i went 3 years

[simpsonfan5]

without dressing, but suddenly i dont know why the urge hits me every day. its starting to become an addiction that is getting in the way of my normal life. i guess im comming here for help how to stop/slow it down a little.

[NatashaCD]

you cant stop it it will always come back the best thing you can do is embrace it and accept it and be the person you want to be :2c:

[simpsonfan5]

i wish i could, but its not who i want to be. i have a wife, a kid on the way, and i feel like the desire to CD is just getting in the way

[Shiny]

Ah, you denied your brain its excitement for three years and now you are paying the price! I did it for two years once then after the explosion I nearly ended up walking down mainstreet in a frilly full length gown with parasol!!! You get the point.

[Raquel June]

Sounds like you're just obsessed. Obsessions have trouble going away. It really depends on you. Why do you crossdress? If you had your way, where would it all lead?

If I don't go out for awhile, I start to get totally obsessed. It'll be all I can think about. Then after I spend the evening at a club en femme, the next day I feel normal again, and I can be totally masculine for a week or two before it turns into an obsession again.

If you just try to stop, though, it'll turn into a major obsession for you eventually. People who throw away all their clothes and try to quit always come back. The best thing you can do is have a schedule to indulge it that allows you to have a functional life.

[melissacd]

I went 15 years without dressing until the urge to do so was driving me mad. I am not sure how you stop it or for that matter slow it down. I finally have decided to get out of the way and just let it unfold naturally and at its own speed.

I certainly understand the desire to stop it especially in light of having a wife and child(dren). The best I can suggest is to learn how to live with it through reading books, stories, talking to others and (gulp) opening up to your life partner. When I got together with my wife of 25 years (who is now my ex) I thought that I could stop it for love. I was wrong and I eventually surrendered to it at great cost. You are clearly struggling with this now so now is the time to deal with it. Do not let it linger as many of us have, for years and years at great cost to physical health, emotional health, your family. Look at the stories of me and others on this site who went down that path of denial and have a look at your possible future if you do not deal with it now. It cost me a 25 year relationship and so much more. Had I been true to myself 25 years ago, accepted who I am and been forthright to my ex when we met so much pain would not have happened. She would not have felt cheated out of the core years of her life. I would have sorted this all out a long time ago and I would have met someone who accepted me just as I am.

Instead, I did what you are doing now and the rest is disastrous history. Think long and hard about what you are asking here and face up to your demons. It is difficult but easier now than in 20 or 30 years.

Huggs
Melissa

[simpsonfan5]

i guess it makes sense to have a time set aside once in a while so this doesnt happen again (by this i mean going all out for the last 3 days while my wife was gone)

[deja true]

(by this i mean going all out for the last 3 days while my wife was gone)


And glorious,wasn't it?

Why deny yourself what is,in general a harmless pursuit.

You're not crazy, you're mildly obsessed. So what!

Some paint themselves colors for their football team. You dress up. It's a lot less messy.

Read, talk with us, talk to a counsellor if you must, but shake the guilt.

Your unfounded guilt is the maker of your confusion, not the dressing.

[Tammy298]

Did you only CD before you were married?
If so, did you ever discuss this with your wife? I assume the answer is no. Before you take a step and start dressing again, you might want to consider briginning it up with your wife. Just tell her it's some you once did and thought you'd get over the urge once oyu got to know her and were married.
It might be that the stresses of adding to your family might be getting the better of you and you are getting the urge as an outlet for the stress. If you're honest up front, she might accept it, and then again she might not. If she does, great! If not, tell her you can deal with it. You'll then have a better perspective of what's at stake if you can't resist the urge to abstain. ...and if you do CD again, at least she won't be totally in the dark about that side of you if and most likely, when she finds out.
Good Luck and keep in touch!

[Deborah Jane]

I,ve spent most of my life fighting the urge to dress up.
To cut a long story short, after the stress of fighting it cost me my marriage and my health, i,ve finally decided accepting who i am is the only way forward.
I sincerely wish you luck in your battle to control the urge and hope you have more luck than i did!!

[RitaCD]

I,ve spent most of my life fighting the urge to dress up.
To cut a long story short, after the stress of fighting it cost me my marriage and my health, i,ve finally decided accepting who i am is the only way forward.
I sincerely wish you luck in your battle to control the urge and hope you have more luck than i did!!

