Transexual on Dr. Phil

[kittypw GG]

Did anyone see the interview on Dr. Phil with the former cop/military man who is now Makayla?

This remindes me of a poster here some time ago who's adult daughter was trying to reach out to her after years of estrangement (imposed by the transexual, she just abandonded her children). The daughter was given a book about her transition which did not include anything about feelings for her children, or considerations for keeping them in touch etc. The adult daughter sent her former father a letter after she read his book. You could feel her pain for being totally abandonded as a child. The transexual father did not understand why she would be so upset. She felt she could not persue a relationship due to extreme selfsishness. It broke my heart.

Maykayla on Dr. Phil is heading down the same road. On his daughters 12 th b-day she was told by her "father" that she had to call him mom or auntie and could not call her father anylonger :eek: These kids were shocked.

Makayla sat stoned faced and rolled her eyes when her daughter read her a poem about the pain she felt. I was crying, the whole audiance was crying but yet Makayla sat un-moved and un-touched.

Truely this is not the way to transition? I know that it is not soemthing easy to accept but being cold and calous is truely not the way to go.

I think that if she would have even shown a little compassions towards her children it would have went a long ways. Why not include them in some therapy? Instead she did what a lot of cd's also do. Just shove it down someones face, tell them this is the way it is etc. She got the reaction this kind of forcefull inconsiderate selfishness elicits. Unfortunately her children did not ask for this but if handled a little differently one can keep a family together can't they?

Could some of you who have transitioned please share how you kept your children in your lives? I hope this is not the norm.

:hugs: Kitty

[melissaK]

What on Dr. Phil is ever the norm?

I have known more than a few regular guys who have abondoned their kids as they transistion from one SO to another, so its clearly not exclusively a MTF trait . . . . And as I think back I can recall plenty of posts on these boards from people who have come out to their kids, transistioned with their kids, had kids abandon them, had their kids proud to have 2 moms . . . pretty much all the possible combinations you can imagine . . . .

hugs,
'lissa

[Kieron Andrew]

I have known more than a few regular guys who have abondoned their kids as they transistion from one SO to another, so its clearly not exclusively a MTF trait . . . . And as I think back I can recall plenty of posts on these boards from people who have come out to their kids, transistioned with their kids, had kids abandon them, had their kids proud to have 2 moms . . . pretty much all the possible combinations you can imagine . . . .

hugs,
'lissa

Yup my own father not trans abandoned me when moving on from my mother to a new woman,....its definitely not JUST a MtF thing, but saying that i have heard of a few MtF who have done that to seek transitioning

[GypsyKaren]

It's typical Dr. Phil, he's an asshole. I saw the commercial for the program, that was enough for me to avoid the rest. You don't shove yourself on your child, and you don't parade it on TV, stuff like that makes me sick.

Karen Starlene :star:

[BadassBabyBrother]

It's typical Dr. Phil, he's an asshole.

Karen Starlene :star:

Uhm, YEAH. I don't trust anyone who uses "Dr." with their first name.

As for the whole "Abandoning your children and not giving a crap" thing... Doesn't matter if they're MtF's or "GGs" (god, I hate that wording), some women are just plain cold. (Not that some men are not, like melissaK and Kieron pointed out; Doesn't need to be a TS or a CD to forget anything about your offsprings.)

[CaptLex]

Doesn't need to be a TS or a CD to forget anything about your offsprings.)
I agree - some people are just too selfish to be good parents, regardless of gender or being trans or cisgender. It's a non-trans-related human failing IMO.


