Missed Opportunities.

[Lara Smith]

How many of you can look back on your life and say that opportunities to dress or reveal your self to women were lost because you were afraid to “out” or reveal yourself?

Looking back, I can see there were many, many opportunities I missed throughout my life. I won’t bore you with them now, but I will repost to this thread with the details.

And looking back at those missed opportunities, did you have a sense that maybe there was some kind of divine or cosmic force laying them on the table for you? I mean, no matter how wonderful some of us have found our “difference “ to be, at best it has been an exceedingly difficult journey to say the least. Maybe there was a spiritual force at work trying to help you find yourself.

Weigh in and tell us how you feel.

[Seville]

And looking back at those missed opportunities, did you have a sense that maybe there was some kind of divine or cosmic force laying them on the table for you?

The divine or cosmic force in my case was physical hateful violence
by family members.

Exceedingly difficult journey, indeed!

[Lilith Moon]

My life has been full of missed opportunities due to a fear of being outed.

That fear was, I believe, justified in the early days when intense xenophobia was taken for granted as the norm and when even being gay could get you a prison sentence and worse. I would certainly have been ostracized by my family and probably would have lost my job if I told anybody of my interests and feelings. Back then we had no online or other meeting places and I can remember the sense of utter isolation with no contact and no information about anyone with similar needs to myself.

I'm sure that I could have looked and felt stunning in my youth if I had been allowed to blossom but I had to make do with activities such as occasionally wearing panties, terrified of being discovered and often followed by self-loathing and purges. Growing up with this terrible secret ache tainted the rest of my life experience and, to this day, I'm a withdrawn, secretive, uncommunicative sort of person.

Then there are the knock on effects. For example, I deliberately turned down career enhancements so I could stay in a lower paid job that gave me some privacy to pursue my crossdressing interests.

Of course, it is not all doom and gloom. That "lower paid job" gave me some scope for expressing myself and things are getting much better at home since I came out to my wife. It has only taken her 8 years to begin to accept my needs. No, really, I'm now doing stuff that I could only fantasize about all those years ago and, hopefully, things will get even better in the years to come.

The *major* factor in my 'rehabilitation' and healing since those terrible repressed years has been this very forum. I read more than I post but this place is a lifeline for me, thank you everyone for giving me the confidence to blossom a little..40 years late but better late than never.

[KayR]

I was in my 40's when I discovered I was a TV/CDer. Looking back, I wish I'd discovered it earlier, so that I could enjoy having a slim figure, shoulder-length hair (I was young in the 60's!!) and skin that wasn't dry and creased.
As for cosmic forces etc., I dont actually believe in all that stuff anymore. I think its all about the time, the place and your frame of mind.

[deja true]

"My life has been full of missed opportunities due to a fear of being outed.

That fear was, I believe, justified in the early days when intense xenophobia was taken for granted as the norm and when even being gay could get you a prison sentence and worse. I would certainly have been ostracized by my family and probably would have lost my job if I told anybody of my interests and feelings. Back then we had no online or other meeting places and I can remember the sense of utter isolation with no contact and no information about anyone with similar needs to myself.

I'm sure that I could have looked and felt stunning in my youth if I had been allowed to blossom but I had to make do with activities such as occasionally wearing panties, terrified of being discovered and often followed by self-loathing and purges."

This part of Lilith's story is my story, too. But instead of making me turn inward, it made me more outgoing as a boy. Kind of a compensation device, I think, like the way fat kids often turn into "class clowns" . The fear of being thought weird, even thought I knew deep inside that I was weird, made me become more of a stereotypical smart-ass and rowdy boy than I really felt I was...

I always felt I was playing a role in doing this, but the role kept me from being alone, except inside, of course.

Now finally, the rowdy, extrovert boy is evolving into a confident, take no bullshi*t woman. Still hidden of course, but on the very verge of gettin' my skinny butt out into the world.

And Lilith's right, too, in her reason. It was this place and in particular, a couple of really, really loving and encouraging friends from here that did this for me... I'll always love them....and you all. (sniff! even that wack job, Julie York!)

