Right then i came out to my GF!! EEEEEK!

[Deelite]

Right i did it, i told my GF that i Crossdressed, and as you would expect it did'nt go down too well!

I had told her about 5 weeks ago that i had a fetish for heels (boots mainly) and i just got a sexual kick out of it, which at the time was correct, although i have for many years suppressing my urges to dress until the end of last year and i had to buy some boots to kill the "craving". (i have four pairs now!)

She gave me the answer of "is that all!" and i was quite shocked, so things started to progress, thinking she was cool with it and i started to realise that it was'nt just a fetish, but actually crossdressing, but unfortunately she had said to me when i told her first time that "you don't fully dress do you?" i said no, because at the time i had not, (not for 10 years i've been with her) but now i want to, and to be fair to her i wanted to be completely honest and tell her i wanted to dress in womens clothes.

She got very, very upset and said i had lied to her for years and that i was not really who i really was, and i was going back on my word and that she wanted to leave me.

After hours of talking i have reasurred her that she won't come home and find me dressed as a women, and that i still want to still keep it a secret part of my life, and she will not have to see me dressed.

That calmed her down, and everything started to kind of get back to normal, but the next day, we had decided to buy some self tan lotion, as summer is on its way as my legs are not tanned at all and wanted to get some colour on them, when i went to apply it, she had noticed for the first time in two weeks that my legs were shaven and that started her crying again, threatening to leave me, and she could'nt handle this!

I know that this extremely traumatic for her and i have tried to put myself in her shoes (no pun intended!) and to be as understanding and reasurring as i can, because i do love her and i don't want to lose her.

If i knew that she was going to react the way she did, i would of never of told her, but now it's out in the open, i know it's selfish but i feel much better that she knows, and there is no more secrets.

(sorry for the long post, but i needed to share it with you girls as you've been there before.)

Luv Dee.

[Katie Ashe]

I am sorry that it didn't work out in a more positive light, try to be responsive to her needs now that she knows. I hope she stays with you. Try to be open and respectful, Hard situation, Sorry I don't know what to say, I'll go now :o

Katie

[Tristen Cox]

Well you took a big step but maybe she needs to go a bit slower to allow for this to settle in. It's a lot to handle. If she has no one else to help her understand this then you are her only connection. It can be quite a shock to her. Take baby steps. What may be old for you is totally new and unknown to her. Give her time to understand this. Don't rush. Just my two cents

[Sigrid]

If i knew that she was going to react the way she did, i would of never of told her, but now it's out in the open, i know it's selfish but i feel much better that she knows, and there is no more secrets.


I personaly think you did the right thing. Consider the alternative, had you decided to keep it from her and she did eventually find out (and she probably would) it would only be so much harder on the relationship, especially if the two of you ended up married. Allot of assumptions on my part, I know, but I hope you understand my meaning.

~Sigrid

[Kimberly]

I'm sorry to hear she isn't taking this well, and I wish you all the luck you can possibly need. :)

[Melissa A.]

Hi Dee,

What Tristen said is absolutely true. This is all new to her. Right now, you are in completely different places as far as crossdressing is concerned. I don't know how old you are, or how long you have been together, but there are some things you have to think about yourself.

Coming to terms as a crossdresser and accepting who you are can be a positive, but also a progressive experience. That means that even if she eventually becomes a little more accepting, and you both come to some agreements or compromises, that may ultimately not be enough for you. I can't tell you how to proceed, but at some point, you may have to decide which is more important to you. And believe me, that can be a harsh reality. I told more than one SO and myself for years that the relationship was more important than the cd. And though neither of my marriages broke up because of cd primarilly, I now look back and have to honestly say that I was wrong. Maybe it's because I now have an accepting gf, but I wonder now why I ever settled for someone who would not accept all of me.

I know what I just wrote may sound harsh, and even selfish to some. And you may be different than me. Maybe a compromise and partial acceptance will work for you. I'm sure it does for many. But I also think it is important that you be prepared for the alternative.

In the meantime, you may want to try to expose her to the vast array of information and support available to women in her position, without pushing too hard. And maybe put cd on the back burner for the time being. I know it is hard to finally reveal who you are, but the reality is that compared to what comes after, it is relatively easy. It is a relief to end the secrets, but much harder to live day to day with this new, for her, reality.