Could some of you who have transitioned please share how you kept your children in your lives? I hope this is not the norm.
Well I lucked out 'cause my son is fine with it. Our relationship is unchanged, really - I just look different. But I would never insist that he stop calling me "Mom" . . . that's who I've always been to him, even if our definition of "Mom" differs from someone else's. :tongue:

[Maggie Kay]

I am in the middle of this kind of situation myself. What is not talked about is the fact that Transgenderism is a medical condition, it is not a matter of choice. Rather, it is a very serious life threatening condition. However, we who suffer from this are expected to be sensitive to how our family handles it. We are supposed to be the one that cares for their emotional health. We are responsible for their pain. We must manage not only our extremely difficult transition which includes painful surgery but our families mental well being. Who cares for us? Imagine a cancer patient being charged with this burden? The insensitivity to our plight is appalling and it is no wonder that so many think of suicide. The suicide rate among TGers is said to be many times higher compared to the regular population. We are trying to save our lives and while doing it, we have to make sure that everyone around us is happy.

Dr. Phil has used our burden to make money. He has done great harm. Shame on him.

P.S. My daughter is OK with it and I told her carefully and have offered to discuss it at any level or way she needs it to be. She still has problems in that she has lost her Dad but she like many of her generation are much more accepting of LBGT people than the preceding one. Maybe because there are many LBGT folks who have allowed to be open instead of living lives of desperation and fear.

[SirTrey]

1) I had a selfish father who didn't give a crap about his kids...and he's not trans...just an idiot.
2) I am transitioning, but My kids still call Me mom....I'm their mother, guy or not....I'm just glad they are able to accept what I am doing at ALL....No way would I impose stupid rules like that on them.

[Nikki A.]

I wached part of it and I was appalled. No matter how you change you are still their father. There was no compassion on his/her part. I would never handle it the way she did.

[Sharon]

I didn't see the program so I can't really comment on the relationship of the parent and her children. I just wonder how representative it was of all the facts. You describe the father as being totally stone-faced, but what emotions were borne in the years since since she and her family first began dealing with this? You tend to develop a thick, almost impermeable skin when you are chastised, ridiculed, and abandoned by those who you raised and loved for so many years. It isn't an easy thing to just turn off when first given the opportunity to or when the camera lights go on.

This isn't to say this is the situation, because I haven't a clue, but, then again, neither does anyone else besides the parent and children, and even they will have contrasting versions of the story. Then again, she could just be the selfish jerk Dr. Phil wanted the world to see.

I have been trying to re-establish relationships with my two oldest for two years now, all to no avail. Do you understand how difficult it is to continually set yourself up for the pain of being ignored? It ain't easy and it's all I can do not to just give up. The tears flow easily and often for me on this matter, but if you place cameras and some know-it-all 60-minute "shrink" in my face, I might be stone faced as well.

[Kimberley]

Two thoughts.

First I agree with Karen although I wouldnt quite express it so strongly. (You rock hon) So Phil had is annual obligatory trans information show huh? Too bad. He should stick to doing what he knows because he knows squat about transgender.

Secondly. What kind of therapist would not try to involve the family to a point of understanding at the least? Was the therapist an Internet counsellor? Geesh!!!

Try Tyra. At least she shows some sense of empathy for us and doesnt pass judgement (that I have ever seen)

:hugs:
Kimberley

[kittypw GG]

Thank you, you all have restored my faith in human kind. I never considered it but you are right many people abandon their children when they transition from partner to partner. My husband's ex-wife is one and she is not male nor trans.

The pain thoes girls felt was palpable. Too bad they are the victims of selfishness. I have always maintained that no matter what you do or become, it is always important to keep being in the childrens lives, even when it is difficult. It can be worked out.

Sharon you are also right there were probably many aspects that were not touched on like the ex-wives and their influence on the girls. This can also be equally damaging.

My heart goes out to all who struggle. :hugs: Kitty

[amber 07]

First let me say, Maggie Kay,

I'm sorry for your medical condition and we all wish there were an easier route to go to achieve your happiness. And secondly, YES, you must be sensitive to how your family handles it. YES, you should care about their emotional health. Yes, you are responsible for their pain, it was not something they chose. YES, you must manage your transitioning, surgery, and your families mental well-being.

