'I-Don't-Believe-It' Disease

[Paige.]

Do you have it?

I assume the majority of men posting here want to look, act and be mistaken for or, to pass as a woman. Those that don’t pass may have the ‘I-Don’t-Believe-It’ disease. Photos can be deceiving but so is your mind. How many times do you have to be told you are a pretty, sexy and attractive woman before you will believe it yourself?

Your problem is that you don’t believe anything. As soon as someone mentions a nice thing, doubt creeps in and you take the position of ‘I don’t believe it.’ You think, “My shoulders are too broad,” “my arms are too muscular,” “my waist is too thick,” “I’m too tall.” You see all your masculine features.

You don’t believe that when you are dressed as a woman everybody sees you differently than you see yourself. You look in the mirror and you see yourself as you always have, a man, a man wearing women’s clothing and make-up. You see an image of a woman looking back at you and you still think you see Jack, or Joe, or Ted, or Sammy looking back at you and you don’t believe you look like a real woman.

You get tons of compliments from other men on this site and it isn’t because they are gay. They are men just like you but they see you as a woman, not as a man dressed up. They are responding to you as the woman they see, as men have always done, as though you are nectar. Yet you are constantly yearning for confirmation, for feedback, for support, asking in a variety of ways for someone to tell you that you look sexy and attractive and feminine because you don’t believe it.

You find it weird and sometimes uncomfortable when you attract men, and that is because you have the ‘I-don’t-believe-it’ disease. It is a self directed disease that makes its home in the eyes. If your eyes are sick then how can you trust them? With sick eyes, how can you really trust that it is a woman in the mirror looking back at you? If what you see is a man with make-up wearing a dress then your eyes are the boss and that is sad because the eyes don’t have a brain and they don’t have a heart. Your eyes, ears, nose, and the mouth are all servants, but you have given them the job as boss. You have to control them with discipline and prevent them from convincing you that you are not a woman.

You will blend in and pass when you are no longer self conscious. When you know you look feminine, when you no longer think of yourself or see yourself as separate or different than any other woman. That is, when you are able to see yourself as others see you, with eyes that are not clouded with self doubt and fear.

You want so much to be perceived, accepted and respected as a woman. All this will be yours when you get rid of the ‘I-don’t-believe-it’ disease and begin to believe, to know.

[guardian832]

Paige:
When I dress it's when I feel I can best relate to the other part of me, Michelle. I find that a slightly more relaxed outlook comes along and that the two of us have discussions(of sorts) about the everyday things in life. I don't care what anyone would think I looked like, I dress to please the "two" of us.

[happygirl]

Well said. You have great insite into the world of crossdressing. I will try to take your advice to heart and mind the next time I dress. You are so right in that I see myself as I am in guy mode, not the woman I have become. I thank you...Lyn

[Annaliese]

Yes I have that disease. The cure is a bat a long side the head. To wake us up.

Thanks for the post.

Anna

[Deborah Jane]

I agree with what you say Paige, but i still find it hard to believe!!


The cure is a bat a long side the head. To wake us up.Anna

Can i borrow your bat when you,ve finished with it Anna?:D

[Alison Anderson]

Dear Paige, lovely sentiments but my voice might give me away, or perhaps my heavy foundation or my masculine bone stucture. Not that I`m knocking the positive phsycological outlook that encourages confidence. Even a masculine looking female is rarley percieved as a CD. I would dearly love to find that defining, almost imperceptible difference that defines a GG from me and impersonate it.

[Paige.]

I agree with what you say Paige, but i still find it hard to believe!!

I think that when you believe it within yourself, the world outside of yourself will also believe it without question. And when you get to that point it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks anyway. I guess it isn't an easy thing to rise above though because we all tend to focus on the negative thoughts we have of ourselves.


Dear Paige, lovely sentiments but my voice might give me away, or perhaps my heavy foundation or my masculine bone stucture. Not that I`m knocking the positive phsycological outlook that encourages confidence. Even a masculine looking female is rarley percieved as a CD. I would dearly love to find that defining, almost imperceptible difference that defines a GG from me and impersonate it.

