Well, it finally happened.

[Felixi]

It has been month since I have posted to these forums. My posting were relative to my lifelong friend who was a closet CD and bi-sexual. He had left his computer on accidentlly which showed him and his SO in some personal intimate actions. Many in the office became aware of his closeted side through his careless act. I'm not blaming or flaming him, he just did something without thinking.

Now this part of his life has spread like a gas fire among the workforce. It doen't not affect me one way or the other, I think of him as a friend because of his person, not his lifestyle. Now as the rumors (although they aren't rumors since they are confirmed) are trickling all through the company and all it's associates, and Rachel (as she prefers to be called), is slowly falling apart because of the cruelty. I voice my disapproval to those who speak of this person and his/her lifestyle in a demeaning way but to no avail (the construction industry can be vicious).

The CEO is looking for a way to terminate the person because it has affected our client-based income. But Rachel is beginning to look out for another job by himself. But he would probably have to travel across the country to move past the zone of knowledge, and if he stayed in this same industry, it would eventually tract him down. OK, I know some of you have dealt with similar circumstances. What happens now?

[Jodie_Lynn]

Support your friend, no matter what her decision may be.

However, depending on where you are, she may be able to file a harrassment or wrongful termination action if the sole reason for her termination is based solely on her crossdressing.

Wish her good luck for me, and if she isn't aware of this site, you should clue her in. :)


And, just a friendly FYI: It is proper to refer to Rachel by the feminine pronoun when discussing HER situation.

[RitaCD]

WOW. I don't know what to say. Let us know what happens next.

[hrmnapoleon]

Unfortunately that is the nature of employment, regardless. My guess is that the majority of the people are really upset not because he is a crossdresser, but because they feel he deceived them in some fashion. I would suggest that he take issue both with his boss and with human resources and the legal department with the business, that is if those are departments. If not, he may not be happy about it, but if it is becoming a distraction and a roadblock in his career, the sooner he gets out the better. Recession or not, if one leaves on their own terms, the job market is almost certainly better, and relocation must always be an option, fatalistic as this sounds, people are not always understanding or willing to attempt to understand.

[ReginaS]

Scary! I had some new pix emailed to me and I opened them up at work and then I forgot and went to the restroom. When I came back there was the pictures right on my screen. I have my own office but still people come in from time to time. Depending on who saw them it may have lead to some serious issues.
I agree...we girls gotta stick together. You need to support her!

[KayR]

These are the kind of examples that point out how cruel and heartless people are when confronted with something outside their own standards. The risks that we closetted CD's run is desperately serious, by comparison to the harmless nature of our pastime.

[Angie G]

It's really sucks I wish people could just let others alone. I would never put anything on the computer that could do that to my life. I'm not slamming I'm for it It's just that it to easy to slip up and chances to great it will get out. Good luck to your friend I wish her luck. :hugs:
Amgie

[Ruth]

It's a bit late for your friend but the basic rule is that you can have no expectation of privacy for anything you access or store on your workplace computer. This goes for emails, webpages, stored files (even passworded ones), the lot.
I'm not excessively paranoid about public knowledge of Ruth, but if it comes out at work it will be a time of my choosing, so no trace of Ruth, not a word or a pixel, ever appears on my workplace PC.

[jill s]

Wow, very scary deal. We can talk about not using company computers and all but that won't help Rachel now. How did it get to your clients? Are the other employees stupid or what? I guess the company has the right to take action based on what you do with the computers but damaging company income isn't her fault unless she unless she told a customer about it. Whoever took it outside the company should be looking for a job too.

[Sinthia]

Don't know what the rules are where you live, but there has to be some rules that protect privacy, even if someone inadverently exposes something sensitive about themselves. But the door is now open, so Rachel has to deal with it.

You can help her by being supportive and let other people know that it is none of their business, and Rachel's activities do not affect them, so stop gossipping about her. Accept each person on a 'Total' basis, not just some small quirk. After all, just because someone plays paintball, that does not make them a killer or terrorist!

[easy-writer]

It's a bit late for your friend but the basic rule is that you can have no expectation of privacy for anything you access or store on your workplace computer. This goes for emails, webpages, stored files (even passworded ones), the lot...

So true. Workplace computers (unless it's your own laptop) belong to "the company" and are fixtures as much as the lights and the coffemaker. A good analogy might be, "Would you hang your frillies in the company coat-closet?"

The company has a case for "misuse of company property" and "stealing time," without even going into opinions about lifestyles.

That said, my heart goes out to your friend. I hope she finds the support she needs to get through this, and that she will weather the storm. Who knows--perhaps something much better (like a job where she can be respected for who she is) will come of this.

[TGMarla]

If ignorance is bliss, there must be a lot of love in the world.

People are quick to point fingers everywhere but at themselves. Which is worse, the person who crossdresses, or the person who points fingers and say to others, "See? I'm normal. That person is a freak!" The answer is obvious. It is a sad state of affairs when the closed-minded ignoramuses of the world are so firmly entrenched as the ones with the higher moral ground. Very ironic. There is no one, and I mean NO ONE who does not have some kind of skeleton in their own closet that they do not want others to know about. Yet they are quick to point out the skeletons that others have the misfortune to bring out in the open. Shame on them!

My good thoughts are with your friend Rachel. May she find good karma at the end of her ordeal.

[Kiva]

People are quick to point fingers everywhere but at themselves. Which is worse, the person who crossdresses, or the person who points fingers and say to others, "See? I'm normal. That person is a freak!" The answer is obvious. It is a sad state of affairs when the closed-minded ignoramuses of the world are so firmly entrenched as the ones with the higher moral ground. Very ironic. There is no one, and I mean NO ONE who does not have some kind of skeleton in their own closet that they do not want others to know about. Yet they are quick to point out the skeletons that others have the misfortune to bring out in the open. Shame on them!

