MsJanGG]

I guess you never really know do you? Everytime we go back to Michelle's parents and his brother is there they both make comments to each other about wearing dresses... I think both Michelle and I both thing "maybe" about his brother too??? but nothing has ever been said definite either way...

[paulaN]

A couple of weeks ago I was acting out a story about a woman I saw on tv. They thought I did way too good of a job acting as a woman and commented on that. I just kinda brushed it off and finished my story. Nothing more has become of it.

[cindybarnes]

Thanks for the replies everyone,,I suppose Im not too worried about what was said, Im sort of known as a smart ass around there as far as joking goes, so if you can dish it you better be able to take it with a smile LOL
I think it helps that I wasnt left speachless & blushing, but played along. Coming out to everyone is not an option ,at least not now and I am very happy as things are, supportive wife and able to dress when the mood hits me.
Thanks again

Cindy

[O2B Barbara]

Your joking may be just the thing to throw them off. When I got my ears pierced I was asked a lot of questions and received a lot of comments. My response was "just my X chromasone wanting equal billing" and was left alone. I work where we have employee badges and had an occasion where the badge was scanned at the sign-in of an employee meeting for attendance and the name came up as Selena. Several people started giving me the business about that untill I said that was my weekend name. Got a few raised eyebrows on that one as well as a lot of laughs. I make jokes, as was said, small somewhat hidden signals, and am not to worried about the outcome. If a person is out in the open and doesn't get to riled up about the comments, most people will leave you alone as there is no fun in not getting a reaction to their comments.

I think you did well and should have no fears.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I was working as a temp data entry clerk for a while, with a female department head and four women. It seems that most of the guys worked in other areas of the firm.
Once a month the department head would come into the room to discuss safety issues, dress codes, new directives, etc etc.
Every time she got to the dress code, it was gender specific "No open toed shoes, no excessive showing of cleavage, no skirts that were mid thigh or shorter, etc"
One of the permanent ladies there would laughingly crack "Yeah Joe, that means you you cheap tart"
My response? "Dammit! and I just bought those 4" stilettos and the micro mini...."
Everyone laughed and the department head would turn beet red.

[jessielee]

Cindy,
you did so well!
but, that wasn't really your car on the tv show? it was just a coincidence?
hope so.
you're a quick thinker.
all my best,
jessie

[Sally2005]

They are just joking. They expect you to respond with a joke back... They don't want to hear any details, its just an ice breaker to lighten the mood before talking business. However, if the same joke comes again and you don't feel comfortable, just tell the person you don't think it is funny.

...imagine if it was you?...oh oh, well maybe don't think about it!

[cindybarnes]

Cindy,
you did so well!
but, that wasn't really your car on the tv show? it was just a coincidence?
hope so.
you're a quick thinker.
all my best,
jessie

No,, wasnt me ,, just a coincidence but its a good reminder not to be drinking when out dressed and driving !!

[Suzie S.]

Cindy, quick thinking definitely covered your butt on that one! I've been in that situation also. It's always good to have a prepared comment or response when something like this comes up. I'm sure you weren't outed, just don't overdo the 'playing along' thing. :)

[Raychel]

Sounds like to me that you played the cards right Cindy. Laugh it off and keep on trucking. That is what I do whenever the issue comes up. In the end if they think that i am a crossdresser, it won't really be the end of the world for me. :daydreaming:

[Kierci]

Cindy, I am a wrench slinger my self but hey I'll let you work on my car, 1 stipulation though, you have to look like your avatar!!!!!!!

[melisss2u]

My only other thoughts were have anyone ever been outed by there webpage to someone at work?

[Emily Anderson]

I tend to agree with some of the others here. Guys make these kind of jokes with each other all the time, and far from it being an HR incident, they're just having a laugh without intending on hurting you in any way. In fact they expect you to play along with it, which you did admirably. It would be an entirely different matter if they were deliberately bothering you.

[Tiffany Rose]

I would have craped my pants if someone came up to me and asked that. Not sure I would have reacted as well as you. But thanks to your story I will be prepared now :)

[CD Susan]

No,, wasnt me ,, just a coincidence but its a good reminder not to be drinking when out dressed and driving !!

I ssen that video clip on Cops. I agree, don't ever drink and drive while dressed. I would not want to go to jail in a dress.

[Di]

Im not too worried about what was said, Im sort of known as a smart ass around there as far as joking goes, so if you can dish it you better be able to take it with a smile LOL
I think it helps that I wasnt left speachless & blushing, but played along. I am very happy as things are, supportive wife and able to dress when the mood hits me.
Cindy

I think it was nothing and you are right you played along and was not left speechles...so I think all is well:hugs: ..... kudos on handling it with grace!:thumbsup: