Lost my shopping buddy, looking for courage

[Jill]

Here's the short of it. I have a close friend that knows that I dress and in the past has gone shopping with me as a front and I have been very comfortable when I'm with her while shopping. I'm dying to go shopping again but my shopping buddy's boyfriend has explicitly asked her not to hang out with any of her guy friends... Even though I've known her longer then he has and we've always just been friends. Anyway, I have now lost my shopping buddy and I am trying to talk myself into going shopping by myself.

A couple things to keep in mind is that I have previously been absolutely terrified to do this on my own in the past. It's probably only a big deal because I make it a big deal. I do live in a pretty conservative area that I have lived in my whole life. So not only is it a conservative area but it's not uncommon for me to run into people I know while I'm out.

Anyone have any profound ideas or words of encouragement to get me out there?

[danielle_from_cal]

I guess that shopping for womens clothes is a lot luck public speaking; it seems a lot scarier than it is. I used to almost die if I had to make a speach, but now I just do it and it is no big deal. Shopping for womens clothes is another story. I just have not had enough practice at it. I would love to have a shopping buddy as you had.

But, since you do not have that any longer, it looks like you will have to do it on your own. I suggest that you practice in a city that is distant from where you live. You will probably feel more comfortable and will not likely be spotted by someone you know. I also suggest that, if you do not mind shopping there, go to K-Mart. The reason I suggest this is because you will never get any sales person asking you if you need assistance. You are really on your own. And they actually have some fairly decent clothes at low prices. After shopping there a couple of times you might want to move on to full service stores.

Anyway, good luck. I look forward to reading posts in regard to your experience.

[Angie G]

Wish you lived here Jill I would go with you. Even if I'm not buying I like to walk and window shop :hugs:
Angie

[Jill]

Here's a second part to my question. Anyone have a good arsenal of lines they use? "It's for my girlfriend," "I've got an ebay business.." anything like that?

[Jodi]

Jill, Here is a great line. Smile at the SA and say "It's for me. I'm a crossdresser. Please help me pick out a great outfit." Works for me every time.

Jodi

[Jill]

I guess that shopping for womens clothes is a lot luck public speaking; it seems a lot scarier than it is. I used to almost die if I had to make a speach, but now I just do it and it is no big deal. Shopping for womens clothes is another story. I just have not had enough practice at it. I would love to have a shopping buddy as you had.

But, since you do not have that any longer, it looks like you will have to do it on your own. I suggest that you practice in a city that is distant from where you live. You will probably feel more comfortable and will not likely be spotted by someone you know. I also suggest that, if you do not mind shopping there, go to K-Mart. The reason I suggest this is because you will never get any sales person asking you if you need assistance. You are really on your own. And they actually have some fairly decent clothes at low prices. After shopping there a couple of times you might want to move on to full service stores.

Anyway, good luck. I look forward to reading posts in regard to your experience.

You know what's funny, public speaking doesn't really bother me.



Jill, Here is a great line. Smile at the SA and say "It's for me. I'm a crossdresser. Please help me pick out a great outfit." Works for me every time.

Jodi

I'm mortified of people knowing though, I live in a very conservative area, that wouldn't go over well.

[Lora Olivia]

I guess you are talking about being in drab but really why worry about it too much you don't owe anyone an explanation for what you buy

[DanaR]

Jill,

Just go to a mall and look around. You might even talk to a SA and tell her you are looking for something for your wife/GF/mother or anyone else you would like to call her. Try it a couple of times and it gets easier.

I feel sorry for your friend though. Her BF telling her whom she can have as friends, sounds like a big control issue. Keep in touch with her; you might still have a chance later when she realizes what her BF is doing to her.

[Stargirl]

Take a lightweight mannequin torso, and tell people "This is My Aunt Ruby. She's my size, and I don't have to bop in and out of dressing rooms."

I enjoy seeing people gawk. Like little birds. Ruby wouldn't need arms if you are just trying on a blouse. Stick her in the kiddy seat. What's the worst that could happen ? You are asked by management to leave ? Take Ruby to a diner. Or a movie.

[DanaR]

Take a lightweight mannequin torso, and tell people "This is My Aunt Ruby. She's my size, and I don't have to bop in and out of dressing rooms."

I enjoy seeing people gawk. Like little birds. Ruby wouldn't need arms if you are just trying on a blouse. Stick her in the kiddy seat. What's the worst that could happen ? You are asked by management to leave ? Take Ruby to a diner. Or a movie.

You wouldn't be able to sneak into places without others watching, very good!

