I messed up big time

[JoAnnDallas]

Well my wife who knows but doesn't want to see me dressed is MAD at me. She Volunteered to help out at the local library for a few hours. I thought OK, this should give a chance to get dressed for a while and go over to ROSS's. They are having a big sale and I was going to look for a new skirt to replace one that I managed to snag a hole in. Wife and I have an agreement that I can have one Saturday afternoon for myself and for this month that was back on the 5th. So I get all dressed and while I was in the back bedroom did not hear the garage door open and close. As I walked into the garage I came face to face with my wife. It turned out that she got her assignment wrong and was not on duty until later in the afternoon. The look on her face was not pleasent. All I could think of was 'OH C...P". Well we went back in and sat at the kitchen table and she asked why I was dressed and where I was going. I told her that I was going to ROSS's. She sat there in silence for a few moments and then said, "This was not part of our agreement". I answered, "Yes, you right, it is not. I just thought since you were going to be gone for a few hours that I go check the sale at ROSS." She then said, "Well are you going or not?" I told her "No", decided it was best I just change back, play on the computer, and leave her alone. Guess I am in the dog house for a while.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Yep, you are in the dog house sis.


Emily Ann

[KayR]

I don't understand why she should be so mad at you. It wasn't as if you had gone out of your way to let her see you, was it?
As I read your story, I thought you were going to end it with "...and all my family were gathered around, looking at me..." kind of thing. Nightmare!!
As it is, no victim, no crime.
Why not go and talk to her? Why not tell her she scared the living daylights out of you, and laugh about it? Maybe she'll see the funny side.

[Michelle-NC]

Yeah...you did break the agreement...That is the one thing that I think most GG's have an issue with. If they give us an inch, we want a mile. While you did nothing wrong, I am sure she is now thinking what more you have done without her catching you.

Need to beg and grovel...but that is just my opinion.

[Daphne]

After thinking about what you said, I don't belive it was entirely your fault. But not knowing the whole agreement between you and your wife, that statement maybe faulty.
However, part of the blame has to fall on your wife, for not making sure she had the right time she was suppost to be where she was. I know that sounds harsh, and I know I probbly will get razed for it.
That said, give it a few days, and then try talking to her about what happened. Who knows, you maybe able to work out a new agreement. Just a thought.

[Emily Ann Brown]

That's what men don't think about.....an agreement to a woman is an agreement, no "Well I thought..." or "But see it this a way...". The victim is the agreement....it was VIOLATED ! Geesh girls.

And JoAnn......you know I am not being condemning, just setting the record straight.


Emily Ann

[Michelle-NC]

I am with you Emily Ann...seems like everyone is trying to find a loop hole. Let's face it girls...most girls on here have SO's that wouldn't allow any of the dressing, so if one does, we should honor the agreements or commitments.

Not bashing either Joann..or at least not meaning to.

[paulaluvssz8]

yep, your in the dog house. And the agreement was violated, and if your not careful you could loose your privilage or even worse... Sorry that it happened to you.

[veroncia57]

My S.O. known i cd also, but wants to know nothing about it. Sometimes if she has been away for a night or two visiting her sister she willl call before she comes home. I feel for you and I know it is not easy facing her dressed. Hope your week will be better and do like i do sometimes and put a flea collar in your bra, (helps keep the fleas away while sleeting in the doghouse.:D)

[Jaydee]

JoAnn,
I am so sorry to hear this. I know things had been looking up lately, making me hopeful for my own situation. But I think you did break the agreement. An apology is probably due, and flowers should not be out of the question.
Good Luck,
Jaydee

[truknights]

sounds like your wife...is like mine...to her im a pervert...she says i make her skin crawl...and all she has seen is my hidden lingerie...shes never seen me in drag...shes very unforgiving...very...so until i leave and/or make other arrangements...my life will never the the joys of being the real me...one who loves lingerie , dresses, makeup etc...women have it so good...a sea of color at the store with every fabric under the sun...the mens deparment sucks...usually one gondola and thats filled mostly with white jockey or boxer shorts...i love looking at all the wonderful things in thelingerie department...never see many women in them...if you look at women 8 out of 10 are dressed in pants , sweats, etc...the genetic female maryland monroes i fear are extinct or close to it....long live the 40 s 50s apparell...true sensuality...garters , silk stockings, panteloons..flowing gowns...anyway welcome...and stay in touch...fondly deanna

[Shannen]

Wife and I have an agreement that I can have one Saturday afternoon for myself and for this month that was back on the 5th.

