Should I Feel Proud or Ashamed?

[TSchapes]

I have said before that even the people that are my friends, that know I'm a CD, I don't talk about being a CD with them all the time. In fact the other day at work (corporate office setting) I'm talking to a friend where I haven't said anything to him about it in, oh, maybe 3 years. The subject just hasn't come up. Well we started talking about our "Bucket List" and I mentioned some of the things I wanted to do before I kick it. It included a couple CD things, like telling my son I CD, maybe coming out at work. And he's like, "Why would you do that, are you nuts? What would you gain, blah ,blah, blah." And I politely agreed with him so as not to make a scene about it.

But, when I got home and started thinking about this, I said, wait a F***ing minute. Should I be ashamed of my crossdressing or proud of my crossdressing? I know how I present myself, I know how I treat others, I know how being femme has made be a better person. Should I just cower in the corner and accept everyone's assessment of me, without them ever knowing wtf I'm all about? I was getting really pi**ed!

I'm settled down now and hopefully it's the first and last time you'll see me with this kind of rage. But honestly, how does everyone else here feel? Are you proud to be a crossdresser or ashamed? Should it matter? Or should this just be a pragmatic thing of: "Whatever gets me through my life with the least amount of friction, that's the road I'll take."

Because when I think about it, this is the tipping point for me whether I tell people/friends/family about my CDing or not.

Love and proud, I think, Tracy

[renee k]

Tracy,
Here's my spin on your question.
One, I not ashamed to be who I am, a crossdresser. I have friends who know that I dress, and support me. But on the otherhand I have friends that I'm not out too about this side of me that would never understand, and they don't know and I don't push it with them. And leave it at that. I guess it's the don't ask don't tell thing. Those that I feel that would be open and accepting, know. And that's how I deal with it.

Huggs, Renee

[Kate Simmons]

Well Tracy, while, like you say, the subject doesn't come up every day even with those we've confided in, it is, nevertheless a fact and part of who we are. Whether we choose to deny that or not is a personal decision but I, for one, am not ashamed of who I am. Not to mention I already paid the price of loss of family and friends long ago. Really, what more can they do to me?

Being in touch with all of who I am has improved my life in many ways and I will not downplay the positive exchange and encouragement I've received from my friends in the TG community and my friends here just because the mainstream may not like it. I look at it this way. While it's not necessary to go around shouting and proclaiming:"Hey look at me, I'm a crossdresser," we do prove who we are by how we follow through and what we do and the toughest person we have to deal with by far is ourself.:)

[TGMarla]

I think it's something to be neither proud nor ashamed of. It just is. And lots of people do it. Everyone just takes on the attitude that it's someone else who does it, not them. I'm not proud that I crossdress. I just do, that's all. People have many facets, and that's one of mine.

Likewise, I'm also not ashamed that I do it. My reasons for hiding the fact is only that so many others run by the accepted social value that this kind of behavior is to be derided and ridiculed. I can do without the headaches, thank you. I wish it were different, and I know that it should be different, but it's not. So I generally go by the "don't ask, don't tell" method.

So if you want to spill it all out to your kid, more power to you. but if he's in his teens, and very impressed by his own peer group, he may well have some macho attitude towards it already. Also, kids have loose lips. I don't know if you're proud of it, ashamed of it, or both, or neither. But you should think about the ramifications of your actions before you do something you may regret, and cannot undo.

:2c:

[Dragster]

I'm not ashamed either, but it's taken me a long time to get to this point. This Forum was instrumental in achieving that.

I haven't told anyone except my wife, because she'd be very uncomfortable with anyone else knowing because she still sees it as disgusting. With lots of time to explain the situation, I believe most of my friends would not think any different of me, but do I want to spend all that time explaining and trying to explode myths? No, not unless any of them found out accidentally.

Cheers,
Tony

[RebeccaLynne]

Tracy, my take on it is this: if you honestly believe that you would be happier by disclosing your CD'ing, then by all means do so.

However, your friend's opinion has merit.

Not everyone reacts positively to our form of self-expression, and the repercussions could be unpleasant.

As a stay-at-home CD, I have the luxury of keeping my activities private.

Not ashamed of who I am, either.

But it's not really anybody else's business.

[DanaR]

Tracy,
Here's my spin on your question.
One, I not ashamed to be who I am, a crossdresser. I have friends who know that I dress, and support me. But on the otherhand I have friends that I'm not out too about this side of me that would never understand, and they don't know and I don't push it with them. And leave it at that. I guess it's the don't ask don't tell thing. Those that I feel fhat would be open and accepting know. And that's how I deal with it.

Huggs, Renee

I agree with Renee. About fourteen years ago, my youngest daughter found out about me. It was one of the hardest times in my life. She is in her early thirties now, but it took a long time to heal those wounds.