[pantyhosedlegs]

I used to be very uncomfortable shopping many years ago, but since about 4 or 5 years my attitude is as if im buying drab clothes and nobody cares what ur buying as long as u pay. I wear pantyhose and girdles all the time and i just went this weekend to stock up on pantyhose at sears cause they were on sale, I even asked the sale lady for a particular brand and she was very helpful trying to find them for me. It is all in the attitude that u reflect and how u feel, if u just shop the way u normally shop for drab no one will notice u, if u look really nervous u look like u wanna steel something and then u attract attention. Try my attitude, and that is that im a customer in this store purchasing products that are for sale on selfs, the more i buy the more i am a valued customer.

[KatrinaAshley]

Instead of finding a new buddy why not fix the cause of the trouble? It's not fair to her to give up friends because of a new overprotective boyfriend. How would he like being denied the opportunity to hang out with his friends? Just a suggestion.

[DanaR]

Instead of finding a new buddy why not fix the cause of the trouble? It's not fair to her to give up friends because of a new overprotective boyfriend. How would he like being denied the opportunity to hang out with his friends? Just a suggestion.

Actually, this would be a great thing you could do for your friend. Does he want her to stop seeing her girl friends as well?

[Jill]

Actually, this would be a great thing you could do for your friend. Does he want her to stop seeing her girl friends as well?

Well, the way she put it was that she wasn't comfortable with him hanging out with female friends either so they have a mutual agreement to not have friends of the opposite sex. I guess that shows that they are both pretty untrusting and pretty insecure about the relationship but whatever, it's not my life. I tried talking her into it, unsuccessfully.

[Joy Carter]

Here's a second part to my question. Anyone have a good arsenal of lines they use? "It's for my girlfriend," "I've got an ebay business.." anything like that?

I never make excuses. But then I never say who it's for either. :battingeyelashes:

[CD Susan]

I used to feel the same way but I overcame it many years ago. I first started buying womens clothes back in the 70's. I bought most of my things at thift stores, goodwill and salvation army stores. In all those hundreds of times I did I was never even one time hasseled by a sales clerk. If I wanted to use the dressing room I just carried some drab clothes in along with what I really wanted to try on. Never once did anyone say anything to me. I was always keeping an eye out for someone that I knew and that never did happen either. On the plus side these stores have very reasonable prices and a very wide selection of sizes and styles. Another option is to go to a Walmart in a city where you are not likely to be recognized and use the self checkout lane. Shopping just before Chrismas and Valentines day is so easy, nobody questions any thing you buy and they even ask if you want a gift reciept. Say yes to the gift reciept and that is the perfect cover. Hope this helps.

[Jill]

I would imagine that most SA's that work in female clothing stores are pretty used to seeing the occasional solo male. You know? I mean I'm sure of the SA's that have been there awhile can pin us down almost instantly.

I'm really not sure why this creates so much fear for me.

[CD Susan]

Here is a tip I forgot to include in the previous post. If you are married always wear your wedding ring. If you are single buy a cheap one. When at the checkout discreetly flash your ring at the clerk and when they see it they will assume the purchase is for your wife. Again a perfect cover.

[Jill]

Here is a tip I forgot to include in the previous post. If you are married always wear your wedding ring. If you are single buy a cheap one. When at the checkout discreetly flash your ring at the clerk and when they see it they will assume the purchase is for your wife. Again a perfect cover.

That is a good tip, where does one get a cheap, fake wedding ring?

[victoriamwilliams1]

Here is a tip I forgot to include in the previous post. If you are married always wear your wedding ring. If you are single buy a cheap one. When at the checkout discreetly flash your ring at the clerk and when they see it they will assume the purchase is for your wife. Again a perfect cover.

This is true!

Also your friend has trust issues with her boyfriend and he did what and male would do and say, I give up my opposite sex friends and you give up yours.

[Michelle_CD]

Jill if I went out dressed I would go with you. I usually go in drab. I agree with you that Utah is a small world and its always possable to run into someone you know. It hasn't happened to me yet but I always try to shop a few miles from home. Kohls has been a good place for me as well as Ross, TJ maxx and Mervyns. You might also try the malls in the other towns.

[Jill]

Jill if I went out dressed I would go with you. I usually go in drab. I agree with you that Utah is a small world and its always possable to run into someone you know. It hasn't happened to me yet but I always try to shop a few miles from home. Kohls has been a good place for me as well as Ross, TJ maxx and Mervyns. You might also try the malls in the other towns.

Oh I wouldn't go dressed, I plan on going in guy mode.

[Michelle_CD]

Well I guess if one guy gets odd looks around here shopping for womens cloths then two would be out of the question. Just go for it.

[CD Susan]

Michelle CD, love your avatar. I have always liked mirror pics. Very cool.

[CD Susan]

If you want to buy a cheap wedding band try a pawn shop. Also some of the "dollar general" type stores sell kids play rings that can look like the real thing.

[Farrah]

Actually its not as hard as you think. Really its kinda fun. i usually go ahead and tell the SA that i'm shopping for me, usually they are really nice about it even if they do have any reservations. Some stores my even let you try clothes on. I would say go to a womens store. There will be no men there to look at you funny. Women to me are not a harsh as a man. You can even ask other women that are shopping. Its really fun!