Could you explain this agreement better? Is this the ONLY time you are to dress? Is she aware that you leave the house dressed?

From everything I've experienced myself, and read on these forums, when our desires and our SO's boundaries don't agree, there is little room for error. Take it slow is a mantra that is repeated often, but we all know what shaking a soda can does before opening it up... internal pressure is usually not a good thing.

I hope you and your wife can use this as a jumping off point to go forward in your relationship and awareness of your needs. I know how it can be easier to "let it go" and not talk... but then the pressure is building up inside of her, and that's not good either.

:hugs: Shannen

[JoAnnDallas]

Back last year when I came clean with the wife the agreement was

1. She does not want to see me dressed
2. She does not want to see pictures of me dressed
3. I can go to my monthly Tri-Ess meeting.
4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself. She has gym class on that Saturday afternoon from 2PM-6PM. I can dress all I want, even go out if I want to. It just so happens that it is the same Saturday as my Tri_Ess meeting. I usually leave at 6PM since it is about a 40 minute drive. So this gives me about 9-10 hrs dressed. When I get home from the meeting, I change in the garage, put my fem clothing away, make sure my face is clean, and go to bed. Wife is usually already asleep when I get home.

So I guess I violated rule 1 and 4, since she saw me fully dressed and it was not our agreed on Saturday afternoon.

She is not into flowers, but she usually doesn't stay mad too long, only a few days. I may have to forego my next saturday afternoon, but I'll survive. I don't think I'm in too much trouble, as long as I don't repeat the offense.

It was the first time she has seen me fully dressed. In fact I just happen to have the same outfit on that is in my avatar. She did say "Nice outfit", which totally surpised me. LOL

[TV Wannabe]

Women, pff.

[Shelly Preston]

Yes you did mess up but you were caught out by the unexpected

If this had been on a day you normally dress and she had came home early, she would have realised catching you dressed was a risk

As this was not the case the shock would be worse

I hope you are not in the doghouse for too long

[DonnaT]

It'll pass JoAnn. And she'll probably think more on it, and the agreement part of not wanting to see you dressed, now that she has, will probably be withdrawn. That is, when you do get ready for your meetings, she may want to see you off. You might even ask her to join you.

[Magickman]

This whole situation is something I find very troubling.

Why do men have to ask their wife's permission to do anything?

Conversely, do women ask their husband's permission for such a trifling matter?

Granted, I have never wanted to be married, nor even had the opportunity. The idea of asking a woman what I am allowed to wear, curdles my stomach.

Out on a limb, is where I am going, here. It is not news to me, that I am not much into relationships. In the highly unlikely event, that at my advanced age, I was to marry, it would not be for the purpose of becoming a submissive child.

Certainly, I have encountered women who had no appreciation for my personal style. Some like it, some don't. But I would see no point in changing who I am, for the sake of approval of a woman.

There are millions upon millions of women, one about as good or as bad as another. Why become, or stay, attached to one who is antagonistic to me.

When I was with a woman who seriously displeased me, we parted ways. The parting thing is ever so much easier, if you do not marry, nor cohabitate.

But all this is only one man's opinion.

[dancinginthedark]

Back last year when I came clean with the wife Sounds like you took advantage of her limited knowledge when you continued to dress at other times. That in most peoples book violates a trust.

Don't play games like, "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Jeez if you realize the potential is there to hurt a loved one that should be incentive enough not to do it. Also need to stop justifying things that violate the trust you have if you don't want to lose your wife's trust hun. Trust can take years to build and be destroyed in moments.



the agreement was [...]

