why

[fredricaneilson]

why do we crossdress and have to stay in the closet.i want to do more but if my partner found out it would kill my marriage
Is this a common thing out there.

[Shelly Preston]

I think you answered your own question

[Roberta Llyan]

why do we crossdress and have to stay in the closet.i want to do more but if my partner found out it would kill my marriage
Is this a common thing out there.



What do you think that partner will say or feel when "they" learn you have been hiding it from them? It is best to do so than hide it. For then "trust" enters and they really feel bad toward you.

Just my view.

[deja true]

Gosh, Fredrica! This is the big question that rears it's head here every day and still cannot be answered in one sentence. There are as many answers as there are people signed up! Thousands and thousands each with it's own shade of meaning.

If your research minded, go throught he archives to winkle out the thousands of responses to this question.

Read Helen Boyd's book, My Husband Betty for a concise (?)(250 page) opinion.

Stick around. Read the threads, from ALL sections, to get a picture of how all the gender issues are related and seperate. Read the thinking behind the words.

Sorry, hun. No easy answer except the one you come up for yourself. But this place can help.

[MJ]

the thing is you know your wife best. are you sure it will kill your marriage ?.
have you tested the waters as yet . or is this your fear talking . .
and as for me well it did kill my marrage . but there were other issuse too

[Joanne f]

Yes it can kill a marriage but that doe`s not mean it will , some will say that it is the lying that cause`s the problems but you also have to take into account that a lot of female`s want an all male and not some one who wears panties and dress`s only you will be able to judge your wife reactions maybe try making a joke about it in some small way to test a reaction before you dive in head first.
I know what most of the GG on here will say and one is thankful for all their support , but they are the one`s that support us so it can seam a bit one sided as far as i know there are no GG on here that are against us so one doe`s not get to hear their side of things .

joanne

[docrobbysherry]

Gosh, Fredrica! This is the big question that rears it's head here every day and still cannot be answered in one sentence. There are as many answers as there are people signed up! Thousands and thousands each with it's own shade of meaning.

If your research minded, go throught he archives to winkle out the thousands of responses to this question.

Read Helen Boyd's book, My Husband Betty for a concise (?)(250 page) opinion.

Stick around. Read the threads, from ALL sections, to get a picture of how all the gender issues are related and seperate. Read the thinking behind the words.

Sorry, hun. No easy answer except the one you come up for yourself. But this place can help.

Altho I agree with what deja says, the answer to your question is simple:
YES!

[tricia_uktv]

I think its easy, unless you have children, so I must be mad.

What matters most - your wife or your dressing?

[AKAMichelle]

why do we crossdress and have to stay in the closet.i want to do more but if my partner found out it would kill my marriage
Is this a common thing out there.

I just told my wife the rest of the story about my crossdressing 7 days ago. She caught me in her yellow dress years ago so it wasn't a complete shock. I swirmed out of it then and got away with it for all these years. She told me how she dealt with it. It was just clothes.

Telling a spouse takes a lot of guts. Nobody can tell you what to do. The only reason that any of us have accepting SO's is because we told them.

You have to understand that the biggest problem that crossdressing causes in a marriage is the secrecy. The lies and the deceit will eat you up. Did you put the panties back? Did you leave any clothes out for someone to find? Did you leave any mascara on? You will become paranoid double and even triple checking yourself everytime. In the end what we find helps us to relieve stress is also the very thing which creates stress.

I hope you figure out what to do, but always be prepared (not defensive) that something bad may happen. You may end being surprised to find a very supportive person looking back at you.

FYI, My wife accepted but wants very little to do with it. It is her way of dealing with it. Everything is life must have boundaries. :D

[Angie G]

not me hun my wife knows. But there was a time I felt I had to hide it. :hugs:
Angie

[Danicd]

No one can answer your question because we all know how society views us. If we could change anything in this world it would be to be accepted by people for who we are. My personal opinion is that most people think that if you want to dress as a woman that you must have homosexual tendacies and that is probably the biggest fear any SO would have. They feel thretened by it. I am one one of the blessed ones that found an SO who supports and encourages my need to find the woman inside me. What ever you decide to do remember that there are alot of supportive people here to try and help.

Love And Happiness,

Dani

[danielle_from_cal]

What we do is so harmless, it is hard to imagine that anyone should care. But I have not told my wife because I don't even want to know what she would think. Only you can know what your's might think. It's a gamble. I guess you have to decide for yourself if it is worth the risk for the potential reward.

[gennee]

My wife was shocked when I told her. Now she is accepting of my dressing. I can't tell you how you should do this. Go by your instinct.

Gennee

[TGMarla]

Loaded question. Why do we dress. I dress because I like it, and I am compelled to do it. There is a part of me that wants to be female, and longs to present that way. I don't want to say I can't help it, but I don't have much power or gumption to stop.