[tricia_uktv]

Yes, missed opportunities are scattered through my life. But then I've got thre lovely children so you win some and you lose some.

[Jan W]

Absolutely Lara,

There were several times I could have expanded the female me but due to immaturity I did not take the advantage.

I often think of those lost times and opportunities.

It also makes me wonder where I would have ended up if I had of traveled that path.

[Dayna]

Not sure it was a missed opportunity, but...

I sure wish I had 'crossdressers.com', Internet access, and about a hundred other resources 20 years ago.

Maybe then, if I had a better understanding of myself I could have better explained it to my wife, before we married.

I have no doubt that she still would have said 'yes' but there have been too many times when MY lack of understanding and information made life difficult for her--for both of us.

Don't walk down the aisle until you've shared your secret.

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I thought cross dressing would cost me my marriage. Instead my wife has become an enthusiastic supporter. I wish I had known that would happen sooner than it did. I was 50 before I started doing this fully and on a regular basis.

[Deborah Jane]

When i was younger i had a girlfriend who used to want me to wear her underwear whenever we went out!!
I never did and we split up soon after when i met my "ex wife to be"!!!
I wish i,d stayed with her now!!:doh:

[Nicki B]

Life is always full of missed opportunities... So??

Concentrate on using your time left on this earth to the full - look forwards, not back? :)

[Chiana]

This question has come up before and it makes me sad because of my missed opportunity. A woman, my Mom's best freind, who I admired terribly will never know how much I did care for her. Or the regret I feel over not doing what I so wanted to do. Somehow, she knew what was in my soul yet I resisted her every effort to help me, become me. Dwelling on the past cannot help me, but perhaps someone else might not let their opportunity pass them by if the same thing happens to them.

[Caitlin Rose]

I've missed many. Now that I'm a lot less afraid, I'm also a lot older, fatter, balder. We all do our best

[Stephanie Stephens]

Not this time:

Yesterday I went to a salon for a hair cut. I have been growing my hair for a long time and I wanted it cut so that I can dress male or fem. I was telling the girl , so long here and leve that long there, well she was looking a bit confused so I motioned for her to bend down closer and I wispered to her "I crossdress once in awhile" she said "really" and I said "yes". She knew then and I got the cut I wanted. I was not going to let fear stop me from getting the hair cut I have been wanting for so long.

Huggs; Stephanie

[MJ]

The divine or cosmic force in my case was physical hateful violence
by family members.

Exceedingly difficult journey, indeed!

The divine or cosmic force in my case was hateful mental abuse by family members .. and Evan after 4 years the crap is just getting bigger ..
when will they ever learn ..

[sexotik]

How many of you can look back on your life and say that opportunities to dress or reveal your self to women were lost because you were afraid to “out” or reveal yourself?

Looking back, I can see there were many, many opportunities I missed throughout my life. I won’t bore you with them now, but I will repost to this thread with the details.

And looking back at those missed opportunities, did you have a sense that maybe there was some kind of divine or cosmic force laying them on the table for you? I mean, no matter how wonderful some of us have found our “difference “ to be, at best it has been an exceedingly difficult journey to say the least. Maybe there was a spiritual force at work trying to help you find yourself.


By some kind of divine or cosmic force, do you mean fate? Well, I firmly believe in it. I think that things always happen for a reason, yet sometimes we overlook them. I guess that if I bumped into crosdressing, there's gotta be reason, and to me the reason is to gor for it.

Sometimes I despair cuz I think that perhaps I'm getting my hopes up, and the higher I get, the rougher the shatter of my illusions will be. I believe most of us go through this feeling, don't we?

I realized that I want to crossdress just for the time being, until I see that my body can resemble that shape of a girl, however, I don't whether I'll dress up when I'm older. For the moment, crossdressing is a period of my life, an unfinished stage. Whether I get to crossdress and go out, well that's outta my hands, yet I know I'm gonna do my best cuz I don't want find myself in the future thinking what if.....

[michellecd9999]

When I was in high school, our school had a padget for guys to dress up like girls. I was in the band and was nominated to represent the band, but I was too shy and declined (I was already crossdressing at the time in private). Now, I wish I could have used that to have one of the girls in the band dress me in her clothing and help me with makeup. I could have been better than the guy that ended up doing it.