1. She does not want to see me dressed

4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself. [...] I can dress all I want, even go out if I want to. [...]

So I guess I violated rule 1 and 4, since she saw me fully dressed and it was not our agreed on Saturday afternoon.


Justifying or plausible undeniably? Still hedging your bets or your responsibility here? You guess? It's not rocket science; you did it so own, it's simple as that. It'll help you earn back some trust if you at least admit freely, openly, and plainly you did wrong.




[...] I don't think I'm in too much trouble, as long as I don't repeat the offense.

It was the first time she has seen me fully dressed. In fact I just happen to have the same outfit on that is in my avatar. She did say "Nice outfit", which totally surpised me. LOL


Don't guess JoAnne. This is important. Lets make sure things are alright between you. Let this be a jump point for some more talking between you two. Maybe give her a day or two to calm down and think back on it herself. She's seen you dressed now. The world didn't stop spinning on it's axis and the roof didn't fall in either. Maybe by realizing you still feel you need just a bit more leeway [by this happening surely she'll see or begin to see that you need or want more] this can become a good thing.

I don't mean to sound either harsh or judgmental hun, just trying to be honest & up front with you myself.

Wishing you both the best. BTW she's right, it is a nice outfit. :)

dancin


~

[Jilmac]

I think if it had been me, (dressed then busted) I would have gone anyway figuring I'm in the doghouse already, how much worse can it get? Luv and :hugs: Jill

[Rachaelb64]

Catch red handed, no excuses, and in the dog house.............and so life moves on, lesson learnt............be more careful when not sticking to the aggreement.



:)

[dancinginthedark]

I think if it had been me, (dressed then busted) I would have gone anyway figuring I'm in the doghouse already, how much worse can it get? Luv and :hugs: Jill

Oh Honey, you'd be amazed how much worse it could have gotten. Wahahaha :devil: I have four sons and a hubby who all had to learn that lesson the hard way. lol


dancin


`

[shalini_ukunge]

Confucious says "Woman who sends man to doghouse, soon finds him in the cathouse" :devil:

Seriously, it is time to grovel, grovel. But also the time to talk. An agreement that is acceptable to one side, but makes the other side look for loopholes, is not a great one. Negotiate a better agreement, in which you include her willingness to learn more about CDing. Acceptance comes from understanding, understanding comes from knowledge.

Good Luck.

Shalini

[Nicole Erin]

Oh Honey, you'd be amazed how much worse it could have gotten. Wahahaha :devil: I have four sons and a hubby who all had to learn that lesson the hard way. lol


dancin


`

Well I think the thing to do would have been to ask "Is that going to be a problem?"
If she said no, regardless of tone, then why not take the opportunity?

I never really did understand this "permission" thing about dressing or going out dressed. Someone needs permission to be happy?

[CD Susan]

I would like to relate my personal experience with everyone here on this subject. After hiding my crossdressing from my wife for 15 years I decided I felt miserable about it and wanted to reveal this part of me to her. It was a huge mistake. Her reaction was that she was totally convinced that I must be gay to want to do this (not true). From that day on she wanted nothing to do with me. We slept in seperate bedrooms and rarely even spoke to each other. Our marriage was doomed. We stayed together only for the sake of our son who was 9 years old at the time. After 8 years of hell I filed for divorce and I was free to be myself and be happy again. So am I better off for what I experienced or not? I don't know. I think there are people that are so closed minded that they cannot deal with something like crossdressing. In my case It was the person who I truly did love and I lost her because I thought she would understand and accept this part of me. The really sad part of this is that our son had to endure growing up in a home where there was no expression of love between his parents. I don't know if he knew why this was so as we never dicussed it but I think his mother told him everthing. At least he did not reject me over this issue. Today he is grown up and has a son of his own. I can only hope that he is happy with his life, I know I am happy with mine. Every time I read about a cd having an understanding and supportive wife or SO I think how fortunate that person is and I think back to my past and tears come to my eyes. I am not saying to anyone to not ever come out to your SO but to really think of the consequences if you make the wrong decision.

[dancinginthedark]

[...]