What you say is true. Voice, bone structure, gait, skin tone, all those things may give it away. I don't deny that my post is a psychological encouragement post but perhaps the perception you are looking for, that imperceptible difference that defines a GG from you lies in your belief, in your head. She knows she is a woman and doesn't need confirmation, even is she is masculine looking. When you present yourself as a man you don't have to ask anyone if you really look like a guy or not do you? If you truly believed you looked, sounded and acted like a woman would it matter what anyone thought? Or do you believe that a rose by any other name is still a rose?

[anda_mouse]

hmm some things to think about indeed.

[CharleneCD]

Paige, then there is reality, some of us will never pass. As for insecurities, even GG's have em. How many times have all of us heard them make comments about their own looks.

As for myself, i gave up on trying to pass. Even at my best i still manage to get the parade of employees at the fast food window. Do i let this hold me back? Absolutly not. While i may not pass i have no problem considering myself pretty. So that is what i focus on. Being the best i can with what ive got.

[Paige.]

Paige, then there is reality, some of us will never pass. As for insecurities, even GG's have em. How many times have all of us heard them make comments about their own looks.

As for myself, i gave up on trying to pass. Even at my best i still manage to get the parade of employees at the fast food window. Do i let this hold me back? Absolutly not. While i may not pass i have no problem considering myself pretty. So that is what i focus on. Being the best i can with what ive got.

I know I have lots of them for sure. And they don't have to be about how we look. We may be insecure about giving a presentation to co-workers, or bungee jumping, talking to a child, or meeting your in-laws for the first time, or...how we look. Plenty of reality checks.

But I really like what you say because you illustrate the point I was trying to make. It doesn't matter whether you pass or not. It's about what you believe about yourself when you are dressed. You feel good about yourself and consider yourself pretty, regardless of the outside circumstances, so I think you are probably 'disease' free. Thank you Charlene. Just be yourself and radiate that confidence. To heck with the burger flippers.

Your sig line says it all.

[tamarav]

Excellent post Paige! Your thoughts are so true and so right on for so many of us.

I spent years lurking, sitting in my car too afraid to go in a store or mall, sitting in the women's room for hours waiting for the crowd to thin so I could sneak out. When I actually sat down and realized that I only had this life to live feminine I got busy and spent all available time learning and practicing. As my wife of 23 years said " I became Super CD!" I read, practiced everything I could and spent as much time out as possible.

At some point it became evident to me that a huge majority of the GGs out there fear the exact same things we do, and they have the body and mind to actually support their femininity while we have to play "catchup" as fast as we can. Having lived in a man's world I knew first hand how cruel men could be and how cutting some of their remarks can be. Then I went to work in the beauty industry after going to beauty school (mostly to dress after graduation with some legitimacy and to reduce my income by 90%....)

I worked in drab until my skills were passable and then applied for and found a job dressed full time. It was during this inital period that I found out that women can be as rude and nasty as the worst male out there. (My pre-conceived notion that all women were perfect and on a pedestal fell over really hard!)

It was at that point that I just said OK and went everywhere dressed, usually much nicer than any of the GGs around me. Today I feel that I fit in ( I still do my best to look much better than any of the women I work with or meet anywhere on the street)

I have been rewarded with the typical female cutting remarks about my appearance (skinny bitch, why does she have to show her belly all the time?, why does she wear such high heels all the time, is she trying to attract a man?) You get the idea. but the point is, I have crossed a line that is very hard to find, I am now cut down just like any other woman!!! Its great, I just wear higher heels, lose more weight and perfect my makeup techniques. I now get all the bridal makeup packages because the word has gotten out and they seem to like having some crossdresser do their makeup.

My point in all of this is that you have to accept a certain amount of negative to get better and then accept more negative from the female side. The rewards are so worth it to me, possibly not to many others. I meet CDs who come in to the salon where I work and start telling me why they can't do something: get their ears pierced, wax their brows, shave legs, once again you get the point. If you defeat yourself, everyone else will just jump on the bandwagon and add their two cents. We can sometimes be our very worst enemy.

