Learning Curve

[madame butterfly]

By arrangement, my friend invited me round to see "her" tonight. I have never seen my friend dressed as a woman before. He sent me a picture from his phone before I arrived to "prepare me". I thought that was very sweet and a good idea.

From messages I have received here and posts that have been helpful, I asked him if he had a name and he has and told me (I wont post any of his personal details here as that wouldn't be right). Also, I decided to try to treat him as a girlfriend as that seems to be the "done thing".

I shall call him "her" and "she" from now on.

She greeted me at the door with "Hello I am ..... " I used her name and said thanks for the invitation. I had taken her some flowers and she took them and invited me into the kitchen whilst she finished off the meal she had cooked.

Looking back, after the "inspection" (I couldn't help but study her dress and make-up and wig) I realise that it was quite easy to accept my friend as she was .. perhaps because she looked so different and behaved differently too. I complimented her on her style and that went down well. (another tip from here!). Actually, she did look quite good.

I also decided not to question her as to "why, how long, sexuality" etc but after a glass of wine we sat and ate and she told me her story anyway. Her story is one of fear, secrecy and self-loathing but most of all such frustration "with God" for making her like this. I think I understand what she means. BUT I am still struck by how happy she was tonight and we had a lovely evening even though she was disappointed that my shoe size is 2 sizes too small!

We had a toast "To Girlfriends".

We haven't made any future arrangements but I think I will invite her round to my place soon. I don't know if she will want to come dressed or dress at my house.

Can I confess that I found it all a bit exciting ... this is new territory for me and I really did have a good time.

Thanks again for the advice - especially about seeing her as a girlfriend as it seemed to work for both of us.

M-B

[DemonicDaughter]

I'm so happy to hear it went so well! Congrats! And it is exciting isn't it? I've had friends in the community for well over ten years and still find it fascinating! :hugs:

[TGMarla]

Are you for real? Let me pinch myself here....OUCH! Okay. You did a real good thing there. I doubt you can even imagine what a good deed you did for your friend. It's something I couldn't even imagine for myself. Good for you. (Good for her!)

[Angie G]

That's great hun glad you enjoyed yourself. :hugs:
Angie

[sissystephanie]

Madame Butterfly, you are a fantastic person! Your CD friend is very lucky to have such an understanding friend.

I have such a friend in Scotland, although she has never seen me dressed. but she does know about my CD activities and isn't bothered at all. I have sent her some pictures, such as my avatar. As my avatar states, I live in the United States. I have met her, and even been to her house (going again later this year), but she is married and her husband doesn't know that I dress. So I can't openly dress around her, since he is around all the time.

Hope you two stay friends for a long time.

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, but man underneath!

[docrobbysherry]

I have no idea how old u r, but u sound like one of the most mature woman I've ever heard of!
As a 60 y/o, I'm proof that maturity doesn't always come along when u age!

[madame butterfly]

Oh dear - thank you for the kind words but I am NOT an angel or fantastic. I have read a lot here and if there is a scale (which of course there isnt) I am no where near the top.

I have read here of MANY women who are in a relationship with a crossdresser. Living with the issues (where there are issues) day by day. I am not in a relationship.

In fact what is happening is that I am enhancing my life experience, learning about me and the crossdressing phenomena.

All I have done is respond to a very dear friend as a friend. I have never encountered crossdressing personally before, but of course I have been aware of gender issues in society but really exclusively related to gay / lesbian issues. I just never needed to personally respond to crossdressing and decided to find out more - like I do in many areas of my life.

In my job and personal life I "research" areas unknown to me when I encounter them.

My friend is the brave one, not me. He took the risks, not me. He took the step towards me all I have done is not take a step backwards.

I think I understand what's happening though. To those who dont have a "friend in the know" I suppose I may appear to be exceptional in my responses. But I am not exceptional. I have spoken to two of my friends earlier in the week about men who crossdress and their responses were more knowledgeable than mine.One of them deals with a transexual (I know its not the same) in her business life and the other said it wasnt something she was looking for, but she wasnt fazed by it. She is an Eddie Izzard fan and even explained to me that crossdressing does not equal gay and she quite fancies him in a skirt!

I am trying to say that although I appreciate the plaudits, I am just someone who has a a trusted and trusting friend and I am doing the sensible thing (to me) in finding out about things that I don't understand.

I am sharing this with you because I owe this site a debt. You have taught me so much about the many issues and scope and breadth of gender variance (see, I am even getting the words now!).

Above all, I realise that to stereotype may be a short cut to broad understanding, but it is really about individuals rather than labels (which I see has had a quite a discussion on here).

My friend is an individual worthy of respect for who he is. I am an individual with my values - which happen to include an open mind and respect for difference knowing that being different does not equal being wrong.

You have my respect here too though there are many things I still dont "get" - but I am learning.

M-B

[DanaR]

That was very cool, thanks for sharing the experience with us.