I never really did understand this "permission" thing about dressing or going out dressed. Someone needs permission to be happy?

I wasn't going to answer here in the thread because I don't want to take it off topic anymore by our conversation. :)

That said I don't think folks need permission to be happy. I do believe that we do sometimes need to compromise to make sure our happiness doesn't get paid for by someone else's.

dancin

PS Be glad to continue the conversation but it'll have to be in PM so I don't have to give myself an infraction.

Sorry to have taken things a bit off topic here folks. :o

[Lucy Bright]

Be glad to continue the conversation but it'll have to be in PM so I don't have to give myself an infraction.

Sounds like an interesting topic - maybe worth a new thread in itself? I too feel uncomfortable about the words "permission" and "let" (in relation to "letting" one's SO dress). They don't exactly suggest partnership, even if they're meant to.

Kisses,

Lucy

[darla_g]

sounds like you need to request that kitchen pass next time

[Bootsiegalore]

like the song says....."move it on over!"

[Claire3]

You break the rules at your compulsion,passion and need.Hopefully you get away with it,feeling some guilt.Sometimes you get found out,its at those times your integrity and honesty is questioned over the previous times alone.I know,ive been there.Good luck 2u.Love.Claire.XXX

[DanaR]

Sounds like you took advantage of her limited knowledge when you continued to dress at other times. That in most peoples book violates a trust.

Don't play games like, "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Jeez if you realize the potential is there to hurt a loved one that should be incentive enough not to do it. Also need to stop justifying things that violate the trust you have if you don't want to lose your wife's trust hun. Trust can take years to build and be destroyed in moments.



Justifying or plausible undeniably? Still hedging your bets or your responsibility here? You guess? It's not rocket science; you did it so own, it's simple as that. It'll help you earn back some trust if you at least admit freely, openly, and plainly you did wrong.





Don't guess JoAnne. This is important. Lets make sure things are alright between you. Let this be a jump point for some more talking between you two. Maybe give her a day or two to calm down and think back on it herself. She's seen you dressed now. The world didn't stop spinning on it's axis and the roof didn't fall in either. Maybe by realizing you still feel you need just a bit more leeway [by this happening surely she'll see or begin to see that you need or want more] this can become a good thing.

I don't mean to sound either harsh or judgmental hun, just trying to be honest & up front with you myself.

Wishing you both the best. BTW she's right, it is a nice outfit. :)

dancin


~

I agree with Dancin, you and your SO should open some more dialog regarding CDing. Be nice and try to understand her side and maybe she'll try to understand your side. Ask her if she would help you pick out a outfit, you don't have to go dressed, but she might give you her opinion. You might even be able to get more CD time.

Let us know how this wrings out.

[Jazzmine]

Just to be practical for a moment ... why could you not have said to your wife that you were going to go over to ROSS's and buy something while she was at the library? This would have been open, honest and assertive. Since she already knows you CD you're half way there!

Now if she said that's contrary to your agreement, you would reply that to go in drab would be uncomfortable for you since you would be trying on/buying women's clothing.

Once you're OUT you might as well treat it like it's important to you and be assertive about it's place in your life.

As you can tell I am rather 'matter-of-fact', however I find a quiet confidence in one's own affairs is the best way to give confidence to others in your actions. Especially wives - they like their men assertive (even when crossdressed).

And hey, if your wife said 'nice outfit' I think she is more on your side than you're giving her credit for. Hope you haven't missed that sale!

Hugs Jazzmine

[Sallee]

What if you had said OkayI guess I'll go to Ross and then let everything go back to 'the agreement"

[Huntress]

Time for a heartfelt, honest apology. Then time for a honest renegotiation. 9-10+ hours out of around 744 per month is patent BS. No excuses for the lying, but no wonder you failed and tap danced around that rule. Time for Mom & Dad to "man" (woman) up and be fair.
As is said: "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." AND... If Daddy ain't happy, momma ain't gonna be happy.
There is only one rule. Nobody rules.