[Sally2005]

...go dressed, her boyfriend will just think you are one of her girlfriends! You can get fake engagement rings at walmart for about $5. Otherwise, just do it, the fear will decrease the more you do it.

[Andine]

Jill!

Your shopping friend has a very narrow minded partner .... There is no way that that is going to last very long! If they are so insecure about their relationship then you may be certain that there are likely to be other problems as well.
She will be back!
However you should take this opportunity to grow your self esteem and confidence. If you think that you pass reasonably well, then take the bull by the whatevers, and get out there ... After being petrified the first couple of times you will find that it isn't as hard as all that.
Best to go to somewhere a few miles away and try it out first. The ski resorts in your area are full of tourists ( I have skied there a few times ) and these people are likely to be very diverse. If you dress reasonably classy and wonder around the shops and bars, you will fit in easily.

My experience is that women are the most likely to make me as a CD, but they take it as a compliment! Men who know me do not recognise me. I'm too different, even though I have the same long hair, styled the same or similar way. Men who do not know me never twig that I am not what I seem. Men just see skirt, heels , boobs .... wont look at the face as they don't want to be seen staring! They will look at you from behind, but who cares?
if it realy worries you ... disguise yourself a bit ... long hair over the face a bit, sunglasses ( womens ones ) a hat or a scarf, makeup, lipstick. Hell no one will recognise you!!

Its not that hard ... just act natural and get your manerisms correct!
Get out there and have fun!!
Regards

[shalini_ukunge]

Jill,

I take it that you will be going shopping in drab, for women's clothes, right? NO big deal LOTS of guys shop for their wives, GFs, other members of their family.

I do shop a lot for myself, my SO AND some GG friends when I travel. I have a fool-proof method (I think).

I take along a written list of things I need to buy. I do add a few extra suff too, and tick them off, pretending that I have already bought them. Then I browse around with the list in hand, which includes all kinds of femme stuff, clothes, lingerie (with size, colour or basic design like underwire, etc if you wish), shapewear, shoes (with size), cosmetics (with colours or numbers) etc. Many times fellow GG shoppers have graciously come over to help "this clueless, but nice guy" who is diligently shopping for his gf/SO/wife/Whoever...

Good luck.

Shalini

[Jill]

Jill,

I take it that you will be going shopping in drab, for women's clothes, right? NO big deal LOTS of guys shop for their wives, GFs, other members of their family.

I do shop a lot for myself, my SO AND some GG friends when I travel. I have a fool-proof method (I think).

I take along a written list of things I need to buy. I do add a few extra suff too, and tick them off, pretending that I have already bought them. Then I browse around with the list in hand, which includes all kinds of femme stuff, clothes, lingerie (with size, colour or basic design like underwire, etc if you wish), shapewear, shoes (with size), cosmetics (with colours or numbers) etc. Many times fellow GG shoppers have graciously come over to help "this clueless, but nice guy" who is diligently shopping for his gf/SO/wife/Whoever...

Good luck.

Shalini

Yes, you are correct, I intend to go in guy mode. I don't even come close to passing, going in drag would only make me more conspicuous. I do like the list idea but I think it would be hard to make a list for what I intend to do, I want to go shopping at Ross that has good deals on some really cute clothes. One idea that I also had was that I should talk on my phone while I'm shopping, it would make me less nervous and make me appear more comfortable, it would also prevent any potential interactions with people I don't want to talk to.

I actually intend to spend kind of a lot, I want to go on a bit of a spree and I figure that would draw more attention to me as well.

[jackie_p]

That is a good tip, where does one get a cheap, fake wedding ring?

Try shopping online for "Plain" wedding bands. You can get a real one
for as little as 50 or 60 dollars. Might be worth the investment.

BTW: This is a very good tip. I used this all the time and never get
questioned at all.

Jackie

[RitaCD]

Jill, Here is a great line. Smile at the SA and say "It's for me. I'm a crossdresser. Please help me pick out a great outfit." Works for me every time.

Jodi

I'm with Jodi. I used to tell the SAs that I was shopping for my wife, mother, or sister. Now I just tell them up front that it is for me. The SAs are usually very helpful.

[Nicole Erin]

So take a stroll around the store you want to buy something and make sure you don't know anyone there. Then, do your shopping, keeping an eye on who goes in the store, buy your stuff, and slide on out.

No need to explain your purchases to the cashier.

Most cashiers won't ask anyways. Men will not ask if it is for you, it would threaten their masculinity to even think that. The very rare loud one who will ask will be a woman.

Just look for the most timid looking cashier and go thru her line, if it is a female.

Do be careful though cause sometimes they announce it over the intercom when a man is in the women's dept shopping.