Well said Deborah. I've been crossdressing for 50 years. I have quit and purged countless times. The urge always returns even after counselling. Though my health is still good it did cost me my marriage. The wife knew and at first she was accepting and even encouraged me to some extent. As the years went by though she hated it and left me 5 years ago. Since then I dress every day after work and full time on weekends. No more purging, this is who I am. :)

[Fab Karen]

You used the N word, a fictional concept for the most part.

[Julie York]

If you can't scratch an itch, then what should have been a little scratch now and then becomes a full on frenzy when you get the chance..

[flacindycd]

I am in Rita's camp on this 1,,being a lifelong cd (I'm 54 now), who has tried stopping/purging more times than I care to admit.. the 1 thing that stands out is "ONCE A CROSSDRESSER ALWAYS A CROSSDRESSER!!!!!!" Even if you stop , in your mind you will still think about it and mentally still dress.
Being married for 32 yrs and rearing 3 fantastic children, I stopped dressing once for 6 years...It nearly drove me to my demise, I drank like a fish, worked 70 hours a week to "lose" myself..not to mention I became an emotional Wreck...and for what???? To stop CD'ING? I came to the conclusion while in the hospital after having a QUADRUPLE BYPASS (after dying on the table 3 times and 14 hrs of surgery) Life is so short, you need to be happy, you must do what feels right for you....after all it IS your life and once you die ,thats it Game over, NO do-overs, no replays, so relax do what is right for YOU..sounds selfish doesnt it? Well its not really, ITS YOUR LIFE ONLY... NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU...AND YES THE WORLD WILL NOT STOP WHEN YOU PASS ON...SO TRY TO "LIVE" NOT SURVIVE. If you suppress your dressing IT'll only
make you miserable.( If you are deep inside a CD/tgirl which I assume you are)
I hope you figure it out early while you are young and NOT have to GO through what I did.....I'm trying to save you from wasting away some of the best years of your life, hope this helped, and I wish you well with whatever path you choose.

HUGGS,

[SherriePall]

I have come to the conclusion (as have some others here) that the longer you deny it and don't dress, the worse it is when it finally hits you and you really have to dress. As for stopping it, I have no suggestions. All you can do is try to keep it under control by limiting the number of times and the durations when you dress. That way you keep her somewhat under control without denying her existence.

[fionablack]

I am sort of in the same boat as you. I am married and have a Son who is now 1 year old. I am still completely in the closet and have no intention of coming out. I don't think it is such a bad thing either.

I don't get to dress as often as I would like and I sometimes go for very long periods of time without having the opportunity. The only time I can really crossdress is when I go away on business and have a couple of nights in a hotel. This is enough for me though. I had the freedom to dress every day before I was married and lived on my own. I am grateful for that time and I enjoyed every minute of it, but my life is different now.

My wife and son are real people, who I love, and at the end of the day they are more important than my need to dress as a woman. I gladly make the sacrifice for them. The rare opportunities I have to dress are actually all the more rewarding and enjoyable because of this I feel.

Each of us has to find their own way to deal with this though. I feel all too often that advice from this forum is all too quick to advise coming clean. Think very carefully as you could lose everything. I love my wife and son too much to even think about risking losing them and I sense that you feel the same way.

The deceit is hard yes, and the lack of opportunities to dress can be so frustrating too, but for me it is totally worth it.

I have found ways to commpromise in pursuing my desire to crossdress. I have found that if you are careful and thoughtful about it, then there are always ways to enjoy this wonderful gift we have been given without having to risk everything we have in exchange. It is not as black and white as is sometimes portrayed.

I hope you find the right path for you. I am sure you will.

[jessielee]

dear fan,
Tammy and Deja gave you excellent advice.
can only add i agree with Fiona that it is worth it. i too hate the deception. but am becoming more and more comfortable with who i am.
in the long run, may not need to dress all the time or even in secret for precious short times, as now, if become better rooted and fulfilled in family life. i try not to think in terms of need or obsesion; its not that way for me. simply enjoyment and self acceptance.
sincerely hope you can talk this out, perhaps with a counselor. for i wish you to not have to leave behind such an exquisite part of life for us and for me, despite what i said about maybe not dressing someday.
all my best, dear,
jessie

[charlie]

I used to crossdress 12 years ago, but then for some reason stopped. Seven months ago the pink fog enveloped me and now I'm back to CD as much as I can. The why of it is just not answerable. I would be much bettor off with another 12 years to life without it really!
Guess it is just part of being me! See Salandra, I do listen.

