Attitude adjustment?

[Kate Simmons]

Just what is it that makes dressing up so appealing to us? I've been doing a great deal of thinking about this lately, especially in view of my integration. Those who know me, know I take these feelings very seriously. Like many, I used to hate being a guy and could not wait until I had time to dress up, go out and enjoy myself. I felt I was being somewhat restricted from expressing my softer feelings and quite honestly, I enjoyed looking nice and having a good time that way and still do really. The challenge it seemed was avoiding being pressed into the "mold" that society tends to try and put us in as guys.

I no longer have that feeling of restriction and can express my feelings in either mode nowadays, especially in view of my ad hoc consulting work for my former company now that I'm retired. I seem to be freer and get more accomplished now that I no longer play gender "games" and enjoy a good rapport with everyone, both male and female on a personal level.

The bottom line was that the attitude adjustment was all mine and this really helped me to see things in a new light. What I've realized is that the feelings were always there, I just didn't recognize them for what they were. Sometimes we tend to get so wrapped up in the gender "posturing", we literally cannot see the forest for the trees and eliminating that has made all the difference for myself. This proves to me beyond any doubt that being true to myself is the way to go and frees me of unnecessary grief, which for the most part was usually self created.

If we have the right attitude we can always feel good regardless of which mode we are in or how we present. It's always nice to look pretty of course but as I've found out, I can have a good time either way now that I know the "secret".;):)

[sara_also]

Salandra, I agree. Attitude will help in any and all areas of our lives.

[MarinaTwelve200]

The bottom line was that the attitude adjustment was all mine and this really helped me to see things in a new light. What I've realized is that the feelings were always there, I just didn't recognize them for what they were. Sometimes we tend to get so wrapped up in the gender "posturing", we literally cannot see the forest for the trees and eliminating that has made all the difference for myself. This proves to me beyond any doubt that being true to myself is the way to go and frees me of unnecessary grief, which for the most part was usually self created.
:)

We have different motivations and feelings involved in our CDing, but you have come across one of the points I have been trying to get across all along. We have a hard time recognizing what our true thoughts and feelings really are about, because the Gender stuff distracts us and we 'can't see the forest for the trees." as you say.
Sometimes, in many people CD may not be all gender based. You have discovered that attitude is a major factor in your life and CDing helped you modify that---but you could not see it earlier on. In my case I discovered that MY CDing was a way to "Escape" my true male and personal self and relax by dropping my stresses and worries for a while. It was only when I stopped freting about the gender aspects of my CDing, that I discovered what I was really trying to do.---Of course I still use CDing to achieve my personal identity dissassociation---'cause it works. And knowing WHY I am CDing also contributes to more comfort and calmness in my life.

Now SOME CDers DO have real gender issues driving them, but my point is try to look beyond the gender stuff and see what else is going on inside. you may make an interesting discovery.

[TGMarla]

You see, Salandra, it's one part of that "mold" that society puts us in that disallows the wearing of feminine attire to men. Sure, you can get away with unisex stuff and walk around like one of those Beckham-like "metro-sexuals" you read about in the magazines, but that's not where I'm at. I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses, and last time I checked, they were still no-nos for guys. So in order to dress up like I like to do, I still have to do the femme transformation. I have to emulate a woman in order to successfully pull off wearing dresses. Society says that as a guy, I'm not supposed to do that.

Screw society, right? :D

[Kate Simmons]

Actually, one of the main things I finally realized was that it was never really about the clothes or the look nor was it about passing myself off as anyone in particular. It was always about the feelings and accepting them and getting in touch with them that was the most important part. The clothing and appearance were just simply "window dressing" so to speak to help me get me there and the real empowerment to be myself came from within. Once a person has that kind of comfort level, no one or nothing can take it away.:)

[jill s]

OK please be patient with me. I have read your posts on your new turn in life but I don't completely understand. Have you stopped dressing in feminine clothing? I know I'm being nosey and not a little rude but I can't stop wondering what you mean by integration. I have days, sometimes weeks when I know I will never need to dress again but they are usually fallowed by a huge urge or need or whatever it is and the cycle repeats. Have you found your way off the roller coaster? Was it ever like that for you at all?

Jill S

[Kate Simmons]

Jill, it's all about being comfortable with myself. I was on the roller coaster and hated it, so did something about it. I've integrated my feelings to the point of not being afraid or ashamed to show them in either mode and honestly don't need to dress up to feel good about being me. That doesn't mean I never do it any more but it's always totally my choice and I don't feel compelled or driven to do it in the least and that is the big difference in all of this for myself. This gives me a full spectrum approach to life.:)

[docrobbysherry]

Altho I don't believe I dress for gender issues, who the heck can be sure?

Marina, your posts r very relevent for me. Without the gender issues, I keep wondering why I keep dressing? There is much wisdom in your statements about your "changing identities" and " escaping from yourself".

I'm sure those r some of my reasons for CDing. What I DON'T understand is, why it has become such an addicting compulsion for me, and why it has lasted for so many years? With no let up in site!

[CD Susan]

Salandra you are truly an inspiration to me. I never tire of reading your posts.