As for me, for those of you still reading this diatribe, I now work part-time at the Loreal cosmetics counter locally as well as in my salon. (I had walked up to the counter to get a new blush which I really liked and the VP of North America was with the SA. She immediately started talking with me and complimented me on my makeup. When she found that I was a licensed cosmetologist, she asked if I was looking for a job. I explained that I could only work 150 hours a week, she laughed and had me fill out paperwork. She is on my side and sends company execs to see me and talk) I meet everybody at the cosmetics counter, men looking for gifts, women who want to look better and need makeup advice, curiosity seekers just wanting to see the ballsy dude in high heelsthat they sometimes can't pinpoint. I fit in very well and love it. Anyone can do it if they start removing the negatives, practice femininity and love life. All of my pictures show me smiling, simply because I can't stop it....

Your sis,

Tami

[CharleneCD]

To heck with the burger flippers.

.

Actualy they were the best entertainment i had had that week. Months later and i still get a chuckle out of it.:D

[Shadeauxmarie]

I am no more satisfied with my femme look than my wife is satisfied with her femme look.

[Katrina]

Paige, you rule! For those of us that could pass, I think you are right that the last step to passing is in our heads. Now, I just hope it isn't pink fog telling me that I'm part of the "coulds" group.

[RichardCD]

Very Well written and excellent point made.

[rbluecd]

I believe!...lordy how I do believe!.....hallelujah! - I am a woman!....well I want to believe....well I think I could believe....well I wish I could believe....well maybe someday.....well....never mind!

[Julie York]

Thunderbirds without the strings. We can still see the strings. That's why.

[marie354]

Well put.
This is one of the things that Was pointed out to me before I came out 24/7.
Don't worry what others think, you're the one that counts.
I feel pretty. If you feel pretty, you'll look pretty. (That big smile helps a lot too.)

I think Karren Hutton once said something about attitude. She was exactly right with that, attitude does make a difference.
Go out, hold your head high, swing your hips a bit, (not too much), and walk proud. (Don't forget to smile.)
A lot of people can't really tell the difference, (At least that's been my experience.), or really don't care. They're in their own world, thinking about they're own life... Why would they worry about yours? Do you worry about theirs?
Soooo... Go on... Have fun.

[Sweet Jane]

I'm not sure if the solution to the problem of how some of us view ourselves, is as simplistic as you have identified....

...yes there is an element of that self doubt in most of us, and yes there is that illusion of femininity which we create, and a photo can capture so perfectly some days!!, and of course there are people who perceive us from that photo as a woman, and yes some can walk like a woman and get away with it sometimes in public........but

...the flip side is simply, we aren't women.

I do agree with you, that with the right attitude, (and clothes) I've found it unusually easy to blend in....goodness not "that many" people notice I'm a guy when I am out dressed, even though I do see myself having many non femme attributes, my height being the most obvious!!!!......until I get close up, and hey, then anyone can work me out. I think that as I'm not on hormones and really working on total feminisation, then all the man things are so easily seen from close inspection!!! In saying that it doesn't overly worry me though, simply because thats who I am.

As for feeling uncomfortable with having the attention of men, I just feel thats because sexually I am not attracted to them?....The mere thought of it, to me, is just.....................skin crawling creepy!! I think gender issues and sexuality issues are not necessarily correlated, which possibly accounts for the high number of heterosexual CDs. Simply put, a lot of us are not dressing with an aim to attract guys, even if by chance we do. In fact I'm not really sure I could honestly put a reason to the "why I dress question", and thats an odd way to be.

I suppose my final thought on the subject is this obsession with "passing" thing?....the best I suppose to hope for is that I go out and not be some comedic parody of a woman....do I "pass"?....of course I do, but I pass as a CD.

[Nicole Erin]

Quite the lecture there but encouraging.

Well, however true it all is, I say thanks for the vote of confidence :)

[docrobbysherry]

We can all use your input , for too many reasons for me to list.

However, your argument is similar to believing in God. At an early age I decided it was better to believe than NOT believe. Because, even if there is no God, u will have a happier life if u believe! And never find out you're wrong!

So, I tried to make myself believe! But, Paige, that didn't work! I couldn't make myself believe, just because I wanted to!

And believing they can pass in public, may be EXACTLY the same problem for many CDs!