[Andine]

I understand you anger and dilema.

My boys know this is a part of me, as do some of my friends.
My boys are willing to tolerate it, but don't really want to be faced with it ... I have to accomodate their feelings .... parties are Ok , with statements like " Why dont you shock everyone and come as a male this time !" Thats OK with me.

Occasionaly I can dress and go shopping or something, and I find that I mostly pass, with perhaps a few unvoiced doubts, and I am comfortable and enjoy myself. I do not want to embarras anyone, or myself so I tend to dress conservative, but classy ... That still gets noticed. Going to another town and staying in a hotel for a week dresser is a great option, and like a real holiday.

All of us have people around us who do not aprove, ( if they supect ) and others who would not . Its a question of finding out who they are and working around their problem. ( if you want to keep them as friends )

I have found that since I have been going out and since I have been on this site, I picked up a fair bit of wisdom that I lacked before, and that the experience has made me more tolerant of others and probably a better person.

Calm your anger and focus on the advantages this gives you.
This part of you is for you to enjoy.
Enjoy yourself as a much bigger personality than the biggoted ones could ever be!

regards

[jessielee]

dear Tracy,
i feel for you,
for i was just contemplating what it would mean to come out to my 21 year old. my best friends would support me.
if it were only them, i'd be out so quickly.
but, sweet Tracy, i am so happy you have the support of most of those closest to you.
if supported to the degree you are, i would be so proud that shame wouldn't enter the picture. wouldn't have time or place.
also, proud to have such a fine presentation and level yet emotionally senstive outlook as you do.
all my best wishes, dear,
please let us know how it goes.
jessie

[Phoebe Reece]

Personally, I am proud to be who and what I am. That said, there are those that simply do not have a need to know about this side of me. Those that live in my house with me (wife, son, etc.) have a need to know. There are others that I do not need or desire to face en femme. They really do not need to know about this. If they unintentionally find out, I will not deny it, but I will not go out of my way to create problems where there is no need.

[paulaN]

For me their is no longer any shame in crossdressing. I like to do it, it makes me happy. I have a fun time going out. I used to feel shame in being a crossdresser but I am older and wiser now and I have the internet that tells me that I am not alone that's for sure. I am really having a good time with this crossdressing thing now. Whoo Hoo!!!!

[Angie G]

I'm am proud of being a cross dresser but but everyone I know neednot know I dress.:hugs:
Angie

[Maureen]

I'm very ashamed of this part of me. I wish I did not have these desires. I wish I were "normal" and that I had never burdened my wife with this problem.

[docrobbysherry]

That's me as a CD. If I told someone, they may not even believe me. But if they did:

They may think I'm going to suck their brains out!
Or they may think I'm just unbalanced and possibly dangerous!
Or they may think, " How cool, a real alien"!

I know one thing for sure. THEY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND!

So, until I have the need to walk around in public with my "tenticles" showing, I'm not telling!

[KeriB]

I think it's probably like Renee said.. some people can handle it, while you know others cannot or will not. Doesn't make it right, it's just the facts. I'm going through this now as we're (my wife and I.. never thought it would get here!) selectively telling friends, and possibly family soon...

[Simple Girl]

Because when I think about it, this is the tipping point for me whether I tell people/friends/family about my CDing or not.

Will the revelation be just to suit you?

There are people in my life that I know for certain would not accept it and would be hurt by it. I'm not for hurting people just so I can stand at the mountaintop and say "hey, look at me."

I value the specific and individual relationships with everyone in my life. They are all special and for different reasons.

I'm going to say to you chill out....

I do not beleive that the whole world needs to know everything in my life. The problem for me is that I'm not willing to risk the things I value in a relationship because I feel that I should be 100% open. If there is a rejection, and the possibility that I loose a valued friend, I will not risk it.

People will love you on their own terms.....but my terms are this: I will not share with you what I don't think you can handle......and that is an act of love.

p.s......there is no insult like the truth.

[Jilmac]

Tracy, For too many years I was ashamed of my crossdressing for several reasons. One was that I could never understand why I loved to wear women's clothes when I did everything else as a man. Another reason was that my wife gave me such a guilt complex that I hid my dressing from her. Before this forum, I never realized I had so many sisters. I am no longer ashamed and have told my new SO about my dressing and she's ok with it, but isn't quite ready to see me enfemme yet. I have it on my bucket list to come out to my adult children. My biggest obstacle is my son in law. He's a good ole boy from the north woods where the only thing guys are supposed to do is hunt, fish, and drive monster trucks that are two stories high. When I do come out to him though, he's in for a surprise because he will see me dolled up in my prettiest dress while I'm in my coffin. :eek: Luv and :hugs: Jill

[TSchapes]

I wanted to quote everyone that has posted, but it would take me all night. And trust me, I need my beauty sleep. :o

I do need to cool my jets. I don't know why that conversation just hit me like it did. He was being forthright and honest with me, but it had some sort of slow burn affect. And you guys are right, it's OK to be proud of yourself and not tell the whole world about it! Boy, I need to listen to that inner voice more that says stifle Tracy.