Another time (at 18) I was in a church skit in drag. I used my mom's stuff. One of their friends who had a daughter my age offered to have me come over and try on some of her stuff. I declined (out of fear). How I wish I would have. I think the mom of the girl would have been cool about me trying on several outfits and getting letting me wear all girl underwear things under them all. Maybe she would even have helped me shave my legs and put on makeup.

Other times I think about... Times when I was visiting with families that did not have any males or the male that was there was so large I could not fit into his clothes, but I would have fit into either the mom's or the yonger girl's clothing. I should have spilt something on my clothing and needed to take off my clothes. But oh.. what to wear? I guess you'll have to wear xxx's clothing until yours are clean. I would have made sure to spill something like juice into my lap, being sure to get my shirt, pants and underwear soaked!
Michelle

[melissacd]

My biggest missed opportunity was when my first wife and I split up. I was at a cross road where I was seriously thinking of getting a place on my own and exploring my CD life more. Then I met my ex, fell head over heels in love and dropped the idea of CDing. It is now 25 years later, I am now going down the path that I should have at that point when cupid steered me onto another path.

I agree though that the past is the past and we cannot regret what we did not do, we just have to make the best of today and move in a better direction.

[Lara Smith]

Chiana:

I feel a good deal of pain in your response. I'm going to guess that you are roughly my same age. Please if you could elaborate on your experience. I know I would find it very important, and I think other's here would as well.

As I indicated I will by specific about my missed opportunities as soon as I have my thoughts together and post it here.

["Mary"]

I think I could have looked very pretty in my 20's and 30's, but as mentioned earlier, I didn't have the resources ($, ideas, forum support, chances, etc.) but it would have been very dangerous for me given my situation then. So, I don't regret it much.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Lara, Haven't we all missed some, and then haven't we all capitalized on some?


:love: Mollyanne

[Nadia-Maria]

[QUOTE=Nicki B;1272041
Concentrate on using your time left on this earth to the full - look forwards, not back? :)[/QUOTE]

I don't think we must always obey to the dictature of the damn... :
"Think Positive, Be yourself, etc."

Why can we just live as we want to ?
That means offering herself to go sometimes out of the road shown by the lesson givers !!

Freedom is the key.

Kisses

Nadia

[Beth-Lock]

Missed the opportunity to do it seriously, when I was younger and better looking. That is something that maybe was not possible at the time, but i regret it nonetheless.

[pamisme]

We all have missed opportunitys . Lilith I know how it is with you for it is the same with me. I my city when I was dressing and going out if I was found out I more than likey would now be dead my city did that to people like us and gays just to have fun
yes I know it is not right but thay would have done it. To day thay would just beet you half way to death.So that is one rssean
for me not to come out but I wish my SO would like people that
crossdressed than she mite like me more. I never told her I Cross dress( did the sky fall). (FIRST time I ever said that.) It felt good. Pam:D

[harmony]

well-there is a way to help the generations that come after us to be able to realise their potential and opportunities to the fullest-and you are all doing it in the most wonderfull way.you encourage them and help and guide them along.listen and absorb and learn you young ones so you can be and do all that was for some reason denied us.

[Chiana]

Missed opportunities.... Lara, this is the story of my opportunity.

Esther was my Mom's best friend before I was conceived. For as long as I remember, she was always my "Aunt Esther". Esther had many traits that I admired. She was a beautiful woman who was compassionate about life, she had a wonderful sense of humor, she was intelligent, very artistic, sophisticated, kind, and gentle. Very worldly. Really a great human being. Esther never had any children even though she married twice, breifly.

