How to tell your other

[CristyPoe]

Hi Cristy here can anyone shed some light on how to go about telling my wife i love to dress . We have been married 14 years and have 1 son . i want to tell her so bad but have no idea how to go about it anyone out have any susgestions .

[Jilmac]

I told my first and second wives about my dressing before I married either one but niether one approved. I wish you a lot of luck after 14 years of marriage. Here's a suggestion that might give you a clue as to what her reaction might be. Take her to a tg friendly bar or restaurant while you're in drab, but be sure there are tg people there so that she can see them. Start a discussion with her about them. If she doesn't display a negative attitude, ask her how she would feel if you ever dressed like that.

There's no guarantee that it will work to your advantage but if you want to be honest and truthful, you have to start someplace. Again I wish you a lot of luck and hope your wife doesn't freak out on you. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[sissystephanie]

Hi Cristy here can anyone shed some light on how to go about telling my wife i love to dress . We have been married 14 years and have 1 son . i want to tell her so bad but have no idea how to go about it anyone out have any susgestions .

Cristy,

The time to tell her was 14 years ago! Does she have any idea about your desires? At this point you would have to approach it very carefully if she has no idea about the CD activities. If you can, sound her out in a very casual manner. If you can get some nice pictures of men "dressed," see what her opinion is. If she thinks it is disgusting, ask her why she thinks that it is. Tell her you find it interesting, and wonder what it would feel like. If she is at all receptive, then tell her that you would like to wear some womens things (up to you how far to go!) but only around her. Not at all around your son. He would probably tell other people!

You are going to have a tough time, Cristy. Because if you were a CD when you got married, you married her under false pretenses. I'm sorry to say it that way, but it is the truth! If that is the case, she may never forgive you! Probably your best bet is to find a Therapist who specializes in gender issues and talk to him/her about your "coming out" problem.

I cannot relate to your problem because I told my late wife before we were married. She not only was accepting but also fully supported me as Stephanie.:love: To the point where we went out as two girls!:)

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, but man underneath!

[Seville]

Spend some time going thru the archives...Lotsa horror
stories there...:eek:

How were you able to keep something that important
hidden for 14 years? I can well imagine what you have been
and are going thru. I hope everything works out well for you.

:love:

[Cheryl Anne]

QUOTE=sissystephanie; Cristy,

"You are going to have a tough time, Cristy. Because if you were a CD when you got married, you married her under false pretenses. I'm sorry to say it that way, but it is the truth! If that is the case, she may never forgive you! Probably your best bet is to find a Therapist who specializes in gender issues and talk to him/her about your "coming out" problem."


I have to agree here. I came out to my second wife four years into our marriage and at that time I was just finding my CD side that had been suppressed. It was rough going and the marriage did dissolve over time. (not too sure on the part of my CD that had to do with it)

My brother came out to his wife of six years and he knew before he married her that he CDed. They are divorcing.

I can just add, make sure you and your wife have a good communication base to start from. If you can't talk to her about how you feel about general things and her understand you, this will be even worse. This I know from marriage two.

I hope the best for you and it can work with communication.

[Natalia]

You've been married to this gal for 14 years...my guess is that you know her a little better than we do...

My wife and I are inseperable best friends who just happen to be married (she asked me recently why we got married in the first place and without skipping a beat I replied "Tax deductions!" - and promptly got whacked)

I have read an incredible number of posts here about wives who divorced - supposedly over dressing...

My guess is that there was something else very wrong before that.

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce - that tells me that over 50% of marriages should never have happened in the first place.

My wife and I have an autistic daughter - the divorce rate in that situation baloons up to over 80%!!! Add on the dressing and I guess we are already apart and just don't know it yet...

So...

Is she your best friend?

You already know what her reaction will be...now you have to decide whether you want that outcome.

I would also say that with a teenage kid in the picture, doing something now which would have terrible, marriage ending results would be just plain selfish. If your marriage is happy and your family is secure right now, wait until you have finished the job of getting your kid grown.

[Emily Anderson]

Be very careful!

I don't agree with exposing your SO to TV's to "guage her reaction". Some women are perfectly fine with the concept of "men in dresses", but that doesn't mean that they want it in their back yard.

Also, taking her to a TV/CD place to discuss her thoughts/feelings could be considered as a means of "cornering her" into your world, of which she has known nothing up until now.

The fact is, she married you for who you are, and any revelation of previously unknown behaviour is going to be a shock to her.

You need to think very carefully about what you want to get out of telling her, and accept the fact that it could go either way, or somewhere in between. It's not going to be an easy task, and you have to be prepared to takes whatever consequences, good or bad. Are you ready for that?

[Raychel]

My wife and I were married probaly close to 9 years before I told her. It is possible to tell your wife after years of mariage and still remain married. My wife's bigest problem was the fact that she hadn't know all those years The whole lying bit. I guess it is lying by omision. But if the marriage and the love is true. Then you can get thru this. My wife and I have never been closer in my mind. my wife may tell you otherwise. But that is my opinion anyway.

