What do you want from a FAB friend?

[madame butterfly]

I am asking this as a friend has just told me about his crossdressing.
So, as a Crossdresser, what would you want from a FAB friend?
I have already told him that it makes no difference to our friendship, except I feel honoured to be trusted with something so personal. He knows he can trust me. I want to "do the right thing" but find myself confused and ignorant and not sure what to do now.

[Sharon]

Well..., he might like to be told he looks good once in awhile, but only if he says the same to you occasionally. :battingeyelashes: Otherwise, treat him just the same as you always have. :)

[Brynna M]

If I was in his place I'd say you've already done it. He wanted to share this part of his life with you and you accepted him. He may want to go shoppingor something with you but I suspect just be his friend as both a guy and a girl.

[MentalMercury]

Well my best female friend, I like to shop for clothes with her and she helps me feel more comfortable in the stores, I always have her try stuff on to see if it would fit me, we always egg each other on and make each other spend more than we meant to, lol. And she likes to take pictures with me, helps with makeup tips and stuff, it's real good times, take the opportunity and have fun with it :)

[madame butterfly]

I see from reading a lot of threads, that having a female name is fairly "standard". I suppose I could find out what his female name is.
We have been shopping together ... although of course he has never bought anything with me.

Thank you for your quick replies.

[MentalMercury]

Hey, not all of us have a female name!

[Nicki B]

One of the things which is very important to us is validation of our feminine side (one of the reasons we all take so many pictures of ourselves and put 'em up). To have a female friend that we can talk to, perhaps go for meals/outings together and most importantly just talk to both as girls, is hugely affirming?

But before that, to have a friend who doesn't run screaming when we tell them is pretty good too? :D

[Pink Satin]

I find an honest opinion to be very helpful

[Angie G]

Just do what you have been doing be his/her friend. being a true friend is the best gift in the world hun. :hugs:
Angie

[MJ]

to be treated like any other woman . plus the bonding and friendship with all the privileges that come with that ...

[Raychel]

For me a true friend would be will to go clothes shopping with me. To sit and watch a movie while I was dressed. To sit and have dinner, To just do the things that friends do, But without limitation about how I was dressed. Being the crossdresser I would not want to push the issue, an accepting GG is a great find, and no-one would want to risk loosing that relationship. SO if that friend were to ask me to come over so we could watch a movie I would surely go in drab, Unless that friend said to come dressed. Then that would be a true joy.

:2c:

PS: Welcome to the forum.:hugs:

[TGMarla]

You don't have to do anything. Just be his friend....like you always have. I've never told any of my friends this because I don't want to burden our friendship with this little factoid. Who knows? They might be induced into running off for help to some crossdressing forum on the Web.

[TxKimberly]

I am asking this as a friend has just told me about his crossdressing.
So, as a Crossdresser, what would you want from a FAB friend?
I have already told him that it makes no difference to our friendship, except I feel honoured to be trusted with something so personal. He knows he can trust me. I want to "do the right thing" but find myself confused and ignorant and not sure what to do now.

As someone else already pointed out, you have already done it! You know, you didn't freak, and your still friends. This really IS the most precious gift you could possibly have given.

[madame butterfly]

Thanks for the replies.
I havent seen him (should I say her?) dressed yet ... I find it hard to imagine what he will look like.
In all honesty I am fascinated. I have read a lot here and only realise that there are so many different "types" of gender variance (a new phrase to me but seems to make sense) and I dont know where my friend sits.
However, he is a real friend to me and it is easy to be a friend back.
I hope my fascination isn't seen as rude.
I obviously know of crossdressing and transgendered people, but I have never knowingly interacted with someone in that place.
Still, my friend is my friend. That's the simple way of seeing it.

Thank you again. I will think about your advice. We are meeting this week so no doubt we will talk a lot more - if he wants to.

By the way, I am amazed at how many of you are here. It must be an indication of how common crossdressing is.

[Joy Carter]

Being a friend is a give and take kind of thing. Just don't think you need to be the giver. Let her know that, will you ? :battingeyelashes:

[shalini_ukunge]

mme butterfly,

It is great of you to be nice to your CD friend. For a CD, acceptance from a GG friend is probably your greatest gift to her.

I do have a couple of FAB friends (in every sense of the word :) ) who are totally accepting of my dressing. It was one of them, who after finding out, insisted on taking me out to dinner enfemme. (In India, that is a BIG DEAL). When one of HER friends spoke disparagingly about me, she defended me to the point of breaking her relationship with her. I feel guilty about that though I treasure that level of support.

Going out for dinners with my GG friends is one of the most satisfying things for me as a GG, and their support and presence is of utmost practical and emotional value. But the bottom line is, be as supportive of her as you are comfortable, not more not less.

As for the numbers, it is estimated that 2-10% of the population is a TG. Taking even the lower figure, 2% of the world male population means about 60 million mtf TGs and an equal number of ftms, that is more than 100 million TGs in the world.

Shalini

[madame butterfly]

Hi Shalini

Isnt it sad tho that acceptance is seen as a gift, when it should be standard?

It seems from what I have read that acceptance comes very high on the agenda and fear (of many things?) is an overriding emotion.

