Kind of confused...

[LightWithin]

Hello,

I'm so glad to have found this forum. It would be nice to find a place to be accepted for the desires I feel in my head and in my heart. I'm not sure what to make of them and most of the time, I'm more than a little confused.

I've been interested in crossdressing for quite some time and even experimented with it both as a teen and later after I was in a relationship. It's always been a very private thing and no one - not even my closest friends (or, much less, my girlfriend) knows about this part of me.

Even though I've experimented with it before, I still feel it's a new part of me that I have yet to completely explore. I'm sure that over the next few weeks, I'll read posts in this forum that will help me find my way. But for now, I'm not quite sure how to reconcile the man who is husband, beer buddy, football fan and general sports enthusiast (the traditional "man" things) with the one who sees girls clothes in stores like Aeropostale or Express and longs to try them on. To see my legs in stockings and a denim miniskirt. To imagine the feel of a bra and a halter top.

I can't decide if it's an overactive sex drive that makes me desire women so much that I want to be one - if only for a time - or if it's just part of me that I need to accept and learn to live with. Or both.

Just recently, I've taken the step to start buying some things just for me. A wig, some makeup, some stockings that will hide my leg hair. Even if I can only wear these things for a short time (because I'm rarely alone), I can't wait to try.

And I worry that because of the limited time, I'll never quite master the makeup or the art of being a girl...and so I'll always be disappointed by the experience.

I hope this isn't so.

And I hope to read things in this forum and interact with you in such a way that I am able to figure this new and exciting, yet confusing, part of me.

Here's to the things that make us unique. I'm glad to have found you at the beginning of my adventure.

Best,

LW

[Valerie]

Welcome to the happily confused! My wife recently commented that I looked very different when dressed as a woman: I looked so happy! If you look at the gallery, this image is the one constantly repeated: happiness. Let it happen...

Valerie

[deja true]

I'm glad to have found you at the beginning of my adventure.

It may not really be the beginning of your adventure, Light, but it'll be the first time you've had a group of knowledgeable guides and an army of sisters behind you.

We're here to help and are anxious to help you.

Just ask. Ask anything.

The wealth of advice you'll find here is an education like you've never dreamed of.

Enjoy yourself.

respect & love,

deja

[Kelsy]

Hi Light,

Welcome! Every question you have I have asked myself, I am finding answers and self acceptance along the way. I find that I am less confused because I have discovered that this is the way I am and I have ceased battling with it.

there is a good deal of support here, much understanding, and tons of info to help you. It's niice to have you join us!:hugs:

Kelsy:battingeyelashes:

[TSchapes]

First of all LightWithin it is not a dire as it seems. There is strength in numbers and that's why this is a good place to get answers. We may not agree with each other here on all the fine points, but we are very supportive of one another and to each one's right to their feelings.

So, relax, you're amongst friends, and remember, this is a journey of a thousand little steps.

Love, Tracy :love:

[Jilmac]

Hi LW, Welcome to the forum. Wow, your first post and you have a multitude of concerns. I hope you will find some answers. Keep reading the threads from all of us sisters and you'll start to know a little more about yourself.

You menitoned all the guy things you do and I can tell you from experience that we've all done similar guy things as well. Even though I've been dressing for 47 years, I enjoyed bowling, pool, softball,and beer buddies. I also worked all my life in the building trades, had a full beard for most of my adult life, was involved with the Boy Scouts and served a four year hitch in the navy.

There was a lot of experimentation with clothes (sizes are hit and miss at best), a lot of hiding, too much purging, and after all these years, I'm just now learinig how to apply makeup. Even with all the guy things I did, and keeping a beard to show the world my masculine side, I always felt feminine when I dressed. Once you become comfortable with your guy side and your feminine feelings, dressing will be as natural as brushing your teeth. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[Stephanie Scott]

Welcome, Light! I think you'll find many kindred spirits here, and there is a wide variety of spots along the spectrum represented here.