Also, I need to direct this energy in other ways. One of the things I have done just recently is join the GLBT group at our company as a straight supporter. Again, they don't need to know my secrets, but I still want to support changes in the company for our cause and this is one way I can do it.

Thanks again, and Sherry, we've always known you were an alien, by the look in your eyes...:brolleyes:

Love, Tracy

[DanaR]

Also, I need to direct this energy in other ways. One of the things I have done just recently is join the GLBT group at our company as a straight supporter. Again, they don't need to know my secrets, but I still want to support changes in the company for our cause and this is one way I can do it.



Tracy,

Good approach. Just play it cool. There are a lot of people (probably mostly male) out there that just don't understand why a guy would want to be a girl.

[Celeste]

Tracy,I am not ashamed of dressing,but I am flattened how others can turn it into some kind of lewd perverted act ,because of their lack of exposure to the subject.For now,I am secretive,not ashamed,and proud.I do see your point though as I think about it at least once a day and am not content with not sharing.It can be hard relating to others when they can only feel and see half of you or you can only let half of yourself out.

[Sarah Doepner]

Terry,
As I see it there are two questions there. The first is how you view yourself and your level of acceptance for your crossdressing. That answer is a resounding "I'm just fine thank you very much!"
The second question has more to do with how open you may be to other peoples problems understanding our life in the gender borderlands. Regardless of how positive you feel about yourself, there are people who; a) don't get it now, b) probably won't get it in like, for, forever and c) just may act out in ways that won't benefit your relationship with them.

Do sleep on it and good luck with finding your way though this quandry. If you find the answer, please share, because I don't have a clue, just questions.

Sarah

[harmony]

offering yourself up as your true self without mask or anything hidden is a true piece of humanity.
on the other hand one does not throw pearls to the pigs!!
deciding who is worth it is the question.

[Farrah]

Many of us will say we're proud, amongst one another, but i think a lot of us are ashamed. Because if we weren't what we do would not be a big secret. Think about it. As a child when you make an "A" on your test you were proud. You didn't get advice on how i should tell someone I got an "A" by contrast you get an "F" you're trying to figure out a way to tell, because you're ashamed and scared of the consequences.

I'm not knocking what we do, b/c i know we love being cd, but really, can we all say we're proud to be cd's?

[renee k]

Also, I need to direct this energy in other ways. One of the things I have done just recently is join the GLBT group at our company as a straight supporter. Again, they don't need to know my secrets, but I still want to support changes in the company for our cause

Way to go Tracy!! I admire you for your efforts!! We all need to work and educate the public.

Huggs, Renee

[O2B Barbara]

I am not proud nor ashamed, CD is just a part of me. I do not come out to everyone nor advertise the fact that I CD because it just makes life easier with a lot fewer problems and negative comments. If a stranger were to approach and ask straight out if I CD I would answer yes.

[DonnaT]

No shame here, and never has been. But that doesn't mean I'd tell everyone unless there was a need for them to know.

Like telling my kids. It's a lot better than having to run and hide, or worrying about discovery.

[Eileen]

There was a time, I never thought I would go out in public, because of fear of being laughed at, loss of job, my wife's concerns and more. Now Eileen is out living and working f/t. If asked, I will say I am a transwoman. Otherwise I go about my life much like any GG. Last year, I came out to a few of my relatives, neighbors and friends. Buy now I am sure the number who know about Eileen has grown. Really we are all just being who we are and waiting for society to realize we are just women with a slightly different spin.

Eileen

[Carly D.]

When I think of "bucket list" I'm thinking that I just was given a set amount of time to live (like a year or whatever) and I think if I were to find out about this I would or might tell people that I crossdress.. or I might just start wearing my Carly clothes and just be...

[trannie T]

As Popeye said, "I yam what I yam

I am neither proud nor ashamed to be a crossdresser. It is merely what I am, I don't think it was my decision.

[darla_g]

Hi Tracy,
interesting thread.

I kind of agree with the position Marla stated.

My wife certainly knows because Darla was basically born in front of her, my two teen age kids don't but probably have suspicions.

It it s not socially accepted and i know would cause problems wit my job.

[Sophia KT]

Be happy and proud, in yourself.

I don't really care about other people's thoughts (non tvs, etc.), and have no desire to engage with them.

So there!

Sophia:tongueout