Nicki B
04-14-2008, 12:15 PM
So often here, it seems as if people have difficulty with their partners or family accepting them as the person they need to be, rather than who their family thought they were?
So, I thought this might be useful? It's one model of how people deal with personal changes and traumas. There are various similar models, dating from the 60s and 70s, but this one is often used to help those dealing with bereavement (Our families may feel they are losing the man they know?).
1. Denial - Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored.
2. Anger - Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.
3. Bargaining - Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.
4. Depression - Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.
5. Acceptance - Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People undergoing life changes can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.
It's not necessarily linear, so stages can overlap - indeed sometimes, people can progress backwards when they find it too overwhelming? and, for a bereavement, it's normal for it to take a year or more to move to acceptance?
The question is then how can you best help someone who is important to you, to progress from one step to the next? And hopefully you will be aware that, for example, after the bargaining, you should expect a phase of depression?
So, I thought this might be useful? It's one model of how people deal with personal changes and traumas. There are various similar models, dating from the 60s and 70s, but this one is often used to help those dealing with bereavement (Our families may feel they are losing the man they know?).
1. Denial - Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored.
2. Anger - Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.
3. Bargaining - Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.
4. Depression - Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.
5. Acceptance - Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People undergoing life changes can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.
It's not necessarily linear, so stages can overlap - indeed sometimes, people can progress backwards when they find it too overwhelming? and, for a bereavement, it's normal for it to take a year or more to move to acceptance?
The question is then how can you best help someone who is important to you, to progress from one step to the next? And hopefully you will be aware that, for example, after the bargaining, you should expect a phase of depression?