I love being a guy and everything that entails. I played football in college, spent some time in the military, am a husband and father, etc etc. I love every part of those aspects of my identity. Heck, I still consider myself an "athlete" even though I haven't competed in any organized sports in 7-8 years and am 20 years removed from high level athletic competition. Sadly for my "figure" and clothes sizing, my 4.2% body fat in college is now seemingly more like 40.2%!! (Well, not really, but it feels that way sometimes).

I also love this "girl part" of me -- been there pretty much all my life but not really explored much until recently. Used to be confusing but now makes complete sense.

I think these different parts of our identity can be reconciled with one another and used for our benefit. The "athlete" in me makes me competitive, which is necessary for success in my job. The manly part of me makes it easier to be the right kind of husband, father, and spiritual leader my family needs. The girly part of me helps me understand my wife better and live with her in a more sensitive and understanding way. Balance is the key!

[Joann0830]

My Dear you will find that here is a place of Ladies that have experienced the same feelings as you do and have done so for some a short time and for others such as my self, since I was about five or six and now here at 59 and soon to be 60 in August, I have found that feeling, who I really am inside and letting those feelings come to the top has made me a much better person. In my Jobs in Law Enforcement I found that those feelings made me a very understanding person and when it comes to realtionships with woman, I can understand them and know what they want in a relationship. I found that macho thing nothing but a competetive nature that I can do with out, I am me and really Like who I really am. I had a date once who said to me when I was in my twenties that it was so nice to meet a man who is in touch with his feminine side. Funny is that I married her in May 1973, when I lost her in 2001, I realized how lucky I was to find someone I could be truthful with and enjoy being me. The Moral is to Be Proud of who you are and share it with someone Joann0830:battingeyelashes::heehee::love:

[O2B Barbara]

Hi and welcome to the family! I think you just might find some friends here that may be able to help you to understand and grow, as well as a place to vent without fear. Nothing but accepting family here.

[vivianann]

We are here to help you friend, I was where you are now, it took a while to figure things out, you will find that as you visit here often you will find your niche, and what you like and dont like, you are lucky to have the internet to help you with you crossdressing. you will grow into your feminine role, and you will have fun as you go. I used to be confused also, now I know what I want to do, I want to live as a woman, however I do not want a sexchange.:hugs: Vivian

[Angie G]

Hi L W welcome to the family enjoy your stay. Maybe we can help you figure out how you can enjoy dressing more :hugs:
Angie

[debbeelee1]

Hi Lightwithin and welcome! Don't worry, you are not the only one confused! I'm glad I've got some company now!

[TGMarla]

Welcome to the Forum. I think that many of the thoughts you have hit upon resonate with many of us. You're not alone in this! Hang out for a bit, and who knows? You may make a few friends, have some fun, and learn a thing or two about yourself and what we all do. Have fun!

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, dichotomy kind of does that to you. Too dang complicated. This is the reason I integrated my feelings, much easier to deal with for me anyway.:)

[DemonicDaughter]

Welcome to the family and we are honored to be apart of your adventures. :)

[paulaluvssz8]

Hi, I feel that most of us here have been there and done that. So you are amoung friends and you will find acceptance here. Welcome and goodluck. I too am honored to be a part of your journey.:)

[charlie]

The need and the desires are indeed confusing to a man. Especially when you have seen yourself as the textbook guy. However, the CD does hook you and it gets worse and worse. The more you experiment the more you do. Until finally you find yourself dressing (in full makeup) and going out, making it dangerous for your self (kids, wife, job, friends). Society just does not like us! We are seen as perverts! I wish I could quit, but it is both exciting, mind expanding and fun. Finding this forum and all the advice I read and get from it at least provides me with the knowledge that I'm not going crazy. There are indeed many who feel and do just what I am! Welcome to the forum.

[tricia_uktv]

Yay, Dont be worried. There are people here you can trust. Despite the limited time? I'm sure we can get you up to speed (actually cant get myself up to speed). Hurl stuff our way and we'll manage and help.

Hugs and good luck,