[danam]

I am in the same situation. Eerie, isn't it? And comforting, I hope.

I have found that taking self-portait pictures while dressed and reliving the experience by looking at the pictures helps keep the urges in check. I actually dress fairly rarely, but I look at my pictures nearly every day.

This is good incentive to get a separate computer and to learn a thing or two about computer security/privacy, so that you can keep your digital pictures private.

[hrmnapoleon]

I applaud you, you are concerned about the future. It sounds as though you may be worried - you know you are a crossdresser, but a child on the way means that your understanding of yourself and your relationship within the world at large has changed, but you do not fully understand the greater implications of everything that is going on in your life at the moment. If you went 3 years without dressing, your urge to dress was obviously not that great. But, when the context of an approaching child appears, it sounds as though you may be reflecting more upon who you are - hence the greater desire to dress. It may sound trite and preachy, but I suggest discussing this with your significant other and approaching this not from your perspective, but from the perspective of a couple. Remember, a child is more than just your offspring, it is you taking an active role in the future of our society.

[gennee]

I discovered that I was a crossdresser 3 years ago. For several weeks I was in denial. Finally, I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. All the tensions and struggles disappeared. It hasn' bother me since. I have a wife and son who know I wear women's clothing. They ae both accepting of it.

I struck a balance and I feel liberated and complete. I embraced cross dressing and my transgender identity and haven't looked back.

Gennee


:)

[victoriamwilliams1]

I know what you mean, I went 4 years and when I started again I dresseed for 2 years almost everyday and I finally burned out and stopped for a few weeks and now I dress up to 6 times on a good month but average about 3.5 times a month. During that time I had allot of fun trying to keep the fem gestures from coming out.

[gwenrob43]

I've quit for years, but something seems to bring me back. Two years ago I bought a lot of clothes and shoes, I've hardly spent $50 since then. I still love to dress, there's lots of things I bought that I've never worn. I love shoes, slacks and jeans. I don't want to quit!!!

Hugs, Gwen

[sterling12]

Bravo! Every time we get one of these posts that says: "look at me, I'm quiting," or "Look at me, I've quit for ___years or ___months," we should post all of your replies. Many of you have described and lived a fundamental truth. You can sometimes go for years, quit numerous times, think you have the problem licked.....and, your right back where you started from!

Someone expressed an opinion that I've often voiced, "you haven't quit a darn thing, if your still thinking about it." You have just "abstained," and eventually it will come back. I'm not even sure if a lobotomy would work. You can erase the brain in a Transperson, but perhaps we are just genetically built to crossdress. If that's true, then it's like instinct. We couldn't quit under any circumstances.

Work, work, work, on self-acceptance. Saves you the money of replacing your clothes, and eventually you just might turn the corner and actually like the person that you really are.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Angie G]

Look hun it is who you are it is not going away. If you go on like this you will not be a happy camper and you Marriage may suffer for it. Maybe you can limit it but I don't thing you can get rid of it. :hugs:
Angie

[simpsonfan5]

ive taken the weekend to think about myself and my wife does know that it is a part of my past. i think i have a good idea of how to let the urges out with underdressing when i go to the gym and things like that - very low risk of being caught...and overall i think if i keep things very minimal it is quite the stress reliever and lets me feel like i have some sort of escape from the real world. thanks girls for all the help.

[Annaliese]

I have yet to here of anyone that has stop, there has been time when we have not dress but it always comes back no mater how many time we stop. When it come back it come back, it come back exponential. Good luck and my love and support goes out to you.

Hugs Anna

[Seville]

Oh, how I wish I had back all those years of
self-loathing and shame! Years wasted...over
nothing!

Self acceptance has brought peace and tranquility
into my life.

As Angie said, "It is NOT going away'"

Don't waste YOUR life in guilt and shame...accept
your true self.