Huntress

[Dalece]

Yep your in the dog house, Tell you what Sis I'll move over in mine at least we can howl at the moon together. :)

[rachel_rachel]

Bugger being in the dog house.. You need to buy a caravan (mobile home) that way you have your own private space and you can do what you want when you want to.

Plus it's more comfortable than sharing with the dog anyway.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i know that you love your wife,,,but i just got to say "what kinda way is that to live??"............we only get one shot at life and to hide who we truely are isnt living......:2c:

as i have said b4,,crossdressing isnt a crime or a sin...
sometimes when i read about how a SO went balistic over the male cding i wonder if she would rather him be a drunkin wife beater instead.......:2c:

[Nadia-Maria]

sounds like your wife...is like mine...to her im a pervert...she says i make her skin crawl...and all she has seen is my hidden lingerie...shes never seen me in drag...shes very unforgiving...very...so until i leave and/or make other arrangements...my life will never the the joys of being the real me...one who loves lingerie , dresses, makeup etc...women have it so good...a sea of color at the store with every fabric under the sun...the mens deparment sucks...usually one gondola and thats filled mostly with white jockey or boxer shorts...i love looking at all the wonderful things in thelingerie department...never see many women in them...if you look at women 8 out of 10 are dressed in pants , sweats, etc...the genetic female maryland monroes i fear are extinct or close to it....long live the 40 s 50s apparell...true sensuality...garters , silk stockings, panteloons..flowing gowns...anyway welcome...and stay in touch...fondly deanna

You seem to be very unhappy and discontent with your life.
I feel very sorry for you for that.
But what strikes me is you are very very complaining as well.
Do you want to feel better ?

You blame your wife, but why not blaming yourself first for your complaining attitude ?
You have to wake up , think more positively and act more assertively, I mean.
A good thing to do might be to go to a therapist to help you to achieve that.

Kisses

Nadia

[Nadia-Maria]

Sounds like an interesting topic - maybe worth a new thread in itself? I too feel uncomfortable about the words "permission" and "let" (in relation to "letting" one's SO dress). They don't exactly suggest partnership, even if they're meant to.


Lucy, you are right but we are all humans. And neither every relationship are close to the ideal one nor even meeting the standard.

Kisses

Nadia

[KayR]

This whole situation is something I find very troubling.

Why do men have to ask their wife's permission to do anything?

Conversely, do women ask their husband's permission for such a trifling matter?

Granted, I have never wanted to be married, nor even had the opportunity. The idea of asking a woman what I am allowed to wear, curdles my stomach.

Out on a limb, is where I am going, here. It is not news to me, that I am not much into relationships. In the highly unlikely event, that at my advanced age, I was to marry, it would not be for the purpose of becoming a submissive child.

Certainly, I have encountered women who had no appreciation for my personal style. Some like it, some don't. But I would see no point in changing who I am, for the sake of approval of a woman.

There are millions upon millions of women, one about as good or as bad as another. Why become, or stay, attached to one who is antagonistic to me.

When I was with a woman who seriously displeased me, we parted ways. The parting thing is ever so much easier, if you do not marry, nor cohabitate.

But all this is only one man's opinion.

I'm with you on this.


I don't know the details of your relationship, but it sounds like a very non-giving, "business arrangement" kind of deal. I could understand a lot more if she had, say phoned or texted you to say she was coming home, so put the kettle on. For you to be dressed en-femme then would be considered contentious. From her reaction, could it be that she came back deliberately, and to create this confrontation?

[JoAnnDallas]