[Nicki B]

What you say is true. Voice, bone structure, gait, skin tone, all those things may give it away.

Why obssess so about trying to 'fool' people? Try just being yourself - something which is perhaps between the two absolutes? :strugglin

[TGMarla]

All that stuff Paige said

Now that's support! :cheer:

Food for thought, no doubt. But like Julie said, some of us can still see the strings. And one of the prerequisites to going out is really wanting or needing to go out in the first place. I think that need varies from girl to girl. Someplace to go is also a nice thing to have. I mean, sure, there's always a mall or a gas station, I guess. But that's still a really great post. This is, after all, supposed to be a support forum, right? There's a lot of truth in what you say.

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

You pretty much hit my nail on the head, minus this part.


You find it weird and sometimes uncomfortable when you attract men, and that is because you have the ‘I-don’t-believe-it’ disease. It is a self directed disease that makes its home in the eyes. If your eyes are sick then how can you trust them? With sick eyes, how can you really trust that it is a woman in the mirror looking back at you? If what you see is a man with make-up wearing a dress then your eyes are the boss and that is sad because the eyes don’t have a brain and they don’t have a heart. Your eyes, ears, nose, and the mouth are all servants, but you have given them the job as boss. You have to control them with discipline and prevent them from convincing you that you are not a woman.

My biggest fear right now though is matching my clothes, but I'm that way even with drab gear. If I don't match everything or if my hair looks crap I do not want to be seen. :hmph: I'm just really self-conscious in general.

[MJ]

great post well said too . i think one's comfort level also applies . i am just happy to be me some days good some bad but i am happy just being me

[danielle_from_cal]

Thank you for posting your opinion Paige. I am married to a very attractive woman and she never seems to think she looks good. There is, in her opinion, always something wrong with her hair, her clothes, her makeup, etc. (in her opinion). I suppose that I am no better. My mother and my sisters tell me I look great, but I still want to look better. But I have come to accept that wanting to look better is and endless and fun challenge. I just keep trying.

[Alex!]

Then there are those of us who pass and then get freaked out and run home and get dressed as a guy because we really, really don't want to be chicks but sometimes like to be chicks but want to attract real chicks and...

Well. Whatever.

[melissacd]

Paige,

Thanks for a wonderful post. What you said here is in fact where I am getting to, not in the sense of passing or not passing, rather, getting to that head space of being me and belonging. I have found that if I feel confident in myself and how I dress then people just seem to accept that I am a part of the landscape.

I guess in many ways this is the same as sex, mostly it is in your head. If we can get outside of ourselves then we can just go out there and live and be and enjoy the experience.

Thanks for the thread and by the way cool name,

Huggs
Melissa Paige

[charlie]

Thank-you Paige! Wonderful food for thought. I was on track for awhile there until I went to a bar one night (looking quite good I thught) only to be told that I looked like Robin Williams. I corrected the asshole saying didn't he mean Ms. Doubtfire? However, the bubble was burst! Out went that wig, outfit, and even how I did my makeup. Since then, in my new look, I have gotten many compliments. Even told that I was pretty by men and women. Longer skirts and dresses, longer sleeves, higher collars..,.etc. I'm feeling good again though. I'll try to follow your advice!
Charlie

[TxKimberly]

Nice post and good advice. :-)
The only problem is, I suspect it's a lot easier for an exceptionaly attractive GG to reach this conclusion about herself than it is for most of us.

[harmony]

having accepted myself as a crossdresser i need to take the next step and find validation from society at large.this is me and i am part of humanity!going out into the world i consider myself a work of art-i want to please the eye and soul of the audience but also leave some food for thought .passing is not an issue-in fact if i can walk that fine line where both genders are beeing expressed in an intriuging manner like my idol marlene dietrich did so well i am most happy.
i hope i made myself understood-i do NOT mean androgeny-in fact i like to dress in glamour -well put together and accesoirized!

[Suzy Harrison]

Dear Paige

Thank you for your post. I think it is one of the most inspirational I have ever read on this site. So from all of us who do struggle, who fall off our horse and climb back on again and still struggle on and have doubts - thank you !