You need to take care, not push, encourage open mindedness and education, while figuring out what will ultimately make you happy.

None of this is easy. I speak as one who has been there. And my heart goes out to you. Feel free to pm me anytime. I don't know if I can help, but I will try to at least be someone to talk to. I wish you both all the strength and luck you can find.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Melissa A.]

P.S. Dee,

You may want to read the thread on this page, "caught dressed by my wife".
It is long, but the contributions by the girls there, sharing their experiences and feelings, may be helpful to you, and maybe even her, if she cares to read it. She may at least see that she is far from alone, along with you. And might even be touched by the sincerity of the stories and feelings in the thread.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[DonnaT]

As Melissa said, you may want to expose her to more information.

Just what does she know about CDing? An important question that needs answering, as it may tend to identify why she feels the way she does.

If she's willing to be open minded, there is information at http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/ and at http://www.3dcom.com/couples/vkol/COUPLES.HTML that she might find interesting.

Ask her if she'd like to talk to other SOs in similar situations. She could join here and have privacy in the GG section. All she needs to do is contact Tamara.

She could join Rose's Forum (http://www.rosesforum.tv/index.php) and join the GG section there for an alternative site, or in addition to this site.

[eileen1969]

I think of couples that are going through many difficulites with thier spouses crossdressing. I seen a few experiences here, and I honestly believe for myself. Because I went through this too! were the spouse was effected by ones desire to be. People try too hard to accepted in many walks of life! I can understand the intial shock for the other. Love does not ask to be put in any predicaments as often as it does. Put on this catagory and then expectations. And people wonder why relationships always fail? My heart has always kept love is love! Nothing more and nothing less! You may look a this at any givin angle you can think of! or even sacrifice love for another and where does that leave you? ask yourselves? Its like one of the oldest cliches~if you truly love someone, let go!~if that person comes back to you~ love is meant to be! and if not, it never was....
You can be patient with her, and see if she does come back to you? I really do pray this works out for you! :)

[AbbyLee]

At least you have a chance by having told her; and as Tristen said taking 'baby steps' . I was caught and had not told my wife. I don't know what it is going to take for her to accept my CDing or if she ever will. I also, tried to give my wife several articles etc. at the same time (bad move). That seemed to make her that I was trying to force the issue. There is a plethora of sound information regarding our dressing. Again, as with your dressing it may not be a bad idea to let her read it in small doses. Sometimes, casually leaving an article where she can read it on her own helps (you arn't giving it to her, she is discovering it)

Love and prayers

[º’~\_…trace GG…_/~’º]

hey dee,

i hope you don't mind me adding my tuppence here, but this is something that i can relate to as a gg. it may not help at all, but as this has just happened to me, it may give you a little bit more of an idea of what might be going through her mind.

or it may not. in which case, just tell me to shut up :p



She got very, very upset and said i had lied to her for years and that i was not really who i really was, and i was going back on my word and that she wanted to leave me.

i understand you're gf's pain here. she came to terms with the shoe fetish and had that sorted in her mind after asking you all about it. finding out later that there's more to it than you admitted has left her wondering what else you have to reveal.

hearing news like that immediately gives a gg a 'get out clause', making her think about the relationship and just how serious it is. basically, is it worth it? you've got to show her that it is.



After hours of talking i have reasurred her that she won't come home and find me dressed as a women, and that i still want to still keep it a secret part of my life, and she will not have to see me dressed.


so, has it been established that she knows about it but wants no part to play in it at all?



That calmed her down, and everything started to kind of get back to normal, but the next day, we had decided to buy some self tan lotion, as summer is on its way as my legs are not tanned at all and wanted to get some colour on them, when i went to apply it, she had noticed for the first time in two weeks that my legs were shaven and that started her crying again, threatening to leave me, and she could'nt handle this!

i had tears about this myself just last week. for me, they were totally selfish tears. when i noticed that my so had shaved legs, i immediately thought of him not being able to wear shorts this summer. it's irrational, but that's what i thought.