I guess if you don't have a network of friends, or people who care about you, you must also handle that yourself. Nobody said life was easy, and we are the ones ultimately responsible for our own well being, and the fact that you created a family, you have the responsibility to care for them in all its aspects.

Yes, I did see Dr. Phil, whom I've only seen a couple times before when someone else was watching. I thought he did an adequate job with a bit of sensitivity on both sides of the issue. I went into the program wanting to feel compassion for the person transitioning but it was not to be. He was self-centered, self absorbed and had not a clue on how to deal with his 2 daughters that had to deal with his ultimatums. As some said above me, it doesn't take a transgendered person to be so Me, Me, Me, anyone can do it.

[Valeria]

No matter how insensitive this person is, there is no excuse for referring to her as "he", as has been done several times in this thread. :Angry3:

Anyway, we had a discussion about this show on another forum - as in, was this the most insensitive way of coming out to your children ever? However, apparently the record holder is someone that had FFS (facial feminization surgery) without informing her family. But still, even if it is only the second worse coming out ever, there is no doubt this person has some serious issues with intimacy and family obligations.

But hey, an estimated 3.5% of the population is sociopathic. Some of them were bound to be trans.

One point that was brought up elsewhere is that apparently Kayla was already somewhat estranged from her family before she came out as trans.


Could some of you who have transitioned please share how you kept your children in your lives? I hope this is not the norm.
Pretty simple, really, in my case. I didn't have any children until after I transitioned, so my daughter will never know me as anyone other than one of her two moms.

But lots of trans folk with children that predate transition are still loving parents.

The fact is that a person transitioning has almost no predictive value for anything else about their life - all you can count on is that they probably used to feel some sort of gender dysphoria.

[kittypw GG]

I appologize, Kehleyr, I tried to use the appropriate pronoun but if I offended you or anyone it was not my intent. I totally respect your point of view.

I still feel really bad for her daughters, they were obviously in pain about being abandonded. I think that anyone would rather have your parent in your life rather than not. It takes time to mourn the loss of the father you thought you would always have but when you totally ignore their pain, It's just cruel in a way. Over time, if the right efforts are made, closseness with her daughters could be restored but you have to let them into your life and take a little flack don't you? My heart goes out to them and anyone who is going through this transition with children. It can't be easy.

:hugs: Kitty

[deja true]

I still feel really bad for her daughters, they were obviously in pain about being abandonded.

Well, you have to remember that this was a (probably somewhat staged) Dr Phil psycho-drama, and people who actually choose to do this sort of thing are looking for their 15 minutes of fame or something equally as selfish. It's not unusual for kids to show off when they know they're being the center of attention. Not to denigrate their real pain, but if the 'trauma'was so devastaing, why did they take it to a television audience?


I think that anyone would rather have your parent in your life rather than not.

Gotta disagree here, too. My father left my mother and myself when I was an infant. When I finally met him at 17, and talked to him, I couldn't stand the arrogant, ignorant bast*rd. Never bothered with him again and have always felt very lucky that he wasn't around when I was growing up. When he died a few years ago, nobody even bothered to tell me for 6 months. I didn't mind. I only felt a little sorry for his 4th wife.

[Holly]

I watched the program. In my opinion, there is plenty of blame to go around. Kayla made plenty of mistakes in the way she chose to transition and her lack of follow-up with her daughters is appalling! But those two girls showed just as great a lack of compassion and understanding. When asked what it would take to fix the relationship, the answer (over and over again) was that it had to be like it was before. I felt sorry for all three of them. :sad: Phil did little, if anything, to try and get these parties into a dialog with reconciliation as the goal. For him, it was all about the ratings :Angry3:.

[susanmichelle]

I too saw the show on Dr. Phil the other day and it was very sad especially on the girls part. In my opinion though I dont think that Dr. Phil got it. One the woman doing the transgendering has been in the military and was very macho and into police work very heavily. I do agree that he was sort of cold hearted about it but in his or her line of work you develope a hard nature to you and as she said its really tough making the changes on your own without all the changes that his family and daughters were going thru.