When I got home yesterday, we took the kids out back to play. (Two Tan/White boy Tabbies). While out there, I brought up the incident. We talked for about 1/2 hr. I Apologized, then said sometimes once a month is not enough. Ever so often she does Volunteer work at the local library. She agreed to take her cell with her next time and will call before she leaves to come home. She seem to have calmed down a lot since Sunday. She told me she has no problem with me dressing but did make her very uncompy seeing me dully dressed. Again I Apologized for making her uncompy but I did not expect her to return so quickly.
Then she started getting a little curious. She wanted to know if I wear her clothes. I said, No, she is a larger size than I am. She then asked what size I was and I told her sizes ( dress/shoe ). She then said the outfit I had on did look good on me. Wanted to know where I bought it and did I go dressed to buy it and etc. I told her where I bought the outfit and heels (Walmart). She did compliment me on having some good taste. She joaking said, "At least you were not wearing a short mini skirt and fishnet stockings." I told her that I would never wear such an outfit in public, that it would only make me noticed. She got a puzzled look, so I told her that it's a lot better to dress to blend in, that way people leave you alone because they don't take much notice of you. She thought about that for a moment then just nodded her head. She then asked if my sister knew and I said NO WAY. We decided never to let her know, since she is very religious and would not understand.
All in all it was a very constructive talk. She still does not want to see walking around the house fully dressed. I still have to change in the garage on my Tri-Ess meeting night. We did modify the time frame, I still get the one Saturday afternoon but she said she is still going to Volunteer work at the local library from time to time and we could work out something on a case by case basis.
When we took the babies back inside, she was in a better mood. I think she was Afraid of my CDing, which from posting here and other sites, I can understand a little. Now I think she is not so Afraid of it. She knows I have no plans to transistion. She seems to have recovered from the shock of seeing me fully dressed, which I hope is a good sign. So looks like I am out of the dog house.

[Shannen]

I'm so happy to hear that you were able to move forward from this incident, and not backwards! It sounds to me like a few more of these conversations are in order! :)

(Well done on apologizing... it really stinks for someone to have to call home before returning to their own house... but if she only does that when you have both agreed that the time is for your dressing, then play by those rules.)

[dancinginthedark]

I'm very relieved to hear that you were able to take an unfortunate incident and turn it into an opportunity for your marriage (and your wife) to grow. Cool beans on you Joanne. :yahoo:

BTW~ I'm thinking your wife may surprise you in the near future as her curiosity gets the best of her and she asks you to dress for her. ;)


Wishing you both continued luck and best wishes~

dancin



`

[Nancy (PA)]

Allother issues about an "agreement" aside, it seems to me that you missed out on an opportunity to continue the converseation at the kitchen table for as long as possible, thereby allowing her to get more comfortable about you being dressed in front of her, as well as perhaps wanting to know more about the situation than she did in the past.

[victoriamwilliams1]

Sounds like the dog house, However it will pass.

[Angie G]

I'm sorry to hear this Joann I thank God I have the wife that I do. :hugs:
Angie

[Tammy298]

... So looks like I am out of the dog house.

That's great to hear, situatitions like that can get really nasty!



...Then she started getting a little curious. ....She did compliment me on having some good taste.


Since she seems to be willing to talk about your clothes you might want to try asking her an occasional question about womens clothes. Just an occasional general question about size, or how a bra should fit, or a shoe problem. Some of the gurls or GGs here may have other ideas of questions you could ask. This could get her to open up a dialogue and eventually start accepting the CDing.:2c:

[CharleneCD]

JoAnn from your update today I think something good has come out of your screw up. Seeing you dressed may have been actualy good for your wife. I know that when this first came up in my life, Bunny had many concerns about what dressing would mean to me. Lets face reality, sometimes the main public veiw of CD's is of us dressed up like hookers. By being able to explain to her that that was not what i was interested in was a big comfort to her. In your case your wife doesnt have to take your word for it. She has seen how you like to dress. That is now one less worry she will have about your dressing.

[JoAnnDallas]

CharleneCD.....You right about that. When my wife made the statement about mini skirt and fishnets, one of my responses was, "I don't dress that way, I'm way too old for that style". She seem to react a little better.

[KayR]

JoAnn Dallas:
I'm pleased it's worked out well for you. Please do keep us informed of progress, won't you? Good luck!!

[CharleneCD]

CharleneCD.....You right about that. When my wife made the statement about mini skirt and fishnets, one of my responses was, "I don't dress that way, I'm way too old for that style". She seem to react a little better.

Maybe next time you two are discussing CD things you might want to ask her about it. Explaining again what your syle and intentions are might help with acceptance.