I have read some sad stories here (although there are lots of positives too) - it looks like crossdressing can cause a lot of heartache to the crossdresser and their partners.

[shalini_ukunge]

Hi mme butterfly,

How right you are. I do have a few GREAT FAB friends, but I have lost many more. So I tend to be VERY thankful for what I have, and not dwell on what I have lost.

One huge positive is total acceptance by my kids, both pre-teens - they LOVE Shalini, and think I am a calmer nicer and more postive person when I am dressed in a saree.

Shalini

[Valerie Nicole]

Hi madame_butterfly, I think it's great that your friend came out to you, and that you accept him. Like others have said, your acceptance will probably be enough. Speaking from my own experience, your fascination will be a great way for the two of you to get closer. Whenever I come out to someone, I love answering all their questions and talking about this side of me. Hopefully your friend feels the same.

[DanaR]

I like to be viewed as a girl and treated that way. Some of the female friends that I've had, have treated me that way and it is nice. I've also had, what I thought were friends, that wanted more of a relationship. My wife has been fine with my female friends, because I've always been upfront with her about everything.

[Julie York]

What do you want from a FAB friend?


Someone who was wise enough to see my whole spirit.

[madame butterfly]

Julie - 9 words - how deep, how simple, how right.

My friend isnt defined by his choice of what he wears - there is much more to him than that. It is a part of the whole of who he "is".

I did tell hom that it changed nothing .. but its not true. Because of his honesty and trust our friendship is cemented. Because of his disclosure, I want to know more.

But other than "now I know" ... he hasnt changed ... he is till the whole person he was before I knew.

Thanks again averyone for your thoughts.
It stretches my mind.

[Eugenie]

So, as a Crossdresser, what would you want from a FAB friend?

As crossdresser having a FAB as friend is just great. Feeling accepted is obviously the first thing that pleases most of us when they have such a friend.

I ma one of the blessed few who have a FAB as best friend. What I appreciate most is that we can talk about an infinite number of subjects, not only about x-dressing.

When speaking on that last subject, I really appreciated that my FAB friend gave me some advice on my choice of clothes and on making up a lot more modestly than I used to do...

One thing that I like also is when we go shopping for women clothes together. Even though I still go in drab mode, it makes our shopping a fabulous experience. We share opinions on various clothes, just like two women.

We both like the mutual trust that this coming out has created.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[madame butterfly]

So if I made a list it would read:

1 Acceptance with a dose of wisdom

2 Shopping

3 Advice

4 Spending time with "her"


..........
Sorry, I dont meant to poke fun ... but you do make me smile .. I understand it is probably no joke to you.

M-B

[CharleneCD]

So if I made a list it would read:

1 Acceptance with a dose of wisdom

2 Shopping

3 Advice

4 Spending time with "her"


..........
Sorry, I dont meant to poke fun ... but you do make me smile .. I understand it is probably no joke to you.

M-B

Looks like you've got it down pretty good. From my perspective, asking questions is not a bad thing. Your friend took the risk of telling you something very special, so showing intrest is not a bad thing. Others may be different, so just ask if questions are OK.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Mme Butterfly,

It warms my heart when I read threads like this. People asking "what can I do to help". The world would be a better place if people took this/your attitude :hugs:

But to answer your questions directly, as others have said ...to recognize that we are different in how we perceive ourselves. The "sex of our brain" doesn't always match the sex of our body, it's about gender expression not necessarily sexual preference.

The single biggest thing that "does it" for me is if my wife and her GG friends treat me as if I was a woman without making any (visual) exceptions for me as a crossdressed (transgendered) person. In other words, if feels so good to be treated just the same as they would any other female.

[Nicole Erin]

Well you may decide at some point that you would rather be friends with "him" and not see "her". If that does come the case, o.k., just be polite about it.
One thing NOT to do - don't ever make fun of or insult the fact that your friend is CD. NOt in an argument, not behind his back, don't do it. Not that you would, but sometimes this has happened. It is the fastest way to lose a CD's trust.

That is cool he trusted you with this. Some CDs, like myself, are not real trusting to talk about this with anyone except other CDs. Not so much a closet thing but a "none of your business" thing.

So, obviously he thinks a lot about you :)

There IS one thing. If he dares, if he has the audacity to do break this iron-clad rule, you need to say something, no matter how bad it will hurt, if he breaks the rule of - wearing white after labor day. :heehee:

[Nicki B]

But other than "now I know" ... he hasnt changed ... he is till the whole person he was before I knew.

But you may find it changes your reaction to him? Women do tend to react to men in a relatively guarded way - suddenly the same alarm bells don't sound in your head.. :D

[paulaluvssz8]

yes, you have already done what is special to all of us here. Or what we would all like, is for someone to help with the look and make-up, support when we are having a bad day with our clothes. Just like a real gf.

[Jilmac]

I have recently met two FAB's and have become friends with both and have told both about my dressing. I can't begin to express the joy I feel over thier acceptance of me. I have become intimate with one and can talk freely about Jill, but still cannot introduce Jill to either one. My biggest desire is to have a FAB as a girlfriend to do girl things with. Luv and :hugs: Jill