:hugs: Suzy

[JoAnnDallas]

The DJ on the radio was taking about this on GG Celib that recently spent over $20,000 on facial surgery. He said she was a knock out before the surgery and could not understand why she would spend so much money, since she was such a bueaty alreaday.
There are some GG's out there, that no matter how good they look, they think that some part of their face or body is not perfect enough and will spend thousands of dollars to make that one area perfect, only to discover afterwards that now another area is not perfect.

[Paige.]

Wow, what a lot of wonderful replies. Thank you all for your input. I wanted to answer you individually but there are just too many to be practical. Your comments have made me think.

I don't think anything I said is really about whether you can 'pass' or not, nor were they meant to compare CD's to gendered females in any way. But a thought about passing. Many of you seem hung up on passing and Katrina suggested that the final step to that goal, if it is one, may be in your head and your acceptance of yourself. But I think I agree with Harmony that the final barrier, or frontier is the acceptance of society as a whole, something you cannot control but you can influence.

Tracigirl asked me in a PM what it was that prompted me to express myself. I apologize Traci for reiterating here, some of my PM to you.

I am honestly intrigued than men can be cameleons, and transform themselves into beautiful women. Please understand that being with a CD is not an integral part of my life. I have had my experiences sure, but I don't ever go 'clubbing' or looking and I definitely don't have a full time interest. My personal interest and involvement is sporatic at best.

When I first joined I spent most of my time in the photo section. What I saw were a lot of pictures of men wearing women's clothes. They looked like men in a dress wearing make-up and I thought "You must be kidding." Others were absolutely beautiful knockout looking women. As time went on I noticed more and more that that to my eyes I was no longer seeing men. You all took on female aspects in my eyes, as though a transformation had occurred within myself.

Everybody started looking like real women to me. Some are fat, some are pretty, some skinny, some beautiful, some ugly, but I have become blinded to the fact that you are men underneath. I also am aware that Sweet Jane is right, up close and personal anyone can work you out. Sometimes I get a PM from someone that I think is really pretty and feminine and she says, "my male personna name is John." It throws me and knocks me out of my paradigm.

I think then, that some of what I wrote is a reflection of, and a recognition that if, to me you look like a real woman, even if it is from a distance, I have to acknowlege that. If I can come to terms with, and admit that you look like a woman then so can you. And that is what I wrote and challenge you to. Join the Army and "Be all that you can be."

[Carol123]

Good post

[Nicki B]

Lack of self belief is a common trait amongst trans people?

Mind it seems to be pretty common amongst genetic women, too... :strugglin

[Ashlee]

I was scared crapless when I went outside for a series of pics (1 is the avatar used in my myspace page) From a distance I look pretty good, up close maybe not so much. I try though. It was just hard to accept that to outward appearances people looking at me see female but through my eyes I see myself and am telling myself "are you crazy, you'll be made in a second! I mean, my shape was changed, I had makeup on and was wearing womens clothing from the skin - out but I still felt like someone would say "hey, that's a guy!" (no one did who walked by) I did have a guy drive by in a pickup and yell out "wooo, yeah baby" from about 30 feet away so I kinda felt good there. It's mind over matter so to speak. No one thought any different from what I can tell those times except maybe why a guy was taking pics of me outside. Great post though. Thanks

[jennifer41356]

Excellent post, all should read this...the problem I see is women are used to being gawked at by everyone and many women love it and dress to get attention, guys arent used to that so when we are out as women and are gawked at, our first thought is "oh I have been read"...it takes time , but the more you go out the easier it becomes:2c:

[Susan.]

Nice post Paige.. Passing is very important to most of us. Personally, I don't go out and try to pass. My own opinion is the only thing that matters. The more that I look like a woman the better the experience for me (and usually worse for my wife). She never gives compliments by the way.

Anyway, welcome back Paige..

[danam]

Your post gives me pause to think. Kindof like getting hit in the gut. I am not an attention-seeking person in public. In fact, I truly hate it. I am the type to rudely brush off people simply asking for directions. If I ever became a celebrity, hounded in public all the time, I would most certainly be a Russell Crowe type who throws tantrums at the reporters and smashes their cameras. I hate attention.

