Setting Goals

[Jamie S.]

So lately I've been trying to get my life into order. Certain things just seem to keep coming into mind. I'm 23, and I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to continue living as man or a woman. In my mind I am female, but financially and emotionally it would a difficult thing to change.

So I've decided to set some goals. I'm a musician and artist, and if by the age of 27 I have not either attained some sort of success or at least the money to have the surgery(-ies), then I will continue to live as a man(albeit an unhappy one). I figure this gives the time to at least take care of the annoyances of electrolosis and such gradually and over a span of time, while giving me time to think this through and gather up money.

Any opinions on whether or not this is a good or bad idea?

[Teresa Amina]

Money by 27? Ooooh! That would be cool, but setting that 'must do by' date is setting up disappointment. Maybe you'll be able to proceed at 30 (still younger than many, if not most, transitioners) There is no "too late". If you wake up alive there is still a chance for happiness.

[Sally24]

Even though you're a musician I would research corporations that include SRS in their medical coverage (there are some!). If you eventually have to change employment, that would be the place to go. Good luck!

[Sharon]

I think having goals is a great thing, and I usually have a few of my own in mind, but if these goals merely serve the purpose of delaying an important decision, then they are defeatest and new "goals" are sure to follow.

There is also a prevalent fear among many more "settled" transgendered people that they cannot risk the prospects of such a momentious decision once they have achieved success -- there is too much to lose in their minds.

There is always something.

[AmberTG]

My personal opinion is that if you want to set some goals toward possible transition, especially if you know that you want to go in that direction, is to start with facial hair removal. It's a very necessary step on the path toward transition, can be done before anything else is started, and takes time to complete, especially if you don't have much money to spend. If your beard hair is dark, look into laser treatment. If it's light colored, look into electrolysis. I think it's the best first step.
Also, don't put rigid time constraints on your transition goals. Stuff happens in life that can mess up the timing of goals.

[melissaK]

If you feel that strongly, I'd suggest you reconsider and make the plan 100% toward transitioning by 27, surgeries or not. I'd let go of the escape clause - living life as an "albeit unhappy" man. It's harder than you might think to be unhappy day in and day out. (That's my world, its not a recommended path).

Consider taking the steps to being happy, and then facing life's ordinary challenges of making money and having a career with a happy heart rather than an unfulfilled heart.

The pop music world rewards variant gender presentation. Even the classical music world doesn't care that much. In my generation we saw Walter Carlos of "Switched on Bach" synthesized orchestral music fame become Wendy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Switched-On_Bach
And like Sally says, large companies and government jobs both offer a safe harbor for transitioning. Worth looking into.

hugs,
'lissa

[Kimberley]

I agree with Theresa. Setting goals is setting yourself up for failure. Do what you can when you can and take each step on its own time. This way if you do transition you will be fully prepared for it through life experience not because of a calendar.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[geri]

jamie s.

it's great that you can set goals for yourself but make them realistic. AND don't put the cart in front of the horse..........
don't be like alot us girls and wait tooooo long to transition. i'm sitting on the fence where my heart tells me one thing and my mind tells me something else. damn male logic.
good luck,
geri danielle

[Cathii]

I was definitely going to transition at 18.... and again at 23, then again at 28, and finally managed to stop kidding myself at the age of 34.... It was now or never..... and how I regret wasting those years of having a goal to reach before transition. I am now 38 and living full time with SRS scheduled for Feb 2009.

All the success I have had through my life I would have had as a woman equally as I did as a man, and I would have avoided a lot of heartache along the way.

Let me tell you that the earlier the transition the easier it is on your body. At 22 I still had a lot of hair but I have just come back from Bangkok having spent $10,000 to restore what I had back then. When I was 22 my beard hair was still relatively fine and would have been easy to remove, but now I am spending $100 a week for electrolysis to remove the hair that got thicker as time went on. When I was 22 I was young and fit and slim.... and well somehow as life goes on those things disappear gradually... At 22 your body will also cope with hormones much better and have a far greater effect on it.

Whilst I think that making a considered decision and not rushing into transition is a wise thing, making those decisions sooner rather than later is much wiser. If transition is the path you wish to follow then start thinking now about the pros and the cons.

For me there really are only three good things about having waited and two of those things are my wonderful daughters. The only other thing was money from the sale of my house to fund SRS and other essential procedures, but now I look back at my life and I think to myself that I could of had that money eventually anyway and would not have had all the other issues that have plagued my life, and my daughters were both born before I reached the age of 23. I could have transitioned then and maybe I would have been in a better position than I am now, maybe not, but for sure I would have been a happier person for these last 15 years.

Cathii