I was an early starter in my cross dressing. I vividly remember getting dressed as a pre-schooler. At that time of my life, I didn't think it was weird or unusual to wear girls clothes or want to be one of the girls. During that same time frame, I remember Esther was always wanting my Mom to let my hair grow out into a girls style but Mom and Dad were dead set against it. I was disappointed that she didn't win the arguement. I think she already had me figured out. But as I got a little older, things changed. Somewhere about the time I started the 1st grade I figured out that I was a boy and wanting to do girlie things was not a good thing. So I just played with dolls or dressed in secret. About that same time, Esther moved to another city so she was not around as much. But we were still in almost constant touch. It seemed like every weekend, we were traveling to go see her or she was driving down to see us. She visited one time at halloween. I remember how hard she tried to convince me to dress as a girl but by this time I couldn't let anyone know about my terrible secret. There were many other similar incidents over the next few years but I always refused to give in. Well, OK, once I gave in. We were visiting her and the house was really cold. I couldn't sleep so I got up to look for a blanket. Esther heard me looking for the blanket. I told her I was cold so she gave me a dress to wear. Well, I wasn't cold any more.

Then when I was 15 or 16, Esther had convinced my parents to let me spend the summer with her. In the back of my mind, I was pretty sure what kind of activities were planned for the summer with Esther. I wanted to go so badly that I couldn't stand it. But on the other hand, I didn't want to divulge my secret passion to anyone. Even someone who could see through my soul. In the end, I didn't go. I know I missed out on a once in a lifetime chance but more importantly, I came to realize that I had really hurt her feelings.... a lot. She would have been a fantastic mentor and I screwed it up. Maybe it is just my guilty feelings but I always thought that my decision seemed to break her spirit. We all remained close after that but I don't recall any further attempts on her part to bring me out. She passed away about four or five years later at a very young age.

[docrobbysherry]

Except for being forced into the service during Vietnam, I've pretty much done exactly what I liked my whole life!

I've been incredibly lucky since I was very young. Even in my old age, I still have a figure good enough to be able to portray the younger women I prefer to look like.

I discovered CDing at JUST THE RITE TIME IN MY LIFE! In my 50's. I have the time, the resources, and the privacy, to do it just the way I want to!

And the timing of my CD compulsion parallels the developement of the internet. So, I can even enjoy CD friends and conversations, as I breathe the Pink Fog.

Dear friends, life seems to just get better and better! As long as my health holds! (Knock on wood)!

[victoriamwilliams1]

I have had a few times, now I just get out and enjoy myself. I think most of the early teen years was due to fear.

[Kimberleighann]

I have know from a very young age that I wanted to be a woman. I have had very good family support but fear kept me from going foward. I have a very loving and supportive wife and still spent many years in the shadows caused by my own fear. I have been living 24/7 for going on 7 years now and wish that I would have taken the support that I was given and did some thing sooner. I have gotten to where I want to be but I could have gotten there a long time ago with out the fear.

Kimberleigh Ann

[KayR]

Chiana:
Thank you for sharing that story. The regret, tinged with the irrevocable fact that you hurt someone close to you must be very deep, particularly now that she has passed away.
I am the last person to try and counsel you, but the lady did indeed have a lasting effect on you. You grew up knowing that not everyone is closed-minded, and that we could share ourselves with trusted friends if we chose to. You cannot - nor should you try to - relive those days. Be ready to offer your help to someone as openly and wholeheartedly as this lady did with you.
You sound like a better person for having known her. It's all anyone can ask for as an epitaph, isn't it?

[xoAmandaxo85]

i have had quite a few missed opportunites like when i go over to my cousins house. she used to ask me if i wanted to wear any of her clothes i would say no but i wish i would have said yes to it....i might be going over there soon though so hopefully she will ask me the question again:)

[SherriePall]

I don't recall having missed any opportunities growing up. I don't get many now, but when I do, if I can, I take advantage. No regrets here.

[trannie T]

I do photography, I have taken a few decent photographs but have a list of really great photos that I did not take for some reason.
I should have bought Google when it was 23 cents a share.
Our lives are a series of missed opportunities, it is best not to dwell upon them rather, to enjoy the opportunities that we did take.

[Sophia KT]

My thinking is that:

Many things I have not done out of fear have helped me in another way; if you look at what might have been you can't see what was.

I think the rigid thinking people need to get the hell out of tvs, etc. way [long term]. They should not be allowed to effect our progress.

On a happier note, there are sweet people out there and we all just need to
communicate across the boundries which are a convention and nothing more.


Phew,

Took some spittin that did!

Sophia