Why do we hide it? Well, there's a few recent posts (and about a couple of hundred old ones) that address it from the woman's point of view. As heterosexual females, they find it abhorrent that the men in their lives emulate females. I admit that I would not be attracted to my wife if she started presenting as a male. It works both ways, so I keep it away from her.

[cinderellaman]

My wife was very accepting at first. Then she got freaked out. Back & forth for a while. We talked about it a lot. She realized that I'm the same person she fell in love with, I'm not gay, I don't want a sex change. I love her more for accepting me for who I am. We go shopping together. Sometimes she surprises me with a new pair of panties of bra. Our life is a lot better now-no secrets:heehee:

[sissystephanie]

My wife was very accepting and supportive, up until the day she passed away. But.............she knew before we were married. I told her so she would have a chance to back out. Her only comment was, "I can help you with makeup and fixing your wigs!" We were husband and wife, best friends, and best girl friends for almost 50 years!

Do you know for sure telling would finish your marriage? Or are you just scared that it would. Sooner or later she will find out anyway. Better that she learn it from you, instead of finding your feminine things and thinking either that you are gay, or that you have a girl friend. Well, I guess you do have a girl friend, but she is you!! Honesty is lways the best policy.

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, man underneath!

[O2B Barbara]

Why do we dress? I am sure there are as many answers as there are members. I think for each it may have different reasons.

As for hiding in the closet, I think it is our choice. If all CD'ers both mtf and ftm would come out and stay out, demand our right to wear whatever we wish and force society to accept, the stigma may be eliminated. Yes I will share the drugs.

As for how the wife would respond, you are the best judge of that. I do know that keeping it totally secret can possibly cause you to have a lot of fear and internal suffering.

Wishing you nothing but the best,

[suesan]

my so knows, is semiaccepting im gratefull for her

[Scotty]

I have a new SO of a few weeks....I'm not so certain she will be accepting of the minimal female clothes I wear.
But this morning she made a comment about wearing MY panties and then said "oops"....and then suggested I wear HERS...I was like "Absolutely, not a problem..."......

You gotta know the per son I guess (I'm still learning this pe rson) but if you know your wife and don't think she'd approve you've gotta do what's best for you or your marriage..

[jessielee]

dear Fredrica,
yes, there are many of us like you.
i am.
and, the appeal to disclosure will make an honest person of you, free of so much unneeded stress.
which is the worse, to lose her or to live a lie?
2 sides of a single coin, much simpler than ,"why do we dress?"
i have no answers.
but i'm full of feeling.
i feel for you, dear.
hugs,
jessie

[Bev06 GG]

why do we crossdress and have to stay in the closet.i want to do more but if my partner found out it would kill my marriage
Is this a common thing out there.

Because Fredrica,
Society just isn't ready for CDs yet. Its a total culture shock to most and goes directly against the grain compared to the norms that they have been brought up with. Add to that the misunderstanding and you get fear. People dont embrace something that they dont understand and are abit frightened of, infact quite the opposite, they will try their best to avoid it, control it, ignore it, or freak out.
Bev

[Patti Girl]

I admit that I would not be attracted to my wife if she started presenting as a male.

Oh? You wife doesn't ever run around with sloppy jeans and a tee shirt and no makeup?

Maybe you're right and that's why I have it easy with my wife: I'm the feminine one in this family! LOL

Patti

[flogo920]

You have to set your own boundaries- do you want to compartmentalize your life ? Restrict "her" to a set location and/or time ? Not tell anyone about your TG issues except on a venue such as this forum ? The idea is reasonable- if you are in a highly technical occupation it may also e compartmentalized from your family-

Many of us are married with kids and have wives that know but do not wanrt any other data and who pretty much ignore it.

Find YOUR comfort zone and extend it slowly.

Wish you happiness..

Hugs,:love:

Flo

[serinalynn]

My wife and kids (ages 26and 23) know I crossdress and also my sisters in law and my brothers in law also know. And because my wife tollerates my dressing they don't have any thing to say about it. My wife and I just spent 3 days in Las Vegas and not one person said any thing or evan made jestures about it. I wore plunge bras low cut ladies tops and ladies pants knee high stockings and low heels or flatshoes and know one cared

I would recommend two things 1. You observe your wife and see how she would react if you or her have seen another man crossdressing, and then ask a few simple questions to gauge her reaction. If you feel that there isa negative reaction and she is definately dislikes guys who crossdress, It would be in your favor to get rid of your girly things and JUST BE HER HUSBAND. 2. If your wife reacted positively to men crossdressing the ask what her feeling would be if you crossdressed and then wait for her answer. Then you will know her opinions and thoughts.
My wife and I have discussed my crossdressing many times in the last 15- 18 years and she know I will not embarass her or us when I/we are out in public together. Not every woman is supporting of their husband crossdressing, however, there are a few in here that have been pleasentely surprised when and got positive reaction from wives or girlfriends.
It will be a lot easier for you to talk to her BEFORE she find your girly things. Trust me she will eventually find them!