Need to rant!

[Sandygal]

Hi everyone....Just want to air out a little. I came out to my wife about two and a half years ago. [we have been married almost 30 years] She accepted who I am, but has completly not wanted to talk about it. I keep my clothes in the closet, out of sight, towards the end. The only time I can dress is if I get home for work early and my daughter is taking a nap. [Older daughter 25yrs] She has seen me a couple of times and has even told me that I look nice. I so wish I could talk with my wife some more. I kept this a secret for so long that I thought I would explode. Now that I have told her and now that we still can't talk about it. I'm feeling as depressed as when it was a secret. When she gets home and with a cry of relief,she removes her bra. With a cry of relief,I wish I could put one on. I daydream all the time about us going shopping and hope
just one time she would ask me if she could help me pick out something. I so want her to understand that I can be all man, because the best part of my life is her. But I have that other person that wants to come out more and more. I'm so much more relaxed when I dress as Sandy. Everyone says to take it slow, sometimes I feel like I'm going backwards. Why does life have to be so confusing?
Thanks for listening
Sandy

[paulaluvssz8]

That is why we are here. Just get it off your chest. And someday hopefully your wife will understand you. And you will understand her. And can come to the place of compromize. So that the both of you can be happy. You are lucky that your daughter is supportive.:)

[Angie G]

I'm sorry for you Sandy I remember what it was like before my wife knew I dressed. always hiding things. Always looking out. the window Always running at the sound of A car door. Hope things get better for you hun. :hugs:
Angie

[Ruth]

I totally understand your position Sandy. I came out to my wife about 18 months ago and we are in a situation where she accepts that my dressing fills a genuine need and does not oppose it, but on the other hand she is plainly not happy about it. On of her main concerns is that of me being "found out" by our children, both of whom have moved out and visit only occasionally. My solution to this is to tell them but she is also not happy with that scenario. So we carry on in a rather uneasy fashion and I don't know where it's going.
However, I continue to CD regularly and to enjoy my CDing. I hope that time will bring some kind of resolution.

[Maria2004]

She accepted who I am, but has completly not wanted to talk about it................................................ ..............
Why does life have to be so confusing?
Thanks for listening
Sandy

(Hug Sandygal) Nice to have a place to get things off your chest. :battingeyelashes: Not trying to pick on your words, but she hasn't "accepted" it but is willing to "tolerate" it so far. I was confused about my wife's position on my cross dressing, she was so supportive it gave me the illusion of acceptance, she would get so upset when I was pushing outward more. I finally learned she was giving me massive tolerance and struggling with acceptance. Maybe looking at it from this perspective may give you an idea about how to approach the subject with her. Hope it gets better.:hugs:

[Sandygal]

Thank you all.....I knew I would feel better from your answers. It's just so frustating sometimes. When everyone said to take it slow. I didn't understand just how slooooooooooooow they meant.

[Jaydee]

Sandygal,
I know the feeling. I am in a similar type situation. While I have been taking baby-steps toward coming "out" to my wife for a while, we have not yet had the "talk". Some years ago, I started wearing panties, she was okay as long as they were black with no lace. About 18 months ago, I started occasionally wearing pantyhose. She was uncomfortable with it. I offered to talk about it when ever she wanted, but she never has. I normally wear them when she is not around, but she washes them with the normal laundry, without comment. It has become the norm. Three months ago, I started wearing bras occasionally. Again, she is tolerating, but not encouraging or resisting.
She doesn't want to talk about it even when I try to bring it up, so I don't press the issue. She is tolerating it all as just another of my quirks. I know that someday it will all come out, but I am hoping it will work out okay. In my case baby steps may be VERY slow and frustrating but seem to be working.

Jaydee

[Tree GG]

Please remember you've had a lifetime of TG feelings, desires and actions. 40+ yrs I'm assuming. It's really unfair to expect her to have the same comfort level and understanding as you after only 2-1/2 yrs. If she's anything like me, she never even considered that 'normal' guys CD full femme. Let alone realize she was sleeping with one.