Marla...I couldn't have said that any better.....and that is EXACTLY what happened to me from my HS "best friend", Wasn't anything more than small town gossip, and it didn't ruin my life.....but I eventually learned who my true friends were.

I do feel sorry for Rachel. Not sure what to suggest to her, but I doubt it will be the end of the world. Tell her to keep her chin up, and show more class than those of her 'accusers.' At this point....total honesty w/ her boss might be in order. Seems like it would be better if she took that bull by the horns, and face it head on.

Kiva

[serinalynn]

my best wishes for Rachel!!! Its still a tough sell to many in industy this deal of crossdressing and transgenderism. I'm sure all of us know the limits and bounds of current positions, jobs or careers, as far as we can go as our female selves. I do wear panties and womens jeans at work but that as far as I can go. Anyone using a company owned computer should or must know that any entrys you make as an employee is considered company property. Sounds like this little thing with Rachel is some thing personal that ended up on a company owned computer and was widely distributed, and now she is in this nasty position.

[trannie T]

Ruth and easy-writer are right. When we mix personal and company business we are setting ourselves up. Never do anything in the workplace that you are not willing to share with the whole organization.
I am sure that Rachel needs your friendship and support. Hopefully things will work out for her.

[veronicagirl]

Use of a work station computer for anything but employment purposes is STUPID.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Some people are absolute b******s; try and find a way to support your friend.

[KatherinePaige]

Situations such as this disgust me I would be willing to bet 99.9% of the people giving your friend grief are extremely jealous and closeted CDer's/Bi/gay themselves and are just resentfully because they are to cowardly to live there lives as freely and fully as your friend.

[RitaCD]

I agree with most of what has been said and I really feel sorry for Rachael. She got herself into quite a predicament. It really does not matter what the company does, her career with this company is over. The gossip, backtalking, rumors, and giggling will not cease as long as she stays. The harrassment will be endless despite what the company decides or says. Rachael, dear, you should find a way to leave gracefully before the situation becomes even more embarrassing. I wish you happiness.

[noname]

If possible sue, sue and then sue. Hopefully this is in a place that protects against gender identity.

Besides, Iʻm certain your friend is being treated fairly as the CEO is looking to fire the women who wear pants to work.

[sterling12]

Support your friend in any way you can. Try to do the right thing. BUT, she is probably going to sink!

It sounds callus, but please be careful with your support. You can easily be pulled into The Tar Pit right along with her. If they perceive that your support is too strong, too sympathetic, they will start having doubts about you and your loyalty, may start to question your motivations for supporting this person. Don't misunderstand, to abandon her would be just plain wrong.....just be careful. It really stinks to have to bring this aspect up, but it's germaine to the situation, right here and right now.

ENDA Bill, where are you? We have waited too long, people are getting run over!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[stacyB]

It sounds callus, but please be careful with your support. You can easily be pulled into The Tar Pit right along with her.

Unfortunately its a tough balancing act between what we know is morally right and our obligations to our families to put food on the table. Yes your friend was careless in leaving the computer unattended with very personal information on it... but that doesnt warrant the kind of response from others who probably have enough skeletons in their closet (so to speak) that you'd think they would know better... :sad:

One thing though is Rachel should not have used company resources or time, that effectively killed any legal recourse she may have... thats unfortunate because her options are severely narrowed.

On the other hand, the CEO should have come down hard on those early who were causing grief... it wont stop people from running their mouths, but it sends a clear message that discrimination and persecution will not be tolerated... he should be summarily removed for allowing that to occur...

[Megan (VA)]

I feel very sorry for Rachel as well. If she's up for it, she may want to speak with an attorney who can look at the details of the situation and advise her on the best way to proceed.

The people who are upset with her could be so for any number of reasons. While advancements have been made there are still many social influences spreading the idea that any variance outside of the GG + GM relationship is a perversion and those whose relationships do vary should be oppressed. The same holds true for variances in gender roles.

Some may feel they were the victim of a deception, though why they would feel entitled to know the details of a coworkers sex life is beyond me. Some may see some repressed aspects of themselves in Rachel and resent her for giving herself permission to be happy.

Some may feel their masculinity threatened.

No matter what the reason is, it is, in my view a very sad commentary on our society that people would feel comfortable treating her this way.

You sound like a good friend. Rachel is lucky to have you.

[battybattybats]

In some places there are anti discrimination laws that could protect your friend.

Depending on country, state etc.

[KandisTX]

In some places there are anti discrimination laws that could protect your friend.

Depending on country, state etc.

Unfortunately, in many cases these laws do NOT apply to the transgendered, more specifically crossdressers. These laws do protect the transsexuals of the world, but very few if any laws in this country will protect/help a crossdresser. (This is one of the main reasons I try to keep Kandis a secret from work).

Kandis:love::rose2:

[JoAnnDallas]

This very same thing happen to a TG on another forum I visit. At her lawyers request, she filed a sexural discrimination suit again the company and also named many of her co-workers in the suit. It was such a shock to the company and her co-workers that the company had a meeting with her and her lawyer and worked out a solution. The co-workers she named all of a sudden stopped talking about her too. Being hit with a sexual discrimination suit made her company stand up and take notice. Also it scared the hell out of her co-workers. She ended up with a BIG settlement. She does not work there anymore, but she did not have to worry about her fininaces while she looked for another job. Her old company even gave her a letter of praise that made her look like a Saint. LOL