when it all breaks down !

[shirley1]

hi well like i said i had a good day out last saturday dressed walkin around the city centre close to where i live - not read once in 4 hours ! with another cder - that certainly helped i was nervous believe me - but relaxed once i realised i wasnt being stared at no comments ect - now my need to present as female is stronger than ever - it is totally addictive

anyway that was the good story now the bad one !!! locked myself out of my flat the other night fully dressed - had no choice unless i was prepared to stay out all night - had to get a taxi cab to my sisters (spare keys) she saw me i just said "sorry i have just been trannying !" english term ! she just said "no problem" i told her i would speak to her about it sometime - havnt done so so far - the longer i leave it the harder it is seeming to become - i could if neccessary loose all communication with my friends/family but my sister is the one person i would miss - but i have just got to a point in my life now where its a case of people either except me for who i am or not at all

i cant live with having secrets from people anymore - its that that has caused me to feel guilty and ashamed of this part of my life - i am what i am and well i guess they just have to make up their minds whether they still want to know me - they need me more than i need them that much i do know !

[Margot]

Your sister saw no problem but did she not ask a lot of questions that night or at breakfast? It should be easy to break the ice again with her and ask her to keep your trannying between yourselves. Would that work for you?
:hugs:
Margot

[Joanne f]

I think that it might be a good idea to pop around to your sisters to see if she wants to chat about it just let her bring the subject up if she wants to and if she doe`s not i think that you will be able to tell how she feels about you , the longer you leave it the more you will put it off.
I hope things go well for you, don`t get to the point were you loose touch with one another with out finding out how she feels those things only snowball.


joanne :sad:

[DemonicDaughter]

Her lack of anger, lack of need to discuss it right then and not tossing you out is a damn good sign she'd be more okay with it than you might believe. :)

[Lora Olivia]

Well your sis said no problem, so I would have that talk sooner rather than later. Just go with the flow Shirley dear, my take on it is that sis may be more in tune than you think since it seems you are close with her

[DonnaT]

I think that it might be a good idea to pop around to your sisters to see if she wants to chat about it

I know you've called your sister, and had no answer, so I also suggest going to her place. Then you can check if she's alright, and then talk about the other night.

[Nicki B]

This isn't a race...

[shirley1]

no its not a race - trouble is you dont know me - or my family or circumstances - everyones story is different - i havnt been cding for a few years its been 25 years plus !! hidden away for the most part in the closet like so many on here - now i want to come out !! if the only thing stopping me is friends and family then i just have to let them go !! same as my dad did when he decided to bugger off with another women and make a new life for himself !! i've got as much right to a life i want to lead as anyone else has - i cant just spend my life occasionally being a brother, son, friend to everyone that knows me - its not good enough - if they dont know me !!

am i being selfish ? probably so what - did i get a choice of who i am ?

[MJ]

your over reacting Hun .. chill , just take your sister out for lunch and open up have a heart to heart . set yourself free i know it's hard but you need to be free .
or
you can do the guy thing and hold it all in .. denial all the way ..

[shirley1]

like i said everyones story is different - for me mom crucifies me for being caught dressed at 14 in my sisters clothes even though she knew i had been closet dressing in her clothes - then brushes it all under the carpet never spoken about again ! years later my dad does a dissapearing act with another women - never was close to him - my sister who i was am close to - cant talk to her about all this ! does she know already - probably - why dont people confide in one another why do we need to have secrets !! i have never been that sort of person to have to hide things away from people but it seems i had no choice ! overeacting maybe i am but without family or friends or wouldnt have to be reacting against anything ! would prefer that senario right now !

[Nicki B]

If you don't build solid foundations (such as learning to be comfortable and relaxed with life as a girl, and planning how you come out to family and friends) you do run a big risk of hurting yourself and others - and not having as good a future as you might? :idontknow:

It seems as if you've been holding that beachball underwater so long, now it's burst forth and is leaping into the air - just mind it doesn't land on any sharp edges?

[shirley1]

no you just dont get it - i have spent the last 10 years trying to get away from people family/friends i dont care anymore what they think - its just you are stuck with family ties whether you like it or not !! i dont give a damn about people i know anymore - why should i they dont care about me !! well enough to ring me every now and then when they need a favour ect - believe me when i say all i want is the same confidence youve got - julia had the other day - i am struggling to find it now - never was good in that department - hell lets go for broke now - beer at my local pub shuts at 12.30am might just make it !!

[DonnaWanna]

I had a similar thing happen to me,,, I got locked out of my motel room in full dress,, I had to go to the front desk and get a new key,,
It was surprising that no one got upset or called names or stared at me,,

Donna

[Joanne f]

I know exactly what you are doing or thinking of doing so the only thing i will say to you is if you do that, think of what it will be like in 25yrs time when you may see relations at a funeral or some thing and then you think to your self " what the hell happened to end up like this" you do need to sort it out more that you think at present.



joanne :sad:

[Rachaelb64]

You can choose you friends but not your family as the saying goes.

I had to tell my family a while back after my ex-wife threatened to expose me. My mother, kids and sister where all ok with it.

At the end of the day its your choice, take your sister out for a drink if need be, she probably has know from a long time, like my sister did.

We never know how people will react and sometimes they surprise us :)

[Nicole Erin]

What is this correlation between CD's locking themselves out of the house and being en femme? Does it somehow hapen on purpose?

And with telling other relatives or friends, I know, people want to tell others about their lives. Thing is with being CD, people often act like they accept it at first but sooner or later, normally when an argument happens, one finds out what people really think.

[Yeah I know, people in my life have not been so acepting...]

But here is what to expect - at first they will be cool. But when the argument happens about whatever [could be anything] they will say some snide ass remark like "Go dress like a woman" or "I thought you would be out [insert homosexual act]" "Accepting" GG's tend to do the same thing but are not as vulgar when the argument happens.

At that point for me, that is the LAST time I ever speak to that particular person about that part of my life, and I then know they cannot be trusted with personal things.

Your situation might be different but that was my experience.