[jennifer41356]

This whole situation is something I find very troubling.

Why do men have to ask their wife's permission to do anything?

Conversely, do women ask their husband's permission for such a trifling matter?

Granted, I have never wanted to be married, nor even had the opportunity. The idea of asking a woman what I am allowed to wear, curdles my stomach.

Out on a limb, is where I am going, here. It is not news to me, that I am not much into relationships. In the highly unlikely event, that at my advanced age, I was to marry, it would not be for the purpose of becoming a submissive child.

Certainly, I have encountered women who had no appreciation for my personal style. Some like it, some don't. But I would see no point in changing who I am, for the sake of approval of a woman.

There are millions upon millions of women, one about as good or as bad as another. Why become, or stay, attached to one who is antagonistic to me.

When I was with a woman who seriously displeased me, we parted ways. The parting thing is ever so much easier, if you do not marry, nor cohabitate.

But all this is only one man's opinion.

:iagree: I couldnt agree more with this but havent said anything as to not to offend

[SarahLynn]

JoAnn i am not one to give advice but i do see this as a great opportunity for you and your wife to have some more heart to heart talks. She asked your sizes so she may decide to "assist" you with an outfit of her choice. Maybe not now but sometime in the future. By my thinking she is coming to terms with the reality that her "man" also has a softer more gentle side to his personality which she might like to engage. I wouldn't push but i would take more time to talk.

SarahLynn

[JoAnnDallas]

I agree, I plan to talk to her more. In fact last night we called my sister in Houston to see if she was going to be home, as we are planing a trip down Saturday. Wife made a comment that my sister would probley be OK with me being a CD. I said, "NO WAY, you know how religious she is". Wife came back with, "Your right, she was upset because I let you wear female t-shirts that one weekend".

If is a little funny when you consider that my wife allows me to wear some fem clothing items (T-shirts, Bath Robe, PJ's) but does not want to see me fully dressed with wig, makeup, and etc. Guess with some items I still look male and unlike last Sunday where I did not look anything like a male.

[Amy Hepker]

Well, you were honest with her. She is probably trying to figure out what to do now. You need to talk to her again about it, but don't push the issue.

[Vicky_Scot]

Back last year when I came clean with the wife the agreement was

1. She does not want to see me dressed
2. She does not want to see pictures of me dressed
3. I can go to my monthly Tri-Ess meeting.
4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself. She has gym class on that Saturday afternoon from 2PM-6PM. I can dress all I want, even go out if I want to. It just so happens that it is the same Saturday as my Tri_Ess meeting. I usually leave at 6PM since it is about a 40 minute drive. So this gives me about 9-10 hrs dressed. When I get home from the meeting, I change in the garage, put my fem clothing away, make sure my face is clean, and go to bed. Wife is usually already asleep when I get home.

So I guess I violated rule 1 and 4, since she saw me fully dressed and it was not our agreed on Saturday afternoon.

She is not into flowers, but she usually doesn't stay mad too long, only a few days. I may have to forego my next saturday afternoon, but I'll survive. I don't think I'm in too much trouble, as long as I don't repeat the offense.

It was the first time she has seen me fully dressed. In fact I just happen to have the same outfit on that is in my avatar. She did say "Nice outfit", which totally surpised me. LOL


That is not a relationship you are in, it sounds more of a dictatorship.

3. I can go to my monthly Tri-Ess meeting.
4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself.

What are you a child or an adult? Start telling your wife what she can and can not do and see how she likes it.

Take care

Xx Vicky xX

[Lora Olivia]

I have a couple comments. As time and things go on you may want to ask her to come here and be in contact with some of our lovely FABs. Dancing always gives good advice with it seems to me a fair and compassionate manner. Now as for what Vicky said above, it is not all about rules, it is about compromise and agreements.

[Genifer Teal]

I think your wife's reaction is similar to most of society. People naturally have a fear of the unknown. For most people this is an unknown or what little info they have is incorrect (in most cirumstances). Unfortunately you had to go against your wife's wishes in order to "enlighten" her. Now she sees it may not be as bad as she thought.