To all those with tolerating wives who aren't complaining, threatening or criticizing, I would like to ask you to appreciate the lack of negativity. You have someone who does obviously love you and is watching....gathering data....to see where this is going....define what it means for ourselves. Decide how we really feel about it. I think this is the stage where the pink fog and going over-the-top femme without discussion is most dangerous. As you add things...like the pantyhose, or skirt, or wig....mention it in advance. It doesn't have to be some big soul-searching, all nighter. Just the simple comment that you've been wanting to add ***this*** to your wardrobe or femme appearance and just wanted to let her know.

I know my husband says one of his greatest heartbreaks is my lack of desire and encouragement for Darlene to be around....he wants me to desire 'her' presence. We went waaaaaayy too fast. From nothing to full femme and public outing in less than 6 mos. Shell shock has lasted a long time.

[Sandygal]

Thanks Tree...Thats why I love this site. I love that a real GG will answer. Sometimes its not the answer we want, but at least I get a real answer without all the cake and cookies. When I get brave enough, I will try your suggestion....Sandy

[TerriM]

I have been married over 35yrs. I told my wife when we were married 10yrs. To this day she hasnt seen me dressed, except before I told her at a couple halloween parties. We very seldom talk about it. But I hang some of my things in our closet and the rest in the attic. I love her very much, but I know that she will never accept my femme side. Luckily there are lots of girls like me in my area and there is always somewhere to go. Finding that balance in your life can be difficult but not impossible. I get out about 1x a month and occasionally dress at home when im alone. You are not alone as you can see by this site.
Yours Terri

[valhalla]

I know my husband says one of his greatest heartbreaks is my lack of desire and encouragement for Darlene to be around....he wants me to desire 'her' presence. We went waaaaaayy too fast. From nothing to full femme and public outing in less than 6 mos. Shell shock has lasted a long time.

:yt: I did the exact same thing. I just went all out because I wanted him to feel accepted. But the whole thing backfired because we went too fast. It's better to go slow. Like Tree said you have been dealing with this for a long time. You have a better idea of what this means. She is trying to understand and is fighting against years of social conditioning.

Wishing you the best.

:hugs:
Val

[docrobbysherry]

I read SO MANY of these posts. I'm sypathetic, but I really don't get why ALL OF U DON'T GET IT!

Let's turn it around, ok?
U come home from work early after many years with your GG SO. Your SO is dressed in some of your clothes. She confesses; she's been letting her arm, leg, face and pits hair grow. Next, she cuts off her hair and dresses as masculine as possible whenever she can! Maybe she'll take hormones to grow a beard!

Then, she wants u and her to go to the local truck stop to drink beer and shoot some pool. Or, better than that. She wants to go to the local gay/dykes/bi club, to dance and mingle. U can go along or not!

Can any one of u who have "not approving" SOs honestly say, " That would be just fine with me"?

[Daphne7]

i proposed a similar scenario on a different thread. It seems to me that for CDers to understand where a GG is coming from the CDer must be able to honestly and truly suspend their own opinion and experiences and put on the shoes of the GG.

A GG is raised to be 100% female all the time. Others model to female children that female activities, not male activities are acceptable. Female adolescents are also expected and talked to with the expectation that they be attracted to men and the male image. Nowadays 100% female includes being allowed to wear pants, be a tomboy and be ungraceful without surrendering their female identity. The world accepts females in a larger variety of clothing. A GG also expects men to be men and not wear female clothing. Gender identity is drilled into people from childhood.

CDers, while they may feel on the inside that they are female, are still raised and treated by others as being male through their entire childhood and adolescence. Therefore GG's and MtoF's are completely different because of how they were raised.

Not every GG who has been raised with gender identity and American heterosexual expectations is in a position to immediately accept of even tolerate that their man is not the 100% man they thought their guy was.

As far as the bra lines go, as a GG i suggest taking the bra off sooner. Sometimes i don't want my hubby to see my bra lines because i don't think they are sexy, so i take my bra off sooner. Do some trial and error- see how long it takes for the lines to fade. If stuck in your car just unhook the bra, the pressure will release and the lines will begin to fade at that point.

Going slow is better than going fast, but understand that not every GG is willing to progress to an accepting stage no matter how slow and thoughtfully you approach this with your wife.