I am at The End of my rope...............

[janelle]

Hey girls Hope everyone is better than I am. Work informs me if any problems come up from me transitioning they do not have to pay. So if taking estrogen would cause a stroke or anything else I am on my own with the bills,This really suxs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I talked with my therapist briefly about this & will go into more depth when I see her on the 5 of may. This has made the last 2 weeks very hard to keep going. You have no idea how many times I wished I would have a heart attack, or get hit buy a car, or get shot or whatever.
I know who I am & that I am a woman, yet I am stuck in between worlds(male/female). Most at work see me as a funny girl that has to use a SPECIAL restroom & therefore am a freak male. How does one keep going when you can not fore see anything good coming anymore. Hell, I have no idea of how much farther I can risk going with my hormones before something could happen.Seems like people are walking away from me & I catch myself finding it very hard to focus are my job. I & several good friends have caught me making some very silly errors, in which they said, "are you ok, this is so unlike you?" How does one answer that but other than no things are a miss. I don't know what I am going to do other than hang around here & maybe bend some ears if that is ok. Life really suxs big time right now. I get things going better with my wife & now this, I can not win for nothing & that includes God taking me from this s_ _ t face world.
Sorry for this being a mess but that is my thought pattern lately. Thanks for listening & any advice or comforting words I may hear. This place truely is a blessing, Thank you.
soggy hugs,
Janelle

[deja true]

Bend all the ears you want, Janelle! Talk it all out. Cry it all out. Both are therapy of another kind.

There are still some very good things in your life, though, aren't there?

Your relationship with your wife is improving.

You still do have good friends who are showing their concern for you.

Most important, you've faced a lot of very high hurdles so far and managed to top every one of them, right?

A job, a home, a supporting wife and some good friends. And us...hundreds to talk to, scores who've gone where you are going, and a really good talkative bunch who are there already.

They'll be here for you. The PMs are burning up the ether right now.

We love you, dear one!

Be calm. Lean on those who love you.

love,

deja

[Valeria]

Hey girls Hope everyone is better than I am. Work informs me if any problems come up from me transitioning they do not have to pay. So if taking estrogen would cause a stroke or anything else I am on my own with the bills
They may say this, but (assuming you actually have medical insurance) I doubt that it is true.

First off, it's virtually impossible to identify a single cause for something like a stroke or a heart attack. No one will be able to say with any certainty that you stroked *because* of taking estrogen. There are many other risk factors - some of them greater than estrogen.

Secondly, it doesn't really matter what "caused" a health problem once it exists. If you go in for some purely cosmetic procedure (such as tummy liposection), and procede to have respiratory failure or cardiac arrest, your medical insurance is absolutely going to be on the hook for your hospital bills. It doesn't matter that they don't cover tummy lipo - they still have to cover cardiac arrest.

If you are in the USA, I'd call one of the legal rights orgs that handles such cases (such as Lambda Legal) for advice as to your rights.

[Sharon]

Take a look at your policy to see if it specifically doesn't cover anything to do with transgenderism. And, even if it does, I'm not sure how anyone could state unequivocally that hormones are the sole cause of a stroke or heart attack. And if they were to actually say this, I'm not sure if it could withstand an appeal or a threat of a lawsuit.

[janelle]

Thank you, you are all very special & I do feel the love from you all,thats what I love about this site,"We are Family".
That is wonderful advice so far & I am going to look at it all a tad closer. I am also going to go in depth with my shrink & therapist. I have worked to hard to become the person I should have been to be stopped now.
I know our policy does not cover "gender" issues, thats why they(company) is saying what they are. I am trying to work thru the union to get some of this changed but it so hurtfull & when others around you don't understand how you feel..........well you have all been there.
I just feel so alone again, fighting yet another bitter battle that just does not make sense when I look at it from the company's view. I know what I want or hope for is maybe outragous to them but we should be able to meet some where in between. They won't even talk about it. Maybe I shound contact Lamda & see what if anything can be done. You know Wisconsin is weird with some of their laws, or as I was told" gray areas", for the company to use to suit themselves.
Iwill try to keep my chin up & a smile on my face but I know I will be back asking for help & more advice.
Thanks again girls,your very special.
better hugs this time,
Janelle

[Sally2005]

I'm not sure how it works in the states, but what does your employer have to do with your health care? They pay insurance and the insurance provider decides what they can cover. Try talking to the insurance provider directly, maybe you can even get some supplemental coverage if you need it.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Janelle

First of all, I think you're making a mistake by anticipating the worse, so stop trying to put yourself in a hospital bed. I'm sure your insurance will pay, you can jump off a bridge and they'll pay.