How do we do this to the show the rest of the world? Maybe we could pool our resources and hire an advertising company. Could this count as a PSA (public Service Anouncement)? Maybe it could be considered anti descrimination? If only everyone knew. Then they could decide how they "really" feel about CDing.

Gen

[Emily Ann Brown]

Sis,


Thank goodness your wifie hasn't seen those pics I have of you in a miniskirt and fishnets. ROFLMAO now.


Emily Ann

[Dayna]

Apology up front: I have not read all three pages of responses, so forgive me if this has been said already:

JoAnn, ours is an alternative lifestyle; some accept it, some tolerate it, some do not like it at all. For myself, I asked someone to share my life with me without telling her beforehand what that life would include. Had I fully disclosed my crossdressing before we got married, she might have said 'no thanks', but the point is that I never gave her the option.

My wife and I now have an understanding about what she is comfortable with and what she is not, and I respect that. (And if that sounds like I need her permission to dress, then so be it.) We even went so far as to write down our "ground rules", lest I try to test her limits. It's all about respecting each other. So I can't dress as often as I would like to... I still have a wife, a marriage, a family and a life that many other men would kill for. I am not about to walk away from all of that for the sake of some clothing and makeup.

I do not get a Saturday afternoon to myself every month. I cannot lounge around in panties and a nightshirt. I cannot keep my nails polished. As I recall from your pevious posts, these are all things that your wife is OK with.

You should feel fortunate.

And, you should feel bad for breaking the rules that the two of you agreed to. Yes, you are in the doghouse, and frankly, JoAnn, you deserve to be there. Trust is one of the basic elements of a good marriage, and you broke that trust.

I say you owe her flowers and dinner at the very least.

[Raquel June]

It turned out that she got her assignment wrong and was not on duty until later in the afternoon. The look on her face was not pleasent.

It's her fault for getting her assignment wrong.




She sat there in silence for a few moments and then said, "This was not part of our agreement".

Really? When you listed the points of your agreement, it looked like the only thing you actually agreed on is that she won't have to see you (unless maybe she runs into you on that one Saturday).

1: Was your agreement that you will never dress except one Saturday a month? If that's the case then you screwed up. But that's a pretty brutal agreement.

This goes back to the basic philosophical question:

If a TGirl dresses in the forest and nobody is there to see her, is she still dressed?

:heehee:



2: Was your agreement that she will never have to see you dressed except that one Saturday a month? If that's the case, then she's the only one that screwed up.



3: Did the agreement not include whether or not you can dress while she's at work? If you hadn't discussed that scenario, she has no right to be mad.




That is not a relationship you are in, it sounds more of a dictatorship.

3. I can go to my monthly Tri-Ess meeting.
4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself.

What are you a child or an adult? Start telling your wife what she can and can not do and see how she likes it.

That's true. It's not a fair relationship. If she doesn't want to see it, that's one thing. But your wife sounds legitimately angry at you for dressing. She's probably perpetually angry inside.

People look at situations like this and say, "My wife didn't know I was a CD when we got married. She doesn't accept it, so I have to choose between dressing and divorce." Well, that, or they make some agreement that doesn't make anybody happy.

The truth is, though, that it's not about choosing between your wife and crossdressing. Even if you stopped dressing totally, she would still be angry about who you are.

When you get those kinds of agreements ... the "You do what you're gonna do, and I don't want to know about it," that's no longer a relationship. Your wife doesn't like you. She doesn't want to know you. She doesn't want to understand you. She doesn't want to help you. I know several TG/CD girls in similar situations, and when you talk to them you can just tell the relationship is long since over but they don't have the guts to officially end it.

I would tell her that she needs therapy and maybe you need therapy, or you need a divorce. There's nothing wrong with her wanting you to be manly, but she needs to get past this festering hatred she has for your inner feelings. I'd treat it as a separation until she can be nicer.

[Eva Marie]

Of course, I don't know either of you, but when I see: She then said, "Well are you going or not?" , I'm asking, could this be a suggestion to invite her to accompany you on a shopping excursion?