I know that this extremely traumatic for her and i have tried to put myself in her shoes (no pun intended!) and to be as understanding and reasurring as i can, because i do love her and i don't want to lose her.

If i knew that she was going to react the way she did, i would of never of told her, but now it's out in the open, i know it's selfish but i feel much better that she knows, and there is no more secrets.

dee, as others have said in here - you needed to tell her. if she had found out by herself now or some time in the future, you would have no relationship left.

you feel a little better getting it off your chest, now you need to make your gf feel more comfortable with you so she can get to know you and fall in love with you again.

the things that have helped me most throughout all of this are:

1. visiting this place and getting more information
and
2. seeing that it isn't always a sex thing

to explain, gaining more information via this site, and others that i've visited since has shown me that my s.o. is actually quite vulnerable. it's not that he wants to dress necessarily, he needs to.

it's not always about getting off in a pair of nylons and heels (though it can be!), but it can be about feeling more at ease with himself. it's not as seedy and shameful as my first instincts would have me believe.

i don't know if i'm explaining myself very well here, but i'm still trying to come to terms with this myself.

the best advice i can offer is for you to show her that you still love her, make a fuss of her and let her know that you still consider her to be all the woman you need. perhaps giving her access to this site may help, if she's open to finding out a bit more. i'd be happy to chat with her on here if that might help. we could learn together :D

if it counts for anything dee, i think you've done the right thing. :)

sorry for the essay *blush*

[Selina]

Hi Dee,
Sorry to hear it didn't go very well, but it sounds like there's hope. I've heard of many many far worse reactions. If you take things slow, it sounds like she might be able to handle it.
Good luck...




dee, as others have said in here - you needed to tell her. if she had found out by herself now or some time in the future, you would have no relationship left.

you feel a little better getting it off your chest, now you need to make your gf feel more comfortable with you so she can get to know you and fall in love with you again.

the things that have helped me most throughout all of this are:

1. visiting this place and getting more information
and
2. seeing that it isn't always a sex thing

to explain, gaining more information via this site, and others that i've visited since has shown me that my s.o. is actually quite vulnerable. it's not that he wants to dress necessarily, he needs to.

it's not always about getting off in a pair of nylons and heels (though it can be!), but it can be about feeling more at ease with himself. it's not as seedy and shameful as my first instincts would have me believe.

i don't know if i'm explaining myself very well here, but i'm still trying to come to terms with this myself.

the best advice i can offer is for you to show her that you still love her, make a fuss of her and let her know that you still consider her to be all the woman you need. perhaps giving her access to this site may help, if she's open to finding out a bit more. i'd be happy to chat with her on here if that might help. we could learn together :D

if it counts for anything dee, i think you've done the right thing. :)

sorry for the essay *blush*

Given that you say you've only recently been sucked into the whole CD thing, I found your post to be extremely insightful and understanding.

Thanks from all of us.

Sel.

[ChristineRenee]

You did the right thing...though I can understand how you feel with respect to her initial reaction. To conceal this information from her as time went on and your relationship perhaps reaching a commitment level, would certainly make this a far more emotionally traumatic situation for you both. If you both truly care for one another you can work this out together. It will take a lot of patience, understanding, and honest communication back and forth. We talk a lot on this forum about baby steps as Tristen mentioned, and that really is true. This can be a lot to absorb for a GG who does not have any experience or understanding about this subject...and they often end up further in the closet than the CD with no one they can talk to about it with. A major reason why we have the GG forum here for the wives and SO's to give them the kind of support system that they need.

I wish you all the best and hope that you both are able to work this out together. As always, we are here for you to lend support or just to be a sounding board for you as well. Best of luck to you both hon.

Love,
Chrissie:)

[Deelite]

I knew i made the right decision joining this forum, you girls are the best!

Thankyou so, so much for all your advice, and i am very touched with what you have said.

Goodness only knows what i would of done if i could'nt come to a place like this and discuss these things!

As some girls have said, i am going to take things very carefully, and give my GF all the reassurance and help i can give her.

I know i have made the right decision about telling her as painful as it was for both of us, i may saved my relationship with her in the long term.

Once again girls, thankyou.

Luv Dee.