On the second note I believe that it was her fault in knowing that she wanted to be a woman all along and was trying to cover it up and if so then why didnt she teach her children to be more open minded to transgedered people in general. I dont think they were very accepting due to the fact that they werent brought up to be open minded to other cultures and so on. Enough said I hope I havent offended anyone I am just stating what I got out of it in the fact that Dr. Phil didnt get that in any manner especially due to the fact that the job he does and he above all should understand more.

Just my opinion.

[GypsyKaren]

Well, you have to remember that this was a (probably somewhat staged) Dr Phil psycho-drama, and people who actually choose to do this sort of thing are looking for their 15 minutes of fame or something equally as selfish. It's not unusual for kids to show off when they know they're being the center of attention. Not to denigrate their real pain, but if the 'trauma'was so devastaing, why did they take it to a television audience?

Thank you, and this goes for all of them.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Janet Nicola]

God Kitty, I would hate that all of us with kids felt that way. My kids are my kids and I will always be there for them whether they are here for me or not. It would have had me in tears (sorry, thats not girly) to have seen that.

Janet Nicola

[christinac]

Don't take Dr.Phil to seriously because he is been in trouble for faking interviews before and I one hundred percent agree with Gypsykaren's accessment of Dr.Phil being an asshole.

[Paulette]

I saw the show and she/he was a jerk and not a very good represenative of our community.

[MJ]

Going through transition is hard enough but to set the stage a bit i need to go back .
as a Farther of 4 children one adopted i always gave my children lots of love . after i could no longer run from myself and the truth came out . it was bad for everyone but i never stooped loving my children but i had no contact with them so i assumed they hated me . it later turns out it was mothers plan .. to say that .
after my youngest got in touch with me and with ***many thanks to the members here ***. i knew that i should just let then lead. and take it at there level.
we are mending broken bridges and they STILL call me DAD .. i don't care my children are back in my life they will tell you it's like old times ,
but i will never push them to call me anything it's there choice .
both Jon and Becky are members here now and they will tell you dez is not yet . but Izzy is only 16 so she can't join . but i found that if i give them room in time they have and will contuine to accept me .

[wishonastar]

I saw the show and she/he was a jerk and not a very good represenative of our community.


A while ago I read that a couple on Jerry Springer were frauds. They just wanted to be on TV or test there acting or just want a thrill of fooling a TV show. What ever the reason.

I am wondering if Dr. Phil is not getting some of these frauds as well. His cases seem to be getting more and more bizarre like the "Jerry Springer" show.

Like Jerry Springer people write to Dr Phil "Their Story" .

In any case Dr Phil is not to be taken seriously, He and his show is just in for the ratings and you get those by pushing the believability envelope. The more sensational and ridicules the better.





Oh here is a story someone might come work out if someone wants to be on TV!

“My Husband ran away with my boyfriend”.

Here is her story.

“I found out my husband hung around on Crossdresers.com and had a secret desire to be a woman. I was pissed off so I indulged him and help feminize him, in 6 months he had breasts then implants. I starting seeing other men and just jokingly suggested that my boyfriend makes a pass at my husband at the club he hung out with a TS friend. My boyfriend said later that he did go out on a date with my husband that that was it.

Later I was still dating my boyfriend and still living with my husband (he would not divorce me). I then found out they were seeing each other, and yuck sleeping together. I want to bring get them together on the show and confront it and ask for a divorce.

I bet Jerry Springer or that nut Dr Phil would buy this story.

