Is this a stable life?

[jill s]

I have been off today, changed outfits several times, painted toe nails, watched "Kinky Boots" video. It has been a dream day for me. My wife will be home soon and I will need to go back to the boring side of life. She has known about this for over a year, we are at the Don't want to see it ever, it's your problem stag. I don't think my wife will ever change her view that I have an addiction and with enough will power it would go away. We have been married over 20 years and neither of us wants to end it. My only real concern is that this will all blow up on me/us somehow. I always feel like the other shoe is going to drop, I will be seen by the neighbors or something like that and she will have to deal with more that she can handle. Seems like the more I accept myself the more daring/stupid I get with clothing and mannerisms.
Any wives want to comment? I would love to talk to my wife but any conversation about cross dressing leaves a chill that lasts for days.

[CharleneT]

I have heard that there are some good books on living with CD's, maybe you should considering getting one for her. I would suggest getting her to sign up here and see if that helps, but it sounds like she is not ready for that. If you are starting to be more daring, you are likely to cause trouble if you don't get her understanding more. Good luck !

[Melanie R]

Ask her if she would read any of my wife's books (for example My Husband Wears My Clothes by Dr Peggy Rudd). If she is not willing to do this, I would question the stability over the long haul of your relationship and marriage. This is a part of who you are and not an addiciton or lifestyle.

Good luck!

Melanie

[Eugenie]

Hi Jill,

I was pretty much in the same situation as you: wife knowing but not ready to see me "en femme" or talk about the subject of crossdressing, just a bit longer than you: 35 years...

However after a serious crisis we finaly talked...

If I may suggest something; do try to talk to her... I mean a n in depth discussion...

What I discovered after talking is that she knew far more about my x-dressing than I thought she did. I also realized was that I was the one who didn't understand my partner's feelings. An she did really felt extremely sad about my crossdressing. She also knew that I couldn't change my desire to dress but would have liked me to be less obsessional about it...

Things aren't perfect, I don't think perfection is for this world... But the discussion has helped us smoothing some of the most hurtfull aspects of our lives...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Ruth]

I think the key is to realise, as Eugenie has said, that things are not perfect, yet it is possible to live that way. In fact it's almost inevitable you're going to live in less than perfect circumstances. And if you and your partner believe truly in the "for better or worse" of the marriage vows, then you can carry on.

[Sandi jo]

Really try to talk it out more,see her view

[KateW]

It took a number of years to reach a level of acceptance where I could walk downstairs fully dressed with makeup on and my wife not bat an eyelid. The key was to not push her comfort level and take baby steps towards your goals. While I don't believe that she will ever be "thrilled" about the concept of me crossdressing, she loves me for me and knows that it makes me happy. I also act the same when dressed, so don't suddenly become really feminine so that she knows that I am still me no matter how I look.

I too have become increasingly daring / comfortable in recent years and now have shoulder-length hair, shaped eyebrows, double pierced ears and a shaved body. Its a good sign that your wife is still with you having known for the past year. Take it slow and I hope you can both find a common ground so that you can be yourself.

Kate x

[Jodianne]

Hi Jill,

It sounds like you are becoming more and more comfortable with who you are but are resenting having to hide it. Definately time for a talk to tell her your true feelings about the whole CD issue, but remember it's a lot for her to take on. For me, it took the whole "normal" thing out of my lifestyle and I am still worried about what friends/family will and do think.

Remember not to just tell her but to listen to her too. Don't bombard her as she will need time to adjust and get her onto this website - I've found it great for educating myself that there are a whole lot more people out there living this life ie. it's not just us, as well as the comfort I get from the FAB side when I'm getting truly confused! Start her off in loved ones rather than this forum which might blow her away to start with!!!

It's a big deal for both of you but essentially you both need to be happy. Talk, listen, be honest and be willing to compromise and go slowly.

Good luck.

Jodi.

[docrobbysherry]

Have you considered the possibility that your marriage is over and u two r just going thru the motions? Some folks stay together, even tho their marriage is over. U either grow together or grow apart. Your CDing may be GROWING APART to the extreme.

I agree with the others here. U need to talk this out with your SO and come to a compromise, if that is possible. If not, it's your life. U must be true to yourself first! Hope it works out for u!