Yet online, when posting my pictures...I absolutely LOVE attention. I get a HUGE thrill from reading posts of encouragement. I fantasize constantly about going out dressed as a woman and getting cat-calls and stares--as a woman. I post pictures here when I crave attention and enjoy every minute of it.

But to be "spotted" as a man...whew...that would be hard. I'm not the Asbergers-type who doesn't care about the social cues of others. I care. I care too much. In fact, this is a personal weakness of mine that has affected me throughout life in many ways, not just CDing.

So you're saying to convince myself that I'm a woman, and, when in public, it doesn't matter. Because I will be one. My mind will make it reality.

Man, lots to think about here. This goes pretty deep.

[Joy Carter]

Paige you are very wise. I think there are GG's a well that need this kind of advice. So you don't think my nose is too big, and my ears too floppy do you ?

[Sally2005]

Guilty! My brain fliters what my eyes see. Sometimes I see a man and other times I see a great looking woman...then I look at the photos I took and sometimes I see a man wearing makeup. With all these confusing signals we need to ask for a second opinion. I think showing your photo and asking for input is similar to going out in person only it is not as 'risky'.

Paige, you mention that men don't go around asking if they look like men... well they do! All the time. This is one of the things that is scary about being a CDer, we tend not to want to prove how masculine we are. Men are always telling and asking their friends if they are manly. ie: Look at my muscles, calling others names, etc. Many men don't talk much as a rule, but a lot of what they say is about being a man. So, it is scary thinking that you might encounter a bad apple that thinks he needs to prove he is more man than you, even if you are wearing a dress...know what I mean? So you want to know that you are passable as a way to reduce the risk (of being harmed, ridiculed, etc.).

[Paige.]

Paige you are very wise. I think there are GG's a well that need this kind of advice. So you don't think my nose is too big, and my ears too floppy do you ?

Lol..! Not at all but I wouldn't mind scratching behind your ears and patting you on the head. Do you bite?

[Joy Carter]

Lol..! Not at all but I wouldn't mind scratching behind your ears and patting you on the head. Do you bite?

No bite, but you might get that hind leg thumping thing on the floor, as you scratch my ear. Woof !

[TV Wannabe]

You're right hun.

[jessielee]

dear Danielle,
is it modesty, good stewardship, desire to excel or false modesty?
my SO is dissatisfied with her looks but is practical enough that she does well with it and doesn't let it get her down. however, and i can't say this is a stereotype or should be seen as one, she is definitely of the "half-empty" approach to life. would hate to appear to complain of her but she seems to find something to be negative about in almost everything. not her unique outlook; as we age, so many of us express disappointment or mild dissatisfaction very often, extending of course to ourselves. not all of us!
but, yes, they're used to be gawked at, compared, judged, its gotta get to you.
but i can't believe it. so many GGs i watch and i say,
"i could be her" or "i would be her" even when i see they diss themselves for not "stacking up" perhaps. sad.
so lovely and so genuine, without being magazine or viddy models.
would be so satisfied, i believe.
but, its easy to say.
thank you for a provocative thread.
jessie

[Lara Smith]

A very interesting post. Maybe, someday, with a ton of work, I could pass. I don’t know. It has never really been important to me. I DO want to be pretty and feminine when I am dressed. But even when I am only semi dressed, I FEEL that way. When I am in full girl mode, that is dressed and shaved and made up and wig, it is wonderful! I love to look at myself that way. But I don’t feel more feminine than I do when it is only a bra or cami and panties under my man jeans and sweatshirt wearing a pair of heels and hanging around the house and doing whatever it is I am doing.

I have never really cared about passing in public. If the world had been a different place (and I had been much more brave) when I was younger, I would have lived a significant portion of my life simply being who I was; an androgynous person who was the best of both sexes who could look terrific as a masculine person dressed as a woman and wanted and desired by other women as just that and nothing more.

If I could be a “shape shifter” my fem persona would be this tall feminine lipstick lesbian who had the slightest touch of masculine features that made women even more crazy for me because of it, and my male side would be just exactly what it is. Ruggedly handsome and masculine but with a kind, gentle, and understanding soul.