[KeriB]

Yup my own father not trans abandoned me when moving on from my mother to a new woman,....its definitely not JUST a MtF thing, but saying that i have heard of a few MtF who have done that to seek transitioning

On the other side, my mother left us when I was 2 years old.... as for the Dr. Phil show, the guy lost his license to be called "doctor" years ago, and all he is ever interested in is the sensationalist aspect of things. As usual, the focus is on the suffering children/ex - which no doubt they do suffer - but never on the person going through the transition.

[victoriamwilliams1]

A while ago I read that a couple on Jerry Springer were frauds. They just wanted to be on TV or test there acting or just want a thrill of fooling a TV show. What ever the reason.

I am wondering if Dr. Phil is not getting some of these frauds as well. His cases seem to be getting more and more bizarre like the "Jerry Springer" show.

Like Jerry Springer people write to Dr Phil "Their Story" .

In any case Dr Phil is not to be taken seriously, He and his show is just in for the ratings and you get those by pushing the believability envelope. The more sensational and ridicules the better.





Oh here is a story someone might come work out if someone wants to be on TV!

“My Husband ran away with my boyfriend”.

Here is her story.

“I found out my husband hung around on Crossdresers.com and had a secret desire to be a woman. I was pissed off so I indulged him and help feminize him, in 6 months he had breasts then implants. I starting seeing other men and just jokingly suggested that my boyfriend makes a pass at my husband at the club he hung out with a TS friend. My boyfriend said later that he did go out on a date with my husband that that was it.

Later I was still dating my boyfriend and still living with my husband (he would not divorce me). I then found out they were seeing each other, and yuck sleeping together. I want to bring get them together on the show and confront it and ask for a divorce.

I bet Jerry Springer or that nut Dr Phil would buy this story.

It is very true that Spring uses actors for the majority of all of his stories and I do believe that the stories are real but the people are just actors playing the parts. I do know first hand about one of the stories concerning to "Gay" men where one came out straight and had a girlfriend. That was once of the first acted story lines on his show which now uses allot of actors and wrestlers to make the show work.

Your story is funny and would sell well on Springer, Dr. Phil does use real people.

[Beth-Lock]

It is a sad truth that anything to be popular, must cater to the existing ideas and prejudices more than try and introduce new material, like in this case, sympathy for someone transitioning, and what they go through. The features are also short too short to tell the anything like the whole story, Popular television tends to follow these two rules, to stay popular, and staying popular by doing this, is being pushed by competition, which is in the end, economic competition. That is why they call popular television, a wasteland.
It would be nice to think that the Internet, including sites like this, can get beyond that.
It would seem in reality, though the drive to transition is strong, after a period of time, the shock can wear off and life resume with good relations between family members. Of course that depends on the good will of the people. The comments here though point to a weakness in the system, in that counseling for all family members would be desirable. Our system seems to have a long and dishonorable tradition of cheapening up on providing adequate counseling, etc., in part because it is so expensive. The whole thing makes for much sadness all around.

[trannie T]

Dr. Phil is no friend of transgendered people. I saw a headline in a supermarket tabloid thea his wife is going to collect a ton of money in their divorce settlement. Hopefully she can find a nice crossdresser to marry.

[CaptLex]

I saw a headline in a supermarket tabloid thea his wife is going to collect a ton of money in their divorce settlement. Hopefully she can find a nice crossdresser to marry.
Thea? I'm pretty sure his wife's name is Robin. :thinking:

[Nicole Erin]

Dr. Phil is no friend of transgendered people. I saw a headline in a supermarket tabloid thea his wife is going to collect a ton of money in their divorce settlement. Hopefully she can find a nice crossdresser to marry.


Trannie T has the hots for D.r Phil's ex eh? :heehee:

But yeah, being around some a-hole like Dr Phil, maybe the TS lady was upset but she knows as well as we all do - you show weakness around the enemy, you will get devoured.

Folks, I hate Dr Phil. The guy needs jack-slapped.

Man don't even get me started on that S.O.B.

[darla_g]

I heard this was on yesterday as well. Does anyone know where i can watch this episode online?