It takes balls to wear a dress!

[tamarav]

I first coined that phrase years ago in response to wearing high heels on grass in a skirt. I know, my big mistake, but I looked good!

To all of you that think it takes raw courage and stamina to have the guts to step out of the house dressed to the nines, I say, you are right! That is the biggest step you can ever take. Fear of all sorts of things stops us over and over from making our foray into the public. Our worst fear is being embarrassed in public by being pointed out.

One of my co-workers once told me that if I didn't develop a thicker skin I would never get out in the open. I didn't like the way she put it but she was right. The absolute desire to be seen in femme with the overwhelming fear of being discovered makes many of us stay hidden.

Now that I am out and about daily I am finding that 99.9% of my fears were false. Not that many people really care what you are wearing, they are probably looking at you as a sort of celebrity or some avant garde person. We all look for the people that stand out and stand above the crowd, now it is us!

Take a couple of deep breaths, chew your gum, step out of the car and go for it. Make sure you have planned your route and have spare keys in your purse so you don't have to call AAA (don't ask!) Walk in one end of the mall and out the other, return to your car, let your heart rate return to normal and do it again until you realize that no one really cares. Just hold your head up and smile at anyone that looks at you. You have a plan, they don't.

Above all enjoy what you do.

Your out and about sis,

Tami

[JoAnnDallas]

I work on three principles.

1. Act like you belong there
2. Act like you do this everyday
3. Smile at anyone that looks at you.

Since I started going out back in 2005, this has served me well.

Yes, it was scary the first few times, but like you said, once you notice that no one is really looking at you, the fear melts away.

[pamela_a]

Very well said and very true Tami. In many instances, but I'm sure not all, we are our own worst enemies. We create fear out of our own insecurities and hide for no reason.

As Tami said, have a plan and follow through. Take that step and go to the mall. The hardest thing you'll do is open the car door and walk in but I think you will find the world won't come to and end and, unless you are dressed to do so, no one will pay very much attention to you.

Walk with your back straight and head held high and above all, don't forget to smile.... or have fun.


-Paula-

[KimberlyS]

Tami, well said post and I agree very much so. Getting out is mostly a mental game with your self and little about looks. I first got out and about by being out of town and telling myself over and over before and when out:

"It does not matter what they think I will never see them again."

I still use the "it does not matter what they think" part when I am out and get nervous for some reason. And my experience is most do not think or even notice me.

Well said also JoAnn and Paula.

[Niya W]

My first time out was more like jumping out of an air plane. At the last moment I wanted to chicken out but my drill instructor shoved me out the plane. Sure it was scary the first time but I kept on jumping out of that plane.

[Amy Hepker]

Great Plan Tami, and good advise. Most people do not care, and as one person put it in another thread, his mother did not like the Idea he might be a crossdresser, but if it was someone else that was OK with her.

[DemonicDaughter]

You are such an inspiration Tami! I love your posts and I wish everyone your spirit and courage. :love:

[SherriePall]

Yes, it does take them! (I once quoted that phrase here, so I now give you credit). It does take a little bit of courage to take that first step out into the world. I just caution that courage and foolhardiness are close cousins. Make sure everything is OK before stepping out. Don't be foolhardy and plan your first outing for an inappropriate venue or in a less than favorable area. Or for that matter, unannounced at a family gathering.

[Carly D.]

I have been out at night and in a very deserted area, but the rush was unmistakable.. ok no one saw me but the potential was there... sort of the same rush as I feel when I buy something at a store or at a store that I've never bought at before...

[pamisme]

I know what you mean. First time I just know every one was looking at me. Than after a time or two people were looking and seeing me. Not a man in a dress.


Pam:D

[Stargirl]

It takes balls to wear a dress
yes two pink shiny glass balls peeking out from under the skirt
on the tree
watch Uncle Ernie spill his coffee
hee hee

[Beth-Lock]

I still find a dress a little scary comparred to a skirt.

[Jenny J]

Great advice Tami, really something to take to heart.

Jen

[victoriamwilliams1]

It is true most of it is in the mind, great advice Tami

[vikki2020]

Nothing good comes easy,right!One thing is for sure---the excitement and rush you get the first few times are pretty hard to duplicate, and sooooo worth it!!:daydreaming:

[vivianann]

Tami those are my thought exactly, I used to be scared out of my mind when I went out enfemme, now that I have been out 100s of time it feels normal to be out enfemme, I can go to the mall, walmart, convenience stores, restaurants, and travel long distance by car enfemme. And I dont care what peaple think or say anymore. I find for the most part peaple treat me better because I show confidence when I am out and about enfemme. Yes IT DOES TAKE BALLS TO WEAR A DRESS. :love::love::love:

[tamarav]

Although I say that I coined the phrase, I am sure I heard it before and just tagged it as mine. In any event it fits many occasions and I still have the license plate frame that shows it.

I have been out with many girls on their first night out and had a ball once we were able to convince the newbie that the person looking at them did not have x-ray vision and could tell that they were not female.

Fear of embarassment is a human's biggest worry, isn't that sad?

Your sis,

Tami

[tia_chavez]

Tamara, thanks for the great post... I learnt a few things, since I just got a little bit braver went out in public... keep posting..:o

[Dawn D.]

Tamera,

I've been out a few times. I agree with you, show the confidence and it allows you to enjoy the time you have out. Isn't that what we all want when we're out anyway? Recently I went out to two different dept. stores with my wife and I'll admit there was trepadation on my part initially (from the car to the door). However, it did not last long, As soon as I got inside, I felt as though I belonged. There is a certain 'warmness' that comes over me when I realize, "this is ok". It allows me to feel and act completely in a normal frame of mind. Nobody went running for cover and nobody shielded their childrens eyes. My wife and I did our shopping in no particular hurry and had a ball doing it.



Dawn

[Marissa Mae]

I am right there... right on the edge of jumping, going out in public, IN DAYLIGHT!!! I have the mindset, and after reading your threads, a plan :) but something stops me from jumping. The negativity from my SO doesn't help: she is scared of what everyone else thinks, and is frightened that I/we will see someone we know. It's a small world, and it is very possible, so I can see where the fear comes from: in the Myspace/Facebook era, your personal life can become public within hours. I guess it does scare me too in a way, but on the flip side of the coin, if a friend does find out, we will see if they are a real friend.

But yeah, I am so close to personal freedom, and I can't wait!

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

I'm not trying to hijack this thread but, as many of you have already mentioned, smiling implies confidence while you are out and about. But it's also the easiest way to look more girly.

Smiling makes your mouth and lips appear larger, and it rounds out your cheekbones. Both of which will make your face appear more feminine. And for those who are working on a feminine voice, smiling actually helps with speaking as well.

Just something to consider...

[TxKimberly]

You know, I feel like I could have written this post! Obviosuly that means that I agree entirely. :-)
Grab your b. . . err . . . courage and just do it! IF they realise you are not a woman, no one cares in the least what you are wearing. They have more important things to worry about, like watching the grass grow.
People really don't care - why should you?

[Sally24]

I've got to agree about smiling, it's one of the best things you can do when out and about. Also, just the act of smiling puts you in a better mood too! Act like you are out having a fabulous time, because you are!

I personally find that being out in the daylight just going about my business is the most enjoyable thing I do en femme.

------------------SMILE!-------------------
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