On The Acceptance of My Kids

[melissacd]

Last night I had dinner where it was just me and my two children. I have been meaning to tell them about my dressing for a number of reasons a) so that they would have a better understanding of part of the reason that their mother and I split up b) that I could hopefully improve and open the lines of communication that have not been working so well lately c) to explain why they had not yet been invited to see my new place and to create a situation where they could come and visit and stay.

During this dinner last night somehow we came into a discussion context where it just made sense for me to say something. The right moment had presented itself. So I asked them if they knew what a cross dresser was. I knew that my daughter would know because she dated a boy who cross dressed. When they both acknowledged that they had heard of the term before I said well, guess what and then I raised my hand and pointed at myself.

In that moment I had no idea what direction the conversation would go. But to my surprise my kids both said Dad we love you and we do not care that you like to wear women's clothes. I was almost brought to tears and I was so proud of them for their open mindedness and their love. For the first time in ages I felt like their Dad again and it opened a flood gate of warm discussion and love. I could not believe what was happening and I could not have expected a better response. My son said that he was so happy that I finally opened up to them and trusted them with this. There were lots of hugs and laughter and ...well it was wonderful and more than I could have expected.

I have now opened up a new path for me to relate to my kids in a way that I have not been able to for so long. After we chatted we went to my new place and I could finally show them around. I told them that now that they know they can come and see me whenever they want.

To date I have now come out to many people and the irony of all of this is that the only person so far who has reacted negatively is my ex and even she seems to be starting to come around as she is seeing more and more people are okay with this and are recognizing that I am still the same person that they knew and loved.

I have to honestly say that I was expecting that as I told people that I would become some sort of outcast, but I have to say that the responses continue to be positive and that encourages me more and more to just be who I am and not be afraid that others know.

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

That's sweet. How old are they?

[melissacd]

15 and 17

[Huntress]

Melissa,
You have broken the code. Apparently having done a superb job on raising your kids, congrats. on a grand scale. Too bad your SOONEXSO wasn't well raised (probable supposition*).
Oftentimes what is there is really there. Grumpy close-minded people suck, and open-minded, nice people are just that. Smilie Emos. all around.:D

Huntress

* If she does not have a high hydraulic coefficient, she appears too, from earlier threads.:2c:

[ReineD]

I am so happy for you Melissa! You've raised two wonderful kids. Thank you for sharing this. I also have children who I hope, when the time is right, will react like yours did.
:love:

[Trisha51]

Awesome !!!
I'm so happy for you that your kids accept you as you.
Truly a credit to how you raised them.

Til we meet again,
Trisha

[vivianann]

I am soooo happy for you, that story brought tears to my eyes, it is soooo wonderful that your children understands and have unconditional love for you, now they can come over to your house and it does not matter how you are dressed, it will be be normal for them to visit you while you are enfemme, and you will be relaxed, may you have some great moments with your children when you are enfemme, it would be wonderful if your ex wife becomes more accepting of your femme self, who knows maybe your dhildren will help her to understand. :hugs: Vivian

[melissacd]

Melissa,
You have broken the code. Apparently having done a superb job on raising your kids, congrats. on a grand scale. Too bad your SOONEXSO wasn't well raised (probable supposition*).
Oftentimes what is there is really there. Grumpy close-minded people suck, and open-minded, nice people are just that. Smilie Emos. all around.:D

Huntress

* If she does not have a high hydraulic coefficient, she appears too, from earlier threads.:2c:

I suppose that it also has to do with the time period that we were raised in. My ex was raised with the expectation of men being men and women being women. My children were raised in an era where there is so much more variety than that. Also my ex has the extra feeling of betrayal that she has to get past because I did not tell her until 15 years into the relationship. She and I raised our children the best way we knew how under very difficult relationship experiences after she found out so I have always felt a great deal of guilt about how that impacted them, so it was a relief when I could finally tell them a big factor in mine and their mother's break up. I think for them it made a whole bunch of things start to make sense. I do not harbour any ill will towards my ex, she is who she is just like I am who I am. The important thing is that I can now forge a relationship with my children that can be open and honest about an important part of who I am.


I am so happy for you Melissa! You've raised two wonderful kids. Thank you for sharing this. I also have children who I hope, when the time is right, will react like yours did.
:love:

I share this to show that it is possible to navigate these rapids successfully. I feel that they are wonderful kids and the outcome could have gone the other way. My choice of telling them may not have been a good one (a restaurant) because if they had reacted badly it could have been quite embarrassing for everyone. Somehow though I felt inside the time was right and that they would handle it well. Perhaps that is part of the message, if we get in touch with our feelings we will know when and what is right. So much of what we as cross dressers go through and the problems that we create is by second guessing what we know intuitively to be right.

I wish you the best on crossing that road yourself.


Awesome !!!
I'm so happy for you that your kids accept you as you.
Truly a credit to how you raised them.

Til we meet again,
Trisha

Thanks very much, I appreciate that.


I am soooo happy for you, that story brought tears to my eyes, it is soooo wonderful that your children understands and have unconditional love for you, now they can come over to your house and it does not matter how you are dressed, it will be be normal for them to visit you while you are enfemme, and you will be relaxed, may you have some great moments with your children when you are enfemme, it would be wonderful if your ex wife becomes more accepting of your femme self, who knows maybe your dhildren will help her to understand. :hugs: Vivian

It brought tears to my eyes too. It now opens up the ability to have more dialogs with them. I must be careful not to overplay my hand here though. I will still not dress in front of them until I am sure that they are okay with that. It is one thing to be okay with your father being a cross dresser and quite another for me to be sitting in front of them chatting in a dress. I have crossed a major hurdle and will carefully and sensitively move forward from here. The most important thing is their welfare, happiness and feelings. I felt that I could not deal effectively with them as their father until this issue was known to them. They were struggling in confusion and I could see that, I needed to help them with that confusion. I have done that and now it is step by step forward.


Thanks for all of your wonderful comments. :)

[RitaCD]

My kids have known about my CDing for several years, ever since the ex told them. I have not had any discussions with them but have thought about it often. Your experience encourages me.

[Angie G]

That's great Melissa I so happy for you hun. And you have great kids. :hugs:
Angie

[DonnaT]

That's wonderful news Melissa. Congratulations.

[MarciManseau]

That's soooo wonderful! I'm happy for all three of you!


Hugs, Marci :hugs:

[shalini_ukunge]

Thats so cool. Acceptance by kids are a real blessing. My kids know too, both kids are pre-teen, so that helped too.

Shalini

[Nicole Erin]

That is good :)
I think most kids are accepting of their dad being CD.
I guess kids are more understanding and/or forgiving than adults.

[Ruth]

Melissa, you have crossed that bridge that I am still contemplating. I have two grown-up children who have left home, and they do not know about Ruth. I feel life would be much easier if they knew (and accepted). But my wife is worried about their reaction and will not let me tell.