It took many years of being alive before I understood why women were so attracted to me as a man. Handsome men are a dime a dozen as are attractive females. What made me so “macho” to women was the fact that although I looked it, I absolutely wasn’t. What was really puzzling was that none of the women I was ever with (except three) ever figured out that what ultimately made me so attractive to them. And that was the fact that although I fit their ideal physical idea of what a manly man should look like, what hooked them was that inside I was just like them in most ways.

Since I revealed to only a very select few what my “other” side was all about, I could never help wondering, “If only you knew how badly I wanted to wear YOUR bra and panties while I made love with you!”

They were never aware of the thing that made them want me the most; the fact that on the outside, I was this wonderfully handsome and masculine man. Inside for the most part, I was a girl just like them. The fact that I loved wearing girl things, was most probably the thing that would make them run screaming from my bedroom with their dresses over their heads saying, “Yes, but he was such a pervert, all he wanted to do was wear my bra panties!”

People can sense things about others they are completely unaware of. They are only aware of their want and the fact they feel connected on some level. She, is standing in the grocery checkout line and feeling something far beyond the fact she finds you physically attractive. You, are feeling the same thing. She, only feels a powerful compelling attraction. You are feeling the same, but the difference is, you are wondering what she looks like in her bar and panties, what they look like, and how they might feel one you. She, has no clue THIS is WHY she feels about you why she does. Get my drift?

[rhonda jane]

Lara,

I understand what you are saying but I have a different situation. I sometimes have to do things that make me look more masculine when I'm in drab. Just last week, I was verbally mistaken as a woman two different times. (I was called M'aam and referred to as she.) I believe the things which contribute to that are my hair length (a couple inches below my ears), my height (I'm short), I'm clean shaven, use moisturizer on my face and don't have rugged handsome looks.

Although I'm usually recognized as a man (they call me "sir") and don't try to "act" masculine, I think that height has a lot to do with how one is initially percieved. I don't believe I act feminine when in drab either. I'm just not the epitome of masculinity. When I was younger and went out en femme, I wasn't recognized as a man until I spoke. Ironically, I attracted more women when I was dressed as one. The GG's were surprised and tickled when they realized I am a man. It's like we automatically had more in common than the average M/F couple and we didn't have a lot of the usual M/F difficulties to overcome. l didn't intimidate them at all from the start.

I spend a lot of time watching women while I'm in drab and I've noticed that there are just as many unattractive women as attractive ones. Usually the things that make the difference aren't clothes and makeup. I notice women who are confident in themselves and show it in how they carry themselves.

Of course there are little touches, most people don't recognize as being feminine, that make a difference. A lot of hand motion when talking and swinging the unencumbered arm when walking add to the image.

So basically, what I'm saying is you don't need to be dressed to the nines or be beautiful to look like a woman. It's how you behave and handle yourself that matters.

[melisss2u]

Great Post Paige

And great advice I wish i could say i had the courage to follow it all. because i know i have that Disease and am hoping and realizing this site is helping with the cure.

[SherriePall]

Paige -- You told it like it is!
When I go out dressed, I leave him behind. I know that there are GG's who are taller than I, heavier than I, bigger and broader than I. I know that I am not the prettiest woman out and about, but then there are very few GG's who can make that claim, too. Each of us has our good features and our less desirable ones.
When I go out dressed, I am happy if they have to ask themselves, "is that a man or a woman?" If I can keep them guessing, than I have passed.

[racquel]

Great post Paige.:thumbsup:

[Lori SC]

When you present yourself as a man you don't have to ask anyone if you really look like a guy or not do you? If you truly believed you looked, sounded and acted like a woman would it matter what anyone thought? Or do you believe that a rose by any other name is still a rose?

LOL Paige...

I don't obsess about passing anymore, but your statement did strike a cord. I have wondered if some of my mannerisms have crept into my male side of life... I have found myself walking funny, standing funny, making some girly remarks.... I definetly watch what I say before I utter anything now...

It's not always so easy to go from male to female and back to male.... some things bleed through.

It was a nice inspirational post! :thumbsup:

Hugz, Lori

[Georgette]

Paige I think you hit the old proverable nail on the head with that post.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRReat.