Question for CDers

[Daphne7]

Given that you know you are a CDer and that it is something that is not going to go away with time: how do you feel about having kids?

One of the things that was part of the "aha" moment of finding out my hubby CDs is he avid desire to NOT have kids. He has many many reasons to support his desire to not have kids regardless of his CDing, but when i found out about the CDing it seemed to slam the lid shut on the subject.

We are totally in the same boat about deciding to not have kids, i have my own reasons. But our decision causes awkwardness with some people because they do not understand why we don't want any kids. I don't even try to expain why anymore. But every time i hear " you'll change your mind" or "he'll change his mind" i just want to scream!

So those of you that do not yet already have children- what is your opinion?

[Sally2005]

Tough to answer. I have a kid. It was difficult to decide. Basically there was a drive and desire to have one but it was hidden behind fears from CDing and depression over the cruel world. Then decided and we tried and it took years to actually happen and we made a promise that we would never complain (so many people like to complain about late nights etc.)...Our outlook is all positive. It is pure joy to teach and watch a kid grow. Don't let anyone tell you what to do, you have to decide, but depending on how much CDing and other parts of your life is, don't pass it up if one of you will regret it later. Also, CDing vs kids may not be mutually exclusive as much as a logistical challenge.

[Daintre]

At the time, my ex and I wanted a child very much, we were married for 5 years before we decided to conceive. The thought of having a family far outweighed my CDing. Looking back, having my son is the most happy and wondrous gifts that has ever happened to me.

[sterling12]

I'm guessing, but I'll just bet your catching a lot of The "I want to have grandchildren" flak. Fair enough, it's in the nature of Grandparents.

You didn't directly ask, but although we have often heard anecdotal evidence around here for some type of genetic link to become a CD, I know of no clinical study that has ever found that link. So, the answer to that one is: "No, there isn't a proven link showing that a parent ever passes on some type of mutant gene that causes a kid to become transgendered."

As a transperson, I would say that the reasons for not having children might be many, but right now there isn't any evidence that inheritance or even environment is a contributing factor.

Now, as an older Sista' I will pass on some wisdom. You two may not want kids at this time, but never say never! A few years down the road, and feelings change. I hope you two get some information that is positive and not "off-putting." Would not want you to miss out on having kids because of some advise we dispensed on this forum. Ultimately, it's going to be a choice for the two of you.

peace and Love, Joanie

[Dalece]

Have been in the closet for a long time until recently. But have two grown children now. both know and still i"m there dad.

[docrobbysherry]

I never wanted children either. But I'm a "late bloomer". Got married late, and had a kid, (planned), even later.
If I was CDing back then, I wouldn't have had children.

Here's what u should tell everyone that asks about u having kids.

Just say u r trying as hard as u can to conceive. That mite shut them up!

[crusadergirl]

For me i know i'm not really for a kid. I have to many things in my life i haven't done yet. Not wanting a kid now doesn't have anything to do with cding. I have no plans in the future to have any i let things happen as they do.

[Ayame]

So those of you that do not yet already have children- what is your opinion?

I am 22 years old and in the future I hope to have a kid. Having a kid I think is something important for people who are not prejudice because when they raise their child the child is much less likely to be prejudice against others. Over time I feel the world slightly becomes less and less prejudice a very very very slow process but I still believe it is happening and everyone of us that has a child and teaches the child acceptance I feel is making the world a little bit of a better place.

[docrobbysherry]

I am 22 years old and in the future I hope to have a kid. Having a kid I think is something important for people who are not prejudice because when they raise their child the child is much less likely to be prejudice against others. Over time I feel the world slightly becomes less and less prejudice a very very very slow process but I still believe it is happening and everyone of us that has a child and teaches the child acceptance I feel is making the world a little bit of a better place.

Do u believe everything, and do everything your parents want(ed)? If so, u may be unusual. Not many parents encourage CDing.

Children in the abstract are quite different from your own real ones. They start becoming their own person at a very young age. Unless u raise them in a bubble on a mountain top, their peers and their surrounding enviornment often effect the adult they will become. And, those things may influence them more than their parents!

Finally, many young adults will intentionally do the opposite of what their parents want them to do. Just to prove they can!

I waited until my late 40's to have a family. I was still clueless and unprepared!

[Tammy298]

CDing and my kids are two different parts of my life. I love my family and I love crossdressing. If I had to choose between them, my family would come first. I know my crossdressing is in the bedroom only, or on a rare occasion on a trip or when we have the house to ourselves, but then again, I look forward to those times even more!
At least for me, the family part of me keeps the "girl" part of me in perspective. It's just one of many parts of who I am!:2c:

[Natalie K]

My wife and I raised two lovely children, they are in their mid twenties now. I have to say I agree that CDing and having children are two seperate subjects... I have worn womens clothing for most of my life and it has never gotten in the way of my being a good dad. I would think your issues with children may be a seperate issue all together, my kids know about my wearing lingerie but they always look at me as being thier dad and don't think any less of me.

[Raychel]

I have 3 boys, all are coming into their teenage years and it is not all that much fun now. But they are still great kids, Their younger years they were a total blast, They still are fun, don't get me wrong. But teenagers sure can be a challenge sometimes.

If it weren't for the boys, my life certainly have not been as good as it has been. I wouldn't change it for the world.

:2c:

[Daphne7]

Thanks for all the opinions!

From this community I get the impression that many CDers had gotten married and thought that their CDing would go away or they could subdue it. Then kater in life (after having kids) they come to find that the CDing desires didn't go away and was difficult to subdue. Hence the need to come out to their spouse and potentially others. Which is a sensitive, complex, stressful and potentially life-changing thing to have to do.

I can see how people think CDing and kids are two different things, but parents and kids are so intertwined in each others lives that i don't understand how the two subjects would not overlap at some point.

I definitely got the "we want grandkids!" thing from my parents. Thankfully my older brother had a kid. And now I'm off the hook since they realize how hard it is to raise kids nowadays.

I get the "you might change your mind" line all the time from other people. Why can't others understand/accept that some people choose to do something else with their life than raise kids?

[Jodie_Lynn]

Given that you know you are a CDer and that it is something that is not going to go away with time: how do you feel about having kids?

One of the things that was part of the "aha" moment of finding out my hubby CDs is he avid desire to NOT have kids. He has many many reasons to support his desire to not have kids regardless of his CDing, but when i found out about the CDing it seemed to slam the lid shut on the subject.

We are totally in the same boat about deciding to not have kids, i have my own reasons. But our decision causes awkwardness with some people because they do not understand why we don't want any kids. I don't even try to expain why anymore. But every time i hear " you'll change your mind" or "he'll change his mind" i just want to scream!

So those of you that do not yet already have children- what is your opinion?



Why does it matter what other people think? If you and your husband do not want to have children ( for whatever your reasons), it really is nobody else's business.
And, if a person is boorish enough to ask why not, the proper response would be a long hard stare until they feel uncomfortable. Some questions do not require an answer.
Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be put on the spot by others rudeness, and we are sort of 'programmed' to explain ourselves when no explanation is needed.