I wish I had some words of wisdom about your situation at work, but there are none. When I came out at work, I immediately went from someone they'd known for over 33 years as a person who got along with everyone, who helped everyone, and never had a bad word to say about anyone, to fag. My bosses assured me that I had nothing to worry about, my union said they'd protect me, they then had me out and forced to retire early with such a speed and efficiency that even impressed me, while my union sat on their hands and whistled a merry tune.

There's a price you have to pay in order to be yourself, only you can decide how far you're willing to go. It's not fair, but that's just the way it is. I'll tell you one thing though, in spite of what I've paid, I'd do it all over again without hesitation.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Kimberley]

I have to wonder why they could single this out. Does this mean that other medications that can cause complications aren't covered either? When I hear crap like this it ticks me off.

Maybe you could approach them and ask them if they want to settle a future million dollar plus lawsuit now instead of waiting... I am sure both the company and the insurer would love to hear that one.

Then of course there is the human rights lawsuit that could also accompany it.

Are they acting within the law or trying to bend it? Perhaps illegal activities could be reported too?

Hopefully you have been keeping a journal everyday because in the end that is your best defense. Who said what, when, why and where... Hand that to a lawyer and watch how fast they cave in. I have a copy and my pdoc has one. We have to protect ourselves first and foremost.

Sorry to hear about all this Jannelle. Hold your head up because you ARE better than they. You have the strength of knowing who you are; they have the weakness of being unable to accept diversity.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Nicki B]

I have to wonder why they could single this out. Does this mean that other medications that can cause complications aren't covered either? When I hear crap like this it ticks me off.

Me too - and, why do you have to use a 'special' bathroom? It sounds like discrimination to me. How big is the company? Is there any way you can raise a grievance to a higher authority??

[janelle]

Hi all & thank you.
Yes Karen I know there is a price to paybut as adults are we not to be flexible??? These people sure are not. I know how far I want to go & that is all the way, I just don't want my wife to suffer because of me. She is making a slow progression to accepting this. Maybe I should have said why can't these "kids" grow up.
As for the size of the company, we have about 3000 people working here. Most are non union. We only have 975 or a tad more in the union since all of the take overs that have come up. This one could be a good thing as the union said they will try to get their(new company) insurance plan & see what could be done.
As far as the restroom it is because Wisconsin( backwards U.S.A., or so it seems) has no laws to this yet. The state reps. I talked with say "the whole transgender thing is a gray area". Things could be ruled one way this time & the other next.
Guess I am tired of trying to train the company,the union, & find & enjoy & do what I have to, to become the real me. I feel as thin as a newspaper or a thinly slice piece of meat, not much left to hold on with. I am going to keep going but may keep coming back here to vent & be encourged. Seems like all those here that were out in the city are moving back inside or hiding as if something big was going to happen, I don't know, BUT I WILL BE HAPPY, one way or another.
Thank you all.
Big hugs to everyone,
Janelle

[MJ]

if i may say i was were you were too once . but i did lose my wife . and my children for awhile but as many have said . all good things . in time .
please try to stay strong during our transition there are valleys we must travel but there is also joy it does take time .
we all understand the risks of hormones but it's a chance we have to take just to be happy
hang in there it will get better in time .

[GypsyKaren]

Let's face it, we have to deal with idiots who think it's funny to be cruel, and that's something that's been bred into them. It will take a lifetime to change, right now I figure I'm lucky if I can get 1 out of 100 to see me as a person and not a freakizoid.

Probably the biggest issue in the workforce is the bathroom question, no one wants us around, like I care what someone's doing next to me. Making any of it a discrimination case sounds real good and would probably make for a real good movie of the week, but in real life they have much bigger guns, and they cover their asses before they grease the rails to shove you out.

Karen Starlene :star:

[janelle]

AMEN to that Karen.
Seems companies always get there way. Thats what gets me. Mine keeps telling us over & over just how important & valuble we are. Right then they treat us like C--P, come on we were not born yesterday.
I know it is hard for people to accept change & yes I admit I too had a hard time saying yes this is me, even tho I knew deep down. It is all the trash we grow up learning. Boys do this,girls do that, don't you ever act that way, we all know what I mean. Yet do people look to see how happy one is when they come to know their true selves? Thats a big no, all they see is someone who is doing something they were told should never happen,so we all suffer.
People in change of making our rules locally & nationally are afraid they will lose their jobs yet it is ok for us to lose ours or end up in debt over our eyeballs. We can go to war a few read things into other things that happen & if or when we find out those were wrong what happens, nothing, keep fighting cause I do not want to say I was wrong. Well for me people not wanting to learn about us or are afraid of us for whatever reason & don't ask questions & yes even us, those of us who are afraid to say hey this is me & lets work things out, maybe have their heads in the sand. I know for us it is somewhat different yet are we not to be proud of who we are? I am. Then why does it seem everybody that changes ends up hiding. This site is one of the few that I have looked at & here people seem to care & do speak out so yes we are a rare group here but where are those people in each town,city or village we live in. Where are our senators & reps. here in the states. Where are they in the UK or anyplace else, all hiding.
Sorry I am getting off here but it P_ _ _es me off when they will fight for something little & not take issues that have peoples rights to a happy life to heart. Maybe this is why I feel all alone most os the time. Maybe cause I know there are many of you who care but are so far away, maybe because I know someone else is going thru what I am & is afraid to say anything. I don't know. Maybe I look for to many answers when there are none. Maybe I want this to be a place for everyone to be happy & enjoy THEIR lives. Yes maybe I have gone over the edge & thats why I am at my ropes end, but if everyone loved everyone as we should is this too much to ask............
I THINK NOT.
I am not giving up, this is a new week & it lock & load time & attack again. I hope I never give up fighting for others as myself.
Have a great week girls. Super Hugs tonight.
Janelle

[Megan (VA)]

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. Are there any natal women at the office you are friends with and can confide in?

[susanmichelle]

Janelle,

I would think that you should check on the internet for transgender laws for your state as they are different from state to state. I was on the site tonight and read the laws for my state which is very consertitive in its laws.

I would think that it would be some type of discrimination and you should check it out yourself before throwing in the towel so to speak. Go to this link and check it out for yourself.
http://www.intraa.org/

The above link is for my state but you should be able to maybe look for others for yours or check with the american civil libertys union to see if it may be illegal for what they are doing. You can make a complaint since you are transgendered and making the transformation and with a letter from your doctor stating that they cannot discriminate due to your gender or race and so on.

I may be wrong but is worth checking into anyway. Just my :2c: Good luck

[Nicki B]

Are there any natal women at the office you are friends with and can confide in?

Just what I was thinking... If you try and fight battles on your own, it's bound to be painful - you need allies? IME the ones who make all the fuss about bathrooms are usually the men?

Take positive steps to build good relations with your female co-workers. You'll find some of them will go in to bat for you?

[janelle]

Hi again;
Yes I have 2 dear sisters at work that know the whole story. They have talked with some of the others & asked what the problem was. You ready for this, "he's not a woman YET"! Does this bite or what. My girlsfriends say that they are sorry people feel this way & are trying to talk with others about it. Guess it all boils down to the fact I stated earlier, no body likes change.
As far as the laws go I have checked them out, I have sent an e-mail to Lamda with no response as of yet. I have talked with several lawyers who all the say the same thing,Wisconsin does not have any defining laws, its all agray area. Take your chances, who knows you may get a friendly judge. Some comfort all that is.
I gave a letter to my union & am waiting to hear what they say. I also know they were going to show the company just what frame of mind(stress wise) this puts me under. Believe me I love my life,family, friends( most who are on here) & that I know who the real me is, but I am at the end of my rope. Seems no one is around to help push anything around anywhere,work or the State offices. Hell most lawyers are afraid to touch it here because they are not sure how it would go. I think they believe its a no win case so why bother, but I am the nut here,right. Who in their right minds would want to become the other sex, M2F, or even F2M. I can hear them saying in their minds lock these people up.
I am working 6 days a week to pay the normal house hold bills & give me money for my treatment at the clinic's plus have enough for laser & electrolist of my beard, & that does not include the gas or food money it costs me to go to the cities for hormones & therapy. Yes I do see a shrink here & a therapist otherwise it would be 2 trips upto the cities. Like I said this suxs, but I am still plucking away.
Thanks all for reading & the advice but more important the love I can feel coming from you all, thank you.
Mega hugs tonight,
Janelle