:2c:

[Holly]

Check out this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841) started by one of our GG members. I think you will find it full of useful information and insight from your partner's perspective that you may not have thought of or considered. I know you have been warned by others of the possibility of dire consequences and that possibility certainly is real. But it can and does also turn out happily as well... in my case, I told my wife of many years that I liked to dress. Long story short, she told me that if I was going to do it, I would do it right... proper clothes, proper makeup, proper deportment, etc. It took me a long time to come out to my wife because it took me a long time to come to terms and understand who I was myself. Telling her was absolutely and without question the best and smartest thing I have ever done. If your marriage is otherwise strong, and you have good communication between the two of you, there is no reason why your lives together cannot continue and, in fact grow closer with a new bond. You have my sincerest best wishes. Please let us know what you decide and how it goes.

[Alie66]

Holly, I've just read your link to that thread re coming out, it was an excellent article and some of it rings true for me. It has taken me 10 years to get where I am, and that isn't very far. My wife knows I like to wear womens attire and she has only seen me in panties, pantyhose, shoes and today I had the guts to wear a skirt as well in front of her. She appears to accept this although that hasn't always been the case. She asked me most of the questions in the article and it took a lot of explaining.
Cristy if you get time read the article, take your time and good luck:bighug:

[Eugenie]

Hi Cristy here can anyone shed some light on how to go about telling my wife i love to dress . We have been married 14 years and have 1 son . i want to tell her so bad but have no idea how to go about it anyone out have any susgestions .
I think that you have to face two difficult tasks:

One: How to tell your wife that you like dressing as a woman

Two: How to tell her why you waited 14 years to tell her...

The second one may prove harder than the first...

So you might want to think about some good honest reasons to telle her that you couldn't speak to her up to now: you felt that youi were alone to have such a behaviour, that this made you feel too guilty to tell anybody, you were afraid of what she might think about it and still are but that you have now enough information to think that you're not alone and now you know that your desire to dress as a woman is something that is inside you, that you can't fight and now you thought that she might understand...

But only you can guess at how she might react.

Advice such as I just wrote must be taken very cautiously...

In addition, whatever you will tell her must be deeply sincere and come out as a real thruthful statement.

There is absolutely no guaranty that she won't reject you in the end...

Only you can estimate the risk...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[charlie]

Unless you are ready for both sides of the discussion, perhaps you should continue to keep your desires to yourself. I believe most women want to have the studly man that they think they married. No another girl for a partner. There has to be some very rough bumps in telling her at this point.

[Jamie001]

Yes, but the problem is that he is not a "studly man" and has been living a lie. Many of us can only do that for so long until they self-destruct. You have to tell her. You owe it to her to be honest. :2c:



Unless you are ready for both sides of the discussion, perhaps you should continue to keep your desires to yourself. I believe most women want to have the studly man that they think they married. No another girl for a partner. There has to be some very rough bumps in telling her at this point.

[kristen6]

Hi Cristy here can anyone shed some light on how to go about telling my wife i love to dress . We have been married 14 years and have 1 son . i want to tell her so bad but have no idea how to go about it anyone out have any susgestions .

hi cristy
i've read some of the idears everybody is telling you and with out knowing your wife some of them could back fire what she mite feel about others that crossdress mite be diffrent than if she found out you were doing it.

one of the posts here said it right you should of said it 14 yr. ago my wife knew before we got married but still dosen't want to see me do it.
but i'm only assuming that you have been doing this before your marrage.

i think that if you two are open to each other about everything and communicat all the time and you don't think that she's hateful to gay/leisbens then you should have know porblem talking to her about this. but don't beat around the bush about it just come out with it and make sure she knows that she is the most inporten person in your life that your not looking for somthing else.:hugs:

[Kendra Irene]

Hi Cristy here can anyone shed some light on how to go about telling my wife i love to dress . We have been married 14 years and have 1 son . i want to tell her so bad but have no idea how to go about it anyone out have any susgestions .

Cristy
No matter how or when you tell her, remember "You LIKE to wear womens clothing" AND "You LOVE her"

Kendra

[bluiezz]

Hi Cristy here can anyone shed some light on how to go about telling my wife i love to dress . We have been married 14 years and have 1 son . i want to tell her so bad but have no idea how to go about it anyone out have any susgestions .
Hi Cristy,
I told my now wife (she was my GF then) by talking about anything and then steering the conversation to clothes. Then asked a few things to test the water. She seemed ok about a few thing so I wrote her a letter and got her to read it in front of me . She was very cool about it and Married me knowing the whole me. She said that she loves me more now for being so open with her.
But beware, if you think your wife may not understand and you do not want to end your marriage go slowly. I have found honesty IS the best policy.But losing you wife is worse.