Kaitlyn Michele
04-13-2008, 12:06 PM
hi everybody - havent posted in a while...just saying hi and i'm still around...i'm divorced now and lately i have been feeling more and more that i have more in common with ts girls than cd girls...i say it that way (more in common) because i personally beleive its a continuim and i'm not sure there is a hard line between ts and cd girls.. so this has been on my mind and pretty much dominating my thoughts!
no doubt that many girls are one or other but i wonder about the middle? i say that becuz for many many yrs, i went around to motels, bought and purged clothes and had lots self pleasure...i loved it
since i've gotten out more, i have found i am more and simply needing and feeling like i need to be "me"...i am in therapy and trying to work through things but as i've finally allowed my mind to open and ACCEPT MYSELF!!!!, i more and more realize that what i really want is to be a transwoman..
this is actually pretty scary to me becuz in the end, we are all just searching for happiness and it seems to me that if i could dress up once in a while and feel like i want to feel, then i could keep this a private behaviour and continue to just live my current lifestyle, which includes a good job and a great relationship with my kids and extended family
but i don't feel happy about it
i get out 4-5 times a month...by get out i mean...party at some clubs, hit the mall, hit ATLANTIC CITY(i went and had dinner, comedy club, gambling...), grocery shopping, coffee shops, meet friends...i used to think of it as crossdressing but now i think about it as being my inner self...that's scary because i'm starting to feel unhappy about my situation and i feel like by keeping the status quo i am just slowly wasting my life...andif i did something about it...(Which i desperately want to!!), then all the people in my life are impacted and i dont want that either (i have 2 kids, 14,11)
so anyway, thats where i'm at...i'm having a great time and have made many great friends by just letting michele out.....the only problem is that "I-michele" have my own thoughts and desires and its those thoughts and desires that make me feel good about myself!!
oh well..enuf ranting....
best to all !!!!
michele
no doubt that many girls are one or other but i wonder about the middle? i say that becuz for many many yrs, i went around to motels, bought and purged clothes and had lots self pleasure...i loved it
since i've gotten out more, i have found i am more and simply needing and feeling like i need to be "me"...i am in therapy and trying to work through things but as i've finally allowed my mind to open and ACCEPT MYSELF!!!!, i more and more realize that what i really want is to be a transwoman..
this is actually pretty scary to me becuz in the end, we are all just searching for happiness and it seems to me that if i could dress up once in a while and feel like i want to feel, then i could keep this a private behaviour and continue to just live my current lifestyle, which includes a good job and a great relationship with my kids and extended family
but i don't feel happy about it
i get out 4-5 times a month...by get out i mean...party at some clubs, hit the mall, hit ATLANTIC CITY(i went and had dinner, comedy club, gambling...), grocery shopping, coffee shops, meet friends...i used to think of it as crossdressing but now i think about it as being my inner self...that's scary because i'm starting to feel unhappy about my situation and i feel like by keeping the status quo i am just slowly wasting my life...andif i did something about it...(Which i desperately want to!!), then all the people in my life are impacted and i dont want that either (i have 2 kids, 14,11)
so anyway, thats where i'm at...i'm having a great time and have made many great friends by just letting michele out.....the only problem is that "I-michele" have my own thoughts and desires and its those thoughts and desires that make me feel good about myself!!
oh well..enuf ranting....
best to all !!!!
michele