I had a dream...

[susancheerleader]

(More like a nightmare)

I'm not sure how to describe the dream I had last night, but it left me feeling horrible.

Although I live alone, my dream had my mother and two sisters in it. In a nutshell, my mother found my women's clothes in a drawer, and was very upset by it. She kept asking me about it as was wondering what happened to make me want to dress like a girl. I tried to express to her that despite the normal "you must be gay if you dress like a girl" stereotype, I WASN'T GAY! But in the end, she was crying, holding a picture of me and remembering my triumphs as a young boy. She kept saying "This is my son. He just learned to drive." And many other son memories.
I got upset that I had made her feel so badly and left in tears myself. Feeling more ashamed then anything.
In went to another room, where my sisters were. They notice I am crying, and knew my mother was crying. They asked what was going on, and I just shook my head. At that point, I got back up, went into the room with my mother and grabbed the clothes and left as I looked across the room to see my mother holding that picture of me, still crying.

Then I woke up.

I don't know what brought that "dream" on but I remember feeling so bad and I wanted to share it with you all.

[Nadia-Maria]

One of my recurrent nightmares, when much younger and deeply in the closet :
I was crossdressing with gorgeous woman clothes openly around home , or in others' home , then I was discovered by family and/or other people , and was so much ashamed that I woke up.

Kisses

Nadia

[Girdlewoman]

I have had the dream where I am completely dressed and dealing with my best friend and his wife, who do not know, except in the dream, I am unaware that I'm in drag and everyone else notices. I wish it could be that easy. Nobody cared. Peace, Girdlewoman

[twistedcody1]

i know how u feel when i was seven my dad walked in on me putting my cousins clothes on and just turned around and started calling me gay and saying i wasnt his son any more this happen to me twice before i hit puberty so i reprsed myself until i was 16 now i am going to see about hormones and i am not telling him and this is all true and scarred me for life i will forget standing there in panties getting yelled aout wile he stormed through the house so dont let it get u down life moves on do what makes u happy

[Jilmac]

WOW! I hope that dream doesn't become reality. I can't recall ever having a dream like you have described but I have gotten busted several times by loved ones and then had to prove my masculinity. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[JoAnnDallas]

I once had a really werid dream. I was out in public fully dressed up and people were addressing as "SIR" and my drab name, but at the same time did not seem to care that I was dressed like a woman. I mentioned to one person that I was dressed as a woman. He said he knew I was and it was OK. I went all day this way and it was so unnerving that I went home and changed. Then I went back out and people kept asking why I changed clothes. It seem I could not win in that dream. LOL

[Julie York]

What can it possibly mean?:eek:







:D

[twistedcody1]

jill that wasnt a dream that actually happen when i was seven then a couple of years later

[susancheerleader]

What can it possibly mean?:eek:

:D

That's what I was wondering!
I hope it wasn't some kind of preminision. :straightface:

[danielle_from_cal]

Maybe the dream means that you want to tell your mother about your crossdressing. I told mine a couple of years ago and it has been great. In general, I think that mothers can understand and accept almost anything. So, you might want to think about telling her.

[VtVicky]

Generally, dreams like this represent subconscious unresloved conflicts. It is dangerous to hazzard an interpretation without a lot more info, but see how this sounds to you.

In the dream you are forced to face your mother about your crossdressing. Your imagination has your mother rejecting you as you are, and clinging to what you used to be. (in her mind)

This represents less what your mother might really do, and more what you are afraid she will do. Remember, this is your imagination manifested in your dream. It may or may not have any basis in reality.

You may have other information that we do not have about your mother, that may support your fantasy. Or, and this is just as likely, the real information you have about your mother is filtered through your imagination. Therefore she may have said or done something completely innocuous that you read, because of your filter, as negative toward your crossdressing, or you in general.

The info about your sisters is less clear. It sounds like you would like to have them know about you, but after your mom's reaction, you decide not to tell them.

Taking the clothes and walking away from your mom sounds like you are choosing CDing over your mom...or at least over her memory of what she chooses to remember of you.

This may be a statement of emancipation. You are abandoning being the little boy she wants to remember. (Or, that you think that she prefers.)

Interestingly enough, this emancipation fantasy really may have less to do with CDing, and more to do with seperating from being your mom's little boy and becoming a man. Someone could make a case that the CDing allows you to take a little bit of mom with you into manhood. Or, that her rejection of your CDing gives you the intrapsychic permission to leave home and grow into your own person. Which, incidentally, is something that we all go through and feel guilty about at some level.

Leaving home is not as easy as it sometimes looks. CDing, and getting thrown out for it, may make it a little easier to leave in the heat of the rejection. But, the pain and guilt can linger for years. And the subsequent pairing of the guilt of leaving home and the CDing can color your CDing with the enormous guilt that really is connected to the emancipation experience independent of any CDing.


There are lots of other possibilities. But, given what you have shared so far, this is a start.

I would recommend that you get in touch with a local professional that can help you go into more depth.

Good luck.

[happygirl]

I am one that dreams every night. As a rule of thumb I dont put much importance to most of them. Your mind is playing on a fear, not a reality. Go with the flow dear and dont sweat it. Nothing will come of it and it means nothing. You will have many great dreams to remember. Lyn

[susancheerleader]

Thanks VtVicky
Thats a great responce you gave and I aprecait the time you took.
A few things I'd like to add.

When I was about 12 or 13, I used to take my sisters leotards and wer them. My mother and/or sister would always catch me and I would give it back to her. I don't remember just how, wether from my mother or sister, but I always felt horrible, but in a week or so I'd doit again. Then finaly I just stopped and never did it again.
About 5 or 6 years later my mother asked me about that. I think she was expecing me to say something like I was gay or something. (Which I am NOT) I didn't know how to reply but managed to tell her that it was all about puberty and the hormones playing hell with me. She seemed to accept that and the matter has been droped, never to show again.
About 30 years later or about 2 years ago. One day I suddenly was overwhelmed to get a skirt and wear it. As I lieve alone, I don't expect anyone to bother me. HOWEVER, I fell asleep in my recliner and my sister comes in. I was so busted and that feeling of doom I had with my sisters leotard came back. But alough she did mention the skirt and was obviousely taken back, she did add that she doesn't care if a guy wears a skirt.
She thought it was a one time deal, as I told her it was for Holoween (It was Holloween when she came over) So dhe doesn't know I do it all the time now.

To this day I dress allot alone in my house. Last year, I desided to take it further and accualy posed in a skirt for an ad for work, to be in the local paper. It was publised and no one gave a hoot. I got questioned about it, but most people thought it was funny and said I have aloot of balls to do that.

My mother nor anyone know I do that all the time.
But my sister MAY have an idea after seeing me in a skirt in my house and then the paper. But she never says anything.